#171

Pandemonium ignored my words and began walking toward the Main Hall.

I grabbed Pandemonium’s arm with both hands.

“Wait, hold on! Stop!”

I was dragged along for about five meters.

It didn’t feel like I was pulling a person, but rather a mid-sized car.

‘Fuck, should I just let go of this bastard and run away on my own?’

He seemed to have fallen victim to a Distortion or something.

Since he wasn’t under my Influence, I couldn’t use Forced Persuasion.

‘I should at least try to save myself first….’

The moment I thought that, my body was suddenly hoisted up.

Pandemonium’s lips were twitching as if he found the whole thing hilarious.

“Hyung, was that really you pulling with all your might? Seriously?”

“…Pandemonium.”

“This won’t do. I’ll just carry you.”

“Where do you actually think we are right now?”

“Are you going to tell me this world is fake too, Hyung? I don’t care about that. Whether I’m a brain in a vat or cloned data.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You must have talked to the House Lizard too, right? Right after this chaos broke out.”

Pandemonium lifted me up and perched me on one arm as if I were a small child.

Regardless of my will, I tried to loosen my arm wrapped around Pandemonium’s neck, but before I knew it, an invisible cord had bound my wrists.

‘…Unnecessarily meticulous bastard.’

If he had bound both hands together, I could have slipped out through the gap between my wrists, but he had tied each one separately and then connected the two, making such a trick impossible.

He spent so much time watching videos on “tips for escaping kidnapping,” and fuck, he’s actually applying them from the kidnapper’s perspective.

If the cord between my wrists were just 10cm longer, I could have used it to strangle him….

‘No, his durability is so high that such an attack wouldn’t even make him blink.’

Struggling would only result in more bindings.

I glanced around.

‘…People are still unconscious.’

People remained motionless, either slumped over or lying on the floor.

The sound of the ‘Bell of Worship’ must have reached this far.

‘Does contamination not disappear even within the sanctuary?’

The Sanctuary of Order has the ability to nullify various Status Conditions.

The fact that it didn’t work meant that ‘contamination’ was something that wasn’t classified as a Status Condition, unlike ‘Ultimate Happy-Happy.’

‘What is the true nature of contamination?’

“Did you talk to the House Lizard too? How did you avoid the contamination?”

“Contamination? I don’t know. So what? I just kept answering with things like ‘Give me a 3-line summary’ or ‘Who asked?’, and eventually, it just disappeared.”

‘What the….’

Does a brainless bastard not get contaminated?

“Was that really the extent of the conversation? Besides the fact that this world is fake, what else did the House Lizard say?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t listening.”

Pandemonium picked at his ear with his other hand.

“Now that I think about it, I should turn it back on.”

‘Turn what on?’

“I have a trait called ‘In One Ear, Out the Other.’”

“…What does that trait actually do?”

Surely it didn’t work exactly like the idiom.

Suddenly, Pandemonium burst out laughing.

“Hahaha, Hyung, your voice is seriously funny.”

“What?”

“It sounds a bit like a cheetah crying. Or like the squeak of a dog toy.”

‘What is he talking about?’

“When I activate In One Ear, Out the Other, everything people say is replaced by sound effects, so I can’t understand them.”

‘Why the hell is that even a trait….’

Is the War God truly an idiot?

Is he some preschooler who finds it funny to put comedic sound effects in a horror movie?

“I have a bit of a short attention span, you see. When an opponent is blabbering, I sometimes stop fighting because I wonder if it’s an important script, and every time I do, the War God throws a fit. That’s why I got this trait, and it’s definitely helpful. The problem is, it turns into a ‘try not to laugh’ challenge. Imagine people with serious expressions making ‘squeak-squeak’ sounds like those yellow rubber chickens. Isn’t that fucking hilarious? How can I hold that in? Every time I stab them, they go ‘boing-boing’! So I laughed a bit, and I ended up with a weird nickname. Don’t mind what the servants say. It’s just a baseless rumor.”

‘…This bastard was treated as a lunatic even within his own family.’

“For the record, this is also quite useful when torturing people. No matter how much they cry and beg, I just think, ‘Haha, I can’t tell what they’re saying,’ so I can just keep going until the end. Whether they’ve confessed or not. You said it yourself, Hyung. My thoughts show right on my face. Now that the NPCs have become more intelligent, they’ve grown cunning; the moment I think, ‘Maybe I should stop here,’ they miraculously try to appeal to my emotions. Saying things like, ‘Didn’t I take care of you since you were young?’ and stuff like that.”

“…Who was it?”

“Haha, but Hyung, your voice is really funny. I wonder if I can change this in the options? I want to change it to a Chihuahua barking.”

This piece of shit.

I frowned slightly.

‘Still, for now….’

It seems this guy still has something resembling a human heart.

The fact that he finds it annoying and uncomfortable when someone begs and clings to him—to the point where he uses a trait to ‘ignore’ it—even while thinking of it as an NPC script.

‘…Maybe he’ll be fine if I just cut the connection with the War God.’

Fuck, it pisses me off again just thinking about it.

That absolute moron, pathetic War God.

How could he not prepare for mental manipulation?

‘If we go down into the basement of the Main Hall like this, we’re really fucked.’

The stairs were already in sight.

Down there, the culprit who cast the Distortion on this idiot would be waiting.

Whether it was Athanasuki, or the one controlling Athanasuki.

I had to stop Pandemonium before he walked right into the trap.

‘The problem is that everything I say sounds like barking to this bastard right now.’

I chewed my lip.

“Hyung, what are you thinking about so hard?”

“…Thinking about how I can go back with you.”

“Waoong waeng-aeng aeng-aeng u-waeng-aeng ung ing-aeng-ung aeng-aeng ae-aeng.”

‘What?’

Pandemonium giggled.

“That’s how your voice sounds right now. Fucking hilarious.”

“…You are a real piece of shit.”

“Aeng ung-wang aeng-aeng ung-aeng-hung. But Hyung, did you just call me a piece of shit? I think you did.”

“Reyes sent a reserved message saying he has a gift. I have a bad feeling. We can’t go down.”

“Haha, no use cursing. I can’t hear you.”

“I’m not cursing. Please….”

How can I get the attention of this insane bastard?

Pandemonium has no intention of listening to me right now.

Whether I write on his skin or mouth the words, he’ll completely ignore it.

‘I have to do something he can’t ignore.’

What can I do right now to pique his interest?

Spit on him? Bite his ear? Strangle him?

No, aggressive acts are meaningless.

‘When capturing a cat to take it to the vet, you don’t wonder about the meaning of the cat’s frantic thrashing inside the cage.’

He’d probably just use Telekinesis to bind me more securely so I couldn’t struggle.

It has to be something unexpected, something that would make him turn off the trait and ask, “Hyung, what are you doing?”

‘An action that would make this bastard jump in surprise and ask why….’

I began to let tears stream down my face.

“…Hyung?”

‘He’s reacting.’

If this didn’t work, I was contemplating whether I should vomit on this bastard’s face while recalling the things I saw today.

“Hyung, are you crying?”

“Turn off that trait while I’m still being nice.”

“Why are you crying?”

“Turn off the trait.”

“Are you scared of me?”

“Fuck, just listen to me, you psycho.”

“Or are you crying because you’re frustrated about losing the Heretic Butcher?”

“These are tears of rage because I feel like I’m going to suffocate because of you.”

“…If you’re really crying because of that guy, I think I’d be too pissed off.”

‘Bullshit.’

You’d probably just laugh your ass off.

Pissed off my ass.

“I’m not, you piece of shit. Listen to me. Pandemonium. Please, snap out of it. Hey. I have a Mental Defense trait. I said the effect isn’t great, but if I win by quantity, it might actually help. Huh?”

“Why are you babbling so desperately? Do you want to go save the Heretic Butcher?”

“Sigh…. Fuck, my arm must be somewhere around here. We don’t have time to look for it. Hey. Are you confident in cutting a person without hurting them? Even if you aren’t, it can’t be helped. I’ll give you my right arm. Seriously. I’ll cut it off and give it to you.”

“Just forget about that. You don’t even need it anymore. You have me.”

“Yeah. Fuck. You. I’m like this because of you. Seriously, fuck, if you can just snap out of it, I’ll give you an arm. I can give you more if I have to. Huh? You piece of shit War God. You’re listening, right? Your Unit is crawling right into a trap. Pop up a Quest or something. I’m telling you, this is a chance to get a Sacred Relic for free! Huh? You piece of shit. Wake up. Please.”

“You’re babbling so desperately now that the Heretic Butcher is mentioned. Do you know how fucking funny that is? Hyung, you’re over-immersed in the game.”

“You fucking son of a bitch! Turn the sound back on!”

“No, now that I think about it, it’s not that funny. I’d rather not listen. Just keep going ‘ung-aeng-wang-aeng’.”

“Aaaagh! Aaaaagh!!”

“Hmm. I think bird sounds would be better than a Chihuahua getting angry. Listening to a dog bark all day would probably give me a headache. You’d like that too, right, Hyung? Birds are descendants of dinosaurs.”

“Aaaagh! You fucking moron! Just die! Die! Go die! Fuck!”

In a fit of rage, I struck Pandemonium’s shoulder.

But this moron, who only had high durability, didn’t even seem to feel a tickle and didn’t even bother to stop my struggling.

“What bird would be good? A skylark? But I don’t know what a skylark sounds like. There’s only one bird sound I know. The one that goes ‘u-hu-ruk kkook-kkook! u-hu-ruk kkook-kkook!’ Do you know what that is?”

“Yeah. That’s the sound your War God makes when he’s getting crushed in a game and barely holding back his tears.”

“No, the answer is the Oriental Turtle Dove.”

‘What the fuck.’

“Ah, they also call it the Common Wood Pigeon.”

A man with gray hair was suddenly standing beside us.

Blue eyes flickered behind blurred glasses.

“Hello? We meet again. I am ‘Francesco’.”

“…House Lizard?”

“Yes, of course, you may call me House Lizard.”

The House Lizard smiled, his eyes narrowing into slits.