By Zephyria 
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Gi Jae-hyeok’s story lingered in Eun-won’s heart longer than expected. He thought he didn’t need to project himself into that situation, just as Cha Se-jin had said, but the words he had already heard did not vanish cleanly from his mind, leaving a trace behind.
It felt as if the words had turned into tiny thorns. Just when he thought he had forgotten, they would prick the depths of his heart whenever Cha Se-jin stroked his hair tenderly as usual, kissed him before bed, or smiled at something trivial.
Every time that happened, Eun-won tried to shake his head. Cha Se-jin had said he loved being with him and told him several times not to worry about it. The look in his eyes back then, as he touched his cheek to soothe him, was still vivid.
‘We’re doing well.’
‘I love being with you, Darling.’
‘So there’s nothing to worry about.’
Therefore, all he had to do was keep getting along just as they were now, while looking at the Cha Se-jin he loved.
“Darling.”
Cha Se-jin’s voice echoed from across the dining table. Only then did Eun-won realize he had been lost in thought with his chopsticks still in hand.
“Yes?”
“What are you thinking about so deeply?”
“Ah… just for a moment….”
“Did something happen at school?”
Cha Se-jin’s gaze slowly met his. His eyes were laced with worry. Eun-won shook his head as if it were truly nothing and took a spoonful of rice mixed with soup.
“Really nothing happened?”
“Yes, really nothing happened. I was just spacing out for a bit.”
“Then that’s a relief.”
The worry and relief clinging to the end of his words were kind. Eun-won looked at the white flesh of the rosy seabream that Cha Se-jin placed on his side plate and put it in his mouth. It was soft and salty, and very delicious.
Cha Se-jin watched Eun-won obediently eat the fish he had filleted for him and suddenly smiled.
“This is a first for me.”
“Pardon?”
“Filleting fish for someone.”
Eun-won stopped his chopsticks in surprise. With a face that suggested it was no big deal, Cha Se-jin went back to picking out the bones of the seabream. It was an unfamiliar movement.
“Who in the world fillets fish for someone else? It’s such a hassle.”
“Ah….”
“But seeing you eat it, it doesn’t feel like a hassle. Maybe I’m cut out for childcare.”
“…I’m not a child.”
“Ah, were you not? I didn’t know.”
Cha Se-jin let out a small laugh. That sound of laughter unsettled Eun-won’s heart.
You started it alone, you believed it alone, and it ended alone…
The words he had spoken suddenly came to mind. Was it also a mistake to trust Cha Se-jin’s tender actions like this? How could he be this kind when they didn’t feel the same way…
Just then, Eun-won’s phone on the table rang. The screen flickered, displaying the name ‘Madam.’ Eun-won’s hand, reaching for the phone, paused for a very brief moment. It was a truly short instant, but Cha Se-jin did not miss it. After taking a deep breath, Eun-won quickly picked up the phone.
“…I’ll be right back after taking this call.”
“Who is it?”
“…It’s Madam.”
“Madam? Ah, that one who pretends to be a mother but is a total fake. Take it here, it’s fine. I’ll be quiet as if I’m not here.”
Eun-won felt the illusion that the continuing vibration was getting faster. Facing Cha Se-jin, Eun-won answered the call. Nodding, Eun-won pressed the call button. And then, almost unconsciously, he straightened his back and corrected his posture. Cha Se-jin’s gaze touched Eun-won’s tense face and then dropped away.
“Hello…. Yes, Madam. How have you been?”
Yes, Eun-won, it’s Mom. Have you been well? It’s been a long time since we’ve spoken.
A soft voice flowed from beyond the phone. It was soft, but strangely, it was a voice that made a person shrink. Even though he hadn’t heard anything that should make him nervous, unnatural tension kept building up in various parts of his body.
It’s so hard to hear your voice. Since you got married, you haven’t come home even once.
“Ah…. I’m sorry.”
You’re married, you’re attending school, and I know there’s a lot to learn by Executive Cha’s side, so I know you’re busy, but you could still call occasionally to check in. You only barely answer when I’m the one to do it. If I don’t, you don’t call once, do you?
The voice was soft, but sharpness was hidden deeply within it. Eun-won sat precariously on the edge of his chair, biting his lip hard.
“…I’m sorry. I’ll be more mindful….”
If you keep saying you’re sorry like that, it makes it sound like I’ve scolded you a lot. Mom is just a bit hurt. Every time this happens, I wonder if it’s this obvious that you’re not my biological son. They say there is downward love but no upward love… I really feel it at times like this. If you thought of me as your mother even half as much as I think of you as my son, I don’t think it would be like this….
“…I was too inconsiderate…. I won’t be like that anymore….”
The softness vanished, and a voice that sounded as if emotions were being suppressed flowed out. Eun-won had nothing to say to the words expressing disappointment and regret. He only kept thinking that he had been too inconsiderate for not paying attention, and his head naturally bowed.
Cha Se-jin’s gaze landed on Eun-won. He had intended to stay truly quiet so as not to bother him during the call, but he couldn’t. He wondered what on earth was being said that the boy was perched on the edge of his chair like he was being punished, unable to even lift his head, and continuing to say he was sorry.
“What are they saying that you can’t even lift your head?”
After observing Eun-won for a bit longer while resting his chin on his hand, Cha Se-jin stood up and leaned over, supporting himself with one hand on the table. Then, he reached out his hand to Eun-won. Nodding to indicate it was fine to give it to him, Cha Se-jin took the phone placed in his hand and pressed the speaker button.
Eun-won. What’s the point of just saying you’re sorry and inconsiderate with words? You have to show it through actions. Fine, let’s put me aside. No matter how much I love you, I’m not your biological mother. But what is this, not even contacting your father properly? You know what this marriage means to your father. You should contact him first and act as a bridge. Only then can we treat Executive Cha properly and naturally meet his parents. Are you going to say you didn’t think that far again?
Looking at the phone placed on the table, Cha Se-jin rested his chin on his hand again and frowned somewhat defiantly. He wondered why she was suddenly pretending to be a mother when she had hurriedly tracked down a grown child just to sell him off to form an alliance with the Sewon Group. Since when had they been such an affectionate pair that she was obsessed with contact… It was so absurd it was almost funny.
At least don’t be like that over there. You should be the first to go and greet them politely and act affectionately. Surely you’re not only going when the Chairman or Madam calls you?
“Their parents are busy, so I haven’t had the chance to see them.”
Executive… Cha?
“Yes. We were in the middle of a meal, and I wanted to say hello too, so I switched to speakerphone. I hope that’s alright?”
The voice that had been sighing deeply and acting pitifully cut off in an instant. The sound of Madam’s breathing, clearly flustered, flowed through the speaker.
Ah…. Were you listening together? If I said something that sounded rude to the Executive, I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention. It’s just that since Eun-won got married, he hasn’t come home and doesn’t contact us much, so I said it because I was hurt. Not just me, but Eun-won’s father misses him very much.
He could have snapped back as much as he wanted. He could have asked why she didn’t just set a date to meet if they missed him so much, and that seeing her suddenly call after being quiet for a while to talk about being hurt made it obvious she wanted something. Or perhaps she had something stressful happen and called to take her anger out on Eun-won.
Lashing out at others was far too easy for Cha Se-jin. What else in the world could be easier than that? However, the opponent was Eun-won’s family. Though she wasn’t his biological mother and they didn’t live like mother and son, the relationship packaged on the outside was stepmother and son.
Therefore, if he acted more rudely here, he didn’t know if Eun-won would feel upset. Since Eun-won might think he was treating his parents poorly because he didn’t respect Eun-won, he needed Eun-won’s permission to go wild.
But the situation was a bit awkward right now. He couldn’t exactly ask Eun-won if it was okay for him to speak harshly while the speaker was on, so he decided to wrap up the situation moderately for now.
“I’ve been preoccupied since the wedding, so I didn’t think to visit. I apologize. Hmm, how about this Friday evening? If it’s alright, I’ll stop by then.”
Oh, we would love that. It would be great if just Eun-won came, but it would be truly wonderful if Executive Cha came along with our Eun-won. Eun-won’s father talks about Executive Cha a lot. Ah, if it’s alright, how about staying overnight? Since it’s the weekend, you could drink together and get closer.
“I’ll talk it over with Eun-won. It’s not something I can decide alone.”
All right, then. Give me an answer through Eun-won. I’ll be waiting.
“Yes, goodbye.”
Hanging up the phone, Cha Se-jin handed the phone back to Eun-won as if nothing had happened. Eun-won, who had heard the entire conversation, hesitated, his lips trembling slightly before he spoke.
“…I’m sorry. Because of me, you had to….”
“What are you sorry for? There’s nothing to be sorry about. I forgot that since you’re married, you have to take care of your own home too. I should be the one sorry.”
“No…. You don’t have to worry about it that much. Stopping by once in a while is fine, but… there’s no need for you to sleep over. You really don’t have to go that far.”
“Why? I want to try sleeping in your room together.”
At the unexpected words, Eun-won’s closed lips parted slightly. Because he had never imagined such a reason would come up, Eun-won couldn’t easily find words to answer.
“I only went in there briefly once before. And it’s true that after the wedding, we stayed at a hotel and then came straight to this house, so I couldn’t go to your house. Let’s go this Friday and stay overnight.”
That way, you won’t be harassed by that fake for a while. Swallowing the real words he wanted to say, Cha Se-jin smiled as if he were a good person, and eventually met Eun-won’s nod.
Honestly, he wasn’t fond of spending time with Chairman Baum and his wife either. If they were people worthy of respect, they would be a source of nourishment or benefit to him, but knowing they were humans full of traits he didn’t even want to share a table with, let alone learn from, he didn’t even want to set foot there.
But regardless of that, it was true that he wanted to sleep in Eun-won’s room. He was curious about the room where Eun-won had slept, woken up, studied, worried, grieved, and felt lonely. Staying there for a brief moment wasn’t enough.
He wanted to know in what kind of space and with what kind of face the Eun-won before he met him ended his days, what he looked at as he fell asleep, and what he clung to and endured.
And he felt that if he entered that place, he could understand a bit more.
The things Eun-won had endured alone until now, and the times of Eun-won’s life that he had failed to see.
Thinking that way, the idea of going to that house became a little less shitty. No, he felt like he was actually looking forward to it. That day, three days from now.