93 – AC

===

Kang Seo-hoo and Do Hae-jun were also unable to stop Cha Se-jin from leaving; they could only watch the situation cautiously, trying to quiet Gi Jae-hyeok.

“Let’s go.”

“Executive Director….”

“There’s no need to hear any more.”

The look of displeasure was evident on Cha Se-jin’s face, but his voice, when directed at Eun-won, was not sharp in the slightest.

Startled, Eun-won stood up and followed Cha Se-jin. Kang Seo-hoo quickly rose from his seat and brought Eun-won the coat that had been hanging to one side.

“Se-jin… I’m sorry.”

At the sound of the drunken Gi Jae-hyeok’s voice, Cha Se-jin looked down with a gaze full of irritation, as if he felt disgusted.

“I shouldn’t have said those things… in front of the person you married…. I’m sorry… I’m truly sorry….”

“Then you shouldn’t have said them.”

Cha Se-jin’s voice, now cold as if devoid of emotion, dropped sharply toward Gi Jae-hyeok.

“Whether you got divorced, whether your love was ruined or collapsed, that is your business.”

“…….”

“Why are you blabbing about that in front of my Darling? If you’re sorry to us, just shut up and live your life feeling sorry. Don’t recite some ‘lessons’ you’ve realized.”

Cha Se-jin’s voice sank low. As he spoke, his grip on Eun-won’s hand tightened.

“See, you’re still the same. When you were married, you lectured us, pretending you’d learned what love is. Now that you’re divorced, you’ve come to lecture us again, saying we shouldn’t get married or that effort doesn’t make a difference.”

“Se-jin….”

“Did you think that just because you added a bit of your own emotion to a marriage arranged by your family, it suddenly became some kind of destined love? You started it alone, you believed in it alone, and it ended alone—who do you think you are, talking about it so recklessly? Why should I have to listen to that? What sin did Eun-won commit to have to hear this?”

“…….”

“Let’s really stop seeing each other now.”

Cha Se-jin left the room with Eun-won. Eun-won followed his pace, holding onto Cha Se-jin’s hand. His heart plummeted as if he had been shocked, then tightened painfully. Cha Se-jin’s back filled his vision. The words Cha Se-jin had just spoken lingered in his ears.

He knew those words weren’t directed at him. He knew they were spoken out of anger toward a person who had suddenly appeared and ruined the mood by pouring out their own wounds in a place where everyone was having a good time.

He was well aware that Cha Se-jin was this angry because he had been there when Gi Jae-hyeok spoke those words, and that he was holding his hand so firmly to pull him away from the scene.

And yet, strangely, his heart beat so fast that it echoed in his head.

A marriage arranged by the family.

A single emotion added on top of it.

Something started alone, believed in alone, and ended alone.

Even as he watched Cha Se-jin’s words fly and pierce Gi Jae-hyeok, Eun-won felt as if something deep inside himself was being pierced as well.

He had felt this way before when listening to Im Woo-jin talk about breaking up with his girlfriend. At the time, he thought it was an overreaction. He had tried to steady himself, thinking that since it wasn’t his own business, there was no need to suffer by projecting himself onto a situation just because there were some similar parts.

This time was no different. It was strictly someone else’s business; it wasn’t a story about him and Cha Se-jin. However, his heart kept sliding toward a strange place.

Because he had been like that too.

Because he had added his own feelings to a relationship that began under the name of an arranged marriage, and because he wanted to believe that the kindness Cha Se-jin showed might be love. Because he leaned on his friends’ words, felt fluttery at his jealousy, and thought that perhaps one day they might truly feel the same way, based on the single warmth that seeped in when their hands touched.

Since it was a feeling he started alone, would it also end alone one day?

Things that should have remained hidden in his heart were suddenly laid bare before his eyes. Slowly catching his breath, Eun-won climbed into the car waiting for them, side by side with Cha Se-jin.

The inside of the car was dark and quiet. Cha Se-jin said nothing, and neither did Eun-won. However, Cha Se-jin was still holding Eun-won’s hand. It was no different from usual. Even in a moment like this, he was kind and warm.

That made his heart even more complicated.

Cha Se-jin had gotten angry for him. He had stormed out of the room for him, and even in his irritability, he checked on Eun-won’s mood. There wasn’t a single, truly single sharp edge in the words and actions directed toward him.

Yet, those words spoken to Gi Jae-hyeok kept returning over and over, scratching at his heart. They touched the most fragile part of his soul. The place that was anxious, fluttering, sometimes painful, and sometimes melting… they had dug exactly into that spot.

‘Did you think that just because you added a bit of your own emotion to a marriage arranged by your family, it suddenly became some kind of destined love?’

Cha Se-jin’s hand covering his own was still warm. It almost felt hot. Eun-won’s gaze landed on the large hand covering his.

That firmness seemed to soothe his heart. Leaning into the warmth spreading through his fingertips, Eun-won let out a long, slow breath.

The car remained silent until they arrived home. Even then, Cha Se-jin checked on Eun-won from time to time. Normally, Eun-won would look out the window and then smile and chat about various things when looked at, so Cha Se-jin was worried that he remained silent.

He shouldn’t have brought him to a place like that in the first place. Of course, it had been harmonious and fun until Gi Jae-hyeok arrived, but in the end, it was a completely ruined schedule. No, it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say it had become the absolute worst of times. He had shown Eun-won such an unsightly side of things, and he felt like he might die of embarrassment.

Since his own mood was this foul, Eun-won must have felt upset as well. While he was pondering how to make it up to him, the car entered the driveway. Cha Se-jin handed a few bills to the designated driver who stopped the car in front of the annex.

“Please take the buggy car down. It’ll be hard to walk.”

“Yes, CEO! Thank you.”

Watching the driver, who couldn’t hide his smile after receiving several times more than the required fare, bow repeatedly, Cha Se-jin entered the annex with Eun-won.

As they stepped inside the entrance, the light flickered on. Thanks to it being brighter than outside, Eun-won’s face was more visible. Cha Se-jin watched Eun-won as he took off his shoes and put on slippers. His face didn’t look upset, but it didn’t look particularly happy either.

Watching Eun-won’s back as he climbed the stairs, Cha Se-jin slowly followed. Then, he approached Eun-won as he entered the dressing room inside the bedroom.

“Darling.”

“Yes?”

“You felt bad earlier, didn’t you? I’m sorry.”

It wasn’t a question, but something closer to a conviction. Eun-won couldn’t immediately answer that he wasn’t. If asked if he felt bad… that wasn’t it. He wasn’t displeased by Gi Jae-hyeok’s appearance or his lamentations, nor did he dislike that Cha Se-jin had gotten angry at Gi Jae-hyeok in front of him.

Considering how Cha Se-jin tried to take care of him even in an unavoidable situation and had pulled him out of that place for his sake, he felt more gratitude toward Cha Se-jin. And yet, his heart still felt strange.

“…It’s not that I felt bad. Just… um…. It was something I hadn’t expected at all, so I was a bit surprised.”

“Because of Gi Jae-hyeok?”

Gi Jae-hyeok’s appearance was certainly surprising, but as always, it was Cha Se-jin who was currently stirring up Eun-won’s heart. Eun-won hesitated for a moment and then gave a small shake of his head. At that fragile denial, Cha Se-jin tilted his head.

“Because of me?”

He couldn’t say it was because of Cha Se-jin either. This current feeling wasn’t because of Gi Jae-hyeok or Cha Se-jin, but because of himself. To explain that, he would have to explain why it was because of him and for what reason he felt this way, and he hesitated because it was difficult to explain.

“I got too angry in front of you, I’m sorry.”

While he was worrying about how to put it, Cha Se-jin’s apology arrived. Startled, Eun-won looked up and met Cha Se-jin’s eyes.

“No. It’s not because of you, Executive Director….”

“No matter how pissed I was, I shouldn’t have shown you that side of me. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s not like that.”

“What do you mean it’s not? Your expression was bad the whole way home. It still is.”

“Really… it’s not because you got angry.”

“Then what is it because of?”

“…….”

“It’s okay. You can tell me. I’m not asking because I’m angry. I’m just curious. I need to know so I can fix it.”

Eun-won couldn’t answer immediately. He wanted to say it wasn’t because of the anger, but because of certain words—that those words felt as if they had touched the very center of his heart. But to say that, he would have to reveal what kind of feelings he was harboring for the explanation to make sense.

‘Did you think that just because you added a bit of your own emotion to a marriage arranged by your family, it suddenly became some kind of destined love?’

Those words came back to him. Eun-won slightly curled and unfolded his fingertips. If it was a situation where it felt strange to speak and strange not to… he felt it would be better to voice it than to hide it in his heart. If he kept piling it up, it would eventually collapse even more violently.

“…Just, those words bothered me a little….”

“Which words.”

“…The part where you asked… if I thought that just because I added a bit of emotion to a marriage the families told us to have… it suddenly… became love….”

The expression on Cha Se-jin’s face, which had been filled with emotion, froze for a moment. Seeing that face, Eun-won quickly shook his head as if it were no big deal.

“I know… you weren’t saying that to me. I know you said it because you were angry at your friend…. I know, but just… I felt a bit strange. Because you and I… we married like that too….”

“…….”

“So, just… for a moment, I felt a little strange.”

He wanted to settle it by saying it was just a momentary thing, not a big deal, and that it was fine now that he had said it, and that the matter was over. He didn’t want anything to be shaken. Especially if it was something connected to Cha Se-jin.

“Did that sound like it was about us? Because we had an arranged marriage too?”

Cha Se-jin’s voice was low, but still kind. He didn’t seem angry or as if he were suppressing anger. Rather, he was soft, as if soothing him. Instead of an answer, Eun-won gave a small nod.

“Now that I think about it, it could have been misunderstood. I was so angry I didn’t watch my words.”

“…….”

“But Darling. We are different from him.”

Cha Se-jin remained silent for a moment, carefully observing Eun-won’s face. Under the dressing room lights, Eun-won’s face looked paler than usual. It was a relief that he didn’t look like he was about to cry, but strangely… he looked as if he might suddenly sink deep into himself. That bothered him.

It felt as if something invisible was tangled, and he felt he had to unravel it before it got more tangled, but it was frustrating because he couldn’t see what it was.

“I don’t know what Gi Jae-hyeok did or how his marriage ended up like that. I don’t even want to know. The fact that he made a fuss alone, that what he believed in alone broke, and that it eventually ended alone is just Gi Jae-hyeok’s situation.”

“…….”

“What I said was directed at that situation.”

“…….”

“So, I don’t think there’s any need to apply that to us.”

Cha Se-jin gently took Eun-won’s hand again. He had noticed it since the car, but Eun-won’s hand felt a bit cold today. Wanting to warm it quickly, Cha Se-jin wrapped his hand deeply around Eun-won’s, all the way to the fingertips, and locked eyes deeply with Eun-won, who was looking up at him.

“It’s true that we started with an arranged marriage. I have no intention of denying that. Because it’s a fact.”

“…….”

“But that’s not all there is, is it?”

Eun-won’s pupils wavered. Cha Se-jin didn’t want to cause any more ripples in those eyes. He wanted to give Eun-won peace of mind. He wanted to spend every day with Eun-won just as they had before Gi Jae-hyeok appeared.

“We are getting along well.”

“…….”

“I like being with you.”

“…….”

“So there’s nothing to worry about.”

They were still kind words. Cha Se-jin was clearly soothing him. He was trying to reassure him and striving to keep him from having unnecessary thoughts. Eun-won felt that and was grateful. He was grateful that Cha Se-jin checked his mood, cared about his silence, and chose his words so kindly.

And yet, there were questions remaining in his mouth.

Is getting along well the same as liking someone?

How is liking being together different from love?

What should I do to keep getting along well?

And what should I do so that Cha Se-jin continues to like being with me?

But he couldn’t bring those questions to his lips. He was more afraid of hearing the answer than of asking. So, Eun-won simply nodded.

“Yes…. I won’t worry….”

Only then did Cha Se-jin look slightly relieved, slowly stroking the back of Eun-won’s hand. It was a touch that still made his heart overflow just by contact. So, Eun-won said nothing more. He didn’t want to disturb the warmth that had painstakingly gathered again.

However, the questions he had failed to ask continued to drift quietly in his heart, unable to settle.

Expecting, and yet fearing, the answer he would likely hear in the near future.