#51

‘Want to take a break?’

‘What?’

‘I’m saying if you want to play, let’s stop and rest.’

Tennessee had said this as he willingly turned the car toward an unpaved area. He crushed his cigarette out and opened the window. The scenery had a scent, and that fragrance sank into his mind like a treasure from the deep sea.

“Amber.”

His voice was lovely. It was a name he had never liked, but he loved the moment Tennessee’s red lips touched and pronounced the final syllable, popping like a soap bubble. In the moment he was called, the emotions Tennessee held within the name vanished, and only he remained, drifting. Without nightmares or the stench of the past, without any implication, becoming a person belonging only to Tennessee.

“I won’t ask you to accept me anymore. I won’t harass you. Just promise me this.”

“Speak.”

“Next time you throw me away, promise that you’ll actually let me know.”

As long as he carried a loaded gun, ready to be used at any time, that would suffice. At least the pain would end with a gunshot.

“Tell me clearly—that you’re leaving me, that you’ll never come back—words like that. When that time comes.”

In truth, he was still afraid. He would rather endure hundreds more instances of terrible hope-torture than hear Tennessee’s farewell. But the reason he said it was a kind of declaration. It was a way of saying that if you leave, take my life with you.

He swallowed Tennessee’s response inside his lips. Amber’s movements, approaching like a wave, were closer to a plea. As tear-stained cheeks drew near, and the movement that had only barely touched the tips of their noses grew until their lips collided, Tennessee did not refuse.

Was it pity? Amber wondered about the possibility as he pressed against those sweet lips.

He didn’t know. Tennessee was originally a man who knew nothing of pity, yet he had always been exceptionally lenient with him. Perhaps his nature, which was generous only toward him, was cheap enough to allow even this.

As long as there was no rejection, it was consent. At least in Tennessee’s case, it was. Without a second thought, Amber was simply happy. No matter how cheap the pity was, unfortunately, he was happy.

Pulling his lips away, Amber looked up, his mind in a calm tangle he didn’t even dare to unravel.

“Why don’t you refuse?”

“…….”

“Is this pity, too?”

“I don’t know.”

For Tennessee, it was a word spoken impulsively for the first time in a long while, a decision made because he couldn’t overcome his emotions. However, since he had already said it, he had no intention of taking it back.

“Then let’s do it one more time.”

Pulling Tennessee’s neck toward him, Amber closed his eyes. A heavy pressure pressed against his mouth along with a warm sensation. Tennessee expected his lips to touch briefly like a greeting and then part, but surprisingly, Amber naturally opened his lips.

Gauging Tennessee’s firm jawline with his fingertips, Amber sought him urgently. With hazy eyes, Amber let out a small gasp.

“Ah…….”

His breath scattered like mist.

“If you hate it, reject me.”

Veins bulged on the arms that were rooted firmly like bars beside Tennessee. Amber gave a low warning. His voice was hurried, cornered, and lacked composure. The tear stains still remaining on the tightly clenched jaw entered Tennessee’s sight.

A predator who had shed his boyhood in an instant; even when revealing weakness, Amber lacked the raw scent typical of the immature. Perhaps that is what maturity is. Even if one acts like a child in the moment, it is merely the surface of the skin and does not feel like the essence.

Within Tennessee’s silent acquiescence, Amber moved his upper body and climbed on top of him in one breath.

“Hurry and reject me.”

What are you trying to do to me now?

Along with such thoughts and confusion, Amber searched Tennessee as if trying to dismantle him. Urgently and desperately, as if Tennessee had hidden something like a treasure hunt at the corners of his mouth, the bridge of his nose, his earlobes, and the crook of his elbow.

Licking his lips with his tongue, Amber waited for Tennessee’s rejection. When the moment that felt like an eternity passed, Amber instinctively felt his permission.

Lowering his lips, he caressed Tennessee’s cheek. Panting for breath, Amber pressed his entire body against him. It was closer to a plea than lust. He had always wanted to be in contact with Tennessee like this. He only wanted to commune, empathize, and share with him.

Pushing his tongue in while breathing raggedly and frantically, Amber lost his mind to the point where he had the somewhat foolish thought that the lid of his head had opened and his red-hot brain was leaking out.

And for good reason; Tennessee not only silently tolerated him but also quietly opened his lips and moved his tongue, synchronizing with Amber’s clumsy movements.

As if soothing Amber, who was crashing into him with rough breaths, Tennessee used a subtle movement to suck on the plumpest part of Amber’s lip. Amber’s waist jerked violently. Amber, whose breathing had become significantly heavier, endured a crisis where his arm strength almost gave out for a moment. His wandering hand descended to Tennessee’s broad shoulder and slipped inside the hospital gown. Tennessee’s entire body was radiating a hot fever.

As their hot bodies locked and their upper bodies rubbed together, Tennessee twisted his head to avoid the lips.

“Are you doing this just to tease me?”

“……It’s late. Sleep.”

“Tennessee.”

Pulling back his firmly erect lower body, Amber wiped his wet lips. It was sweet. As Amber stuck out his tongue and licked his red lips provocatively, a sultry sensuality emanated from him.

“I told you to reject me earlier.”

“So I did.”

“It’s already too late.”

Amber had never seen Tennessee this disheveled. Not languid from sleep or exhausted by fatigue, but a Tennessee with red, swollen lips and a bare shoulder half-exposed. A Tennessee who had become this undone and let down his guard because of him. That fact drove Amber even crazier.

“Don’t think about anything and just sleep.”

Or get out.

Speaking coldly, Tennessee turned his back. It was too complicated to think about what he had just done, so it was easier not to think at all. It was just as he had rubbed his lips clean and adjusted his posture.

“Hng…….”

A hot body temperature touched his back. He thought he was being hugged, but that wasn’t it. Amber’s hot breath fell directly onto the defenseless back of his neck. It felt as if the heat could reach all the way there.

“Haa……. Tennessee.”

Along with the sound of blankets clashing, wet noises soon began to mix in.

“……You.”

It had been a long time since he felt this kind of bewilderment. When Tennessee turned around, he was met with Amber touching his menacingly erect lower half.

“Tennessee, here…… ha, please look here.”

This man has no shame……!

Feeling his ears flush instantly, Tennessee tried to get up, but Amber pressed his body against him, telling him not to.

“Hng……. I like it.”

As he did, Amber put more strength into his moving arm. Biting his lip hard, Amber looked at this spot. Tennessee repeatedly rubbed his face with his hands.

“Haa…… Tennessee, here. Look here.”

In front of Tennessee, who was leaning against the headboard of the bed, Amber spread his two kneeling knees. Amber’s secret groin, which he had never thought of before, and his rock-hard, menacing member were fully exposed.

Tennessee rubbed his eyes. If there was one thing Tennessee had seen to the point of exhaustion, it was the naked bodies of others. When he was a soldier, he collided with men’s naked bodies every time. The nuance that the word ‘naked’ brought did not resonate with Tennessee at all. To him, it was just a person.

That was why Tennessee was not used to the image of Amber’s fully erect member lingering even when he closed his eyes.

He felt as if Amber had been a child just the other day, but now Amber’s member was shockingly large and smelled of a man. Fluid was drenched over the reddish glans. It was so large that even though Amber, who had relatively large hands, gripped the shaft, a significant portion remained above his hand. It seemed he couldn’t even grip it all with two hands.

“Don’t avoid my eyes.”

Tennessee, who had been stubbornly covering his eyes, lowered his arm at those words. The previous bewilderment vanished, and his usual numb eyes met Amber’s. Eyes devoid of vitality. Whenever Amber met Tennessee’s eyes, he always felt as if he were being seen through. However, he could now read the emotions disguised as composure.

“Haa……. Because you won’t help me.”

The more he acted shamelessly and cast aside his social dignity, the more honest Tennessee became. At least toward Amber himself, Amber was certain of this. The more he craved, begged, cried, and threw away his pride, the better Tennessee treated him. Like a reward.

The wet friction sounds grew more intense. Amber’s toes curled as he let out a shallow breath.

“Ha, hng- Tennessee…….”

“If you’re going to do it, go to the bathroom.”

“I don’t… want to…… hng,”

Tennessee spoke coldly, but Amber wasn’t hurt in the least. Tennessee, who turned away telling him to handle it himself, looked incredibly cute. That was it. Others would never agree, knowing Tennessee as a human weapon, but to Amber, he was. Both his unchanging expressionless face and his attitude that left no room for hope.

“Hng……. Ha, ah…… ah!”

A loud sound escaped unintentionally, and Amber blocked his lips. Like a tightly stretched string snapping, a moment of pleasure surged. White mucus splattered here and there. Plip, plop. At that sound, Tennessee’s body froze momentarily as if he had heard thunder.

“Did I surprise you? I’m sorry.”

Though his lips were tightly closed, Amber did not miss the slight stiffening of Tennessee.

“Clean it up.”

“Haa…… yes.”

Amber wiped the fluid that had splattered all over the bed.

“Do you find me disgusting like this?”

“…….”

He didn’t answer that he hated it. He might not have said he liked it, but Tennessee was a person who expressed negation and dislike more.

In conclusion, Tennessee was weak toward him. Amber was in the process of learning this fact through repeated experiences.