By Zephyria 
===
Waking up early in the morning, Eun-won stared at the ceiling of the unfamiliar room for a long while before remembering that he was at his father’s house. Simultaneously, he recalled exactly what he had said to Cha Se-jin last night. Heat rushed to his face in an instant.
“…….”
He had let out all the feelings that had been swelling inside him. He told him he liked him—no, he said he loved him. That he loved Cha Se-jin.
He said he wanted to be with him next year, five years from now, and ten years from now; he said that because he liked the present so much, it made him think about what comes after. The more he recalled it, the more strangely his heart raced. He wondered if he had really said those words, if he had actually… confessed. Perhaps because he had laid bare so much of himself, it felt more like a dream than reality.
Just then, the arm loosely wrapped around his waist tightened.
“Mmm….”
A low, sleep-laden voice drifted from behind him. Eun-won held his breath. Cha Se-jin, not yet fully awake, buried his face in Eun-won’s shoulder and pulled him into a closer embrace. Cha Se-jin’s body pressed against his back, and soon, warm breath brushed against the nape of his neck.
“Sleep more….”
“…….”
Eun-won couldn’t answer. He simply blinked in silence. Perhaps because they had shared so much the previous night, he felt a bit awkward and a little shy. However, Cha Se-jin was the same as always. Even in his sleep, he embraced him naturally and offered his side without hesitation.
He was still kind. Eun-won felt relieved that he hadn’t changed from yesterday, yet it felt strange that he wasn’t different in the slightest. Was it only possible for adults to control their emotions so easily and keep them from bleeding into their daily routine? If he grew older and gained more experience, would he be able to act as naturally as Cha Se-jin?
“Are you awake?”
“…No.”
Only after a long while did Cha Se-jin properly open his eyes. Blinking with a slightly disheveled face, he let out a slow smile as he watched Eun-won turn toward him.
“Why did you wake up so early? You went to sleep at dawn.”
“I just… woke up early.”
“Maybe it’s because the sleeping arrangements changed.”
Speaking as if to himself, Cha Se-jin didn’t press further on why he had woken up early. Instead, he reached up and slowly brushed back Eun-won’s messy hair. The touch was no different than usual. It was as natural as if the words Eun-won had uttered last night didn’t exist between them—or as if it wouldn’t be strange for them to exist. Eun-won’s heart wavered easily once again at that touch.
Cha Se-jin looked down at Eun-won’s face and tilted his head, a smile still lingering. Another layer of tenderness descended upon his forehead.
“Seeing as the alarm hasn’t gone off, I think we still have some time. Let’s stay like this for a bit longer.”
“Okay….”
The scent of Cha Se-jin’s pheromones, leaking out in his sleep, was so pleasant that the strength left Eun-won’s body and his eyes drifted shut. Wrapped in Cha Se-jin’s arms, Eun-won quietly steadied his breathing. They spent about an hour just like that, in peaceful stillness.
In the quiet passage of time, he felt tense, wondering if the conversation from yesterday would be brought up again, but when no words came, his heart fluttered with a slight, anxious thumping.
It felt as if nothing had happened. But it wasn’t that nothing had happened. He had clearly laid many things bare, and Cha Se-jin had said he would think about the feelings and the worries Eun-won had conveyed. So, all he had to do now was wait. Time passing wouldn’t make the words he spoke disappear or change.
Amidst his thoughts, the alarm rang out. With a low sigh, Cha Se-jin’s body pulled away. As the alarm was turned off and silence returned to the room, only the sound of the duvet being pushed back remained.
“I should probably wash up and head down.”
Sitting up first, Cha Se-jin stretched his neck slowly, brushed back his messy hair, and climbed out of bed.
“Do you want to sleep more, Darling? If you’re not up for breakfast, I’ll make up an excuse for you.”
“No. I’ll get up too.”
“You look a bit tired.”
“I want to… go home and sleep soon.”
“Let’s do that, then.”
As Eun-won sat up, Cha Se-jin naturally reached out to tidy Eun-won’s messy bangs. Even in the brief moment when his fingertips touched his forehead and then pulled away, Eun-won’s heart wavered. Not knowing what to do, Eun-won looked down.
Watching him, Cha Se-jin let out a small laugh.
“I can’t see it, but I bet your face is red.”
“Ah….”
“Shall we check?”
Seeing Cha Se-jin reach for the blinds of the window behind the bed, Eun-won hurried toward the bathroom as if escaping. Bright light flooded in behind him. Cha Se-jin’s low laughter followed, enveloping Eun-won. After entering the bathroom and closing the door, Eun-won faced his flushed reflection in the mirror.
Today, too, it was a morning where his heart felt overwhelmed because of Cha Se-jin.
Breakfast passed quietly. Perhaps because he had been drinking late the previous night, his father was quieter than usual, and the madam smiled softly, telling Cha Se-jin to visit more comfortably next time. Cha Se-jin smiled just enough to keep the atmosphere stable, answered appropriately, and naturally shifted the conversation whenever a topic arose that might make Eun-won uncomfortable.
Everything was the same. Cha Se-jin still checked Eun-won’s plate, refilled his water glass when it was empty, and when the madam’s questions pressed too insistently upon Eun-won, he would take over the conversation and briefly squeeze Eun-won’s fingertips under the table.
Eun-won couldn’t help but love all of Cha Se-jin’s kindness. Even knowing that this kindness wasn’t an answer to the feelings he had confessed last night, but rather a habit that had existed long before, he still felt fluttery. He felt he needed to find a way to stop his heart from racing ahead.
It felt as if his confession was floating quietly somewhere between him and Cha Se-jin. Neither accepted nor rejected, nor had it fully reached its destination.
Still, it didn’t make him feel heartbroken or wounded. He thought it was a relief that Cha Se-jin didn’t look uncomfortable around him. The fact that the words he spoke hadn’t pushed the man away was enough for now.
After finishing the meal and having a light tea, they left the house. And they returned home in silence.
The brief silence that followed was not an uncomfortable one. They exchanged mundane conversations in between. Eun-won gave a small smile at Cha Se-jin’s suggestion that since it was the start of the weekend, they should go home and do absolutely nothing today. Cha Se-jin looked at him as if confirming that smile, then shifted his gaze back to the window.
Upon arriving at the annex, the tension that had been building since before he left the house yesterday finally seemed to unravel all at once. His body felt like a soaked clump of cotton. Cha Se-jin, who entered the foyer first, checked Eun-won’s face.
“Darling, you really need some rest. You look very tired. I won’t disturb you, so get some deep sleep.”
Eun-won hesitated for a moment before nodding. In truth, rather than being sleepy, he wanted to be alone for a bit. Or more accurately, he wanted to think alone. Whenever he looked at Cha Se-jin, the man kept entering his heart before he even had a chance to think. Whenever Cha Se-jin stroked his hair as usual, held his hand, or called his name tenderly, the feelings he had barely managed to hold back last night would race far away again.
After Eun-won went into the bedroom to change into comfortable clothes and came back out, Cha Se-jin pulled back the covers and laid him down. Then he drew the curtains. Darkness softly descended upon the bright room.
“Is it okay if you sleep alone?”
At that question, Eun-won’s heart wavered once more. It was a question asking if he wanted company. It was a promise that he wouldn’t be left alone if he desired it. If he shook his head—with that one small movement—he could be with Cha Se-jin. But feeling that he shouldn’t do that right now, Eun-won quietly nodded.
“Yes…. I think I’ll fall asleep quickly.”
Cha Se-jin gazed at Eun-won’s face for a moment and then nodded. He then tucked him in with the duvet.
“Then I’ll stop by the main house for a bit. Keep sleeping.”
“Okay….”
“Call me immediately if anything happens.”
“I will.”
Before leaving the room, Cha Se-jin looked back at Eun-won one more time and quietly stepped out, closing the door. Soon, complete silence settled into the room.
Eun-won stared at the ceiling for a long time. With the curtains closed, the room was so dark that he couldn’t tell if it was bright outside, and the inside of the duvet was warm, as if Cha Se-jin’s touch still lingered. He felt as if sleep would wash over him the moment he closed his eyes. However, his mind was too noisy; sleep would surge in only to recede, and even when he managed to close his eyes, thoughts quickly resurfaced.
“…….”
Even though he had been by his side just moments ago, now that he was alone, the events of last night felt more distant. Why did everything he had said and everything he had heard from Cha Se-jin feel so remote?
Still, Cha Se-jin had said he wouldn’t pretend not to have heard. So, all Eun-won could do now was wait. Standing where he was, until an answer reached him.
He had to stop imagining the answer Cha Se-jin hadn’t given yet, and stop overlapping a distant future onto every single act of kindness the man offered.
For now, the fact that Cha Se-jin was kind. And the fact that he loved that kindness.
For the time being, he just had to wait while thinking only up to that point.
He couldn’t erase his feelings for him. Nor did he intend to. He simply wanted to hold his heart back just a little, so that it wouldn’t race ahead and stand alone in a place far beyond where Cha Se-jin was.
He felt that would be enough for now.
As he thought that, his heart tightened slightly for some reason, but strangely, his breathing became a bit easier. Eun-won pulled the duvet up to the tip of his nose and closed his eyes. He thought he wouldn’t be able to sleep, but it seemed his body, which had endured various emotions all night, was more exhausted than he realized. Once he reached a certain conclusion, sleep flooded in.
Eun-won slowly drifted off to sleep inside the duvet where Cha Se-jin’s touch remained. On the boundary of dreams, the face of Cha Se-jin, looking back at him one last time before the door closed, shimmered faintly.