By Zephyria 
===
After leaving the boutique, they headed to a private Chinese restaurant in Seohadong that Cha Se-jin frequented. Since the main menu consisted of dim sum and noodle dishes, it was a light meal, and he liked that he could dine there quietly and leisurely.
At Eun-won’s request to order something delicious since he didn’t know the menu, Cha Se-jin showed him each item he intended to order and picked several of his favorite dim sum, chili shrimp, fried rice, and warm wonton noodles.
After finishing the order, Cha Se-jin watched Eun-won, who was sipping jasmine tea, blowing on it softly. The atmosphere had been like this ever since he had made that slip of the tongue. Eun-won wasn’t openly complaining, but there was a strange—really strange—sense of awkwardness. It had been that way in the car on the way here, and it persisted until now.
Ah, why the hell did I say that?
He wasn’t the type to typically regret the words he spoke or the actions he took. Even if he did, it was because once something was said or done, it couldn’t be undone. Moreover, if he wanted to do something, he did it; the other person’s feelings weren’t usually that important to him.
But when the other person was Eun-won, it bothered him. Seeing Eun-won staying quiet, seemingly hurt by his words but trying not to show it, made him feel as if he had committed a massive blunder. He felt anxious and desperate to make things right quickly.
“What I said earlier… it upset you, didn’t it?”
Only when he broke the silence did Eun-won’s gaze, which had been fixed on the small teacup, finally meet his. He had started the conversation, but he had no idea how to actually resolve the situation. He was good at causing trouble, but he had almost never had to clean it up, so he found these moments incredibly difficult. Thus, Cha Se-jin opted for the direct approach.
“Honestly, I didn’t realize what the problem was when I said it, but seeing your expression, it hit me. It’s not something to be proud of, and there was no need to remind you of it. I was being thoughtless. I’m sorry.”
It was a plain yet heavy apology. There wasn’t a trace of the light playfulness he often displayed. Eun-won set down his teacup and met the gaze directed at his face without looking away.
In truth, he wasn’t angry. He wasn’t pouting, nor was he feeling particularly unpleasant or offended. It was just that the joke Cha Se-jin had tossed off lightly had momentarily reminded him that Cha Se-jin had been with countless people, and it had made a corner of his heart tighten slightly.
To Eun-won, Cha Se-jin was the first for everything, but for a moment, he felt anxious at the thought that he might just be one of many passing people to whom Cha Se-jin could show how well he could strip clothes off.
It seemed he had come to like Cha Se-jin more than he realized—really, very much.
Seeing how a comment that could have been dismissed as a joke weighed on his mind, how many thoughts flooded in during that short time, and how a single apology made him feel even more sorry in return.
“…I’m not exactly upset… but my heart felt… a bit strange.”
“Were you hurt?”
Seeing Eun-won nod slightly, Cha Se-jin let out a low hum and leaned forward from his reclined position, reaching across the table. It was just like that time. On the night two days before their wedding, when he had blurted out that he wondered how long they could live together, Eun-won had told him to let him know if he ever grew to dislike him. Back then, too, he had realized his mistake and apologized to Eun-won just as he was doing now. Even now, he occasionally remembered Eun-won’s lonely expression from that day. And yet, he had pulled that shit again. He wondered if people truly couldn’t change.
“You should’ve just called me a slut.”
“It’s… not to that extent.”
Eun-won stared at the hand extended across the table and quietly took hold of the fingers. Relieved by the first touch, Cha Se-jin covered Eun-won’s small hand with his own and gripped it firmly.
“I’ll be careful. I was too rude. If I were you, I would’ve cursed me out. ‘You slut, is that something to be proud of? Just keep living like a slut, you filthy bastard.’”
Surprised by Cha Se-jin cursing himself so relentlessly, Eun-won’s eyes widened slightly, and he shook his head as if telling him not to. Cha Se-jin let out a pained groan and gently rubbed the back of Eun-won’s hand.
“Do you feel a bit better?”
“Yes….”
He liked that Cha Se-jin cared about his feelings. Even though he knew that if left alone, the feeling would eventually fade, the fact that he didn’t just leave him be made his heart flutter. The way he apologized by mentioning something that might be uncomfortable to recall made him seem more like an adult.
Every time he cared for him, every time he leaned his body toward him… even though he tried not to, Eun-won’s heart kept soaring, feeling as if Cha Se-jin liked him too. Even knowing that a leaning body didn’t necessarily mean a leaning heart, he couldn’t help it.
While they were holding hands, the sound of a staff member knocking was heard. Eun-won tried to pull his hand away first, but Cha Se-jin wouldn’t let go. In the end, they remained holding hands on the table throughout the time the staff member set down the steaming dim sum. It was a bit embarrassing, but he didn’t dislike it.
Strangely, the fact that they were holding hands was more conscious to him than any of the food being placed on the table. He didn’t know if the staff member’s gaze had actually landed on their hands. Perhaps they wouldn’t have cared even if they saw. But to Eun-won, that short moment—the fact that they were holding hands in front of another person—felt as if he had laid his heart bare in a room with transparent walls where anyone could see.
It was embarrassing, but still… he didn’t want to hide. Because Cha Se-jin wouldn’t let go, as if telling him not to. Cha Se-jin watched the staff member place the plates with a composed gaze, holding the hand as if it were perfectly natural. That composure kept shaking Eun-won’s heart.
Cha Se-jin had always been like that. Not once, truly not once, had he tried to hide him. He was confident wherever he went. He didn’t sneak around, conscious of others’ gazes.
He liked that he wasn’t someone Cha Se-jin felt the need to hide. It might be jumping the gun, or perhaps overthinking… but the inside of his held hand was warm, so the thought wouldn’t easily fade. That high temperature always softly melted the edges of Eun-won’s timid, trembling expectations.
“Ah, now that I see it, I’m even hungrier.”
Only after the staff member left did their hands separate. Eun-won lowered his hand beneath the table, fiddling with it as it was still saturated with Cha Se-jin’s warmth. With a heart that had yet to settle, he picked up the long chopsticks and large spoon, following Cha Se-jin’s lead. Although they had eaten dim sum together once before at another place, it was still not a very familiar food to Eun-won.
“The place we went to before had mediocre xiaolongbao, so we only ate other things. This is your first time with these, right? These are really delicious. Put one on the spoon, tear the skin slightly with your chopsticks, and the broth will come out. Cool it down and then eat it. It’s very hot, so blow on it well. These are ginger strips; you can add them if you like, or skip them if you don’t.”
Following Cha Se-jin, Eun-won placed a xiaolongbao on the spoon, blew on the broth filling it several times, added a bit of ginger, and carefully put it in his mouth. Despite blowing on it, the inside was still hot. Eun-won opened his mouth slightly and covered it with his hand to cool it down before chewing and swallowing. Just as Cha Se-jin said, it was truly delicious.
“Is it good?”
“Yes, it’s delicious.”
“Eat a lot. Tell me if you want more.”
“Yes, you eat a lot too, Director.”
After tasting the xiaolongbao, har gow, cheong fun, and spring rolls one by one, Eun-won picked up the wonton noodles, which had been served in two halves, and ate them. Until they arrived at the restaurant, his mind had been so unsettled that he hadn’t even realized he was hungry, but now that his heart had eased and he tasted something delicious, hunger finally set in. Thanks to that, he was able to enjoy a very satisfying meal.
After feeding Eun-won a warm, sweet cream puff bun—which was just like Eun-won himself—for dessert, Cha Se-jin left to open the passenger door for him. Getting into the car, Eun-won slowly shifted his gaze toward Cha Se-jin, who, as always, let him get in first before heading to the driver’s seat.
“…….”
He liked Cha Se-jin even more after spending the heat cycle together. How could he not like Cha Se-jin, who had poured out an even greater heat to cool his own every day? Cha Se-jin, who hadn’t left his side for days, filling him up and kissing every part of his face, still lingered in his body.
When he thought back to Cha Se-jin then, and to how Cha Se-jin had acted the day after the heat cycle ended—tangled up and rushing with a sober mind, unable to forget that heat just as he was… it felt as if Cha Se-jin liked him too. Even if it wasn’t the exact same feeling, he wondered if it was similar.
There were times he wanted to ask about those feelings. There were times he wanted to express his own. But honestly… he was scared. Scared that it would be called a misunderstanding, scared that Cha Se-jin wouldn’t smile back. Scared that he would seem like he was forcing his emotions, and that Cha Se-jin would grow tired of him and no longer find him interesting.
Behind the curiosity and the desire to say “I love you,” the unspeakable fear was too great. More than the inability to voice his heart, he hated the idea that his emotions or a weak impulse could end this relationship entirely. He felt it wasn’t the right time yet.
Still, would the day come when he could voice it? How would he know when ‘that time’ was? If Cha Se-jin came to feel the same way, would he be able to feel it too? He worried a bit that he might miss it, but for some reason, Eun-won believed that when the time came, he would definitely know. He didn’t know why; he just felt that way.
“Since we’re already out, shall we go somewhere far for a second round of dessert before heading back?”
“Yes, I’d like that.”
Because the love Eun-won encountered was always obvious to everyone.
* * *
Under the disciplined hands of the staff dispatched from The Aster, the preparations for the two were completed flawlessly. Before leaving the house, as they stood side by side in front of the mirror for one last thorough check, Eun-won cautiously asked Cha Se-jin.
“…I want to… take a photo together.”
“Why do you make such a big deal out of asking for something like that?”
At the readily granted permission, Eun-won smiled brightly and took out his phone to open the camera. He then took a photo of himself and Cha Se-jin reflected in the mirror. Just as he was about to stop after one shot, Cha Se-jin took the phone from Eun-won’s hand and pressed his body closer.
Their bodies pressed together without a gap in the mirror, and Cha Se-jin’s upper body and head leaned down. Several photos, looking far closer and more intimate than the first one where they just stood still, remained on Eun-won’s phone.
“It’s been a while since I took photos like this. I think the last time was with Cha Se-na.”
Returning the phone to Eun-won, Cha Se-jin straightened his upper body. Eun-won scrolled through the ten or so photos saved in the gallery one by one. While he stood there frozen like a fool, Cha Se-jin was slightly different in every photo. He tilted his head, leaned his waist, smiled, and touched Eun-won’s cheek.
“How is it, okay? Should we take them again?”
“No. I like them.”
Seeing the tips of Eun-won’s ears turn slightly red, Cha Se-jin couldn’t resist and gave them a gentle, painless bite. Startled, Eun-won covered his ear with his hand and looked up. Cha Se-jin smiled with a brazen face, as if he didn’t know why he’d done it, then took Eun-won’s hand, gripped it tightly, and led him out of the annex.