#41

Though he felt embarrassed, Amber turned his back to show the scars. They were scars that had not faded despite the passage of time.

A few years ago, he had gone on a family trip to Florida. The horizon stretched endlessly, and the sandy beach warmed his feet. Everyone jumped into the sea wearing only swimwear, but Amber consistently wore a top.

Then came the moment he tried to change out of the clothes soaked from playing in the water. When he took off his top, he locked eyes with David. He felt relieved, thinking his back wouldn’t be visible since they were facing each other, but David suddenly lost his words and pulled Amber into a hug.

Amber only found out later that there was a mirror behind him, and his back, covered in cigarette burn scars, had been fully exposed.

Amber occasionally looked at his back in the mirror. Some of the scars had faded, but most remained terribly the same. Hideous scars that he was so familiar with they were almost sickening. Amber had never voluntarily exposed his back to others. Since he considered it a sight he hated to see himself, he hated the idea of others seeing it even more. But if it was Tennessee, it was okay.

Amber sometimes envied Tennessee, who seemed to have no emotion toward the scars covering his own body. He thought perhaps it was because Tennessee’s scars weren’t carved for the same reasons as his own, but he also felt that even in the same situation, Tennessee would have remained detached.

No one could break Tennessee. In Amber’s eyes, Tennessee was a flawless, impregnable fortress.

After showing his back, Amber put his shirt back on. Tennessee, who had remained silent even while he was fastening the buttons, called out to him softly.

18 – Chapter

“……Amber.”

With a smile, Amber turned his head. Amber was happy just by the sound of Tennessee calling his name. It was enough to make the pain of the past two years feel like a sweet scent brushing against the tip of his nose.

“Did you hear what the doctor said? They said you’re badly hurt.”

Amber sat down beside Tennessee. He felt that Tennessee was someone he simply could not hate. Despite having not sent a single word for two years, the moment Tennessee accepted that it was him, his gaze changed. His expression remained dry, but the temperature within it was different. It was no longer a gaze of observation or caution. Though he hadn’t heard it explicitly, Amber was certain that what Tennessee was feeling was a clear sense of longing.

Just as Tennessee had seen through his heart without a single word about his secret love, Amber felt he could see through him as well.

“What about your head?”

Tennessee remained reserved, but Amber didn’t find his silence awkward.

“It’s been a long time.”

“It has.”

Amber’s words made Tennessee recall a reunion from long ago.

His head throbbed as if it were splitting, and he couldn’t fully grasp the situation, but unconsciously, Tennessee had returned to that time. It was Chicago. Recalling that moment made his heart feel much more at ease. A feeling that could be described as relief or stability.

“Isn’t there anything you want to ask me?”

“A lot. If you’ve been well. What you’ve been doing.”

“Me too. I felt the same.”

Resting his chin on his hand, Amber spoke with a bright smile on his face.

“But I’m not going to tell you.”

You hid so many things from me. Even getting rid of the house.

Amber’s tone was full of resentment. It was a resentment he had momentarily pushed aside due to the urgency of Tennessee being injured.

Watching Amber smile as if he were in a good mood, Tennessee couldn’t hide his feeling of unfamiliarity. Only then did he realize. In truth, Amber had been sharpening his blade for the entire two years.

“We finally get in touch after two years and you’re in a hospital; have you thought about how I must feel?”

“…….”

Tennessee wondered if he should mention that he was the patient and that stability was the priority. But Amber’s tone was far too peaceful for him to utter those words.

“May I ask why you got rid of the house?”

“Because I got a job in England.”

Amber used superhuman strength to suppress the curse that wanted to escape his lips. It was truly absurd. He had gone abroad—not just to another state, but all the way to England—and he hadn’t said a word.

“Did you read my letters?”

Though he wanted to avoid this situation, Tennessee told the truth.

“Yes.”

At the calm answer, Amber was consumed by a vivid red rage and a deep blue melancholy. For a moment, he felt a despair so profound it felt as if he might collapse.

Tennessee was hurting right now. Amber didn’t want to stain him with heavy emotions he hadn’t asked for. Swallowing all of it, Amber continued his questioning.

“……How did you get hurt?”

“I don’t know.”

Then, Tennessee kept reaching for his head. He seemed uncomfortable with the stitched area. That one insignificant action crushed Amber’s heart. He wanted to lash out in anger, yet he cherished this moment too much.

He would postpone the anger. Amber vowed resolutely that no matter what, he would fix Tennessee’s habit of disappearing.

Between venting his frustrations and nursing Tennessee, the day passed in a flash. It felt as if he had just rushed to the hospital today, yet it was already this late.

The hospital lights remained on late into the night, but as time passed, the presence of people gradually diminished. Being in a single room, the silence descended even faster.

Before he knew it, the sun had set. Amber looked at the darkening sky through the window. Tennessee gazed at Amber’s back. The sight of Amber quietly looking outside reminded him of the past in Chicago. Because Amber used to stand so close to the window that it would fog up while he looked out.

Amber buried his face against Tennessee’s side. Tennessee was a blunt man who didn’t complain even when in pain, but his broad shoulders were firm and warm. Because it had been so long since they had touched, Tennessee shifted his shoulder, but Amber stubbornly kept his face pressed against him as if protesting.

For Amber, the day had passed far too quickly. Having cycled through expectation and disappointment, anger and relief, he was psychologically exhausted. Not just the last two years, but today alone, hadn’t Tennessee shaken him to his core? He felt he deserved this kind of reward.

“Are you still angry?”

Hearing Amber’s sigh, Tennessee asked.

“……Yes.”

Feeling Tennessee’s hand touch his hair lightly, like a breeze, Amber lifted his head.

“You’re treating me like a child.”

Despite the complaint, Amber didn’t move his head, nor was his tone displeased. Tennessee murmured loud enough to be heard that he had certainly grown too big to be treated like a child. Tennessee slowly combed through Amber’s thin hair with his fingers. Watching the hair scatter like a waterway following the movement of his fingertips, Tennessee let out a long breath.

He was recalling the sight of Amber when he first opened his eyes today. He couldn’t adjust to it. Amber had grown much taller than him. His broad shoulders, and even his voice had changed. Though he had passed through puberty long ago, there had still been a feeling that he was young. Now, even those traces were gone.

He had become an adult, a man, undeniably. There was no longer the urgency of being swayed unilaterally or reacting emotionally as before. Tennessee felt the reality of the two-year gap. This two-year period felt more profound than the last because, unlike before, he hadn’t received any photos or news.

Late at night, while Tennessee was lost in thought, Amber tilted his head slightly. The masculine line of his eyes curved softly.

“Have you been doing well all this time?”

Amber let slip the question he couldn’t bring himself to ask during the day, taking advantage of the dawn. In truth, he was very curious. There hadn’t been a single day he didn’t think of Tennessee. Amber began to bring out the things he had been longing for, one by one.

“No.”

“Because I wasn’t there?”

“…….”

Amber laughed softly, noting that the habit of closing his lips at crucial moments remained the same. Even that was good. It wasn’t that Amber liked something specific about Tennessee. He just liked Tennessee.

“What about sleep?”

“Sleeping pills.”

For many, medication was a convenient tool. It made possible or assisted things that didn’t happen naturally. But for Tennessee, medication only replaced one pain with another.

“Tennessee, why did you put me as your emergency contact?”

Tennessee answered with a shrug. Unlike Amber, Tennessee always lived with his own death in mind. It was something that could happen anywhere at any time, and carelessness meant death. Just because he had successfully completed numerous operations didn’t guarantee he would return alive from the next. He had to be as cautious in every moment as if it were the first. That was why Tennessee always kept Amber in a corner of his heart. Though he never imagined that the face he kept in his heart would actually appear in a dangerous situation.

* * *

‘I’m really gonna die today.’

Camden muttered beside him. Between words, Camden spat out tobacco juice. Saying he was “going to die” was just Camden’s manner of speaking. Bad weather—I’m gonna die; uncooperative target—I’m gonna die; things like that. Camden was from the special forces, but for someone who had survived countless brushes with death, he complained a lot.

‘Which top company did you say it was?’

‘Third.’

The target of their protection was the sole heir to one of the world’s top three oil companies. Despite his young age, there were already many people targeting the child.

‘You haven’t complained once in the middle of all this, have you?’

Camden, about to playfully hit Tennessee’s shoulder, caught his eye and awkwardly lowered his hand.

‘I heard you have a kid? That’s why you do this job.’

Camden couldn’t hide his curiosity.

‘I don’t have a kid.’

‘Then what’s that photo?’

What Camden was referring to was a single photograph Tennessee carried. A photo where Amber stood in the center, embracing Annie and Cody.

‘Partner.’

‘What? Your partner’s kid?’

Tennessee said nothing more to the confused Camden.

‘You haven’t slept, have you?’

‘None of your business.’

Rather than lack of sleep… perhaps he was just truly exhausted, Tennessee thought.

‘Looking at you, I think you’ll die faster than me. Anyway, make sure to leave a will for your kid!’

A ‘kid’……. He did know one child.

At Camden’s words, Tennessee briefly thought of the child.