By Zephyria 
===
“Think about it carefully. What is it? Is it simply curiosity or pity for a type of child you’ve never seen or known before, or is it a spark that, while you’ve never felt it before, feels like it could actually lead to love this time?”
“That’s why I’m asking—how am I supposed to know?”
“The former will cool down quickly over time. Just as it always has. But if it’s the latter, it’ll be different.”
“So you’re saying I’ll only know once time passes.”
“That’s the only way. Anyone has to experience it to know.”
The warmth from holding Eun-won’s hand still lingered. Even though he had gripped and shaken genitals hotter than that many times, there was a distinct warmth that heat couldn’t melt or overshadow. Cha Se-jin reflexively lifted the hand that had touched Eun-won’s, opening and closing his fingers several times. Why couldn’t he forget it, when it was just holding hands? It was truly strange.
“I get what you’re saying. Still, I don’t want to overthink things too heavily before I’ve even started. I just want to go for it. As it comes. My personality is different from yours, Hyung. It can’t be helped.”
“…Right, that’s just like you. Doing whatever you want and not listening even after getting scolded to death.”
Watching Cha Se-jin shrug and return to his original stance, Cha Se-gyu relaxed his posture and let out a small laugh. He then held out his empty wine glass. With a grin, Cha Se-jin filled his brother’s glass and then held out his own empty glass to Cha Se-gyu. Into the transparent glass poured the image of Eun-won, who was still filling his mind.
* * *
As the first period ended, sounds of exhaustion echoed from all directions. Feeling equally tired, Eun-won closed his eyes deeply before opening them and leaving the classroom with Ju Yi-deun and Jung Woo-min, who were in the same class. They had known each other for a while, but they had grown significantly closer while working on the recent assignment, so they decided to have lunch together today. Yoon Ji-woon also happened to be free and said he was coming, so they planned to go eat pizza once he arrived.
“Did you not sleep last night? I think this is the first time I’ve seen you look this tired.”
Eun-won was slightly flustered by Jung Woo-min’s question. It was because the reason he hadn’t slept properly last night wasn’t something he could openly admit.
After getting out of Cha Se-jin’s car yesterday—not even remembering how he’d said goodbye—Eun-won had practically fled back to his room, where he spent the entire time blankly thinking of Cha Se-jin.
It had been happening more frequently lately, so it wasn’t surprising, but yesterday the feeling was a bit more intense and deeper.
When he washed his body with plenty of bubbles, when the warm water brushed against his skin, when he applied lotion to the areas he’d washed, and when the lukewarm air seeped through his hair to touch his scalp… he thought of Cha Se-jin’s hands the entire time.
He felt embarrassed, as if Cha Se-jin were the one washing him, and he felt a flush of heat, as if Cha Se-jin were applying the lotion and stroking his hair. He knew it was an absurd and strange fantasy, but there was no way to stop it.
Because he had spent so long bathing in a daze, Eun-won didn’t crawl under his covers until after one in the morning, and then he blankly thought of Cha Se-jin again. He tried closing his eyes to stop, but as soon as he did, he could inevitably feel the heavy warmth that had rested on the back of his hand.
The feeling of skin rubbing softly whenever their hands shifted was ticklish, and the sensation of their fingers interlocking firmly for a brief moment as they let go was incredibly vivid.
Whenever he thought about what happened in the car… something felt ticklish. It felt like it was in his heart, or perhaps in his stomach. In the darkness, his senses became more acute, and every time he tried to force himself to sleep, they more persistently awakened Eun-won’s senses.
Unable to fall asleep, Eun-won opened his eyes and gently covered his left hand—the one Cha Se-jin had held—with his right hand. However, it didn’t feel anything like the sensation Cha Se-jin had given him.
Becoming embarrassed by his own actions, Eun-won bit the inside of his lip and tossed and turned for a long time before pulling the blanket higher and burying his nose and lips in it. The cozy, clean scent that always clung to the blanket felt somehow unwelcome. He wanted to smell it again… the sweet and bitter scent of Cha Se-jin mixed with the smell of alcohol that had filled the car.
…I miss it….
Waking up to the sincerity of his own stray thought, Eun-won let out a long sigh. How could the smell of alcohol possibly seem pleasant… And even so, why was he longing for it…? He shook his head to stop thinking about it, and a cozy scent of soap wafted over his pillow. Fearing that he might start having even stranger thoughts if he didn’t sleep soon, he forced himself—really forced himself—to try and fall asleep.
However, he couldn’t stop the feeling of longing that bloomed softly deep in his heart, a feeling he simply couldn’t ignore.
And so, Eun-won spent his time thinking of Cha Se-jin until past four in the morning, scolding himself to stop thinking about him, and then thinking of Cha Se-jin again, finally falling asleep from exhaustion just before five. Having slept barely two and a half hours, it was only natural that he was tired.
“I just couldn’t sleep…”
“Is it like insomnia or something?”
“Not that, just… you know how it is sometimes.”
“True, sometimes you can’t sleep even when you’re exhausted. You want to just pass out, but it doesn’t happen. Oh, Yoon Ji-woon!”
Yoon Ji-woon came running over, waving his hand wildly. Eun-won let out a small laugh at the loud entrance and thought of the upcoming wedding.
Cha Se-jin had told him to invite as many people as he wanted, but honestly, he hesitated. His classmates and seniors he’d become close with recently, including Yoon Ji-woon, and his high school friends who still checked in on him and frequently asked to meet up….
He could invite as many as he wanted, but if he did, the news that he was marrying Cha Se-jin would surely spread quickly inside and outside the school. Not because they were gossips, but because even if it was a private wedding, the only thing being kept from the press was his face; as long as acquaintances attended, there was no way to stop the word from spreading within the school.
Of course, he knew that since things had come to this, it was something he had to handle… but the thought of his arranged marriage to Cha Se-jin and the fact that he was an illegitimate child being discussed by those close to him felt overwhelming.
“…….”
Maybe I’ll just tell Ji-woon and my high school friends…. They’ve always looked after me and been kind…. It’s not like I’ll never see them again; they’re friends I’ll know for a long time….
After thinking it over carefully, Eun-won decided he should tell his three high school friends and Yoon Ji-woon about the wedding.
The guests would likely be filled with his father’s and the Madam’s acquaintances anyway, but he felt that he wanted people who could genuinely congratulate him inside the venue. Moreover, he didn’t want to hide it from Yoon Ji-woon, who had always looked after him and taken his side, and his friends who had stayed by him despite knowing his difficult circumstances.
“Do you have a moment after lunch?”
“Yeah! Why?”
“There’s something I want to tell you….”
“Oh, why so serious? Are you dropping out of school?”
“Why would I drop out? It’s not that.”
“Omg, a girlfriend?”
“No.”
“Ah, then what is it?”
Yoon Ji-woon’s strange guesses continued even after they parted ways with Jung Woo-min and Ju Yi-deun after lunch. Eun-won laughed as Yoon Ji-woon asked if he was suddenly debuting as a celebrity, and then he stood up at the sound of the vibration bell and returned to the seat with a tray holding two drinks.
“Seriously, what is it? I think I’ve guessed a hundred things and they’re all wrong?”
“It might be more shocking than anything you’ve said.”
“More than what I’ve said? Not an idol debut, not studying abroad… what, did a chaebol father suddenly appear?”
Watching Yoon Ji-woon laugh, saying his own guess was too old-fashioned, Eun-won nodded while gripping the drinks tightly with both hands.
“Ah, why are you nodding to that? What is it? I’ll just listen now, so tell me.”
Eun-won let out a short breath as Yoon Ji-woon didn’t believe him at all and brushed it off lightly. He bit his dry lips and, seeing that the surrounding seats were empty, spoke in a low voice.
“…It’s a bit of a long story… but to get straight to the point….”
“…….”
“…I’m… getting married….”
“Married? Ah, that was an option! Ah, why didn’t I think of that? Marriage is a bit more intense than an idol debut. Ah, seriously, what is this? Did you get into some trouble? Do you need money? Omg, did you get scammed?”
“…It’s true. I’m getting married.”
When he said it once more, Yoon Ji-woon, who had been leaning back in his chair, leaned forward. The laughter that had remained on his face from the playful remarks vanished, replaced by an expression that seemed to ask what on earth he was talking about.
“Why are you like this, seriously….”
“…It’s true. But I felt like I should tell you…. And I’d like it if you could come if you have time….”
“……Huh?”
“…….”
“…Really?”
“…Yeah.”
“…Really, you’re gett—!”
At the sudden increase in volume, the gaze of people sitting far away gathered for a moment. Seeing Eun-won’s troubled face, Yoon Ji-woon lowered his voice again and whispered.