By Zephyria 
“Then let’s just decide this way. I’ll keep calling you Tae-hwon-ssi, and you’ll call me Rae-i. I’m really sick of hearing ‘Doryeonnim’.”
Tae-hwon let out a slow sigh. He didn’t think he could break his stubbornness.
“Hoo, Rae-i…”
“That’s right. Like that.”
“But when I say Rae-i, it feels like I’m talking down to you.”
“I like it even more. You can speak comfortably. Should we speak informally?”
“……”
Tae-hwon’s lips tightened. He had nothing to say. Just exchanging words comfortably with him felt awkward to Tae-hwon.
“I’ll try.”
“Okay. Try.”
He chuckled and brushed Tae-hwon’s hair with his lips. He rubbed his cheek against the crown of his head and kissed the whorl of his hair again. He just kept clinging and kissing.
“Tae-hwon-ssi is a hard worker. There’s nothing you can’t do with effort.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes. That’s how it is. I love you.”
Kwon Rae-i also kept spilling out the words “I love you” incessantly. It was to the point where the confession sounded like an interjection. The kisses didn’t stop, and neither did the confessions. Tae-hwon lowered his eyes as he looked at him. The fingertips submerged in the water moved slightly. Gentle ripples arose, and Tae-hwon stared at his face reflected in the water.
He began to wash Tae-hwon again with a gentle touch. His movements were slow, almost cautious. He had been excessively rough on the bed. He had craved Woo Tae-hwon as if he was lacking something. Why was he now acting so affectionately, as if everything was complete?
Peace and quiet flowed in the space.
It felt like he would sink deeply and just sink to the bottom.
The two of them touching at the same time, like that.
“…Right now.”
After a while of silence, Tae-hwon spoke first. The silence broke, and a large ripple spread across the surface of the water.
“Rae-i…, um, being with you makes me think deeply.”
The honorific was Rae-i, but it was still awkward to try to use formal language like before. He felt like he should call the other person Doryeonnim, but it felt strange to call him you. But he couldn’t think of any other way to address him. It would be awkward to call him “dangsin,” “geudae,” or “geujjok.”
“What kind of thoughts?”
Kwon Rae-i nonchalantly asked back, knowing that Tae-hwon was embarrassed by the honorific. It seemed he was enjoying watching Tae-hwon trying hard even though he was embarrassed. Tae-hwon swallowed a heavy breath and answered the question.
“Well, I don’t know. It’s confusing in many ways. At first, I felt like my life was over, but on the other hand, it felt like it hadn’t even started.”
“Huh…?”
“I feel like I’ve lost my way or can’t find direction, but then I think I should just look at this moment. I feel like something’s broken, but on the other hand, I feel like I can move forward.”
Tae-hwon had never had such uncertain and aimless worries before. No matter how painful it was, he just endured it, persevered, and moved on. If he was upset, there was no point in worrying, so he would act, use his body, sweat, and feel refreshed.
But, I don’t know.
I don’t know anything anymore.
Was it because he had gotten too close to Kwon Rae-i? Because his existence had overflowed into Tae-hwon’s heart, he couldn’t help but worry now. He was sure that even a stone Buddha would be troubled in this situation.
“Is it really okay even if I’m such an unreliable person?”
Tae-hwon asked cautiously. He felt strange even as he asked the question.
‘Is this the emotion that ordinary people feel?’
Is this how people who aren’t lonely live? Confiding their anxious thoughts, which have no answers, to someone they can rely on. Relying on that person. Is that how everyone else has been?
“Of course. It’s more than okay.”
Kwon Rae-i answered immediately, as if he was bursting with emotion just by the fact that Tae-hwon had said these words to him.
“Don’t put conditions on my feelings. I don’t love you because Tae-hwon-ssi is reliable, or unreliable, strong, or weak, or for some other reason.”
“But.”
“If you know what love is, you’ll understand what I’m saying. It’s like a curse, a bondage, or a natural disaster.”
“……”
“It doesn’t depend on whether the other person is great or not, or on such trivial conditions. If Tae-hwon-ssi is cool, it’s good because he’s cool, and if he’s clumsy, it’s good because he’s cute. If he’s taciturn, it’s good because he’s quiet, and if he’s emotional, it’s good because he’s rich in emotion.”
“……”
“If it doesn’t work, just memorize it like the laws of nature. No matter how old Woo Tae-hwon gets, whether his limbs are cut off and his body is horribly damaged, even if he betrays me and tries to kill me… Kwon Rae-i can’t resist.”
He put his lips to Tae-hwon’s ear and taught him Kwon Rae-i’s providence firmly. It was like imparting knowledge to an ignorant child. What love is, and how a person in love feels. Tae-hwon thought it was both understandable and vague.
Because his explanation sounded like unconditional obedience.
‘I can’t resist either.’
In fact, Tae-hwon was the same. Now, he had decided to be by Kwon Rae-i’s side, no matter what he looked like, regardless of conditions or circumstances.
No matter how old Kwon Rae-i was, whether his limbs were cut off and his body was damaged, even if he betrayed Tae-hwon and tried to kill him.
‘Yes. I certainly won’t be able to resist.’
But, is this love?
No. Isn’t this not love?
Kwon Rae-i stared down at Tae-hwon, who was lost in thought. Then he gathered Tae-hwon up, placed him on his lap like a teddy bear, and hugged him chest to chest.
“Tae-hwon-ssi.”
“Yes.”
“Are you thinking about me right now?”
“Ah… Yes.”
“You’re worrying because of me, right? Still. And you’re anxious too?”
“……?”
What kind of question is that? Tae-hwon nodded. Because he had been washing his body with foam, their touching skin was slippery.
“Of course, I can’t help but be.”
Then Kwon Rae-i tightened his arms around Tae-hwon’s waist. He squeezed him tightly, as if he would crush him, and glared at him. His eyes looked a little moist, perhaps because of the steam rising from the bathtub.
“But, when you do that, it makes me expect things.”
Kwon Rae-i growled, taking a deep breath. Flames were burning in his eyes. He had been pounding him so hard he was almost fainting just a moment ago, but he still seemed to be able to burn. Instead of cooling down, the heat kept getting hotter.
“What, yes?”
“You want me, Tae-hwon-ssi. I can’t not know that your reaction has changed when we’re this close. You’re showing me your whole inside, you keep thinking about me, worrying, and… even with my Dick stuck in your Rectum and shooting my load, you haven’t shown any signs of disliking it.”
“Doryeon, no. Um.”
“Call me Rae-i.”
He let out a series of sighs. He was panting. The veins in his neck were bulging, his eyes were red and blazing, and an unknown light flickered dangerously.
“Is it wrong for me to expect things? Is it my fault that I’m helplessly swayed by Woo Tae-hwon’s words, even a single glance?”
Kwon Rae-i seemed to be as impatient as he was happy, afraid that he might ruin everything. If he hadn’t been so exhausted, he might have been able to read his psychology more intimately. Right now, Tae-hwon’s eyes were blurry and his body was heavy, so he couldn’t read any deeper emotions.
“I didn’t want to show it if I could help it, but how can I help it when Tae-hwon-ssi is acting so pretty? I should be taking it one step at a time, carefully, but it feels like I’m about to go off track.”
Kwon Rae-i tilted his head back impatiently and looked up at the ceiling. His gaze crashed into his straight neckline, which stretched upwards. His eyes, which had been fixed on him, were now shaking with his wildly fluctuating heart. He slowly lowered his eyes and swallowed his confused feelings.
Tae-hwon knew then. Kwon Rae-i couldn’t be as happy as he wanted to be. Even the emotions that he had thought were excessively blatant were the result of his efforts to suppress and endure them.
“I want to look pretty to Tae-hwon-ssi too.”
He twisted his lips into a smile and touched Tae-hwon’s face with his hand. He stroked his cheek and traced the corners of his lips. He could see a dark abyss in him.
It was a darkness that was different from the impulses, passions, and sinister desires that he had shown Tae-hwon so far. It was a bitter, lonely, bleak, exhausted, and parched pain.