By Zephyria 
“You’ve been very interested in my love life lately, our Song-i. It’s not like you’re going to date me or anything.”
“…….”
His following words made Yi-ho’s insides turn cold.
There was a massive contradiction in this wretched joke.
It wasn’t that Yi-ho wouldn’t date Cha Min-gyu; it was that he wanted to so badly he could die, but he simply couldn’t.
An even bigger problem was that those words could never be a joke to Yi-ho until the day he died. How could it be a joke when it felt so sorrowful it bordered on resentment?
Unrequited love is a variable that cannot be output. Because it is such an emotion, the wise decision is to leave it neglected rather than thinking deeply about it and increasing memory consumption. This is how Yi-ho had continued until now.
But today, this.
He knew perfectly well that these words were a prank, but it felt too unfair to just let them slide. You bastard.
On a road where he should have gone straight, the car moved to the leftmost lane. Min-gyu, who had been leaning back in his seat, sat up and looked around.
“Song-i, you’re going the wrong way.”
“I know.”
At the signal, Yi-ho’s car made a U-turn. The road heading toward Gangnam curved back toward Mok-dong.
“Let’s go to the gym.”
“Huh?”
“Let’s have a sparring match.”
“…I’m wearing a shirt?”
“We’ll do a weight class handicap.”
The car soon came to a stop in front of the boxing gym they used to attend. It had been an old commercial building back then, so it had aged even further over the past fifteen years. Or perhaps it was just that Yi-ho’s perspective had changed, now that he commuted to a glittering high-rise.
They climbed the stairs of the building, which didn’t even have an elevator, and arrived on the second floor. In the darkened hallway, there was a fishy smell of water wafting from the restroom. In front of the dim gym, Yi-ho rummaged through the top locker and found the key. Min-gyu followed behind him without saying a word.
The colorful jump ropes and the children’s attendance charts inside the gym were gone. The gym was now operated only as a hobby class because the head coach had grown old, and for long-time customers like Yi-ho and Min-gyu, it occasionally served as an implicit, free rental space. Like now.
After turning on the lights, Yi-ho put on the communal gloves and climbed into the ring first. Watching his back, Min-gyu likewise picked up a pair of gloves and followed.
Thump.
Their gloved fists touched. After a brief moment of taking their stances and testing each other, Yi-ho stepped forward first, digging his way in. His fist collided with the glove covering Min-gyu’s face. A cheerful bang! echoed through the air.
“Huu…!”
Next was the body. A glove approached his stomach. After becoming a corporate employee in his thirties, it was rare for him to fight tooth and nail during sparring like he did as a student. Therefore, Min-gyu held back his strength today, but Yi-ho lunged in as if he had given up on his guard.
“Hey, hey. Song Yi-ho.”
“…….”
“Take it easy, …ah.”
Because of this, one of Min-gyu’s blind attacks accidentally grazed the area around Yi-ho’s head. While Yi-ho didn’t take advantage of the moment Min-gyu flinched back to attack, his expression became full of dissatisfaction. Hah, by that point, Min-gyu’s competitive streak had also been ignited.
Thwack!
“Ugh.”
Yi-ho twisted his shoulder to defend his body, but a heavy blow landed on his arm. Min-gyu, who had closed in right in front of Yi-ho, wrinkled the bridge of his nose. Biting the corner of his lip, Yi-ho immediately extended his arm again. A similar striking sound rang out. He tried to mask the heat rushing to his head with his labored breathing.
For Yi-ho, who hid his unrequited love, the hardest thing was the ‘line.’ The line that must be kept to remain in the position of a friend. Yi-ho always had no choice but to stop at that point, but Min-gyu often crossed the line, rummaging through Yi-ho’s territory before returning as if nothing had happened.
Cha Min-gyu could afford to do that. Even so, the two were friends. But Song Yi-ho, who stared endlessly at that line, could never cross it.
‘Darling, we have a problem. I think everyone at the company found out about you and me.’
‘You’ve been very interested in my love life lately, our Song-i. It’s not like you’re going to date me or anything.’
Even a surrendered love could reach a moment of sorrow when struck by fake hope.
The sparring continued without anyone to ring a bell to signal the end. He attacked, loading his punches with the frustration of unrequited love, but the moment it seemed Min-gyu might actually get hit hard, the strength in his hands would loosen. Consequently, the emotions that couldn’t be expressed only grew hotter, piling up in lumps inside him.
The match only ended once Yi-ho, who had been lunging desperately, collapsed onto the floor. Min-gyu sat down beside him and unbuttoned a few more buttons of his already disheveled shirt.
For a moment, only the sound of two people panting filled the space. Sweat streaming from their foreheads and napes dripped onto the ring floor. The cool March air had long since become humid.
“Song Yi-ho.”
“…What.”
“Are you done being pissed at me?”
Yi-ho’s gaze, which had been fixed on the ceiling, shifted to Min-gyu after a short tremor. Min-gyu placed his hand right next to Yi-ho’s messy hair.
“I let you beat me up as much as you wanted today, so will you let it go?”
“I didn’t… And what did you even do wrong?”
“I have been acting out lately, both at the company and at home. You’ve been acting awkward for some reason, so I keep poking at you. I was afraid you’d run away again, like when you went on that trip to Europe.”
“…….”
Ah, right. The Europe trip.
If there was a turning point in this unrequited love that had grown slowly, like the dream of a turtle heading toward the sea, it was then.
During the winter break after finishing their freshman year of college, Yi-ho and Min-gyu went on a month-long trip to Europe. Yi-ho’s parents, admiring the image of college students planning a European trip during break, willingly supported the travel expenses. They told him to go and see the wide world.
But at that time, Yi-ho’s world became far too wide.
In Europe, Song Yi-ho saw that a man could love a man. A man could hold hands and share kisses with another man. He could also wear the face of someone in love. Facing the reality was entirely different from what he knew about the word ‘homosexual’ in Korea. It was a proposition capable of overturning his entire life up to that point.
And Yi-ho vaguely sensed that those feelings were directed toward Min-gyu.
Though to Min-gyu, who shared the same journey, it seemed to be nothing more than a curious sight.
“…I’m just busy with work.”
Min-gyu laughed mockingly, as if he could prove those words were nonsense within ten sentences, but he didn’t nitpick the words.
“Sure. Your house is right across from mine, and your seat is right next to mine at work; where could you possibly run away to?”
“…….”
Yi-ho stared blankly at the old ceiling tiles before pushing himself up to sit.
“But… you know I’m just acting out for no reason, so why don’t you block me?”
“Song-i Song-i isn’t just a simple friendship.”
Without even asking ‘Then what?’, the words followed with conviction.
“You’re my family.”
“…….”
“How many years has it been since I’ve known you? You know I’m not close with my own family, so if I had to say, you’re much more like family to me.”
The back of Min-gyu’s hand lightly tapped Yi-ho’s knee.
“Even if you act out for no reason, I’ll beg and cling to you up to three times.”
“…….”
“And I haven’t felt like you were acting out for no reason yet.”
This was the reason why Song Yi-ho only kept the inefficient variable of unrequited love pressed down. Because of Cha Min-gyu, who regarded him as family to be with for a lifetime, he could neither step forward nor turn around and run away.
Fortunately, during the long time they had spent together, Yi-ho had successfully created an exception for the entity known as ‘Cha Min-gyu.’
“What? Where are you going? Running away?”
“I’m going to get the rag. We have to clean up before we leave.”
“You are running away.”
“I’m hungry too, so go back and order food in advance. So that it arrives by the time I finish cleaning and we leave.”
“Oh, Song-i Song-i. You’re smart.”
Thirty-three.
Some were unmarried, some were fathers, some were divorcees.
One guy in front of him had a flashy dating life until his mid-to-late twenties and was now being hit by various realities.
And someone beside him was foolishly harboring a stagnant, unrequited love.
Ignoring the warning signal to delete unnecessary memory, Yi-ho returned with an old rag. The sweat stains on the ring floor were erased, but even as they knelt together to clean the floor, the heat remained.