By Zephyria 
Joo Min-hyeok is acting strange. When I wake up in the early hours of the morning, he is fast asleep, holding me tight. Since I’ve been sleeping here so often lately, him holding me while we sleep wasn’t odd, but he was always gone by the time I opened my eyes in the morning. He doesn’t contact me all day, then sneaks in like a thief in the dead of night to hold me while he sleeps, only to leave again by morning. This cycle repeats.
I heard from Hyun-wook that his paperwork was piled up like a mountain, and I tried to be understanding, thinking perhaps he was so busy that he only had time for sleep, but suddenly I wondered what on earth he was doing. Is Joo Min-hyeok avoiding me? Did he get bored of me already after devouring me like that lately? No, if he were bored, he wouldn’t bother holding me while he sleeps.
So, I went to find him just to see his face, but every time I went, he was away, and I couldn’t see him. His breaks aren’t consistent, but I should be able to see him for at least a moment; yet, he doesn’t show himself to me. And just a moment ago, I could clearly feel that he was inside the royal audience hall, but I was told the absurd lie that he was away. So, I stood there for a bit longer before returning. Why is he acting like this?
“…Is he sulking?”
It’s frustrating as hell because I don’t know the reason. No matter how much I think about it, nothing comes to mind. Lately, I’ve stayed quietly in my Imperial Pavilion, and even though I was curious about how Seo-joo and Han Hee-sung were doing, I didn’t step a single foot outside the palace. I simply waited for Joo Min-hyeok, and when he came, we ate dinner like a normal couple and slept together as usual.
But why is he suddenly like this? Normal, normal. No. Joo Min-hyeok wasn’t a normal man. Lately, I’ve been seeing only his sweet side, and I had forgotten what kind of personality he has. Joo Min-hyeok is a meticulous man.
He is a man who does nothing and says nothing in vain. That means there must be a reason for this petty-looking behavior… I just don’t know what it is. Or has his heart really changed in such a short time? I think I’ve been too carefree and oblivious.
“No. There was nothing to change in the first place. It might have been nothing from the start. Joo Min-hyeok never said he liked me.”
Thinking about it carefully, that’s true. Joo Min-hyeok has never expressed his feelings for me in any words. I’m not talking about the conversations we had while mixing bodies or when he was excited and intoxicated by pheromones. I’m talking about his feelings for me.
He has never said he loves me or likes me. He hasn’t said such things even in passing. He hasn’t uttered anything similar. He shows interest in me, protects me, and takes care of me by asking what I’m doing every day, but it’s a stretch to call that love.
How should I put it—the behavior Joo Min-hyeok is showing me now seems less like a form of love and more like possessiveness or an obsession with his Omega. Once I realized that, a sudden, unknown sense of anxiety washed over me.
“…What about me? I’m no different. Cha Hae-joo, you’ve never told Joo Min-hyeok that you like him either.”
What are my feelings for Joo Min-hyeok? Was I just pushed along into knotting because we’re supposedly a couple? No. In our situation, the expression ‘was pushed into’ doesn’t fit. I clearly enjoyed it too, and it’s not as if there was no skinship before that. If I had hated it, I would have refused long ago.
It happened in an instant. The moment I fell into Joo Min-hyeok’s hands. My goal of just surviving quietly without upsetting him vanished vaguely, and before I knew it, I was held in Joo Min-hyeok’s arms.
“…Is this right?”
Since we’re a couple, is it natural to have sex and live like this even if there are no feelings? It’s not like he wants a baby from me.
“He said something about pregnancy before the knotting. No. Joo Min-hyeok doesn’t know, but I knew firsthand that contraceptives were being mixed into my food.”
I wasn’t guessing based on what I saw in the novel. Not long after I possessed this body, I heard it with my own ears. I heard that the Emperor had ordered the Grand Imperial Concubine’s food to be laced with contraceptives by the Queen Dowager’s command, and to ensure it was carried out without mistake.
I don’t know who was having the conversation. I was too young then and in the middle of adjusting to this place, so naturally, I had no intention of having a child. I just kept a low profile and lived quietly to survive. So, it’s certain that I was taking contraceptives. I don’t know if that’s still the case.
Could such a feeling change in an instant? Is he the kind of person who would change the plan he held in his heart just because he found out I wasn’t on my grandfather’s side and lived being mistreated? I became afraid of what intentions Joo Min-hyeok has toward me.
That there’s no chance of being stabbed in the back? Why did I make such a sweet assumption? Perhaps the plan to strike my family is still ongoing. If so, I don’t know what will happen to me either. I’ve developed an incomprehensible relationship with the Movie Palace, but Han Hee-sung isn’t the only Dominant Omega of the pro-Imperial faction.
Why did I only realize now that as the situation changes, Joo Min-hyeok’s heart could change too? As for my heart… I know my heart without even having to say it. If I’m so mentally shaken and trembling with anxiety over a single action of Joo Min-hyeok’s, then it’s obvious.
However, these thoughts of mine, all of this, are just guesses. To make me spin such a web of imagination with a single action—impressive, Joo Min-hyeok. But I can’t just let this slide. I don’t know if he’s sulking over something or if this is a push-and-pull tactic as part of a plan, but this kind of habit must be rooted out early on. To make me this serious.
What is the most important thing between a couple—no, in human relationships? It’s communication, communication. Why are people humans and not beasts? It’s because humans can communicate with each other. Then one should live like a human, following human decency. Isn’t that right, Joo Min-hyeok? You should experience it too. You son of a bitch.
∗ ∗ ∗
I wasn’t in my bedroom that day. As always, I told the palace servants in advance that I would be sleeping in another room and quietly moved my sleeping quarters. There were numerous rooms in my Imperial Pavilion, and I often slept in rooms other than my bedroom for a change of pace.
As a concubine, I couldn’t leave the palace, and unless it was an external schedule, sleeping somewhere other than the palace was unthinkable. So, I felt a change of mood by picking different rooms within the pavilion to sleep in, but recently, because Joo Min-hyeok visited often, I had only slept in the bedroom.
I usually picked a room without saying where it was, and my attendants, who were worried at first, eventually just followed my lead as time passed. Therefore, unless Joo Min-hyeok opens every single door, it won’t be easy for him to find where I’m holed up.
Either find me or sleep alone. He probably doesn’t want to see my face but likes my body, so he wants to hold me—something like that? Not a chance. I was born a man; I have my pride. I went up to the very last attic among the many attic rooms in the pavilion. No one ever comes here.
The stairs leading up here are too narrow and the space is so cramped that it’s a place not particularly used, so it was always empty. Thus, the court lady always kept it tidy so I could rest whenever I wanted, and it was pleasant now as well.
Since I was young, I used to hide here to breathe comfortably alone and recharge my exhausted body. It’s a place I’ve visited often until recently, but Joo Min-hyeok probably doesn’t even know such a place exists. Even if he did, with that huge frame of his, he wouldn’t be able to come up. He’d get stuck. Anyway, I’m not showing my face to Joo Min-hyeok for the time being.
“To give me such worries. You’re just like my grandfather. Do you think I’ll show my face that easily, aaah!”
As I was grumbling while getting into bed, I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my lower abdomen. The intensity of the pain wasn’t great, but because it was unexpected, I was quite surprised. I touched my stomach, frozen in the posture of trying to get into bed.
“What was that? Indigestion?”
If it were indigestion, my solar plexus would hurt, so why does it hurt here? Or is it because we’ve done it too often lately? But we haven’t done it for about four days. By now, any pain from intercourse should have disappeared. Hmm, I guess it’s because I’m too stressed because of Joo Min-hyeok. See, it’s fine now. And seeing how sleep was pouring over me even while I was startled, it seemed I really was tired.
“…I was going to secretly see if Joo Min-hyeok comes today or not. Well, I can’t see anything from here anyway. Whatever. If he’s not here, he’ll go back.”
I stroked my lower abdomen, slightly worried that my stomach might hurt again. However, there was no pain until I fell asleep, and I fell into such a deep sleep that I didn’t even know when I drifted off.
∗ ∗ ∗
Boom!
I snapped awake, startled by a massive roar loud enough to wake me instantly. What is that sound? It sounded like something breaking severely. Would it be more accurate to say the sound of something being smashed to pieces? I got out of bed and opened the window. Since this was the opposite side, I wouldn’t see anything anyway, but I opened it just to hear the sound.
It seemed like some kind of great commotion had broken out. I could hear the voices of people pleading for someone to stop, and through the gaps, I heard a familiar man’s voice. It was Sang-seon’s voice.
He was shouting to the people that since they couldn’t stop His Majesty right now anyway, they should withdraw so they wouldn’t get hurt. Some of the palace servants were even screaming in surprise. W-what is all this commotion? What is it? It seems Joo Min-hyeok has caused some kind of scene.