16 – Nights Without Dreams

Winter is a strange season, both long and short. One moment it’s so cold that the edges of your ears freeze, and the next, as soon as the weather breaks, it becomes warm in an instant. Every day before leaving the house, he had to stand in the dressing room for several minutes, trying to gauge whether it was winter or spring outside.

Today was the same. After pacing the dressing room for a while, Eun-soo chose a denim jacket instead of a coat. Just in case, he wore a thick knit sweater underneath.

After checking himself in the full-length mirror, Eun-soo checked the time on his phone. It was time to leave for the gallery. Having grabbed his wallet, he crossed the entrance hallway. And just as he was about to put his feet into his sneakers,

“Ah.”

He let out a short sigh and turned around. Hurrying back to the living room, he blew out the flame of the scented candle burning on the table. Then, he quickly headed back to the entrance.

In the place where Eun-soo had left, the white smoke remaining after the candle died rose like a haze.

The gallery was quiet today as well. The paintings that had been changed about a month ago hadn’t moved since, and the golden lighting and white walls remained the same. Yet, something was strangely different.

Scanning the gallery with a serious expression to find what had changed, Eun-soo soon discovered the starting point of the change. The weather. It was the weather.

The gallery, with one side consisting of a floor-to-ceiling window, was sensitive to changes in the weather. Not only on snowy or rainy days, but through spring, summer, autumn, and winter. It brought the changes of the outside directly inside, altering the atmosphere of the entire gallery.

The world welcoming spring made the gallery feel gentle. He could feel that change even more prominently through the lilac tree right in front of the gallery. It felt like it had been just bare branches a few days ago. Now, pale purple lilacs were hanging in clusters like bunches of grapes.

A faint smile crept onto Eun-soo’s lips. Spring, the season when life blooms in full. There was no reason not to feel good.

Eun-soo stared at the lilac tree for a long time. Will more flowers bloom? There are still some buds that haven’t opened, so it seems they aren’t fully out yet. It’ll be even prettier when they’re in full bloom. The scent must be lovely, too. He thought he should go under the tree during his lunch break to smell them.

Just then, the bell attached to the entrance door rang.

Eun-soo turned his head slightly, his eyes filled with anticipation about who today’s first visitor would be.

“Hello. May we look around?”

It was a woman who looked to be in her mid-thirties. Beside her stood a girl who looked about four years old. Perhaps she had just discovered the joy of wandering around; even while holding her mother’s hand, she stomped her feet in place.

“Yes, of course.”

Eun-soo replied with a bright smile. Then, fearing he might interfere with their viewing, he went and sat behind the desk. When visitors came sporadically like this, Eun-soo tended to try and avoid looking at them as much as possible so they wouldn’t feel uncomfortable.

However, today, his gaze kept drifting. It was because of the little girl.

The round back of her head. Her neatly braided hair. A face smaller than his own palm. Even though it was her back, he could catch glimpses of her chubby cheeks. Her short arms and legs. The way her head tilted back as she looked up at her mother. Her lips babbling something. Her high-pitched voice. A bright laugh that sounded like something out of a cartoon.

Eventually, he found himself staring intently at the girl, oblivious to whether it was rude.

A child. Where else could one find a being so wondrous? Just watching her made him feel melancholy and happy at the same time.

If Bomi had been born safely back then, would they have grown to be that size? No, they would have been much smaller. Because I couldn’t take good care of them while they were in my womb—because I couldn’t eat or sleep—their growth might have been stunted. They would probably have just started taking their first steps. Would they have been able to say words like “Daddy”?

Having never raised a child, he couldn’t know for sure how big they would be at that age, whether they could walk, or if they could speak.

Still, he knew very well that Bomi would have been beautiful. Would they have curled and unfolded their tiny fingers while looking at flowers in full bloom? Perhaps they would have looked at him with clear eyes, babbling incomprehensible words, and then smiled.

How cute and lovely would they be? How precious would that singular existence called “my child” be?

One imagination led to another. Eun-soo overlaid the image of the Bomi he had never known onto the visitor’s child, over and over again.

As he did, time vanished in large chunks. By the time he snapped back to his senses, not only had the visitor and the child left, but lunch hour had long since passed.

Eun-soo’s shoulders gave a small flinch. He rubbed his face vigorously and let out a sigh. Time had evaporated again. This had been happening often lately, and he began to worry that one day, three or four days might vanish all at once.

Shaking off his thoughts, Eun-soo absentmindedly looked out the window. Naturally, his gaze drifted toward the alley across the street. It was the alley where Do-kwon’s car always used to be parked.

Back then, unmelted snow had been tangled between the paths. Now, green grass grew upright.

A month ago. The day of their breakup that wasn’t quite a breakup. Since then, Do-kwon had truly not appeared once. He hadn’t contacted him. Eun-soo hadn’t even seen a car similar to his by chance. Seeing as there was no word from Myeong-hui either, it seemed he was simply working hard.

…Had he forgotten him already? He might have found another Omega. He could be with that short-haired woman he was with at the restaurant. Ah… that person. He had wanted to ask who she was. He never got to ask.

Thinking this, he let out a hollow laugh. What would be the point of asking? Even if they had been in a real relationship, or even if she were just a friend, Eun-soo couldn’t say anything. That would be… too pathetic.

Eun-soo leaned forward, resting his cheek on the desk. As he did, he gently stroked his stomach. He felt a strange bitterness at his stomach, which was not just flat but hollow. The time when it had been rounded and swollen felt like a dream.

“I want… a baby…”

I wish Bomi would come back to me.

Eun-soo murmured.

Eun-soo was lonely. Truly, truly, piercingly lonely. He wanted a family. Not a lover or a friend—things that could break or part at any time—but a family. He wanted to belong completely somewhere. He needed someone to whom he could give absolute love.

If he raised a child, this emptiness and loneliness would be quenched. But he lacked confidence.

He was a sick person. An abnormal person. He still couldn’t sleep, lived with pheromone scented candles, went to the psychiatrist every month, and occasionally imagined death.

A child, for someone like him? It was absurd. Eun-soo was a person who, by his own judgment, did not deserve to have a child. And perhaps he might never… be able to meet those qualifications.

Eun-soo let out a long, heavy sigh. As he turned his head to the other side, the bell on the entrance door jingled again. Eun-soo’s eyebrows twitched in surprise. It was quite rare for more than two groups of visitors to come to this gallery.

“Welcome.”

Eun-soo stood up, offering the greeting first. But the moment he looked at the door, he froze stiff.

“Eun-soo…”

Seong-heon was standing there.

“…”

Eun-soo took a deep breath. And he didn’t let it out.

Seong-heon was unmistakably Seong-heon. Dressed in a neat suit without a single wrinkle, he was exactly as he had been. Eun-soo hadn’t hoped for changes like a hideous scar on his face or the loss of a limb, but it was somewhat disheartening that he was no different than before, save for being slightly more gaunt.

He had heard he was detained. He couldn’t believe Myeong-hui’s explanation, so he had even looked up the news himself. The sentence had been quite long. Why was he here…?

“Let’s talk for a moment.”

Seong-heon approached Eun-soo with long, brisk strides. Eun-soo quickly stepped backward.

“…I, I have nothing to say. Please leave, Executive Director.”

“Eun-soo. It’s all a misunderstanding. If you listen to me, you’ll believe me.”

“I told you to leave.”

Eun-soo spoke in a low voice, his eyes wide. In that moment, it was the strongest rejection he could manage. However, Seong-heon knew no retreat. Having managed to find Eun-soo’s hiding place, which Myeong-hui had kept so carefully hidden, there was no way he would leave just because he was told to.

He continued to close in on Eun-soo. Eun-soo continued to back away until his back finally hit the wall. It meant there was nowhere left to run.

Seong-heon’s shadow cast a heavy shroud over Eun-soo.

“Eun-soo. I love you.”

“Executive Director…”

“You know, right? I treated you so well. Bomi too, hm? I was going to take Bomi in and raise them. I could do all that because I love you.”

“…”

“I… I was trying to save you from Seo Do-kwon.”

“…”

“You know it too, Eun-soo. You know what a piece of shit Seo Do-kwon is. That’s why you’re living in hiding like this.”

Seong-heon spoke without pause, as if pouring out all the words he had swallowed for years all at once. To Eun-soo, those words felt like hammers. It felt as if they were striking the crown of his head, bang, bang, violently. His body kept sinking. Before long, Eun-soo was sitting on the floor, curling his body into a ball.

As if to further crush the collapsed Eun-soo, Seong-heon continued to approach. Eventually, Eun-soo’s sneakers and Seong-heon’s dress shoes stood on the same line.

Seong-heon crouched down in front of Eun-soo. Then, in a gentle voice but with eyes gleaming with madness, he spoke.

“Come with me. I’ll treat you well. I’ll treat you better than Seo Do-kwon did.”

“…I don’t want to. I don’t want to, Executive Director.”

“Why not?”

Seong-heon asked, tilting his head. A faint smile played on his lips, and it was so chilling that Eun-soo felt his body turn cold.

Gasping for breath, Eun-soo stammered.

“I… I don’t meet Alphas anymore.”

It was a slip of the tongue. Eun-soo knew very well that Seong-heon was a Beta, but right now, he wasn’t the Executive Director or the good mentor; he was the assailant who had attacked him in the hotel. The man in the plastic clothes. The Alpha who had covered himself in Do-kwon’s pheromones.

But there was no way Seong-heon could know Eun-soo’s inner thoughts. Seong-heon’s face turned cold.

“…What kind of bullshit is that? I’m not an Alpha.”

“Ah…”

“What… Do you only like Alphas after all, Eun-soo?”

The atmosphere began to shift strangely. Eun-soo belatedly shook his head vigorously.

“No, that’s not it… I just misspoke…”

“Since you’re an Omega too, fuck, you just want to suck Alpha dicks, don’t you?”

Seong-heon’s upper lip curled. He looked like a rabid hunting dog. At that, Eun-soo’s features distorted. A headache surged. His eyes stung, and his stomach churned. His vision blurred, just as it had when Seong-heon had sprayed something in front of his eyes at the hotel.

Eun-soo pleaded in a trembling voice.

“I said I don’t… Executive Director. Please, please… just leave…”

The past was rushing back. The moments stained with Seong-heon’s traces crushed Eun-soo.

The hotel. His house. The black box. The phone call to Do-kwon. Seong-heon standing at the door. The moment he escaped from him. The emergency exit that felt as long as eternity. The twisted wrist. The cold outdoors. The murmur of the crowd. Seong-heon’s sharp screams and the rough asphalt floor. And the car horns and headlights.

Indeed, from far away, honk-honk! Beep! The horns sounded sharply. But he couldn’t tell if it was real or an auditory hallucination.

Eun-soo’s body began to tremble violently. A desire to vanish from the world swallowed him. If possible, he wanted to disappear right now, this very instant.

Seong-heon tightened his grip on Eun-soo.

“Eun-soo. How could you betray me?”

“Executive Director…”

With bloodshot eyes, Seong-heon reached out to Eun-soo. His large hand looked like the wing of a demon. Eun-soo closed his eyes tight. He wished that hand would rather strangle him, break him. So that he would never have to cry again. So that he would never be pierced by fragments of the past.

He was tired of swallowing this pain alone. He wanted it to stop.

It was just as a thick tear fell from the corner of Eun-soo’s eye.

A thud echoed. It was a massive impact. Seong-heon’s hand, which had been looming over Eun-soo, vanished. His shadow vanished as well.

As his vision suddenly brightened, Eun-soo slowly opened his eyes. And,

“Do-kwon…?”

He saw Do-kwon.

Seong-heon had been sent sliding far back by a single punch. He skidded across the smooth floor as if it were ice and slammed into the glass window with a thud. Do-kwon strode toward him with his long legs. Then, with the agility of a leopard, he pounced on top of Seong-heon.

With eyes like a demon, Do-kwon rained punches down on Seong-heon. After pinning Seong-heon down with his full weight, he targeted only his face. His tightly clenched fists hammered Seong-heon’s cheekbones, forehead, eyelids, bridge of the nose, philtrum, and lower jaw.

Seong-heon couldn’t regain his senses for a while under the bombardment of punches. By the time his face was a bloody mess, he realized who was on top of him.

“You… you bast… ard…”

Seong-heon grabbed Do-kwon’s neck.

“…”

But Do-kwon didn’t care and kept throwing punches. Seong-heon’s blunt nails scratched his Adam’s apple and skin, but without a word, without blinking once, Do-kwon hit him with the sole intention of killing him.

Dull sounds continued to echo. Such immense force was exchanged that the expensive watch wrapped around Do-kwon’s wrist shattered with a crack. Blood from his knuckles splattered everywhere.

It had been a very long time since Do-kwon had faced Seong-heon. Not since their brawl in the Executive Director’s office. Which meant this was the first time he was facing Seong-heon after recovering all his memories.

Do-kwon wanted to kill Seong-heon. Since recovering his memories, he had lived every day swallowing that murderous intent. However, because Seong-heon happened to be living comfortably in prison, there had been no way.

In truth, whether he was in prison or abroad, a contract killing would have been easy, but Do-kwon wanted to judge him personally, without borrowing another’s hand. So he waited and waited.

And finally, the opportunity had come.

Do-kwon had no intention of letting this chance slip.

The crime of daring to feed Eun-soo low-grade drugs. The crime of driving a wedge between himself and Eun-soo. The crime of contributing to Bomi’s death. The crime of pushing him into a desperate situation. The crime of spending his time comfortably without receiving proper judgment. The crime of coming here without knowing his place. And on top of that, the crime of making Eun-soo tremble in fear. And… the crime of reaching out that disgusting hand toward Eun-soo.

Judging by those crimes, the sentence for Seong-heon was death.

Do-kwon’s eyes flashed. After slamming Seong-heon’s cheekbone, he moved his hand to Seong-heon’s neck. He intended to kill him by breaking his neck.

At that moment, Seong-heon’s eyes widened and he struck the inside of Do-kwon’s elbow. In the moment Do-kwon lost his balance and tilted, Seong-heon shoved him upward.

Do-kwon collided with the glass window. Under the heavy weight, the glass shattered with a crash. Glass poured down like rain. The screams of citizens outside could be heard.

As Do-kwon rolled on the floor, his cheek and earlobe were sliced by the glass. It wasn’t enough to make blood gush, but it was enough to leave a scar if left untreated.

Do-kwon wiped the blood away haphazardly with the back of his hand and stood up. Gritting his teeth, he lunged at Seong-heon again. Do-kwon’s fist slammed into the cheekbone of the giggling Seong-heon. Seong-heon fell backward.

Seong-heon tried to push Do-kwon away again, but Do-kwon was not so easily swayed. He grabbed Seong-heon’s wrist and twisted it backward.

“Aaaagh!” Seong-heon let out a piercing scream. Do-kwon didn’t stop there and twisted Seong-heon’s other hand as well. With Seong-heon’s two hands effectively tied though not bound, Do-kwon wore a cold smile. Then, in a quiet voice that only Seong-heon could hear, he whispered.

“No matter what you do now, I’m not abandoning Eun-soo.”

“Ugh…”

“Eun-soo is mine.”

“…”

“A Beta piece of shit like you doesn’t even deserve to breathe in the same space.”

As a warning, Do-kwon struck Seong-heon between the eyebrows. There was a sound like something cracking, and Seong-heon’s eyes rolled back.

Even seeing that, Do-kwon did not stop punching. He wanted to kill Seong-heon. He wanted to kill him as cruelly and painfully as possible.

To think he came to find Eun-soo again. To think he tried to touch Eun-soo again. To think he dared mention his name in front of Eun-soo again and again. It was unforgivable.

Just as Do-kwon raised his blood-soaked fist again, the surrounding citizens began to whisper. While short gasps of admiration had been heard every time Do-kwon hit Seong-heon, this was the first time they were whispering.

Do-kwon instinctively sensed something. He whipped around. Toward the spot where Eun-soo, who had been threatened by Seong-heon, had been sitting. But Eun-soo was gone.

Anxiety surged in Do-kwon’s eyes. He immediately stepped off Seong-heon’s body. As he looked around for Eun-soo, he found him standing a few steps away on the street, which was littered with glass.

The thin body, crouching on the road, was looking down at the ground. Do-kwon could easily deduce what he was looking at.

Glass. It was glass. Just as Eun-soo had once broken the bathroom glass in the hospital ward, he was looking at the glass scattered everywhere.

“…Eun-soo.”

Do-kwon rushed toward him. But it was already too late. Eun-soo was gripping a thick piece of glass tightly in his hand. Blood dripped between his white, slender fingers. Do-kwon’s face turned pale instantly.

“Eun-soo, no… no…”

“…”

Do-kwon knelt beside Eun-soo. He hovered his hands, not knowing what to do. He couldn’t bring himself to touch him, but he couldn’t just leave him be. Meanwhile, Eun-soo’s blood continued to drip onto the sidewalk.

Do-kwon felt like tearing his hair out.

“Someone, please call an ambulance! An ambulance!”

Do-kwon shouted to the people surrounding them. Then, with trembling hands, he wrapped his grip around Eun-soo’s wrist and applied pressure. He was trying to stop more blood from flowing out of the palm. It would have been easier to just twist Eun-soo’s wrist and force him to let go of the glass. But he couldn’t bring himself to hurt Eun-soo with his own hands.

“Let it go, Eun-soo.”

“…”

“Please… huh? Please let it go, Eun-soo. It hurts… why are you holding it when it hurts…”

Do-kwon’s eyes turned red. Eun-soo stared blankly at him. Do-kwon let out a short groan. There was no focus in Eun-soo’s eyes. They were cloudy, as if paints had been mixed haphazardly. Devoid of vitality, they looked like the eyes of a doll.

He had seen those eyes a few times. When Eun-soo thought of death. When he slit his wrists. When he told the memory-loss version of Do-kwon that they were breaking up. He had eyes like that.

Do-kwon was terrified. Terrified that Eun-soo would disappear from his side again. He was scared that this time, it wouldn’t be a fake death, but a real death that would take his life.

What should he do? What could he possibly do?

Do-kwon’s eyes moved frantically. Then, a good idea flashed in his mind. Do-kwon gently lifted Eun-soo’s chin. And before Eun-soo could resist, he pressed their lips together.

Eun-soo’s eyelashes fluttered upward. The moment the surprised Eun-soo tried to grip the glass tighter, Do-kwon blew a breath—whoosh—through the gap in Eun-soo’s lips. To be precise, he blew pheromones.

The thick pheromones flowed deep into Eun-soo’s throat. As if they were having sex, Do-kwon rubbed his lips against Eun-soo’s, pouring his pheromones into him.

“Hng…”

At the sudden encounter with the Dominant Alpha’s pheromones, Eun-soo’s body began to relax languidly. His contracted muscles loosened, and his stiff joints softened. The confusion and fear sparked by Seong-heon also drifted away.

Since it had been a while since he had encountered an Alpha, his pheromones felt even more immense and distinct. All five of his senses were focused entirely on the Alpha’s pheromones. How should he put it? He wondered if this was how it felt to take drugs.

Finally, the glass slipped from Eun-soo’s hand with a clink. Simultaneously, his frail body collapsed backward, devoid of strength. Do-kwon caught Eun-soo’s back and pulled him into his arms.

“Eun-soo…”

Eun-soo looked up at the sky through blurred vision.

Beyond Do-kwon’s face, which was distorted with worry, he could see pale purple lilac flowers. The petals, swaying freely in the breeze… he was so envious of them.

* * *

Before opening his eyes, Eun-soo thought absentmindedly. He hoped that where he woke up wouldn’t be a hospital.

He was sick and tired of hospitals. The characteristic stark white interior. The thick smell of disinfectant. The beeping of machines. The eyes of doctors who seemed devoid of emotion. He hated every single bit of it.

But it probably was a hospital. Even if he had just fainted, it would be a hospital; since he had held glass and bled profusely, it was naturally a hospital.

Eun-soo let out a faint sigh and opened his eyes. However, contrary to his expectations, a familiar landscape met his retinas.

Dark wallpaper. A plush bed. A pale blue duvet. Soft lighting that didn’t strain his eyes even though he had just woken up. A quiet surroundings.

And,

“Oh, Eun-soo. You’re awake?”

Do-kwon.

Eun-soo blinked rapidly. This was Do-kwon’s house, Do-kwon’s bedroom. The last time he had visited was years ago, but that didn’t mean he had forgotten it.

Why am I here… Why is Do-kwon here again… As Eun-soo looked at Do-kwon with eyes brimming with confusion, Do-kwon turned up the lamp slightly and held out a glass of water.

“Do you want some water?”

“…”

Looking at the glass with shimmering transparent water, Eun-soo shakily pushed himself up. He reached out toward the glass. But just before his fingertips touched the cup, Do-kwon pulled his hand back. As Eun-soo faintly frowned, Do-kwon spoke in a gentle voice.

“That hand is injured. You have to hold it with the other one.”

“Ah…”

Eun-soo belatedly noticed his hand wrapped in thick bandages. He remembered holding the glass, but he hadn’t realized he was injured. How stupid. Eun-soo reached out with his other hand. Do-kwon placed the glass in that hand.

Eun-soo gulped down the water. The water wetting his throat made his mind clearer than before. Once he had emptied half the glass and lowered his arm, Do-kwon quickly took the cup away.

Eun-soo, who hadn’t yet shaken off all the sleepiness, stared at him blankly. Then, with an anxious face, Do-kwon began to spill out information that hadn’t even been asked for.

“At first, we went to the hospital, but reporters somehow found out and were being bothersome, so we had no choice but to come home.”

“…”

“Since it involves me and Seo Seong-heon, I think it’ll be noisy for a while. I’m sorry.”

Eun-soo nodded faintly. Even if Do-kwon had gone in and out of the hospital fighting a thug, rumors would have spread. Two sturdy men—specifically, a director and a former executive director of Seong-jin—had been fighting on a street full of citizens, so it was naturally going to become an issue.

As Eun-soo recalled the street littered with blood and glass, Do-kwon told him something else he hadn’t asked.

“Um… my mother was here too, but she had a lot to handle, so she went to the company for a bit. Your name won’t appear in the articles or news, Eun-soo.”

“…Yes.”

“The gallery won’t be open for a while due to construction. I’ve reached an agreement with the owner, so you don’t have to worry, Eun-soo. You’re just… yeah, you’re just the victim.”

“…”

Eun-soo looked at the clock on the nightstand. 10 o’clock. Seeing that there was no sunlight through the gap in the curtains, it seemed to be night, not morning. It felt as though he had been unconscious for about seven hours. He thought about how Do-kwon and Myeong-hui must have struggled to clean up the aftermath.

His daily life had been disrupted again because of the sudden appearance of Seong-heon. It seemed he would be haunted by the afterimage of the man for a while; his temples were already throbbing. At the slight furrow of Eun-soo’s brow, Do-kwon licked his dry lips.

“Are you… hungry? I bought some porridge. Do you want to eat?”

“Mr. Do-kwon.”

“Uh, yeah?”

“How did you know to come?”

Eun-soo looked at Do-kwon with calmly sunken eyes.

“…Huh?”

Do-kwon reacted a beat late. It was obvious he intended to avoid the answer. Eun-soo let out a hollow laugh. Then, he asked again, enunciating each word clearly.

“I’m asking how you were able to appear the very moment Executive Director Seo arrived.”

Do-kwon had appeared at the most opportune moment. It didn’t seem like he had known Seong-heon was coming. If he had, he would have stopped him before he even entered the gallery.

Do-kwon had seen Seong-heon appear, seen him threatening Eun-soo, and then came running from somewhere. At that time, cars outside the gallery were honking wildly; Eun-soo suspected he might have crossed the crosswalk illegally.

But Do-kwon hadn’t been seen for over a month. The alley where his car used to stand had remained empty. Where on earth had Do-kwon been before appearing? He was curious.

Do-kwon’s pupils moved busily from side to side. It was an expression of anxiety. Eun-soo thought that the face of a thief caught at the scene would look exactly like that.

After fidgeting and avoiding eye contact for a long time, Do-kwon finally spoke.

“I’m sorry, Eun-soo.”

“For what?”

“I was there the whole time.”

“Where is ‘there’?”

“…Across from the gallery.”

Do-kwon confessed reluctantly. Eun-soo tilted his head to the side. Across from the gallery? What was there? Beyond the crosswalk, there were only old buildings. Just ordinary buildings with a convenience store, an oriental clinic, and a snack shop…

As he thought about the ‘opposite side,’ Eun-soo’s mouth suddenly fell open.

“Don’t tell me… you bought the building across the street…”

“Yeah. I bought it.”

“…”

“…”

Silence filled the bedroom. Do-kwon, not knowing what to do, turned his body slightly to the side. Eun-soo stared at his handsome profile as if trying to pierce through it.

Right, there had been some small construction in the building across the street about a month ago. All the perfectly fine windows had been removed and replaced with heavily tinted glass. And it seemed various pieces of luggage were being moved in.

He had simply thought a new office was moving in. To think it was Do-kwon. To think he had been watching him from behind those black tinted windows.

Eun-soo was so shocked that he forgot to get angry. It was something he truly couldn’t have imagined. No, it would be stranger to imagine or expect something like this.

Eun-soo let out a short laugh.

‘Eun-soo. Should I… stop coming now? Should I… stop watching you from afar, too?’

‘If you hate it… I won’t come. I won’t appear before you, Eun-soo.’

‘So… don’t cry.’

After saying all that. After turning his back as if he would truly never appear again. He didn’t just come to peek occasionally; he went as far as buying a building to set up shop and watch him. It was a plausible suspicion that there might even be a telescope inside the building.

Yet, somehow, he didn’t feel bad. He realized that Do-kwon hadn’t forgotten him. He hadn’t left him without a single shred of lingering affection. That was why.

“Because you hate it… but I felt like I would die if I didn’t see you… I’m sorry. I tried not to make it obvious, but then Seo Seong-heon happened to appear…”

Do-kwon made excuses with a sullen face. Eun-soo closed his eyes tightly and then opened them. Right, that was a relief. If it hadn’t been for Do-kwon, he didn’t know what would have happened to him. Seong-heon was clearly not in his right mind. Madness glittered in his eyes, and the breath hissing through his teeth was utterly repulsive.

Eun-soo toyed with the duvet with his fingertips and asked tentatively.

“…What happened to the Executive Director?”

“He’s probably at the hospital.”

“Is he… okay?”

The blood-splattered floor remained vivid in his mind. Do-kwon’s fist stained deep red, the droplets of blood splashing along with that fist, and Seong-heon’s crushed face.

It wasn’t that he was worried about Seong-heon. He was just curious. He had softened his words to ask “Is he okay?”, but in truth, he wanted to ask “Is he dead?”. But since that seemed too cruel, he beat around the bush.

“…”

Do-kwon’s eyes narrowed slightly before returning to normal. Scraping the roof of his mouth with the tip of his tongue, Do-kwon answered with cold eyes.

“He’s not okay. He hasn’t regained consciousness yet due to a concussion. Both his wrists are broken, and there’s a problem with his eyes, so they say he might go blind.”

“Ah…”

Eun-soo let out a thin moan. It was tragic news. But for some reason, it felt satisfying. Right. You should hurt at least that much. I spent years in the hospital. So many injections and scalpels hacked away at me. You should bleed at least that much, he thought.

As a strange smile touched Eun-soo’s lips, Do-kwon’s lips curled up in response. He leaned down and approached Eun-soo. Eun-soo pulled his chin back at the sudden proximity, but Do-kwon whispered secretively.

“Once he wakes up, I’m going to kill him.”

“…Mr. Do-kwon.”

“I’ll kill him, Eun-soo. I’ll make sure he can never appear before your eyes again.”

“…”

“I’ll make sure something like today never happens again.”

It sounded like a vow. Every syllable was filled with determination.

Eun-soo swallowed hard. If Seong-heon died… if he completely vanished from this world… it would be good. It would be peaceful. He wouldn’t have to fear that something like today would happen again, and he wouldn’t be crushed by the darkness of the past and collapse to the floor.

Eun-soo looked at his hand wrapped in bandages. Do-kwon followed Eun-soo’s gaze to his hand. His cold, hardened face immediately softened with worry.

“They said your palm is okay. The nerves aren’t damaged. It was torn so they had to stitch it, but they said it’ll heal quickly if it doesn’t get infected. There might be a scar… but they said it’ll be fine if you take good care of it.”

Do-kwon bowed his head as if he felt ashamed. Anyone watching would think he was the one who had stabbed Eun-soo’s palm.

Eun-soo’s lips tightened.

What was I thinking when I grabbed the glass? Was I trying to slit my own throat with it? Even though it was his own action, he couldn’t understand it. His memories of the time were fragmented. He only remembered that the glass had sparkled with a surprising beauty. That’s why he had thought he wanted to grab it, wanted to possess it.

He really must have been out of his mind.

Eun-soo let out a long sigh through his nose. At that, Do-kwon’s shoulders flinched. He subtly sat down on the edge of the bed. Then, he spoke softly and gently.

“Uh… but since it’s your right hand that’s injured, you’ll have to be careful. Can you… can you be alone?”

“What?”

“They said water shouldn’t touch it. It’ll be hard to wash. Eating will be difficult too. And if you brush against it while changing clothes, it’ll hurt a lot…”

Eun-soo could easily figure out what Do-kwon wanted to say. In other words, he wanted to tell him not to leave. He seemed to want him to stay here until his hand healed, or perhaps even longer.

Eun-soo stared silently at Do-kwon. Under that gaze, Do-kwon shifted his eyes toward the empty air. An uncomfortable silence settled.

Eun-soo was the first to speak. He pulled the duvet up to cover his shoulders.

“I’m sleepy.”

At those words, Do-kwon blinked. Despite the few words, he even tilted his head as if he couldn’t understand. Eun-soo lay down pointedly.

“Huh? Oh, right. Sleep.”

Only then did Do-kwon jump up from the bed. He smoothed out the crumpled duvet and checked Eun-soo’s sleeping arrangement. After fussing with this and that for no reason, he stepped back regretfully.

He wanted to watch Eun-soo sleep, but he decided not to be greedy. It was enough that Eun-soo wasn’t struggling to leave this place immediately.

“I’ll… be outside. If you need anything…”

“Stay here.”

“…Huh?”

“…”

Do-kwon made a foolish expression. He couldn’t believe what Eun-soo had just said. The soft voice felt like an illusion. After swallowing hard for a long time, Do-kwon asked cautiously.

“Is that… okay?”

“…”

However, Eun-soo did not answer. It wasn’t an affirmation or a denial, but Do-kwon decided to interpret it as an affirmation. He smiled so wide that the corners of his mouth stung. His cheekbones rose prominently.

“I’ll stay here. I won’t move an inch until you wake up, Eun-soo.”

“…”

Eun-soo didn’t answer this time either. He just shifted his body and turned his back to Do-kwon. It was clearly a dismissal, but the smile on Do-kwon’s lips did not fade. Just being in the same space as Eun-soo made him overwhelmingly happy.

Sitting on the single sofa next to the bed, Do-kwon rested his chin on the armrest. He quietly stared at the back of Eun-soo’s rounded head. Even from the back, there was so much to see.

For instance, the curve of the ear peeking out above the hair. The white nape of the neck. The shoulder blades subtly protruding through the knit sweater. And the shoulders that heaved slightly every time Eun-soo breathed.

Without a shred of a lie, Do-kwon felt confident that he could stay like this for days without moving, just watching Eun-soo’s back. Far from being bored, he might lose all sense of time, as if on drugs, from being in a constant state of admiration, praise, and ecstasy.

How long had it been? He noticed Eun-soo’s duvet shifting, and then a slender voice drifted over.

“Mr. Do-kwon…”

Do-kwon stood up immediately.

“Yes. Why? Is something uncomfortable?”

Is he cold? Or too hot? What’s the indoor temperature right now? Does his hand hurt? The doctor definitely said they gave him strong painkillers. Has the effect worn off already? As Do-kwon scanned for various things, worrying about Eun-soo’s peace,

“Please… release some pheromones.”

Eun-soo spoke in a voice that was barely audible.

“…”

Do-kwon froze at the unexpected request. At that reaction, Eun-soo closed his eyes tightly and then opened them. He didn’t want to say this either. But lying in Do-kwon’s bedroom, on Do-kwon’s bed, permeated with his pheromones, a thirst kept rising.

It was a scent of a different quality than the pheromone scented candles he lived with these days. It was a much deeper, more vivid, and more comforting pheromone. It wasn’t nauseating, and it didn’t make his eyes sting or cause a headache.

He felt that if he slept immersed in these pheromones, he could sleep soundly for half a day without any nightmares.

Who knew when another day like this would come. Since things had turned out this way, Eun-soo wanted to use Do-kwon—or more accurately, Do-kwon’s pheromones. Hadn’t Do-kwon used his pheromones to calm him down? So, just once more. Just one more time, he wanted to feel his scent.

But why was Do-kwon not reacting?

Eun-soo pressed his lips together and asked again. His pride was hurt. This man had even bought the building across the street to spy on him. Was he really unwilling to release just a handful of pheromones? Just as he was about to say “If you don’t want to, forget it,” a subtle scent brushed the tip of his nose.

Eun-soo unconsciously took a deep breath. The healthy pheromones of a Dominant Alpha filled his desolate, dry lungs. Eun-soo’s shoulders melted away.

A faint smile appeared on Eun-soo’s lips.

“…Thank you.”

Having spoken softly, Eun-soo slowly closed his eyes.

It felt as though he could finally have a sleep without good dreams or bad dreams for the first time in a long while.

* * *

Eun-soo opened his eyes only after a very long time had passed. His body felt stiff from lying down for so long. But his mind was refreshingly clear. It was because it had been a long time since he had slept this much.

Eun-soo stretched long and let out a puppy-like groan. As he spread his fingertips wide like maple leaves, a sharp pain filled his palm.

“Ouch…”

Eun-soo gripped his wrist and shuddered. The feeling of the skin that had adhered together cracking open was vivid. It hurts like hell, seriously. Eun-soo rubbed his forehead against the pillow in irritation. He was even more annoyed because there was no one to blame since he had caused the wound himself.

After swallowing the pain for a moment, Eun-soo slowly raised his upper body. The setting was still Do-kwon’s house. Seeing that there was no light outside the window with the thick curtains drawn, it seemed to be night. Perhaps a full day had passed.

Eun-soo’s gaze turned toward the single sofa where Do-kwon had been sitting. Just as he had been before Eun-soo fell asleep, Do-kwon was still sitting there. He couldn’t tell if he had moved in between, but to Eun-soo, it looked as if he hadn’t budged an inch.

The only difference was… that he was asleep.

Eun-soo unconsciously held his breath. And he stared quietly at Do-kwon.

Do-kwon was sleeping with his head tilted against the backrest of the sofa. It didn’t look like a particularly comfortable posture, but his relaxed expression and slumped shoulders exuded a languid atmosphere.

“…”

Eun-soo watched Do-kwon for a while. A sleeping Do-kwon. He couldn’t even count how many years it had been since he last saw him like this.

Eun-soo’s eyes moved busily. Do-kwon’s thick eyebrows, his lightly closed eyelids, his exceptionally dark eyelashes, his straight nose without a single bump, and his full lips. He had seen them countless times, yet facing them like this made them feel different.

Then, his gaze stopped at the long scratch on Do-kwon’s cheekbone.

It seemed he hadn’t received any treatment, as the torn wound was clearly visible. The outer rim of his ear, which Eun-soo caught a glimpse of, was also torn. It must hurt since it was cut by glass. It would leave a scar, too. To just leave it like that so recklessly. Especially for someone who has to show his face so often.

Eun-soo clicked his tongue lightly. He looked around. In the distance, he saw a first-aid kit sitting on a table, wide open. Seeing that it was a large one rather than the small kits commonly found in homes, it seemed a doctor had come and left it behind.

Quietly rising, Eun-soo approached the first-aid kit. The box contained all sorts of things. Eun-soo was only looking for cotton swabs, ointment, and bandages, but it was filled with overly professional supplies, making it hard to tell what was what.

Eun-soo pressed his lips together firmly. Then, he searched for things that looked familiar. The cotton swabs and bandages were easy to find. After rummaging through various items, he found a disinfectant, and shortly after, an ointment. With a proud expression, Eun-soo approached Do-kwon.

Placing the medicine on the armrest of the sofa, Eun-soo first picked up the disinfectant—the so-called “red medicine.” He began to gently apply it to Do-kwon’s cheekbone. He didn’t miss the torn earlobe, applying it there as well.

Because the room was dim, treating the wounds was no easy task. Furthermore, it was extremely difficult to move things with his left hand. His mouth popped open in a small circle as he concentrated. He even held his breath whenever the disinfectant touched Do-kwon’s skin.

Do-kwon didn’t even frown once while Eun-soo meticulously applied the disinfectant.

He was usually a light sleeper. Seeing him unable to wake even now made Eun-soo wonder if he had been overworked lately. Or perhaps he suspected that Do-kwon had only been sleeping ‘occasionally.’ Then, he felt a surge of irritation, wondering why he even cared when it had nothing to do with him. Everything was just a jumble.

Pouting his lips, Eun-soo closed the cap of the disinfectant and set it down. Next, he picked up the ointment and squeezed it firmly onto a cotton swab.

If it was cut by glass, this kind of ointment might not be enough. Should he just wake him up and push him to go to the hospital? He felt that if a scar remained on Do-kwon’s face, he would feel uneasy for no reason. After all, these were wounds sustained while trying to protect him.

With a small sigh, Eun-soo lightly dabbed the ointment over the wound. However, unlike the liquid disinfectant, the ointment was viscous, which naturally caused him to apply more pressure to the cotton swab.

Eun-soo tried his best to apply the medicine without poking the wound. He hunched his body further, standing between Do-kwon’s legs, widened his eyes, and held his breath.

And just as he brought the cotton swab back to the wound—his wrist was grabbed.

“What is this?”

Do-kwon’s large hand had seized Eun-soo’s left wrist. Startled, Eun-soo flopped forward. His face collided with Do-kwon’s firm chest.

Eun-soo gasped. Do-kwon was awake. Even though he hadn’t done anything bad, he felt like hiding.

While Eun-soo stood frozen, not knowing what to do, Do-kwon slowly blinked his bloodshot eyes, clearing his vision. Soon, he spotted Eun-soo.

“Uh… Eun-soo?”

Do-kwon spoke in a cracked voice, unable to shake off the sleepiness. Then, seeing Eun-soo’s face as he peeked up, his expression brightened instantly, as if he had never frowned.

“When did you wake up?”

Do-kwon slid his hands under Eun-soo’s armpits and lifted him up, placing him on the seat next to him on the sofa. Eun-soo had to be moved here and there by his touch, as if he were a doll.

Eun-soo blinked with a vacant expression. The fact that Do-kwon could lift and move him so lightly felt unrealistic. He knew very well that the man was strong, but he still couldn’t quite get used to it.

Whether he noticed or not, Do-kwon looked at Eun-soo’s heavily bandaged hand with a pained expression.

“Your hand? Does it hurt? Should I give you a painkiller?”

He started to rise to go to the first-aid kit. With that movement, the bandages and disinfectant placed on the armrest clattered to the floor. Do-kwon raised an eyebrow and picked them up. Why are these here…? As he instinctively looked around, he noticed the cotton swab still in Eun-soo’s hand.

“…”

“…”

A brief silence followed. Eun-soo lowered his head in a surge of shame, and Do-kwon wore a bewildered expression. His eyes moved busily. Because all his attention had been focused on Eun-soo, the bandages and disinfectant only now entered his sight. He also belatedly felt the sticky substance applied to his cheekbone and earlobe.

“I thought… a scar might remain…”

Eun-soo stammered out an excuse that wasn’t really an excuse. Do-kwon, who had been staring blankly, broke into a wide grin. He quickly sat in front of Eun-soo and offered his face.

“You’re right. If I don’t treat it now, a scar might remain. Finish doing it for me.”

“If you… look in the mirror… you can do it yourself.”

Eun-soo tried to put down the cotton swab. He had only intended to do it because Do-kwon was asleep; now that he was awake, there was no need for him to do it personally.

At that, Do-kwon quickly grabbed Eun-soo’s wrist. He didn’t grip it tightly, but with utmost gentleness.

“No. Do it for me. My hand is hurt too. So I can’t do it well on my own.”

Do-kwon held up his right hand for show. The impact from striking Seong-heon’s face had left reddish-purple bruises on his knuckles. Even so, they were just bruises and didn’t hinder his movement in the slightest, but since there was no need to disclose that, he decided to keep quiet.

“I’m using my left hand too…”

“It’s okay.”

“…”

Eun-soo’s lips twitched, expressing hesitation. Then, after letting out a long sigh through his nose, he gripped the cotton swab again. He began to dab the ointment over Do-kwon’s wound.

Not to hurt him, controlling the pressure, ensuring the wound wouldn’t worsen. Eun-soo focused on the treatment, even knitting his brows. However, Do-kwon kept grinning. It wasn’t just a smile; he was smiling so broadly that his teeth were visible and his cheekbones were twitching. Because of this, the cotton swab frequently slipped.

“Why do you keep smiling?”

Eun-soo glared at Do-kwon irritably. He felt like slapping him on the forehead. At this, Do-kwon cleared his throat and tried to pull the corners of his mouth down.

But it was a futile effort. The mischievous corners of his mouth shot back up again. Eventually, defeated by his own laughter, Do-kwon confessed his inner thoughts.

“Because I’m happy. I’m just so happy.”

“…”

“I’m sorry for liking this so much. But I really like it too much, I can’t help it.”

He loved having Eun-soo by his side so much. Even if it was only for a few days, he felt like he could die of happiness. The fact that Eun-soo didn’t recoil in horror and run away, the fact that he didn’t yell at him to get lost because he was an eyesore, and even the fact that he had picked up the ointment out of concern for his pathetic wounds—everything was wonderful.

“You can hurt me. I like the pain.”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

Eun-soo frowned at the bizarre statement. Liking pain? Had he developed such a hobby while they were apart? At that, Do-kwon smiled like a fool again.

“Because if it hurts, it means this isn’t a dream.”

“…”

“It means that you being in front of me, Eun-soo, is real. I like that.”

“…”

Eun-soo stared silently at the beaming Do-kwon. Because if it hurts, it’s not a dream. I see. It was a common saying, but today, those words felt exceptionally vivid.

Eun-soo looked down at his own hand, wrapped in thick bandages. Then, he suddenly clenched his fist tightly. He could feel the wounds beneath the bandages twisting in different directions.

“Eun-soo!”

Startled, Do-kwon reflexively grabbed Eun-soo’s wrist. Do-kwon’s face turned pale. He sputtered, not knowing what to do, but unexpectedly, Eun-soo slowly unclenched his fist. Then, he murmured in a hollow voice.

“You’re right. If it hurts, it’s not a dream.”

“…”

“I should use this method whenever I have a nightmare from now on.”

Instead of stubbornly enduring it until I wake up. At the low continuation of his words, Do-kwon’s eyes clouded with sadness.

That wasn’t what he meant by realizing it wasn’t a dream through pain. He meant he was confirming whether this happy reality was perhaps a dream. But Eun-soo’s words meant he intended to suppress the pain of a dream with the pain of reality. It was a completely different sentiment.

Do-kwon’s lips tightened into a straight line. He took the cotton swab from Eun-soo’s hand and tossed it carelessly into the trash can.

“That’s enough.”

“I’m not finished…”

“Let me see your hand first. You need to apply ointment again.”

Do-kwon was adamant. He brought the entire first-aid kit over and placed Eun-soo’s wrist on his own thigh. Then, he pulled the lamp from the side table to illuminate Eun-soo’s hand.

With very careful movements, Do-kwon gently unwrapped the bandages. Soon, the wounds were revealed. Fortunately, the glass hadn’t penetrated deeply, so the wounds weren’t severe, but seeing the blood and ointment tangled together made his heart ache.

Do-kwon first wiped away the clotted blood. He had to see the wound to treat it. Because Eun-soo had handled his hand roughly, the wounds that had barely closed had burst open again.

With his face contorted, Do-kwon gently rubbed the blood away with a medical tissue, and the tips of Eun-soo’s fingers twitched.

“…It hurts.”

“Of course it hurts! Why did you…”

Do-kwon, who had widened his eyes, stopped mid-sentence and shut his mouth tight. He was the starting point of all of Eun-soo’s pain and suffering; how could he dare resent Eun-soo? All Do-kwon could do was pray that in the future, Eun-soo would rather wound him than harm himself.

“…No, no. I’ll be quick.”

With a sigh, Do-kwon stopped the criticism.

“…”

Eun-soo was staring at Do-kwon without saying a word. A meaningless silence settled between them. After some time, Eun-soo’s eyelids began to flutter.

Eun-soo shook his head, trying to shake off the sleep. He had only just woken up, and here he was again. He took a deep breath to clear his mind. However, Do-kwon’s pheromones flooded into his nostrils.

Eun-soo’s shoulders stiffened. But then, he melted away in an instant.

Eun-soo’s eyelids became much heavier than before. Was it just his imagination? Whenever he inhaled Do-kwon’s pheromones, he kept getting sleepy. It was like he had been drinking heavily. It was an irresistible drowsiness.

“Are you sleepy?”

Do-kwon, glancing at him, asked.

“…”

Eun-soo gave a small nod.

“I’ll finish up quickly. There’s not much left.”

Do-kwon moved his hands a bit faster. But there wasn’t just one or two glass cuts. And since Eun-soo said it hurt, he couldn’t move too recklessly. Progress was slow.

Do-kwon focused on the treatment, even biting his lip. The doctor had done it so easily. He had no talent for this kind of thing, so it was difficult. Even though it was just applying ointment and putting on bandages.

Do-kwon focused on the treatment with a furrowed brow. And just as he finally placed a bandage over the wound—

A shadow suddenly flickered over the lamp, and then, thud. Eun-soo’s hair spilled over Do-kwon’s shoulder.

“…”

Startled, Do-kwon held his breath. At first, he thought Eun-soo had collapsed. Otherwise, there was no reason for him to fall into his arms. But wouldn’t it be strange for him to suddenly collapse? Eun-soo’s physical condition wasn’t great, but he wasn’t at a point where he would suddenly faint while staying still.

“…Eun-soo?”

So, he stared at Eun-soo for a moment before realizing a step late that he had fallen asleep.

But that was also surprising. Eun-soo had already slept for a full day. A day had passed since he fell asleep after saying something that implied he was happy to be by his side. During that time, Do-kwon hadn’t stepped a single foot out of the bedroom. Only the doctor, Secretary Jeong, and Myeong-hui had visited occasionally.

Eun-soo hadn’t opened his eyes once, even amidst the noise. Do-kwon had worried repeatedly, thinking he must have been very shocked or that his insomnia was acting up again, and had even fallen into a light sleep himself while sitting on the sofa.

And yet, Eun-soo had fallen asleep again. Not just drifting off, but collapsing as if he couldn’t support his own body.

Do-kwon’s face was filled with worry. He was terrified that Eun-soo might be sick again or that something was wrong.

“Eun-soo. Wake up.”

Do-kwon gently stroked Eun-soo’s back.

“Mmm…”

However, Eun-soo only rubbed his face against Do-kwon’s neck in a sleepy whine, without opening his eyes.

Do-kwon debated whether to wake him or not, and decided on the latter. He must be sleeping because he needs it. He might be catching up on all the sleep he’d missed. Or perhaps it meant he had finally become more comfortable.

Do-kwon pushed the ointment and bandages aside carelessly. Then, he wrapped his arm around Eun-soo’s waist and pulled him into an embrace. The slender body fit easily into his arms. Holding his breath for fear of waking Eun-soo, Do-kwon moved toward the bed.

He carefully laid Eun-soo down on the bed. As he tried to pull away, Eun-soo grabbed Do-kwon’s chest and wouldn’t let go. Not with one hand, but gripping tightly with both. He gripped so hard that the shirt was heavily wrinkled.

“Uh…”

Do-kwon let out a flustered groan. He wasn’t flustered by the touch, but worried that Eun-soo’s hands might hurt. He wondered if he was having another nightmare already, trying to wake himself up through pain, but Eun-soo’s face was peaceful without a single crease.

While Do-kwon struggled, not knowing what to do, Eun-soo moved his hands to Do-kwon’s waist. Drawn in like a magnet, Do-kwon pressed his body against Eun-soo’s side. Then, Eun-soo buried his nose in Do-kwon’s forearm and began to breathe softly.

“…”

Confusion surged across Do-kwon’s cheekbones. To be this close to Eun-soo. Moreover, to be lying in the same bed. It was a situation where it was impossible not to be flustered.

Since reuniting with Eun-soo, whom he thought was dead, there had been many times they were close. Like when he took a drunken Eun-soo home, or this time, when he couldn’t leave Eun-soo in someone else’s hands and carried him here himself.

But lying in bed was a completely different matter. A bed… was a bed, after all. Moreover, his own bed. A place where the countless hours spent with Eun-soo were still embedded.

Do-kwon swallowed hard. His oblivious lower half was stirring. He cursed inwardly.

You crazy bastard. What are you trying to do to a sick kid? No, even if he weren’t sick. How shameless. He shouldn’t want such things. He wasn’t in a position to. He should feel guilty even for masturbating while looking at the bathroom tiles. To have lewd fantasies while looking at Eun-soo was a grave sin that deserved death by slamming his head into the ground.

“Whew…”

Do-kwon let out a long breath. While he was trying hard to clear his mind, Eun-soo’s breathing tickled his ear. The calm, regular breath couldn’t have been more sweet.

Do-kwon carefully turned onto his side. Then, propping his head up, he gazed at Eun-soo. Feeling the slight loss of warmth, Eun-soo faintly knitted his brows and wiggled back into Do-kwon’s embrace. Unable to hide his smile, Do-kwon laughed softly.

He watched Eun-soo for a very long time. Taking advantage of Eun-soo’s sleep, he gently stroked his hair and rubbed his round forehead with his thumb. He stared intently at his nose and lips, as if he could see the breath he was exhaling.

He also leaned down slightly to smell Eun-soo. Simply smelling him wasn’t enough; he inhaled fiercely, as if he wanted to soak his internal organs in the scent. Because that made no sound. It left no trace. Because Eun-soo wouldn’t know.

It was a joyful time. Even if his heart suddenly stopped and he died right now, he felt he would have no regrets.

Do-kwon tried not to waste the opportunity that had descended upon him like a divine grace. He looked at Eun-soo over and over, craved his scent, was moved by his warmth, felt pain seeing his injured hand, regretted the past, and suffered.

As he did so, time vanished in large chunks. The steady silence pressed down on Do-kwon’s eyelids.

Do-kwon forced his bloodshot eyes open. He had to see Eun-soo more. When tomorrow came, Eun-soo might leave. He might disappear because he hated himself for shamelessly showing his face after saying he would never appear again.

But sleep continued to pour over him. Since he hadn’t slept more than four hours since meeting Eun-soo, he was helpless. With Eun-soo in his arms and the scent emanating from him, it was a perfect environment for deep sleep.

Eventually, Do-kwon succumbed to sleep. His eyes slowly closed, and he drifted into a deep slumber, following Eun-soo.

It had been a truly long time.

Sleeping together.

* * *

It had been two days since Eun-soo fell asleep. He hadn’t woken up once in those two days. Do-kwon had stayed by his side for twenty-four hours with his eyes wide open and bloodshot, but Eun-soo just slept, motionless.

Terrified that something had gone wrong, Do-kwon tried placing his hand under Eun-soo’s nose to check for breath and sniffed to see if Eun-soo’s pheromones had stopped. He even dropped things on purpose to make loud noises and tried gently coaxing Eun-soo awake.

But Eun-soo did not wake up. Whether it was a nightmare or something else, he simply breathed softly with a peaceful face, as if he weren’t dreaming of anything at all.

Do-kwon licked his lower lip, which had become rough from constant biting. This was definitely not normal. Eun-soo wasn’t the type to sleep a lot, nor was he someone who couldn’t resist the urge to sleep.

Something was clearly wrong. This was not a normal occurrence. As Do-kwon sat there, legs trembling while looking at Eun-soo, there was a knock at the door. It was the doctor he had called about an hour ago.

“It’s hypersomnia.”

“…What?”

Do-kwon frowned deeply at the unfamiliar diagnosis.

Do-kwon, the doctor, and the counselor—the psychiatrist Eun-soo met every month—were sitting in the living room discussing Eun-soo.

As the balding doctor wrinkled his nose and tried to continue, the counselor interrupted with a soft voice.

“It happens when quality sleep is not fulfilled. It’s a condition experienced by patients with symptoms of depression. It can also be triggered by medication or physical illness.”

“…”

“It’s a form of escapism, sleeping to avoid reality. Sometimes they may doze off frequently, and in cases like Mr. Eun-soo, they may not wake up at all.”

“…”

Do-kwon bit the inside of his cheek. He knew Eun-soo was hurting, but hearing words like ‘disorder,’ ‘escapism,’ and ‘illness’ made him feel as if the world were collapsing.

As Do-kwon let out a long sigh and rubbed his face roughly, the counselor spoke again.

“In Mr. Eun-soo’s case, it appears that complex factors are at play.”

“…Complex?”

“Yes. You know… that he originally had trouble sleeping, right? Because of the nightmares.”

“Yes. I know.”

“But it wasn’t just the nightmares; his pheromones were unstable, so he couldn’t sleep deeply.”

“Because of the… pheromone shock?”

“Yes. It’s a lingering effect.”

Do-kwon grit his teeth. That fucking pheromone shock. Just how long was it going to cling to Eun-soo? He really should just go kill Seong-heon. If only Eun-soo were healthy, he would have gone and slit his throat long ago. He had been putting it off because he couldn’t leave Eun-soo’s side.

As Do-kwon tightened his interlaced fingers, the counselor added.

“Fortunately, it’s not untreatable.”

“How do you treat it?”

“With Alpha pheromones. Just as we treated the pheromone shock, he needs to continuously share pheromones with an Alpha.”

“…”

“However, since Mr. Eun-soo is excessively reluctant to meet Alphas, I prescribed pheromone scented candles. But… it seems he hasn’t been lighting them much.”

Do-kwon let out a long, heavy breath. He wasn’t satisfied with the treatment method. If it were an injection, medication, or even surgery, that would be great. He could gather the best medical team at the best hospital to treat him.

The exchange of pheromones felt like a poor treatment method. How should he put it? It felt no different from being told, ‘Eat well and get plenty of rest,’ ‘Keep your body warm,’ ‘Don’t get stressed,’ or ‘Exercise moderately.’

What Do-kwon wanted were concrete details: how Eun-soo could recover immediately and when he would be completely cured.

Still, it couldn’t be helped. If that was the only way, he had to cling to it. Do-kwon was desperate. For Eun-soo to wake up, to become healthy, to stop having nightmares, and to escape the shadows of the past.

“What… do I have to do?”

Do-kwon asked. The counselor took a deep breath and exhaled.

“Please introduce an Alpha to him. Someone kind and gentle.”

“…What?”

Do-kwon asked back as if he had misheard. His brow was deeply furrowed, and his lips twisted. Irritation and anger swirled in his eyes.

Do what for Eun-soo? Introduce another Alpha? Who? Him? Do-kwon glared at the counselor as if he wanted to tear her apart, but she continued with an expressionless face.

“If not, you could keep him by your side and serve him with utmost devotion.”

“…”

Do-kwon let out a hollow laugh. She was being sarcastic. It was absurd. To think he had fallen into a position where he had to listen to sarcasm from a doctor. What was even more absurd was that he didn’t feel like flipping the table. Because these doctors held Eun-soo’s life in their hands. Do-kwon was in a position where he had to comply even if they told him to get on his knees and listen.

“Utmost devotion… how exactly should I serve him?”

Do-kwon asked. The counselor looked Do-kwon straight in the eye and spoke clearly.

“You must share pheromones through regular physical contact. You have to constantly make him realize that reality is better than his dreams. You must steadily let Mr. Eun-soo know that he is not in danger. Very, very gently.”

“…”

That was also a difficult task. Sharing pheromones wouldn’t be hard. Especially if Eun-soo just kept sleeping like this, he could stay by his side all day. However, he couldn’t quite gauge how to handle the latter two requirements.

But then again, that was a homework assignment he had to solve.

Do-kwon sank deep into the sofa. As he tried to organize his cluttered thoughts, the counselor tactlessly rubbed him the wrong way.

“But I wonder if Mr. Eun-soo will want to be by your side, Director.”

“…Eun-soo will make that choice.”

Do-kwon answered with a sigh. What could he do if Eun-soo hated it? Sobbing and begging him not to leave while clutching his pant leg? That would probably be all. Perhaps, driven mad by worry for Eun-soo, he might actually introduce a new Alpha to him, just as the counselor suggested.

Whatever happened, Eun-soo’s stability and health were the top priority. He didn’t have the confidence to witness him being sick or dying again.

Rubbing his eyelids roughly, Do-kwon looked at the doctor this time.

“Eun-soo hasn’t eaten anything for three days because he’s been sleeping.”

“Ah, yes. I’ll leave some nutritional supplements and glucose.”

“I think the bandages need to be changed too.”

“Yes. I’ll do it.”

The doctor stood up, carrying the medical bag he had brought. Do-kwon stood up after him. Since he was a doctor brought in by Myeong-hui, he doubted he would do anything to Eun-soo, but he felt more at ease monitoring him from the side.

Then the counselor stood up as well.

“I’ll go get the pheromone scented candles from the car. Just in case.”

She smiled thinly. It seemed like a simple comment, but looking closer, it held quite a bit of meaning. Just in case. Just in case your pheromones, Seo Do-kwon, are completely useless. Just in case Yoo Eun-soo rejects them. So I’ll give you the candles as a backup. That’s what she meant.

“…”

Do-kwon didn’t answer. Because she wasn’t wrong.

That aside, he had felt a strange sense of déjà vu for a while now. The aura the counselor gave off was excessively similar to that person. You know, the doctor at the OB-GYN clinic Eun-soo used to attend. The one who wore rimless glasses and scolded him with a robot-like face.

Someone he never expected to see again. Someone he wouldn’t encounter by chance unless Eun-soo became pregnant. He didn’t know why they suddenly came to mind.

Wrinkling the bridge of his nose, Do-kwon turned around. Then, pausing, he looked at the counselor again.

“Ah. There’s something else I want to ask.”

The counselor raised an eyebrow as if wondering what it was.

* * *

Do-kwon had gone to the office. Having been absent for nearly a week, he could delay it no longer. Still, he didn’t stay long. Including travel time, it was about four hours. Since he handled most things from home, he quickly took care of only the tasks that absolutely required his presence at the office.

Entering the foyer, Do-kwon checked Eun-soo’s sneakers, which were placed neatly. Seeing them motionless, it seemed Eun-soo was still sleeping.

Do-kwon let out a sigh that was half-lament and half-relief. He was glad Eun-soo hadn’t opened his eyes and was lying in his bed, but he was also worried that he kept sleeping. His emotions were a jumble.

Two days had passed since the doctors visited. Fortunately, Eun-soo opened his eyes occasionally. He ate a small amount of food and washed up.

But that was all. He soon fell back asleep. Do-kwon tried to wake him up by turning on the TV, showing him movies, and laying out various kinds of food, but he would often nod off in less than an hour.

With a tired face, Do-kwon loosened his tie. He scanned the living room, which showed no sign of human activity, and headed straight for the second floor to his bedroom. Taking off his jacket as he climbed the stairs, Do-kwon looked toward the bedroom.

“Uh…”

The bedroom door was open. Do-kwon tilted his head. Had he left the door open? No. He had closed it very tightly. Fearing an intruder might break in, or that Eun-soo might leave. He hadn’t gone as far as locking it, but he had definitely closed it so that not even a breeze could enter.

So why was it open? Had Eun-soo woken up?

Do-kwon’s pace quickened. Striding across the hallway, he entered the bedroom.

“…”

The bed was empty. The blankets were disheveled, and Eun-soo was nowhere to be seen.

Do-kwon gasped—no, he swallowed a surge of terror. Eun-soo was gone. Eun-soo wasn’t here. It felt as if the sky were splitting and thunder were crashing atop his head.

Do-kwon frantically searched the bedroom. No matter how large the space was, there was nowhere for a person to hide, yet he lifted the blankets and checked under the sofa and table for nothing. But Eun-soo was nowhere.

Do-kwon was on the verge of losing it. His eyes twitched with frustration and fear. Where did Eun-soo go? His sneakers were still there. Did he really leave on his own? Had Seong-heon, or some unknown intruder, kidnapped him? All sorts of imaginations ran wild.

Just as a pale-faced Do-kwon was about to bolt out of the bedroom, a plate on the nightstand caught his eye. It was a variety of sliced fruits covered with a glass dome, and it looked strangely different from before.

Not a single strawberry remained, the green grapes were sparse, and a few cherry stems were dropped, indicating someone had eaten them. It must have been Eun-soo.

Do-kwon let out a huge breath and rubbed his chest. Eun-soo had woken up. He hadn’t been victimized by someone. He felt relieved. He was likely somewhere in the house.

Do-kwon tidied his messy hair. Clearing his throat, he left the bedroom with an expression as if nothing had happened.

Eun-soo wasn’t in the bathroom. He wasn’t in the living room, which he had seen on his way up. Then there were only a few places he could be. Either the kitchen or the study.

Do-kwon turned toward the closer study. Sure enough, the study door was slightly ajar. A smile bloomed on Do-kwon’s lips. He knocked on the study door.

“Eun-soo. Are you in there?”

Fearing he might not have heard the knock, Do-kwon called out to him again. But there was no answer from inside. Had he fallen asleep again? Imagining Eun-soo asleep, leaning against the large chair, Do-kwon smiled even wider. With that, he entered the study.

The study was silent. The late afternoon sunset was seeping through the half-drawn curtains.

Do-kwon scanned the study desk. But Eun-soo was not visible. Is he not here? Then is he in the kitchen? Did the fruit bring back his appetite, and is he trying to eat something?

Just as Do-kwon was about to turn around, the faint scent of Eun-soo’s pheromones brushed the tip of his nose. Do-kwon’s eyes widened. He began to scan the study thoroughly. Just as he rounded the desk,

“Eun-soo.”

Eun-soo was crouching next to the desk leg. His head was slumped down, appearing to have fallen asleep while sitting. Do-kwon breathed heavily through his nose. And just as he was about to pick Eun-soo up to move him,

“Do-kwon.”

Eun-soo softly called Do-kwon’s name. At the sudden call, Do-kwon’s shoulders flinched. Eun-soo was awake.

“Oh, Eun-soo. What… what are you doing here?”

Do-kwon knelt beside Eun-soo, pretending not to be flustered. But the moment he saw what Eun-soo was looking at, he felt as if his body were crumbling.

Eun-soo… was looking at Bomi’s shoes. Bomi’s small, white shoes.

To explain why these were here, one would have to go back two years.

While Do-kwon had lost his mind over Eun-soo’s death, Myeong-hui had handled everything in an instant. The funeral, the assets, the house, and so on. Thus, Do-kwon hadn’t obtained a single trace of Eun-soo.

But one day, as if throwing rotten meat to a dog on the verge of starvation, Myeong-hui gave these shoes to Do-kwon. Had she said she couldn’t bring herself to throw them away? Or that she discovered them late after failing to dispose of them? He couldn’t remember the reason. Because the moment he received them, an overwhelming sadness had swallowed him whole.

Do-kwon remembered everything vividly.

The moment he bought these shoes. The moment he kept them in a corner of the dressing room and smiled every morning while looking at them. And the time he suffered from amnesia and handed them over to Eun-soo, and the time he fell for Seong-heon’s scheme and threw away all of Bomi’s other belongings. He also remembered that Eun-soo’s phone wallpaper had been those white shoes.

He probably wouldn’t be able to forget them until the day he died. He mustn’t forget.

That’s why he kept the shoes in the study. He felt that if he kept them in the bedroom, daily life would be impossible, so he enshrined them in the study, the second place he spent the most time in the house.

And Eun-soo had discovered them.

Do-kwon grit his teeth hard. There was nothing good about Eun-soo seeing this. What would it do for him? It would only let another sadness chew him up.

Do-kwon tried to help Eun-soo up.

“Eun-soo. First, let’s go out. Should we… should we eat? No, let’s apply the ointment to your hands first…”

“Bomi.”

“…”

“I miss Bomi… so much.”

Eun-soo murmured in a damp, soaked voice. Tears were shimmering in his eyes. Do-kwon released his grip on Eun-soo’s forearm. It was too late. Eun-soo was already sinking into sorrow.

Do-kwon kept his mouth shut and looked at the shoes along with Eun-soo. The shoes, miraculously small, couldn’t have been more lovely. If they had worn these and waddled along, they would have looked like an angel. Wouldn’t they have looked like a plump, cute Cupid from a masterpiece painting?

A faint smile appeared on Do-kwon’s lips as he imagined the radiant scene. In contrast, the corners of Eun-soo’s mouth didn’t budge.

“Isn’t it strange? I’ve never seen them, so how can I miss them?”

“…”

“Sometimes I feel like I can hear Bomi’s voice. Even though it couldn’t possibly be Bomi’s voice, I still do.”

It was a hollow monologue. His voice was so devoid of energy that it couldn’t rise; it just fell, lower and lower, to the floor. Do-kwon closed his eyes tightly. Eun-soo’s words gouged at his heart.

Eun-soo carefully touched the toe of the shoe with his fingertip. The soft fabric was so… beautiful.

“If only I had kept my head a bit straighter, these shoes wouldn’t have been left here so lonely.”

“Eun-soo. No.”

“Why didn’t I know? Thinking about it now, everything was so strange, but I didn’t know then. I was really… so stupid.”

“…”

“It’s… all my fault.”

Do-kwon’s eyes twitched anxiously. Eun-soo was about to be sucked into a deep abyss. He couldn’t just stand by and watch. Do-kwon pulled Eun-soo’s elbow somewhat roughly. The thin body swayed helplessly.

Looking into Eun-soo’s damp eyes, Do-kwon spoke as if scolding him.

“What did you do wrong?”

“I…”

“Eun-soo. You didn’t do a single thing wrong.”

His low voice hammered into Eun-soo’s ears. You didn’t do anything wrong. Those words felt miraculously new. The focus in Eun-soo’s eyes blurred.

Looking at Eun-soo, Do-kwon spoke earnestly, with all his heart.

“Bomi… was my daughter, too.”

“…”

“But, when Bomi was in your womb. Do you remember what I did? I did nothing, Eun-soo.”

“…”

“I… did nothing. Even when you were hurt, even when Bomi was in pain, I didn’t care.”

“…”

“While you held your stomach and cried every night, while you called the ambulance with your own hands, while you worried about Bomi’s safety in a noisy emergency room, while you were running away from Seo Seong-heon, I. I… did nothing, Eun-soo.”

The corners of Do-kwon’s eyes began to distort. His voice trembled thinly and soon became wet, and the strength in the hand gripping Eun-soo’s elbow vanished.

Even though I was listing my own sins with my own mouth, I felt utterly shameless. There was no way Eun-soo didn’t know, yet I felt like a scoundrel for opening my mouth and forcing him to recall those moments.

But I had no choice. Eun-soo had to know. He had to be vividly aware. Aware that he was the victim. That every foul deed was committed by me, not him. That I was the culprit, the perpetrator, the villain, and the bad guy.

Do-kwon took a sharp breath.

“If only I hadn’t lost my memory, if only I hadn’t left you alone, if only I hadn’t misunderstood and hated you… Bomi wouldn’t have died.”

“Ah…”

Eun-soo’s body trembled violently at Do-kwon’s relentless words. His gaze kept dropping, his chin tucked in, and his shoulders curled inward.

At that, Do-kwon ground his teeth. He shook Eun-soo’s body, demanding eye contact.

“Look at me.”

“Ugh…”

“I said look at me, Yoo Eun-soo.”

“…”

“Look at me properly.”

Reluctantly, Eun-soo looked at Do-kwon. Do-kwon was trembling just as much as Eun-soo. Tears shimmered in his bloodshot eyes. With lips that quivered in spasms, he spoke slowly, yet clearly.

“Bomi… I killed them.”

“Ah…”

Tears tumbled down Eun-soo’s cheeks. A single streak of a tear formed on Do-kwon’s cheek as well. The two wept in silence. Bomi’s shoes, placed between them, shone piteously.

How long did they stay like that? Suddenly, a flicker of madness appeared in Eun-soo’s eyes. His lips trembled as he murmured.

“If you… if only you hadn’t…”

“Yes, Eun-soo. It was all me. If only I hadn’t, Bomi wouldn’t have died.”

“You…”

“That’s right. Me.”

Do-kwon reinforced every word Eun-soo muttered. That it was all his doing. That Eun-soo was not at fault at all. He told him over and over again.

Eun-soo raised both hands. His gaunt hands trembled. To Do-kwon’s surprise, the destination of those hands was his neck. With a clumsy gesture, Eun-soo gripped Do-kwon’s throat. Then, using his body weight, he pressed Do-kwon down. Do-kwon slowly fell backward.

The two moved as if dancing a slow dance. It was an act of strangling and being strangled, yet there was no urgency, and the movements were clumsy. A pathetic sort of murderous intent floated softly between them.

Before long, Eun-soo was astride Do-kwon’s waist, pressing down on his neck. Do-kwon lay beneath him helplessly, like a patient on an operating table or a corpse in a coffin.

“You… killed Bomi.”

Eun-soo spoke in a voice that was more than soaked; it was eroded.

“Yes, Eun-soo. I killed them. None of it is your fault.”

Do-kwon answered with utmost tenderness. At that, tears fell rapidly from Eun-soo’s eyes. Falling straight down, they dampened Do-kwon’s cheek and lips.

Do-kwon smiled faintly. The strength in Eun-soo’s grip on his neck was so insignificant it was heartbreaking. There was no way hands that could barely move chopsticks could commit murder. Hands wrapped in bandages, wrists that had been slashed. Even if he stayed like this all day, it seemed his breath would never be cut off.

But who knew. If Do-kwon strove to die by Eun-soo’s hand by any means, it wouldn’t be impossible.

Do-kwon gently wrapped his hand around the back of Eun-soo’s hand, which was gripping his neck. Startled, Eun-soo pulled his hand back. But Do-kwon would not allow it. Do-kwon pressed the back of Eun-soo’s hand down firmly. The pressure on his throat intensified.

With his other hand, Do-kwon pulled Eun-soo’s shoulder downward. Eun-soo’s palm became much heavier.

“Kh…”

Do-kwon’s face began to turn bright red. Spiderweb-like blood vessels appeared in the whites of his eyes, and veins bulged on his forehead. Yet, Do-kwon did not open his mouth once. Like a man determined to die, he kept his lips tightly shut and stared at Eun-soo.

Myeong-hui had once said:

‘Find your memories. Whether you can or can’t, find them.’

‘Find them and beg Eun-soo. Tell him you’re sorry, that you were wrong.’

‘If Eun-soo doesn’t accept it, give him your neck to throttle.’

Give him your neck. He felt a sense of pride that he could finally put that into practice.

His vision began to blur. His ears grew muffled, and his heart, which had been thrashing violently, slowly froze. His red face turned white, and the strength pressing down on Eun-soo’s hand and shoulder weakened.

Feeling this vividly, a faint smile appeared on Do-kwon’s lips.

What an ecstatic situation. Eun-soo gripping his neck. Eun-soo at the end of his life. Eun-soo personally creating that end. Even in the midst of it, his pheromone wafted at the tip of his nose. Eun-soo’s beautiful face filling his vision. His fluttering hair.

It was perfect.

Do-kwon felt he could die perfectly.

But at that moment, Eun-soo shuddered and climbed off Do-kwon’s body as if pushed by someone.

“Ah… aaah…”

“Cough, cough…”

Do-kwon coughed, his chest heaving violently. His internal organs, faithful to instinct over reason, gasped for air in a desperate bid to survive. As Do-kwon, having failed to die, clenched his fists,

“No… no… not like this…”

He heard Eun-soo’s trembling voice. Suppressing the coughs that surged up like nausea, Do-kwon approached Eun-soo on his knees. Eun-soo was slumped beneath the bookshelf, curled up like a child being punished.

“What, cough, what’s not like this? This is right, Eun-soo.”

Do-kwon grabbed Eun-soo’s elbow.

“Do it again. Again.”

“Huu… Mr. Do-kwon…”

“Kill me, and forget both Bomi and me.”

At those words, Eun-soo took a sharp breath and froze. His already large eyes widened further. Tears and malice were tangled together in those dilated pupils. He fiercely brushed Do-kwon’s hand away. Then, he growled in a low voice.

“I am… not like you.”

“…Eun-soo?”

“I won’t forget anything.”

“…”

“Bomi, the things you did, the things I did wrong. I won’t forget a single thing. Even if it kills me, I won’t forget.”

Every kind of negative emotion was embedded in that trembling voice. Sadness, resentment, anger, guilt, self-loathing, and more. It was felt so vividly that Do-kwon couldn’t bring himself to tell him not to.

Eun-soo stood up abruptly. He left the study with quick steps. After standing dazed for a few seconds, Do-kwon followed him a step late.

“Eun-soo. Eun-soo!”

Eun-soo was going down the stairs. Do-kwon hurried after him. Catching up to Eun-soo was easy. However, he couldn’t bring himself to touch him. He feared that if he did, Eun-soo would have a seizure and faint.

“Eun-soo. Where are you going? Your hand… your hand hasn’t even healed yet.”

Your phone is in the bedroom. You don’t even have your wallet. Eun-soo, Eun-soo.

His pathetic lips only spouted nonsense. He couldn’t stop Eun-soo with things like that. He needed something else. His broken head simply wouldn’t work.

Do-kwon cursed incessantly in his mind. Think of something. Anything that can keep Eun-soo here. Think of a reason why he must not leave your side.

While Do-kwon whipped his rusted brain, Eun-soo had already reached the entrance. It took no time to slip his feet into his sneakers.

Regret clouded Do-kwon’s eyes. He shouldn’t have left the sneakers there. He should have hidden them. No, he should have thrown them away entirely. So that Eun-soo couldn’t find them. So that he couldn’t leave his side.

Pale with surging anxiety, Do-kwon felt as if Eun-soo would vanish at any moment. Twisting his head intermittently, Do-kwon suddenly blocked Eun-soo’s path. Then, he collapsed to his knees.

“Eu, Eun-soo. I was wrong. Don’t go.”

“…”

“Please? Don’t go… Just stay until your hand heals. Only until then… The, uh, the gallery isn’t finished being organized yet… and you might have nightmares again if you’re alone.”

“…”

“Stay a bit longer. I’ll do everything for you, Eun-soo. I’ll… I’ll do anything. I can do anything.”

Do-kwon begged earnestly. He pleaded with his entire body.

His shameless greed continued to grow. When he thought Eun-soo was dead, those two hours sitting before his grave had been so happy. After knowing Eun-soo was alive, seeing him from afar was happiness, and later, eating with him and seeing him from closer was happiness.

And now, having finally dragged him into his own home. Do-kwon had no confidence in returning to how things were before. The thought of letting Eun-soo go from his embrace, from his hands, made him feel as though he would rather die.

As Do-kwon gripped Eun-soo’s sneakers, Eun-soo’s shadow drew closer. Bending his waist, Eun-soo spoke with cold eyes.

“Then bring Bomi back to life.”

“…Huh?”

“You said you could do anything. You said you’d do anything for me.”

“…”

Do-kwon looked at Eun-soo with a vacant expression. Eun-soo met that gaze with a face devoid of emotion.

Do-kwon’s mouth opened and closed. But he couldn’t say a word. He couldn’t even lie and say he would bring Bomi back. Because that wasn’t something even a god could easily do. Nor could he be so tactless as to say he could do everything else except that.

At this, the corners of Eun-soo’s mouth twisted crookedly.

“You can’t even do that, so what exactly are you offering to do?”

Eun-soo slid his sneakers back. Do-kwon’s hand sprawled across the cold marble floor. The ring on the fourth finger of his left hand collided with the floor, making a sound like breaking glass.

Eun-soo gripped the door handle. Just as he applied strength to his grip, Do-kwon grabbed Eun-soo’s ankle again.

“Don’t go, Eun-soo.”

“Let go.”

Eun-soo spoke irritably and twisted his foot. But the large hand was so firm and tenacious that he couldn’t budge. Gritting his teeth, Eun-soo knelt down and tried to pry Do-kwon’s hand off. He twisted Do-kwon’s fingers with his meager strength and eventually scratched the back of his hand raw, but Do-kwon spoke gloomily in his characteristic low voice.

“If you leave, I’m going to do something bad.”

“…What?”

Eun-soo asked back with a look of disbelief. Do what? Something bad? To whom? To me? Why? Was everything you’ve done so far not enough? Is it insufficient? How much more do you intend to break me? Such words filled his mouth.

But Do-kwon didn’t even give him a chance to argue. He stared intently at Eun-soo with eyes as black as coal.

“I will do every kind of shameless thing imaginable so that you can never leave me.”

“…”

“If you hate that, either kill me or stay here.”

Do-kwon grabbed Eun-soo’s wrist and personally guided it to his own neck. Eun-soo could feel the pulsing life filling his palm.

Eun-soo bit his lower lip hard and then let go. He hated Do-kwon. He felt he might die of hatred. Do-kwon was acting this recklessly because he knew Eun-soo couldn’t kill him. Because he knew him too well. He felt a piercing resentment toward the man who exploited his weakness.

Eun-soo twisted his wrist and escaped Do-kwon’s grip. Then, glaring at Do-kwon with all his might, he spoke as if chewing through each word.

“I don’t want to. I’m leaving. Something bad? Go ahead and try. What could you possibly do, Mr. Do-kwon?”

“A lot.”

“I’m not afraid of anyth—”

“For example, something like this.”

Do-kwon’s eyes flashed. Feeling an ominous sensation, Eun-soo instinctively leaned his upper body back, but a heavy pheromone instantly enveloped him.

It was Do-kwon’s pheromone. A pheromone that was incredibly thick, explicit, harmful, stimulating, and simultaneously lethal.

His pheromone pierced through Eun-soo’s skin. Seeping into every single opening of his body, it clouded Eun-soo’s mind.

“Ah…”

Eun-soo let out a short moan. While staying at Do-kwon’s house, he had constantly felt his pheromones, and he had even said with his own mouth that he wanted them, but it wasn’t like this. The coercive and violent pheromones broke Eun-soo down.

Eun-soo staggered and then collapsed sideways. Do-kwon caught him as if he had been waiting for it. Eun-soo reached for Do-kwon’s collar, but he couldn’t grip it. There was no strength in his hands. It felt as if not only his muscles but even his joints had melted. He could barely twitch his fingertips.

“You…”

Eun-soo glared at Do-kwon, filled with resentment. However, Do-kwon responded without a word, supporting Eun-soo’s waist and the back of his knees to lift him up. Then, he strode back into the house. Eun-soo’s limp hand swayed helplessly.

After climbing the stairs, Do-kwon entered the bedroom. He carefully laid Eun-soo on the bed and gazed down at him as Eun-soo squirmed like a fish on a cutting board. Then, he suddenly turned around and left the bedroom.

With Do-kwon gone, Eun-soo struggled to move his body. But the pheromones Do-kwon had scattered in the air continued to weigh him down.

“Huu…”

As Eun-soo tossed and turned, tears streaming down his face, Do-kwon reappeared. In his hand was a knife that made one’s spine chill just by looking at it. It was a utility knife, and it was so sharply honed that it seemed the skin would split open with the slightest touch.

Seeing this, Eun-soo’s eyes widened. Had Do-kwon gone mad? Was he trying to kill him? Was this the ‘something bad’ he had mentioned? Although he had always desired and longed for death, he hadn’t wanted to die like this.

For the first time in a very long while, Eun-soo became afraid of death. He was afraid of blood, and he hated pain. The desire to live surged to the top of his head.

As Eun-soo twisted his body to escape, Do-kwon grabbed Eun-soo’s ankle and yanked him toward himself. It was so terrifyingly frightening that Eun-soo couldn’t even scream. All that escaped was a moan between his teeth.

“Ugh, uuugh…”

Eun-soo was on the verge of fainting, crushed by terror. Because of the pheromones that had conquered the surroundings, his consciousness was hazy as if he were on drugs. Just as Eun-soo’s eyes were about to roll back,

Do-kwon abruptly placed the knife in Eun-soo’s hand.

“Here.”

“…”

“If you want to leave, kill me and go.”

“…”

“Slit my throat with this. You can stab my heart too.”

“…”

“Anytime is fine. Anytime.”

Eun-soo’s body stiffened at the cold piece of metal filling his palm. Do-kwon kindly folded Eun-soo’s fingers one by one so that he could grip the knife more firmly.

As Eun-soo looked at the knife in his hand with a pale face, Do-kwon lay down beside him. Then, he hugged Eun-soo’s waist and buried his nose in his hair. He murmured in a low voice.

“Eun-soo. I’d rather die than live without you. I can’t live without you.”

“…”

“When… when I lost you… ugh, when I lived thinking you were dead… I don’t have the confidence to go back to that time…”

“…”

“So if you’re going to leave me, at least grant me death…”

Do-kwon murmured in a damp, soaked voice. The occasional sounds of sobbing were heartbreakingly sorrowful.

Eun-soo was staring at the ceiling with empty eyes. He didn’t know what Do-kwon was saying, what on earth this situation was, or how he should react.

However, he could clearly feel that Do-kwon had broken—that although perhaps not as much as himself, something had twisted, gone awry, and crumbled.

Setting aside the time he lost his memory, he had been an impeccably rational person before. A mature and composed person.

How did he, and I, and we end up like this? Why did it become such a mess? Why is there a knife in my hand while he clings to me and cries?

Tears streamed down the corners of Eun-soo’s eyes. As Do-kwon wiped away those tears,

“Eun-soo.”

“…”

“I love you.”

He whispered softly. The moment he finished those words, a thick tear fell down Do-kwon’s cheek as well.

『To be continued in Volume 5』