103 – AC

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“Hello, yes, Executive Director….”

-Darling, sorry. I just saw this because I was showering. Where are you? Are you still on your way?

“I just got off.”

-Got off? In front of the house?

“Ah… not in front of the house. I got off on the main road and I’m about to head home now.”

-The main road? Which part of the main road. Where is that? Tell me what you see around you.

Eun-won looked around. He saw convenience stores, cafes, restaurants, and bus stops. After thinking for a moment, Eun-won told him the name of the cafe, which read ‘Baekdamsa Intersection Branch,’ and the bus stop in front of it.

-Stay there. I’ll be there soon.

“No, it’s okay. I checked the map, and it’s not that far, so I can get there quickly.”

-Do you not want me to pick you up?

At Cha Se-jin’s words, Eun-won momentarily lost his voice. How could he possibly not want that? How, really how. Eun-won silently shook his head. He hadn’t answered, and there was no way Cha Se-jin could have seen him shake his head, yet Cha Se-jin continued as if he had heard a negative response.

-Just wait a little bit. I’ll be there quickly.

“…Yes….”

-Are there people on the street?

“Yes….”

-Okay. I’m leaving now. Don’t hang up.

Over the phone, he could hear the rustle of clothing, the sound of footsteps descending stairs, and the sound of a car door closing. Without realizing it, Eun-won listened intently to those sounds.

-I’m in the car. It really won’t take long now.

Those words—the words that Cha Se-jin was coming to him in no time—tickled his heart. Even in the chilled night air of the deep night, Eun-won’s hand, clutching Cha Se-jin’s voice, felt warm.

-If I just go down and head to the main road… it seems like it’s right there.

Cha Se-jin’s monologue warmed Eun-won’s ears. Feeling suddenly shy, Eun-won bit the inside of his lip gently and stood in front of the bus stop, looking out toward the road.

“Oh… I see your car, Executive Director.”

-Where…? Ah, there it is.

Before long, a familiar car stopped in front of the stop. As soon as the car stopped, the driver’s side door opened and Cha Se-jin stepped out. Eun-won gazed at Cha Se-jin, who was clearly visible even in the dark night. The footsteps approaching him with long strides were distinct.

“Who the hell is that guy? He said he’d drop you off, but he told you to get off here?”

At the sharp gaze and words that sounded angry, Eun-won quickly shook his head.

“No. I asked him to let me off here.”

“Why.”

“It was a bit… difficult to tell him where I live. Oh, it’s not because he’s a strange person. He’s a classmate I got to know while doing a project together, but we aren’t exactly close, and it’s not a house I live in alone… so giving him the address felt a bit much….”

“You did well.”

Surprised by the unexpected answer, Eun-won looked up at Cha Se-jin. Cha Se-jin was still nodding with a frown on his face.

“That’s better than exposing your home. You did well. Who knows what kind of guy he is for you to give him your address.”

“…….”

“No, I don’t mean everything you did was right.”

“…Yes?”

“Not giving the address was the right thing to do, but getting off here alone at night and trying to walk home without contacting me was wrong.”

Looking at Eun-won with a face filled with worry, disappointment, and relief, Cha Se-jin first made Eun-won sit on the empty bus stop bench and then crouched down in front of him. Eun-won’s gaze, which had been looking up at Cha Se-jin, now dropped slightly.

“If you were going to do that, you should have called me. Why wait here alone? There are no people, it’s cold, and it’s dangerous. Right?”

“…It really wasn’t a long distance… I thought I could make it alone… and I felt sorry for contacting you over something like that….”

“If you don’t contact me for things like that, when will you ever do it?”

“…….”

“Darling. Am I still so intimidating that you can’t even say something like that? I think we’re in a relationship where we can naturally say those things. You think so too, don’t you? That we’re close.”

Close.

Repeating the words Cha Se-jin spoke in his mind, Eun-won looked down at the man crouching before him. Even with his long legs folded uncomfortably, Cha Se-jin did not avoid his gaze. Holding Eun-won’s two hands, he looked at him as if he were disappointed. He liked those eyes filled with emotion. It was a gaze that made it hard to believe he was someone who knew nothing.

“…For me, asking for favors… isn’t an easy thing. There were many things I had to solve on my own, and that became so natural… so contacting the Executive Director for something like this… is a bit difficult. It’s not that you are difficult… but the act of asking itself.”

“Then keep doing it until it becomes natural.”

“…Yes?”

“Don’t start with big things. Start with things that you think are no big deal, like today. Asking me to pick you up because it’s late, asking me to go for a walk with you because you want to, or telling me to play with you today instead of going to the office.”

At the last example, which was full of personal desire, Eun-won’s closed lips parted slightly. Seeing the face that didn’t know how to respond, Cha Se-jin grinned.

“If I can’t do it, I’ll tell you I can’t. Even if you tell me not to go to the office, I have to go if there’s a meeting with my father that day. I can’t grant that even if you beg.”

“…….”

“But I can always pick you up. It’s not a difficult task, nor is it a nuisance. It’s something I can do—no, something I want to do.”

The fingertips of Eun-won’s hand, held by Cha Se-jin, twitched slightly. The words ‘something I want to do’ made the love covering Eun-won’s heart even firmer.

“So from now on, ask me to pick you up. You can even tell me to come even if nothing is happening. Please do that for me. I don’t want to be at the office. Play with me a bit. Okay?”

He was a lovely person. That’s why he couldn’t help but love him. Eun-won silently nodded. Until a moment ago, he hadn’t been in a mood to smile, but looking at Cha Se-jin, who was pleading with him to please be a nuisance, a smile spread across his face.

“Then let’s go home now.”

“Yes….”

Cha Se-jin, who had been crouched down, took Eun-won’s hand, stood up, and headed toward the car. After putting Eun-won, whom he had wanted to drive since leaving the office, into his car, he finally felt at ease.

Even though he knew it was impossible, Cha Se-jin looked at him as if monitoring him while walking around the car to the driver’s seat, fearing that Eun-won might get out and get into some other guy’s car. Of course, those thoughts quickly faded when he saw Eun-won sitting quietly in the passenger seat.

“Did you eat dinner?”

“I saw waffles at the cafe, so I had some waffles.”

“Waffles? Can something like that be dinner?”

“I had a big waffle and a milkshake, so I was full. Oh, a Hyung I’m doing a project with bought me cake too.”

Waffles and a milkshake? He really only likes things that suit someone like Darling. That’s why he smells so sweet. Ah, I want to pick only the places where the milk scent is strongest and suck them. Until he feels it too much and cries—no, if I don’t let go even when he cries, would he get angry? Ah… if he gets angry, it would be seriously hot.

Facing the stream of consciousness that grew larger and larger, Cha Se-jin shook his head briefly to scatter the vivid imagination. In that moment, a word he had missed until now touched his mind. Hyung? A Hyung bought him cake?

“Hyung? There was a Hyung you’re close with?”

“Ah… he’s a Hyung I’m doing a project with this time. We had only exchanged greetings, but we’ve become a bit close recently.”

“Just a bit, just a bit. It’s over once the project is done, so there’s no need to be very close. And if someone offers to buy you something, just say it’s fine and offer to buy it yourself. Why would you trust him and eat something he buys? How dangerous is the world these days? When we get home, I’ll give you my card. It has no limit, so you buy everything.”

Eun-won blinked for a moment at the words pouring out without a single breath. He wondered how the conversation jumped from a single piece of cake to a card with no limit. However, Cha Se-jin, looking forward with a deeply dissatisfied face, looked strangely cute, and Eun-won let out a small laugh unconsciously.

“Why are you laughing?”

“No… just because.”

“This isn’t something to just laugh at. This is a serious matter. It’s important, which is why they teach it from a young age. Don’t carelessly eat things others give you. Don’t follow someone if they offer you candy.”

“Yes, I’ll buy next time.”

“Make sure you do.”

Eun-won, answering again, let out a breath mixed with laughter. Despite having said that asking Cha Se-jin for trivial things was difficult, he felt so comfortable and happy now that he was in Cha Se-jin’s car.

He liked the familiar scent he felt as soon as he entered the car, and he liked that when he turned his head, it was Cha Se-jin, not someone else, who was there.

His body, which had been tense inside his classmate’s car, relaxed softly as if by magic the moment he entered Cha Se-jin’s car. His heart loosened.

It wasn’t that Choi Do-yoon’s car was uncomfortable. It was just that in that place, he had to constantly be conscious of various things. He had to pretend not to be awkward and try his best to keep the conversation going.

But now, everything was natural. Even without effort, the conversation flowed naturally, and no matter how he had been feeling, he ended up smiling. Just having Cha Se-jin by his side made his body feel safe first.

“…….”

Is this what it means to like the present?

Recalling the ‘now’ that Cha Se-jin had mentioned, Eun-won looked into the feelings he held at this moment. How do I feel right now?

Am I anxious?

No, I’m not anxious at all.

The person who caught him when he was about to walk home alone on the main road, who rushed over specifically for him, who crouched in front of him and held his two hands, telling him it was right not to give out his address carelessly, yet worrying that it was wrong not to call him….

Such a Cha Se-jin was by his side.

If not anxiety, was it perhaps fear?

No, it wasn’t that either.

Then how do I feel right now?

“…….”

Eun-won’s gaze landed on Cha Se-jin’s profile as he drove. The answer had already appeared the moment he looked at Cha Se-jin.

I like it. Very, very much.

Somehow, he felt he understood a little. Not pulling the future that hasn’t arrived yet to be afraid, but looking at the person next to him now, feeling the warmth touching him now, and accepting as it is the fact that his breath and heart are comfortable in this car right now. Not mixing in worries in advance.

To Eun-won, that was still a bit unfamiliar. But it wasn’t bad. No, it was good. It was so good to be able to simply feel that a good ‘now’ is good.

As he thought that, his heart felt strangely ticklish.

He felt he could do it too, just a little. Not running too far ahead, nor retreating backward out of fear, but fully embracing in his heart this time when he is happy to be with Cha Se-jin.

Of course, he couldn’t be certain yet. After today, when tomorrow comes, he might feel scared for no reason again, and the day after that, he might start having strange thoughts alone again.

That’s why he wanted to observe for a few more days. Whether he isn’t anxious even when focusing on the present, whether he’s truly not afraid, and whether he can face the ‘now’ with peace of mind.

If he can do that, then he wants to tell Cha Se-jin.

That he thinks he now understands a little what the ‘now’ the Executive Director spoke of is. And that because of the Executive Director, his ‘now’ is also this good.

Deep inside his heart, which had always been shaken by anxiety and fear, it tickled. As if to tell him that excitement had flowed into that place as well.