By Zephyria 
For several days, the internet was abuzz, dominated entirely by news of the Empress. Rumors circulated that it was a misreport, but they remained mere rumors; no other articles emerged to prove them. I told my family that I had absolutely no interest in the Emperor’s marriage, but I couldn’t stop checking the news.
“Has an Empress really been appointed? Well, that position has been vacant for too long. I used to handle everything back then, and now that I’m gone too… Joo Min-hyeok held out for a long time.”
She must be a Dominant Omega with a prestigious bloodline, right? The Queen Dowager always wanted a Dominant Omega. So, without even looking, that’s likely the case. The fact that Han Hee-sung was once a candidate for Empress proves it. I was slightly curious about which family the Omega belonged to.
What kind of person are they? Who is this person who easily obtained the position of Empress—a position they absolutely refused to give to me? Needless to say, they must be a descendant of a prestigious clan. If they are an Omega, are they female-type or male-type? Since it is such a high position, they must be an exceptional person.
The only Dominant Omega I know is Han Hee-sung, but surely it’s not Hee-sung? Meaningless assumptions and conjectures filled my head. I hope they are someone more beautiful and from a better family than I am, someone I wouldn’t dare approach. That way, I won’t have any lingering regrets.
I hope it is an Omega from a family that Joo Min-hyeok truly likes, not a political marriage forced upon him by the power of a clan. Joo Min-hyeok always wanted a spouse like that. A spouse who would willingly lend their strength and be a support to him—someone who was perfectly on his side. With a bitter heart, I tapped my phone hard and checked the articles.
The headlines, competing to mention me, were incredibly provocative. What is the intent behind mentioning me—someone who is already a stranger to the Emperor—and framing the articles as a competition? Moreover, my heart still fluttered just seeing the words “Grand Imperial Concubine.”
The Imperial Family trying to erase my traces, and the media outlets continuing to bring me up. It’s been five years since I left the palace; I don’t know why they’re making such a fuss about what’s left to erase. Just how much of a presence did I have that they’re talking about erasing me or the new Empress having to surpass me? The choice of words is truly petty.
“If it makes you uncomfortable, don’t look. You know how reporters are.”
Han-bin hyung, who had approached silently without me noticing, took my phone with a calm expression, glanced at the article, and turned off the screen. Caught doing something I didn’t want seen, I made the excuse that there were so many articles that I had no choice but to see them even if I didn’t want to.
“It’s news of the Emperor’s marriage, so it’s natural for the country to be in an uproar. It’s not a concubine, but a full Empress. It’s a formal wedding.”
“Yours was a formal marriage too. A proper formal wedding conducted as a state ceremony with the establishment of the Royal Wedding Office. You received treatment equivalent to an Empress.”
Hyung mentioned my marriage—which I have no memory of—as if he were the one upset, but there was no way for me to know. I hadn’t possessed this body yet back then. Regardless, I know from reading that it was grand. But a concubine is just a concubine. Even if I entered through a formal marriage, because I wasn’t the Empress, my position felt somewhat adrift. Naturally, the dignity of an Empress is entirely different from that of a concubine.
The reason the concubine system, which doesn’t fit modern society, was revived in the first place was because my grandfather pushed for me to be the Empress from the start. The result of the Imperial Family’s scheming to avoid making me Empress in response to that absurd demand was the position of Grand Imperial Concubine.
Perhaps the reason Hee-sung couldn’t be appointed Empress at that time was due to opposition from the Grand Imperial Concubine’s side. Everything happened because of my family and my grandfather. Ugh, it’s so complicated. Just thinking about it gives me a headache. Empress or whatever, Joo Min-hyeok, you figure it out.
I feel sorry whenever I think of Han Hee-sung. I felt so sorry about the end. Since we parted like that and I couldn’t even get in touch, I was worried. I want to know so many things—what happened to him and Hyun-wook after that, and if they are doing well.
After some time, I gathered the courage to contact them, but both of their phone numbers were already disconnected. They had both clearly said they wouldn’t change their numbers, but it seems things didn’t go as planned. Through Seo-joo, I occasionally tried to find out, but I couldn’t get detailed news about either Hyun-wook’s or Hee-sung’s families.
The only thing I could learn was that both Hyun-wook’s father and Hee-sung’s father had significantly reduced their social activities. Hyun-wook’s father had closed all the academies, gyms, and other activities he operated and was said to be running only the Imperial Martial Arts School.
As for Hee-sung’s father, there was only news that he had stepped down from the position of Chief Prosecutor and left the Prosecutor’s Office; beyond that, no news could be heard. There was no way to know the current status of Hyun-wook and Hee-sung, which is what I wanted to know most. Hee-sung had a deep wound on his face; I wonder if it healed well.
Even though he was a proud main lead in the original work, I just feel sorry because it feels like it’s all my fault that he’s living such a completely different life now. If things had flowed according to the principles of the original plot, Hee-sung would be living the life of the Empress—which was originally his—by Joo Min-hyeok’s side. Because that was Hee-sung’s place.
But far from being the Empress, he couldn’t even be called by the name of Yeonghwa Palace, and without even recognizing his own Alpha, he couldn’t enjoy the things he deserved. No, he didn’t even have the chance to become Yeonghwa Palace.
Perhaps Hee-sung is the one whose life got the most twisted. That’s why my heart aches when I stop thinking about it. When I recall the face that smiled at me while knowing nothing, it feels suffocating, as if a large stone is lodged in my chest. I wish I just knew how he was doing.
“Hae-joo. Are you really feeling okay?”
Seeing me lost in deep thought while thinking of Hee-sung, hyung seems to have misunderstood and checks my complexion.
“My mood? Ah, I’m fine. I was just thinking about something else for a moment.”
But hyung doesn’t believe me and gently pats my shoulder. Ha, he doesn’t believe me? I’m really not like this because of Joo Min-hyeok.
“I’m telling you the truth! I’m really fine! Why would I feel bad just because my divorced husband is remarrying?”
Actually, it’s not exactly welcome news, but if you think about it, this isn’t a matter of whether I’m okay or not. We are strangers now, and I was the one who wanted us to become strangers more than anyone.
Since I was the one who insisted on leaving Joo Min-hyeok and exiting the palace. Everything was my choice and my decision. Therefore, there’s no reason for me to feel bad. It’s just that my heart feels strangely empty. I shouldn’t let the other family members worry about this anymore.
Now that we’re strangers and Joo Min-hyeok has even brought in an Empress, I must live my own life. Why bother caring about a man who tried to imprison me at the very end? That’s right! Five years have passed; I should forget everything and live my own complete life.
“Father is coming today, so what should we eat?”
“Ah, it’s the day Dad comes?”
As if trying to change the subject, hyung brought up Dad. Today is the day Dad returns from Europe. My dad, who works so hard to support us… He’s probably already seen the articles. He’ll surely be anxious, checking on my mood. My feelings toward the Emperor haven’t been good since that day, so I need to be on my best behavior.
“Should we prepare the pork cutlet Father likes? He loves mixing the sauce with finely ground sesame seeds.”
“Yeah! Let’s do that. I received some good sesame seeds a while ago. A regular grandmother at the cafe gave me a bag of sesame seeds…”
My mouth shut as I was excitedly talking about sesame seeds. Seeing me suddenly freeze and fall silent, hyung approaches me, surprised.
“Hae-joo? What’s wrong again, why suddenly…?”
Seeing my sudden emotional shift, hyung couldn’t hide his tension. Instead of an excuse that I was fine, I murmured in a hollow, low voice.
“…Sesame seeds. Sesame seeds are really small, aren’t they?”
“What are you talking about, sesame seeds being small?”
Because I brought up such a random topic, hyung observed me keenly. It must seem strange all of a sudden. But I couldn’t help it. I remembered something. That unforgettable existence came to mind again, and my heart sank.
“I mean sesame seeds. I heard a fetus at four weeks of pregnancy is about that size. They say it’s the size of a single sesame seed. It’s incredibly small, right?”
“…Huh?”
As an unexpected topic emerged, the hand hyung had been patting my shoulder with tightened.
“That tiny little thing poured out so much blood when it left. When it departed, its presence was like a watermelon, not a sesame seed.”
Staring at my face as I gave a faint, empty smile, hyung carefully hugged me and stroked my back.
“Yes. I’m sorry I couldn’t be more attentive.”
“How could you be any more attentive than this? I’m just whining because I thought of the sesame seed since I’m in front of you.”
My child, who was so small. A fragile life that was more like a cluster of cells than a person, but I occasionally fall into this melancholy out of guilt for not being able to protect it. Some people might not understand, wondering if I’m over-immersing myself and digging my own hole.
But this is an emotion that those who haven’t experienced it can never know. A depressing emotion that is unfamiliar even to me. It is guilt. I am enduring it well, but there are still too many things left for me to overcome. I think I should eat something other than pork cutlets for dinner tonight.