01 – The Beginning of Loss

The whole world was preparing for spring. New life sprouted, piercing through the frozen earth. The winter wind that had scratched the cheeks painfully now carried a subtle scent of flowers. As clothing became lighter, people’s expressions brightened.

It was the kind of weather that made one feel good just by standing still and enjoying the breeze.

Eun-soo was standing in front of the main entrance of the officetel. There were still fifteen minutes left until the appointment time, but the person waiting would likely arrive in less than five. He always arrived ten minutes early. Consequently, Eun-soo had come out fifteen minutes early to match him.

Eun-soo lifted and lowered his heels, staring intently up at the roadside trees. The branches were still devoid of leaves, yet he found himself looking at them, wondering what was so beautiful about them. In about a month, the cherry blossoms would be in full bloom.

They would be beautiful. With soft petals, they would sparkle more beautifully than anything.

Eun-soo gently touched his stomach. By then, would the thing inside have grown as much as those flower blossoms? No, would a season or two have to pass for it to reach that size?

Still, he hoped it would grow quickly.

It was just as Eun-soo was wearing a faint smile, crinkling the bridge of his nose. A sleek, luxury sedan pulled up by the roadside. It was a familiar car.

Eun-soo smiled broadly and approached the car, but before he could reach it, the person in the driver’s seat scrambled out.

“Eun-soo. Why are you out here already?”

It was Do-kwon. He was Eun-soo’s Alpha, and also the father of the small life sprouting in his womb.

Do-kwon quickly took off the coat he was wearing and wrapped it around Eun-soo. Do-kwon’s scent, the sweet pheromone characteristic of an Alpha, enveloped Eun-soo completely. Eun-soo took a deep breath and welcomed him.

“You’re here?”

“It’s cold, and you’re not even wearing a scarf…….”

Do-kwon clicked his tongue as if he were very displeased. As he did, he tucked the coat tightly around Eun-soo. Eun-soo grabbed that hand and buried his cheek in it.

“It’s spring. I don’t need a scarf.”

“Still, you have to be careful. You’re pregnant.”

Do-kwon gently rubbed Eun-soo’s cheek. Then, he gave short kisses to the tip of his nose, his chin, and finally his lips.

Eun-soo laughed silently at the ticklish kisses and the excessive worry. It wasn’t as if he had been wandering around in short sleeves. He was wearing a thick knit sweater and a coat, and he had only been standing there for five minutes. It was excessive worry.

“I’m okay, really.”

“……Let’s go quickly.”

Do-kwon seemed to want to say more, but commendably, he held back. Instead, he took Eun-soo’s hand and quickly escorted him to the car. He opened the car door, seated Eun-soo, and fastened the seatbelt securely. He didn’t forget to tug the belt a few times to ensure it was safe.

Do-kwon walked halfway around the car and sat in the driver’s seat. Then, he turned off the hazard lights and started the car.

“Aren’t you cold? Should I turn up the heater?”

Do-kwon asked while turning the steering wheel. Eun-soo replied simply, “I’m okay,” and turned his gaze out the window. The buildings were moving busily.

Today was the day to go to the OB-GYN. Since it was the second visit since the pregnancy, he felt more nervous than excited. He had eaten well, slept well, and there were no abnormalities in his body, so he didn’t know why he was so scared.

As Eun-soo tried to relieve his tension by clenching and unclenching his fist, a large, warm hand covered it. Eun-soo looked at Do-kwon. Do-kwon, who had briefly taken his eyes off the road, gave a wide smile. It was a silent consolation telling him not to be nervous.

Do-kwon soon focused on driving again. Eun-soo gazed at him intently.

He felt it every time, but Do-kwon was truly handsome. From his flawless, smooth skin to the gentle slope of his eyebrows and the dense, dark eyelashes, the moderately deep double eyelids, the bridge of his nose that rose straight as if drawn with a ruler, the masculine, angular jawline, and his lively lips.

When he was still, he had a cold impression, but since he always smiled warmly in front of him, Eun-soo could only feel that he was so handsome it made his heart ache.

“About the baby.”

“Yeah.”

“I hope they look like you, Do-kwon.”

Eun-soo said, his eyes curving into crescents. At those words, Do-kwon’s thick eyebrows furrowed slightly. Just then, the traffic light turned red, and he pressed the brake firmly. Then, he began to massage Eun-soo’s hand.

“I don’t want that. They should look like you. If they look like me, I don’t think I’ll be fond of them.”

“Why? They’d be incredibly handsome.”

“My impression is too harsh.”

Eun-soo’s eyes widened at the sudden self-deprecation. Then, he let out a giggle.

“No, it’s not. How is your impression harsh, Do-kwon?”

“What if it’s a daughter? No, um……. If it’s a daughter, maybe a harsh impression is okay. There are so many crazy people in the world. It’s necessary to be moderately harsh so that they can’t even approach.”

“…….”

“But what if it’s a daughter who looks like you? That would be a big problem in its own way. All sorts of scoundrels would cling to her.”

How will our daughter survive when she’s so exhausted? It would be great if Korea were a country where gun ownership was legal. It’s easier to handle if you can just shoot them. Do-kwon muttered with a serious expression.

Eun-soo wore a faint smile at the fussing that was out of character yet strangely fitting. Do-kwon, who was already thinking about buying a gun for a child not yet born, was utterly lovely.

Yes, yes.

As Eun-soo gave a vague response and patted his stomach, the light turned green. Do-kwon started the car a beat late. As he did, he called Eun-soo in his characteristic low voice.

“Eun-soo.”

“Yes.”

“Shall we.”

“Yes.”

“Get married?”

“……What?”

Eun-soo’s jaw dropped slightly.

Marriage? Suddenly? Of course, it had been nearly two years since they met, and since he was pregnant, it wasn’t as if he hadn’t thought about it…… but he didn’t expect to hear it at this moment.

Eun-soo’s fingers fidgeted busily. Naturally, he was happy. But since this was a first-time situation, he couldn’t judge how to react.

At Eun-soo’s prolonged silence, Do-kwon hurriedly added more words.

“You’re pregnant, and we’re at an age where…… no, you’re young, but I’m already thirty-four. Uh…… actually, that’s not the important part, uh, yeah, I thought it might be better to get married quickly before your body becomes uncomfortable.”

“…….”

“Then we wouldn’t need to make separate appointments just to go to the OB-GYN, and it would be easier for me to take care of you twenty-four hours a day. If you want to eat something or if something hurts, wouldn’t it be better if I were by your side?”

“…….”

“Well…… I could do that now too, but I want our relationship to become a bit more solid…….”

Do-kwon’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. The veins on the back of his hand protruded. His eyes were staring ahead, but his focus was slightly off, and the rims of his ears were red as if someone had seared them with fire.

Eun-soo stared at Do-kwon. Feeling that gaze vividly, Do-kwon bit the inside of his cheek hard. Then, he continued speaking, trying to act as if nothing were wrong.

“Actually, I was planning to propose this weekend, but I grew impatient.”

“…….”

“I just, I just wanted to tell you right now. Because I love this moment so much. Because I can’t believe this moment is real. I felt like I could only be at peace if I held onto you tightly by my side somehow.”

“…….”

Eun-soo pulled his hand out of Do-kwon’s grasp. Do-kwon’s shoulders flinched. His face, which had been flushed red, turned pale in an instant.

Eun-soo quickly grabbed Do-kwon’s hand again. Not with one hand as before, but tightly with both. Then, he pressed his lips firmly against that hand and pulled away.

Do-kwon’s eyebrows arched upward. His pale complexion quickly brightened again. Seeing that change, Eun-soo laughed softly. And just as his lips parted to speak—

BEEEEEP!

Suddenly, a sharp horn blasted through his ears. Not only Do-kwon but even Eun-soo frowned. However, the horn didn’t stop with one.

Honk! BEEEEEP! Honk!

Horns blared from all directions. They weren’t just pressing them; they were as violent as if someone were slamming the horns with their fists.

Sensing something ominous, Do-kwon scanned the surroundings. Then, he saw a large dump truck charging toward them from beyond the car in front. No, by the time he spotted it, the car in front had already collided with the dump truck and been crushed flat.

But the dump truck did not stop. With a screeching sound of grinding metal, it lunged toward Do-kwon and Eun-soo. Gritting his teeth, Do-kwon immediately reversed the car. But he collided with the car behind him. Front, back, left, right—it was all cars. There was no gap to escape.

“Eun-soo.”

Do-kwon looked at Eun-soo.

“Do-kwon.”

Eun-soo also looked at Do-kwon.

Their gazes met in the air. At the same time, the pitch-black shadow of the dump truck conquered the windshield. Do-kwon unbuckled his seatbelt. And he embraced Eun-soo with his whole body.

CRASH!

A tremendous roar erupted. The car body vibrated violently, and their bodies were thrown back. The seatbelt pressing into his shoulder and chest felt as painful as a saw blade.

Even in the midst of it, Eun-soo felt the warmth of Do-kwon wrapping around him. He felt his scent, with pheromones surging wildly. And after a few seconds, a very hot liquid drenched his face.

Eun-soo stared blankly at the dark red before his eyes. He could see nothing. He just felt as if his entire body were being shattered into tiny pieces, and he was terrified to the point of suffocation.

Eun-soo slowly closed his eyes.

He hadn’t been able to give Do-kwon any answer yet.

Of course.

I’d love to.

He had intended to say those words.

It seemed he wouldn’t be able to for a while.

* * *

Eun-soo slowly opened his eyes. His vision was blurry. Everything was so white that he couldn’t tell if he had woken up or if he was still inhabiting a dream.

His throat felt dry. It was parched as if he had swallowed a handful of bean powder, and it tasted like disinfectant. His body felt like it weighed a ton. He felt as if he had slept for three whole days rather than six or seven hours. It was also a strangely familiar feeling.

Eun-soo continued to blink. It was to steady his hazy mind.

After a few minutes had passed, Eun-soo was finally able to distinguish objects. A white ceiling, turned-off fluorescent lights, an IV drip hanging from a steel pole. Nothing looked familiar. Still, he instinctively realized that this place was a hospital.

Eun-soo, who had only been rolling his pupils, now turned his head. To the left, then to the right. Just moving his neck brought up a stiff pain. Still, he forced himself to survey the surroundings.

Simply. He felt like he had to.

The hospital room was spacious. But no other patients were visible. Seeing a sofa, a marble table, and lighting that emitted a soft glow—things rarely seen in a hospital—it was likely a luxury room.

While looking at that, Eun-soo then looked toward the window. More accurately, at another bed located by the window, next to him. There,

“……Do-kwon?”

Do-kwon was lying there.

Eun-soo stared blankly at Do-kwon. It wasn’t the first or second time he had seen Do-kwon sleep. After their first year of dating, the days they slept together were more frequent than the days they didn’t.

But this was the first time he had seen him lying like that. Eyes tightly closed, lips clamped shut even tighter, a posture without a single movement. Do-kwon didn’t sleep much. He had always gone to bed later and woken up earlier than Eun-soo.

But why was he wearing a ventilator? What was the bandage wrapped around his head? What was the purpose of the machines hanging in clusters?

Then, his last memory flashed back.

‘Eun-soo. Shall we get married?’

Do-kwon’s proposal. And the charging dump truck. The distorted car.

‘Eun-soo.’

‘Do-kwon.’

The brief eye contact, the warmth of him unbuckling his seatbelt and embracing him with his whole body.

Recalling everything, Eun-soo took a deep breath. He breathed in and in again. The terror and pain of that moment rushed in like a torrential rain.

Eun-soo’s body began to tremble violently. He felt a suffocating sensation as if his airway were tangled. It felt as if cold water were flowing through his veins instead of blood, and as a chill ran down his spine, cold sweat poured down.

At Eun-soo’s seizure, the machines beeped, signaling an emergency. A few minutes later, the sound of several people approaching was heard, and the door swung open. Among the doctors in white coats, there was one familiar face.

“Oh my, Eun-soo! My baby!”

It was Do-kwon’s mother.

Eun-soo received a sedative and slept for a full day. Only then was he finally able to regain his senses. As soon as he opened his eyes, he asked about the baby’s well-being. Fortunately, the baby was safe. They said that although there had been a shock, there were no signs of miscarriage.

Eun-soo breathed a sigh of relief. But that didn’t last more than a few minutes. It was because Do-kwon’s condition was serious.

Eun-soo’s physical condition wasn’t bad. Of course, compared to a healthy person, he was a patient, but it was truly great luck that an accident of that scale resulted only in bruises, fractures, and a mild concussion. Thanks to that, there was no need for surgery, and the baby was also able to be safe.

The problem was Do-kwon.

They said Do-kwon had suffered a severe head injury. With internal bleeding and fractures in his right arm, left calf, and ribs, they said it would take a long time to recover.

The surgery had ended well, and since he was a robust Alpha, they said his life was not in danger, but they couldn’t be certain when he would wake up.

“……Do-kwon.”

Sitting in a simple chair, Eun-soo carefully held Do-kwon’s hand. His heart felt like it was breaking at the sight of the hand covered in small scars. Eun-soo pressed his lips firmly against that hand and pulled away. His eyes stung at the faint scent of Do-kwon’s pheromones, which were unlike usual.

They said it was drunk driving.

The driver of the dump truck that had hit Eun-soo and Do-kwon had been heavily intoxicated with daytime alcohol. The driver of the car in front of them had died instantly on the spot. They said the car was so completely distorted that they had struggled to recover the body.

The driver had crushed Eun-soo and Do-kwon’s car as a second collision, then crashed into a utility pole as a third, and died instantly from a broken neck after being thrown from the vehicle by the impact.

Because of that, Eun-soo had lost both the person to resent and the person to pour his curses upon. All that remained was his poor lover in a coma, covered in wounds, not knowing when he would wake up.

Eun-soo hurriedly rubbed away the tears that had begun to leak out with the back of his hand. As he sat there wallowing in misery for a long while, he sensed someone approaching.

“Sweetie. Eat something first.”

It was Myeong-hui, Do-kwon’s mother. She pointed toward the food filling the table.

Eun-soo had a fairly close relationship with Myeong-hui, having met her several times for various reasons since the beginning of his relationship with Do-kwon. She had been overjoyed by the fact that Do-kwon, who had never shown the slightest interest in women or Omegas, finally had an Omega of his own.

She had been incredibly kind to Eun-soo since then, and after hearing the news of the pregnancy, she had gone beyond kindness, nagging Do-kwon relentlessly about taking him in to look after him.

“……I’m sorry. I have no appetite.”

Eun-soo slowly shook his head. Myeong-hui tenderly stroked Eun-soo’s shoulder.

“The baby in your belly must be hungry. You have to eat at least a little.”

“Ah…….”

Eun-soo let out a vacant exclamation. He kept forgetting. Forgetting that he wasn’t alone in his body. Since it hadn’t even been a month yet, it was understandable.

Regretfully letting go of Do-kwon’s hand, Eun-soo sat down at the table. The table was laden with all sorts of delicacies. From salmon salad to braised short ribs, grilled yellow croaker, seaweed soup, chicken porridge, and a variety of side dishes.

Eun-soo looked at Myeong-hui with wide eyes.

“Did you make all this, Mother?”

“No. I bought it.”

Eun-soo let out a quiet laugh at her sly remark. For some reason, Do-kwon’s voice seemed to overlap with hers.

“Thank you. I will eat well.”

“Yes. Go ahead and eat.”

Eun-soo moved his utensils slowly but steadily. The roof of his mouth felt scratchy, but as Myeong-hui said, he had to eat for the baby.

Myeong-hui placed various side dishes onto Eun-soo’s spoon.

“If there’s anything you crave, tell me right away. Okay?”

“Yes.”

Eun-soo nodded with a smile so thin it seemed as if it might crumble.

So many things had changed since meeting Do-kwon. Not only did he have a lover who was affectionate, blind in his devotion, and highly capable, but he also had an ‘adult’ who cared for him like this.

Long ago, after graduating high school, Eun-soo had attended a design university in Europe. Both of his parents were highly successful, so he could do whatever he wanted. Until the day they both suddenly passed away in a house fire.

It took a long time after that to pull himself together and reclaim his daily life. He managed to graduate from university and find a job, but the loneliness was inevitable.

Then he met Do-kwon. The man who always showered him with overflowing love. And his family, who loved him just as much. Eun-soo’s desolate life became full once again.

And just as he had grown accustomed to that fullness, this happened.

Whenever he thought about returning to how things were before—whenever he thought about Do-kwon disappearing—his vision went dark.

As Eun-soo blankly stirred his porridge, Myeong-hui clicked her tongue in pity.

“Don’t worry too much, sweetie. Do-kwon is excessively healthy. He’ll wake up soon.”

“……Yes. I hope so.”

Eun-soo smiled, his eyes crinkling. Then, he forced the now-cold porridge into his mouth.

* * *

A week passed. Like a Dominant Alpha who was born with every advantage, Do-kwon showed an incredible rate of recovery day by day. But he just wouldn’t open his eyes. Not even though it was visible that his wounds were healing moment by moment. Seeing Do-kwon like this, Eun-soo’s complexion grew worse.

To be physically fine but unable to regain consciousness—it was definitely strange. Something, something the doctors hadn’t predicted, must have happened.

Eun-soo, who was discharged on the fourth day of hospitalization, took a leave of absence from work. And he visited Do-kwon every day.

With Do-kwon lying there, it was difficult not only to work but even to take care of himself. Whenever he put something in his mouth, it often felt stuck in his throat, and he couldn’t sleep. The only way he could get any real rest was by taking short naps on the small cot in the hospital room next to Do-kwon.

On an afternoon drenched in warm sunlight, Eun-soo was clipping Do-kwon’s fingernails. Just before that, he had shaved him. He used an electric shaver to trim the beard, but since Eun-soo was the type who didn’t grow much hair, he was unfamiliar with shaving, and his movements were far from skillful. It had gotten to the point where he had to recall the sculpture lectures he took in college to get through it.

Every minute, he had to repeat words like, “I’m sorry,” “Oh no,” “Uh, sorry, Do-kwon,” and so on.

Clipping nails was easier than shaving, but he still focused intently and clipped them carefully. The clicking sound strangely put his mind at ease.

“Today is the first time I’ve clipped your nails and shaved you, Do-kwon. I think you’ve clipped my nails a few times.”

Eun-soo murmured in a voice only Do-kwon could hear. Then, he let out a small chuckle. He never imagined the day would come when he would be clipping Do-kwon’s nails.

That was because Do-kwon had always been perfect in front of him.

When Eun-soo would whine because he slept in, Do-kwon would wake him up affectionately, but by then, he was already dressed in his dress shirt and ready for work. While Eun-soo washed up, Do-kwon would buy breakfast or brew coffee.

Even when things didn’t go well at work, he never showed a hint of irritation in front of him. Even when his secretary hinted that he was in a terrible mood because an important contract had fallen through, Eun-soo never felt it personally.

Unlike Eun-soo, who caught a cold every season and struggled, Do-kwon was a robust Alpha who had never suffered from a body ache or a cold.

Therefore, Eun-soo had never done anything for Do-kwon. Or rather, it would be more accurate to say that because Do-kwon was so perfect, there was never an opportunity to do anything. He had always been the one receiving.

But clipping his nails like this brought a new sense of emotion. He knew he shouldn’t feel good about it, but he did.

“What else is there? Things I haven’t been able to do for you yet.”

“…….”

“There must be many, but nothing comes to mind…….”

Eun-soo wore a bittersweet smile.

A tragedy that strikes suddenly feels more empty and hollow than simply sad. It was so difficult to adapt to that tragedy. Even while looking at the closed eyes of Do-kwon, it didn’t feel real. It felt like he was having a nightmare.

Eun-soo let out a long sigh through his nose and put away the nail clippers. Then, he buried his cheek in Do-kwon’s clean palm. His heart ached at the touch of his hand, which was as warm as ever.

“Tell me, Do-kwon. Tell me what I can do for you.”

“…….”

“If you tell me now, I’ll do everything.”

“…….”

Do-kwon did not answer. He didn’t even blink once. Eun-soo stared blankly at the motionless Do-kwon and murmured.

“I mean it. I’m not lying. So please, just say something…….”

But in the end, Do-kwon said nothing.

* * *

The bandages wrapped around Do-kwon’s body had mostly disappeared. The clunky machines attached to him had decreased, and a bandage strip had replaced the wrap on his head. Despite this, Do-kwon did not open his eyes.

Doctors came and went frequently. They dragged him here and there for tests.

Eun-soo just sat there blankly, watching Do-kwon be examined and tested. Even so, he felt completely drained. Every time a needle pierced his skin, goosebumps rose along Eun-soo’s spine.

Eun-soo rubbed his face harshly. His eyes felt dry and his skin rough. He was in poor physical condition. He felt it vividly, but there was nothing he could do.

Eun-soo gently stroked his still-flat stomach. Since he felt absolutely nothing, he couldn’t tell if the baby was growing well. Then again, it was ridiculous to expect the baby to grow well while he was living like this.

The doctors babbled on in front of Eun-soo for a long time. They were the same words they had said the day before and the day before that. The recovery rate is good. He will open his eyes soon. Let’s wait a little longer. Those kinds of words.

Eun-soo, who would have smiled and thanked them just a few days ago, gave no reaction. The doctors all looked like idiots to him. According to Do-kwon’s parents, this hospital was where all the most renowned doctors in the country were gathered. He wondered if it was just a den of scammers.

The doctors hurried out of the room as if they were being chased by something. Once again, only Eun-soo and Do-kwon remained in the spacious room.

Eun-soo sat by Do-kwon’s side, letting time flow meaninglessly. Occasionally, he would hold Do-kwon’s hand, kiss his face with dry lips, or continue a trivial monologue as if it were a conversation.

As he did so, a crimson sunset pushed through the window. Another day had already passed.

A day after the accident is both too short and too long. When living with the wish that he will wake up today, that there will be progress today, the day is short. When living with the hope that he will wake up tomorrow, or at least the day after, the day is long.

As a week passed, then two, Eun-soo stopped noticing the characteristic smell of disinfectant in the hospital. Even though the room, the hallway, and even the bathroom were all white spaces, they looked dark. He often felt sudden chills from the pain and death of others that seemed embedded in every corner.

Eun-soo buried his forehead on the back of Do-kwon’s limp hand. Then, he took a deep breath. As his pheromones filled his lungs, his crumbling heart felt a moment of peace.

Then, he drifted off to sleep. Since his recent sleep time was three hours at most, he would fall helplessly into a slumber whenever he felt a momentary sense of relief.

How much time had passed? While Eun-soo was wandering through a dream, a fluffy blanket settled over his shoulders. At that presence, Eun-soo snapped his eyes open. Hoping it might be Do-kwon.

“Eun-soo.”

Disappointment flashed across Eun-soo’s face upon identifying the owner of the presence. Still, he soon forced a bright smile as if nothing were wrong. It was Do-kwon’s father, Ki-ho.

“Oh……, Father. You’re here.”

Eun-soo stood up clumsily. Ki-ho, who had no white hair despite his age, patted Eun-soo’s shoulder.

“Go get some rest. I’ll be here.”

“I’m okay.”

Eun-soo shook his head. At that, Ki-ho slightly wrinkled the bridge of his nose.

“Do you think that brat will wake up just because you’re here? If that were the case, he should have woken up already.”

“…….”

“Do-kwon isn’t going to die. I heard his bones have already fused. He’s just a guy who didn’t sleep much normally, so he’s just catching up on his sleep now.”

“…….”

“So don’t worry too much. Go home early today and come back tomorrow.”

This is delicious. There’s abalone porridge and pumpkin porridge. I packed some fruit too. Don’t skip meals and make sure to eat. Okay? Ki-ho placed a heavy paper bag in Eun-soo’s hand.

Eun-soo looked inside the bag. There were two containers of warm porridge, neatly prepared fruit, and even utensils wrapped in tissues. He saw cookies and chocolates as well.

Eun-soo bit his lip.

Do-kwon’s parents were strange. Their son was lying there after a car accident, in a coma, and hadn’t woken up for nearly two weeks, yet they were excessively composed. He didn’t know if they were pretending or if they truly weren’t worried. Would it be a delusion to feel as if they were more worried about him?

“Go, hurry. Your health will suffer if you stay like this.”

Ki-ho led Eun-soo toward the door. He didn’t forget to help him with his coat. Eun-soo reluctantly stepped away. As he did, he glanced at Do-kwon. There was not a single movement even though he was leaving.

Every time they parted, they used to hug for several minutes. Even after spending the whole night together and going to work together, or even though they worked in the same building, they often clung to each other like lovers parting for a long time because they hated that momentary separation.

Recalling those times made his eyes sting. It wasn’t even that long ago; it had been like that just the day before the accident, yet it felt like the distant past.

If he stayed like this, he felt he would show a pathetic side of himself in front of Ki-ho. Eun-soo forced the corners of his mouth up and said his goodbyes.

Then he walked a long distance, took the subway, and returned home. He had his own car, but he couldn’t bring himself to ride in one due to the aftereffects of the accident. Whenever he saw cars speeding on the road, his legs shook. He didn’t dare take a taxi, let alone a bus.

It took a full hour to get home, and just as he was heating up the cold porridge…

A call came from Ki-ho.

It was the news that Do-kwon had woken up.

* * *

Eun-soo jumped into a taxi without even grabbing his coat. As soon as he told the driver the name of the hospital, his body began to tremble. Cars sped past the window, and every time the taxi hit a red light, stopped, or started again, his breath hitched.

Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to say he wanted to get out. It was because he wanted to see Do-kwon even one minute sooner. So, throughout the ride, he kept his eyes tightly shut and curled his head inward.

Eun-soo only arrived at the hospital by the time his bangs were damp with cold sweat. He fidgeted as he took the elevator to the top floor.

The hospital room door was wide open. The commotion spilled out into the hallway. It seemed the talkative doctors were making a fuss again. But that was okay. Today, he felt he could listen to those empty words with absolute pleasure.

Stopping for a moment, Eun-soo steadied his breathing. He straightened his clothes—he was only wearing a knit sweater—and tidied his disheveled hair. He had seen Do-kwon two hours ago, but it felt as if he were seeing him for the first time in a month.

He wanted to look good. He wanted to tell him that he knew he would wake up, that he believed in him, and that he had missed him; that the baby was safe thanks to Do-kwon protecting him.

After calming his nervous heart for a long while, Eun-soo stepped into the room. As expected, it was full of doctors. Ki-ho and Myeong-hui were standing among them. Do-kwon was hidden by the crowd. Only glimpses of his hand or waist were visible.

Feeling like an intruder, Eun-soo hesitated before cautiously approaching them. Myeong-hui was the first to spot him.

“Oh, sweetie! Come here!”

She waved her hand busily. With a wide smile, Eun-soo approached the bed as if he had been waiting for this. And finally, he was able to face Do-kwon.

Do-kwon really had his eyes open. The characteristic sharp eyes and the straight line of his closed lips—it was really him. Though he was a bit pale, it was the Do-kwon Eun-soo knew.

Eun-soo bit his lower lip hard. Tears welled up uncontrollably. He had believed he would wake up, but it seemed the anxiety had been greater than he realized. Seeing how relieved he felt now.

Eun-soo was happier than words could express. Without a single

Do-kwon clicked his tongue in irritation. Then, as if he could no longer bear it, he rubbed his nose.

“Ugh, enough. Tell him to get lost. This smell is giving me a splitting headache.”

At those words, Eun-soo finally realized that something was terribly wrong. A Do-kwon who not only called him an Omega but had even forgotten his name. A Do-kwon who told him to get lost. A Do-kwon who found the scent he had always called sweet and luscious to be disgusting.

Eun-soo looked at Do-kwon with a hollow expression.

Ki-ho and Myeong-hui looked at the doctor, and the doctor gave an awkward smile, his lips twisting.

Aside from the fact that Do-kwon had opened his eyes, everything was a complete mess.

* * *

Two years ago, Eun-soo met Do-kwon at work. It was inevitable, as Do-kwon was a director at ‘Seong-jin Group,’ the company Eun-soo worked for. Myeong-hui was the chairman of Seong-jin.

Seong-jin Group was one of the largest companies on Teheran-ro, and Eun-soo served as the team leader of the UI design team there.

Eun-soo loved his work, was good at it, and was satisfied with the company. It was only natural, given the high salary and the fact that he genuinely liked the company cafeteria. If possible, it was a company he wanted to stay at until retirement.

But one day, the director started popping in and out of the 14th floor, which was dedicated to the design team.

Anyone who works at a company of a certain size knows this. Executives—the so-called managing directors, senior managing directors, and directors—are people you rarely encounter. And it’s usually more comfortable that way.

Furthermore, despite attaining the rank of team leader at a young age, Eun-soo didn’t have much ambition.

He was perfectly content with his current position and didn’t feel confident about handling the pressure of climbing higher. Therefore, rather than being glad, he felt uncomfortable whenever a superior visited. If it was a director he had never met, that discomfort was multiplied tenfold.

But this tactless director—Do-kwon—visited almost every single day.

At first, he would just take a wide lap around the 14th floor with his secretaries without saying much. While it happened occasionally for an executive to visit other floors, the design department was not a place they frequented. Perhaps if it were R&D, management support, or marketing, it would be different.

Startled by the unannounced visit, the employees didn’t know whether to stand or stay seated, greeting him in awkward, half-risen postures. Eun-soo had barely lifted himself from his seat when his eyes met Do-kwon’s.

It was a coincidence.

At least, that’s what Eun-soo thought.

That was the first time Eun-soo saw Do-kwon in person. Being a team leader, he was aware of the executives’ faces and basic information. However, he had only known him on paper.

The ‘Do-kwon on paper’ that Eun-soo knew was a man with a spec that naturally attracted rumors: a Dominant Alpha, the chairman’s son, and strikingly handsome.

And the moment Eun-soo saw him in real life, he couldn’t help but let out a short gasp of admiration.

Because he was exactly as described on paper. A towering height, broad shoulders, a wide back, a small face with sharp features, and that characteristic aura of a Dominant Alpha that leaked through even though he was hiding his pheromones out of courtesy.

Unconsciously, Eun-soo stared intently at Do-kwon. He didn’t know if it was because of Do-kwon’s overwhelming looks or because Do-kwon was staring back at him as if piercing through him.

Regardless, he kept watching him until Do-kwon disappeared.

But that was all. The director is really handsome. The rumors were true. No, the rumors actually undersold him. It’s a waste for looks like that to rot in an office, and so on. While the team members gossiped amongst themselves, Eun-soo simply laughed it off.

It was the first time he’d seen the director in five years of employment. He figured another five years might pass before he saw him again. Eventually, he would remember him only as a handsome Alpha who radiated a blinding halo, but someone with whom he had absolutely zero connection.

But Do-kwon appeared again two days later. This time, instead of just glancing around, he looked through each team thoroughly. He stayed with Eun-soo’s team for an unusually long time. Everyone was incredibly tense, but he didn’t ask anything particularly important.

He simply glanced at the team members’ monitors with his characteristic cold expression and then left.

The team members whispered again.

“Why does he keep coming?”

“I know, right? Thanks to him, my eyes are dazzled, but my heart is freezing. I almost want to die.”

“Do you think the company’s situation has worsened? Is he planning to dissolve a few teams?”

“No way. This is Seong-jin; would that happen suddenly? The stock hasn’t fluctuated much yesterday or today.”

“Team Leader, have you heard anything?”

Eun-soo shook his head. The team members returned to their seats, each letting out a different kind of sigh.

And the next day, Do-kwon appeared again. The day after that, and the following week. By the time his visits reached five, Eun-soo truly wondered if a major crisis had hit the company.

Then, around the seventh or eighth visit, he arrived with a completely unexpected reason.

Apparently, the water purifier in the director’s office was broken. So, he had come to drink water. He had come all the way here—a difference of eight floors—to drink water.

It was an excessively strange and bizarre reason. The director’s office had many visitors. Even if the purifier were broken, the refrigerator would be full of high-end bottled water and drinks. Even if the refrigerator were empty, the director had more than one secretary. With a single word, they could have cleared out every bottle of water from the nearest convenience store.

From then on, the gossip shifted in a different direction.

“Is the director… lacking in some department?”

“Well, he is the chairman’s son. Maybe that’s why he could sit in the director’s chair despite lacking ability?”

“My god, to be lacking with a face like that. God isn’t fair; this is just too much.”

“I agree. If He was going to create him like that, He should have just made him perfect across the board. Why do that?”

Eun-soo didn’t remember what he said to that. He probably just laughed. And he thought that perhaps it really was the case. Thus, the entire design team was gradually adapting—or rather, getting used to—Do-kwon’s visits.

Then, on the day his visits hit the one-month mark, Do-kwon strode straight toward the UI design team—specifically toward Eun-soo, the UI team leader—as soon as he entered the 14th floor. He had a very solemn look on his face. At a glance, he almost looked angry.

Startled, Eun-soo quickly stood up from his chair. As he swallowed hard,

“Team Leader Yoo?”

Do-kwon called him.

“Yes, Director.”

Eun-soo replied, folding his hands neatly below his navel and nodding.

“About the internal training app we’re making with the HR team.”

“Yes.”

“I’d like to take a look at it.”

“…Excuse me? Ah, uh, now? Right now?”

Eun-soo’s eyes widened at the completely unexpected request. At the sight of his face, which looked like a startled cat, Do-kwon pressed his lips together firmly. To an outsider, it looked like an expression of great dissatisfaction with the situation.

“…Do you dislike it?”

The added comment was close to sarcasm. I said I want to see it. Who are you to care? You do as I say. The typical repertoire of power-tripping seemed to echo as a hallucination from afar.

Quickly licking his dry lips, Eun-soo added hurriedly,

“No. Not at all. But we’re only doing the design based on what the HR team handed over. If you want to see things regarding talent development, it would be better to receive a report from the HR team. I can contact them right now…”

“No, I want to see the design.”

“Ah, ah… I see. Then, printing… will take a little while, so I will visit your office in an hour.”

Eun-soo signaled the team members with his eyes. The team members, who had been blinking in confusion, began to move frantically. They searched for files, organized them, compiled them, and verified them.

Feeling as if he had been suddenly thrown into an exam, Eun-soo clenched his fists, but then—

“You’re saying… you’ll come to my office?”

Do-kwon asked back with a coldly stiff face. His expression was so fierce. Moreover, Eun-soo almost collapsed right then and there due to the pheromones that suddenly erupted as if expanding. Still, he pressed his feet firmly into the floor and endured.

“Uh… if it’s… inconvenient, shall we meet in the meeting room?”

“No. It’s not inconvenient. The director’s office is fine. It’s cozy, and it’ll just be the two of us. It’s perfect.”

“…Pardon?”

Eun-soo asked back because the reason was somewhat strange, but Do-kwon gave a thin smile and said it was nothing. Do-kwon turned around. Just as Eun-soo was loosening his shoulders, which had been stiff with tension, Do-kwon turned back to look at him.

“By the way, Team Leader Yoo.”

“Yes, Director.”

“What do you like?”

“Pardon?”

“I just thought we might need something to drink for the meeting. So I can prepare it.”

“Ah, ah… anything is fine with me.”

Eun-soo smiled brightly. It wasn’t meant in any other way; it was purely a smile used for professional social life. However, Do-kwon did not back down easily.

“There’s no way everything is fine.”

“Uh… then, a cafe latte, please.”

“Hot?”

“Yes. Hot. Uh… or should I buy one on my way up?”

“No. I will prepare it.”

“…Yes, then I’ll come up once I have the prints.”

Eun-soo gave a polite bow. Do-kwon walked away with a somewhat light step. Eun-soo, who had remained standing until he completely disappeared, collapsed back into his chair. Looking at his miserable team members, he asked,

“Did we… do something wrong?”

Contrary to his worries, the meeting with Do-kwon proceeded monotonically. Eun-soo spoke continuously, and Do-kwon occasionally chimed in as if he were listening. When the explanation ended, he would ask another question, and then another. It wasn’t argumentative or sarcastic; he was literally just asking.

Why did you design it this way here? What is this icon? When will it be completed? Can we run it on a phone right now? and so on. They were tedious, but not difficult questions.

Then, out of nowhere, he claimed to be interested in app design—not development, but design—and requested a lunch appointment. Of course, as the subordinate, Eun-soo could not refuse his summons.

After that, they continued to meet for various reasons. Do-kwon, using Eun-soo’s design major as a pretext, created excuses to meet by bringing up various topics including art and aesthetics.

He would ask him to accompany him to an industrial design fair for advice, ask about the differences between a competitor’s app and their own, or ask him to go to a gallery because he wanted to buy a painting for the company lobby but found it hard to decide, and so on.

At first, he hated it. How could he not be uncomfortable with a Dominant Alpha who was also a director? But as time passed, and the meetings became three, then six, then nine, that discomfort faded.

And for good reason; Do-kwon was not a bad person. Nor was he as lacking as the team members had worried.

He was always nice, always asked for consent before doing something, and possessed politeness and manners. Eun-soo thought he was only asking for advice for show, but whenever Eun-soo tentatively offered an opinion, Do-kwon listened intently and made decisions referencing that opinion.

Above all, the best part was the food they ate together.

Eun-soo had studied abroad for a long time, and between the inheritance from his parents and the money he earned, he was relatively well-off and had experienced many fine cuisines. Thus, he thought he had a discerning palate. But the food Do-kwon bought him was beyond comparison to those meals.

The moment he put the unfamiliar foods—whose names were hard to even memorize—into his mouth, a smile naturally crept onto his lips.

Consequently, he began to look forward to meeting Do-kwon. Discussing art and design with him was enjoyable, the accompanying food was beyond perfect, and Do-kwon’s face sitting opposite him was enchanting.

Before he knew it, they were exchanging personal messages, having lunch together without any particular reason, drinking wine, and watching movies.

Accidentally brushing fingertips, unintentionally feeling pheromones, the way the titles changed from ‘Team Leader Yoo’ to ‘Eun-soo,’ and from ‘Director’ to ‘Do-kwon-ssi’—it happened in an instant for ticklish emotions to sprout and evolve into something called love.

At first, he liked his handsome face and manners. Later, he grew to love his large hands, his broad back, and his thick Adam’s apple.

He would secretly swallow hard at the chest muscles glimpsed beneath the dress shirt, and unconsciously steal glances at the buttocks highlighted through the suit pants and the thick, firm-looking thighs.

He loved the deep eyes that gazed at him, and he felt as if his soul were being sucked away by the lips that parted when drinking wine and the glimpse of a red tongue. When those lips moved to call him in a low bass voice, it felt as if his muscles were melting.

Eun-soo fell helplessly for Do-kwon. The moment they became full lovers, Eun-soo realized that Do-kwon had been planning this moment since the time he started popping in and out of the 14th floor.

Eun-soo didn’t know when Do-kwon first learned about him, or why such a great man came to look at someone tucked away in a corner of the 14th floor with such eyes. He had asked a few times, but never received a straight answer.

‘I just liked you so much from the very beginning, Eun-soo. You were beautiful, and different from anyone else. You were sparkling.’

He seemed to have avoided the answer with such romantic words.

Regardless of the reason or the catalyst, Eun-soo was happy being with Do-kwon.

And when he reached the peak of that happiness, everything shattered into pieces.

“It appears to be an avoidance symptom, which is one of the symptoms of PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. We’ll have to do a brain scan to be sure, but it could be a side effect of the surgery.”

“So you’re saying it’s something like amnesia?”

“Yes.”

Ki-ho, Myeong-hui, and Eun-soo were sitting before the attending physician. Eun-soo was staring at the physician’s chin with a devastated face, Myeong-hui was perched on the edge of the chair glaring at the physician as if to devour him, and Ki-ho was shaking his legs, showing signs of anxiety.

“How much does he not remember?”

“Seeing as the patient stated his age as thirty, it appears to be around four years’ worth of memory.”

“Sigh… Not four months, but four years? Then he won’t remember Eun-soo…”

“When will he recover? Our Eun-soo here is pregnant. And in the early stages. It’s a very dangerous period.”

“Exactly. The father of the child cannot afford not to remember that, can he?”

“Bring it back immediately. I don’t care what you have to do.”

Ki-ho and Myeong-hui bombarded the physician. The physician wiped the cold sweat from his temples and cleared his throat.

“I can prescribe medication, but there are no dramatic effects. PTSD varies depending on how much of an impact the accident had on the patient. Side effects from surgery also differ for each individual. It could return in as little as a week, or it could take several years. I cannot give a definitive answer as to when he will be fully recovered.”

“…So you’re just rambling at length to say there’s nothing you can do?”

Myeong-hui spoke, not hiding his displeasure. The physician pushed up his glasses and quickly added,

“We will proceed with medication and psychological therapy. If the patient has the will, it could happen quite quickly…”

“He has plenty of will. Do-kwon loves Eun-soo more than anyone.”

“That… a problem with the memory system is the same as saying there is a problem with the brain…”

“The same?”

“Because love, in the end, is something the brain does.”

At those words, Eun-soo, who had remained silent, took a sharp breath. So, to summarize: love is done by the brain. Do-kwon’s brain was injured. Therefore, four years of memory evaporated. In other words, he was currently not in a state of loving him.

“Haa…”

Eun-soo let out a short moan. In that moment, the world spun. His head throbbed and his stomach churned. As Eun-soo swayed while seated, Ki-ho quickly supported him.

“Sweetheart. Go outside. We’ll listen to the rest and let you know.”

At those words, Eun-soo obediently stood up. He felt that listening further would only be tragic. Anyway, they said there was no immediate cure. Sitting around here wouldn’t suddenly produce a miracle.

After leaving the consultation room, Eun-soo steadied his breathing. Then, using the wall as a backrest, he slid down and sat on the floor.

He simply couldn’t pull himself together.

It felt as if he had become a widower overnight. Or as if he had been left alone in a desolate world.

Ah, it was similar to the feeling he had when standing at his parents’ funeral. Nothing felt real.

Regardless, the fact that Do-kwon woke up meant everything was fine. If it were him, he would remember Eun-soo soon. His petty heart felt sad and empty, and he even felt resentful toward Do-kwon for forgetting him so completely.

In truth, he hadn’t done anything wrong. There had been an unforeseen accident, and he had injured his head while trying to protect Eun-soo. If anything, it was Eun-soo’s fault. Still, he couldn’t help the feeling of disappointment.

Eun-soo stared blankly into space, stroking his stomach. He felt an indescribable pity for the child who was already going through so much before even entering the world.

Eun-soo sat slumped in the hospital corridor for several minutes. Doctors, nurses, and countless patients brushed past him, but not a single person paid him any attention.

It was as if they had seen people like Eun-soo countless times before.

Yet, for some reason, that indifference made him feel better.

Right, this isn’t so bad. As long as Do-kwon woke up, that’s enough. What does it matter if he doesn’t remember me? We can just start over from the beginning. Just as Do-kwon had constantly visited the 14th floor, this time, Eun-soo could simply go to him again and again.

Eun-soo pushed himself up against the wall and stood. Then, letting out a sharp breath through his nose, he headed toward Do-kwon’s room.

Do-kwon was leaning against the headboard of the bed, looking at his phone with a serious expression. It was the phone his secretary had repaired after the screen was completely shattered in the accident.

Eun-soo knocked lightly on the door. Do-kwon’s gaze shifted toward the entrance. Eun-soo gave an awkward smile. Do-kwon did not smile back. Nor did he tell him to come in.

After waiting for a moment, Eun-soo decided to be brazen. Not too much, not too little—just as brazen as Do-kwon had been when he appeared holding a mug, claiming the water purifier was broken.

Eun-soo grabbed a stool and sat beside Do-kwon. Do-kwon looked at him with an expression that seemed to ask, What is wrong with this bastard? Facing that loathing, Eun-soo simply beamed.

“How are you feeling? Does it hurt anywhere?”

“…….”

“Are you hungry? Should I order some food? Porridge would probably be best, right?”

Chattering away, Eun-soo scanned the menu on the bedside table. The VIP room offered as many options as a hotel. Of course, the taste might not reach hotel standards, but since he wasn’t in good condition, hospital food seemed like the better choice.

What would be good? What would suit Do-kwon’s taste?

As Eun-soo was seriously studying the menu, Do-kwon thrust his phone toward him.

“Is this you?”

Eun-soo flinched at the sudden use of formal language. When was the last time he had heard Do-kwon speak formally? Since they had started dating, they had spoken casually, so the formality felt strangely new.

Trying to hide his fluster, Eun-soo looked at the phone. On the screen, Eun-soo was smiling, holding a large white chocolate donut over his lips to mimic a mustache. It had been taken at a donut shop near the office, a place they frequented together.

“I suppose I do look like that, don’t I?”

Recalling the moment the photo was taken, Eun-soo replied with a smile.

It had been winter, but the sunlight was so lovely that it felt like spring indoors. As they always did, Do-kwon and Eun-soo had spent their lunch break together and stopped by the donut shop for coffee and dessert. With a bit of time to spare, they had taken a seat at a window table and taken that photo while playing around.

Do-kwon had truly loved that photo.

He had said Eun-soo looked too cute, that he couldn’t stop smiling every time he turned on his phone, and that he had let out little chuckles during meetings more than a few times because of it.

When Eun-soo told him to change the wallpaper, he had stubbornly refused. He had jokingly said he had no plans to change it for the next ten years.

Eun-soo’s eyes curved softly. He vividly remembered the expression on Do-kwon’s face as he held the phone to take that picture.

“…….”

Do-kwon didn’t answer. With an indifferent face, he withdrew the phone and began looking through various things.

Eun-soo was happy about that. It felt as though Do-kwon was trying to recover his memories. After all, there was nothing he held in his hand as long as his phone. Between the gallery, messages, and emails, there would be plenty of memories to dig up.

While Do-kwon examined the phone, Eun-soo ordered the meal. He chose a porridge that would be easy to digest and carefully selected side dishes to suit Do-kwon’s preference for foods that weren’t too spicy or salty.

With nothing left to do, Eun-soo tapped his knee with his fingers as if playing a piano. Then, he noticed the empty water glass. He immediately stood up and poured some water—mixing a bit of cold water into hot to make it warm.

Eun-soo held out the glass to Do-kwon.

“Have some water. They said the meal will take about fifteen minutes.”

Do-kwon stared blankly at the glass Eun-soo offered. Then, suddenly, he dropped the phone into the water. Eun-soo’s eyes widened at the unexpected action. Why would he put a perfectly fine phone in water…?

“Why…?”

“It feels like I’m using something someone else already used. I think it’s better to throw it away and buy a new one.”

“This is as good as new. It was repaired after the accident.”

“Is that so?”

Do-kwon twisted the corner of his mouth. His expression suggested that since it was already in the water, it didn’t matter.

Eun-soo let out a long sigh through his nose. For some reason, the man seemed to have become a bit younger. Perhaps it was natural since four years of his life had vanished. He had always been such a mature person.

With a faint sigh, Eun-soo fished the phone out of the glass.

“Phones these days don’t break from things like this. They’re basically all waterproof.”

“…….”

“It’s a relief. You don’t need to buy a new one, ah!”

In an instant, Do-kwon grabbed Eun-soo’s elbow firmly. The movement was so rough that the startled Eun-soo dropped both the water glass and the phone. The glass shattered with a sharp clink. The phone hit the floor on its corner, and the screen shattered instantly.

Hundreds of cracks spread across the photo of the brightly smiling Eun-soo.

Eun-soo stared at it in disbelief. I mean, it was just repaired! As Eun-soo bent down to pick up the phone, Do-kwon pulled his arm even more forcefully.

“It hurts!”

Eun-soo’s face contorted in pain, as if his bone were about to crush. However, Do-kwon pulled harder, dragging Eun-soo toward him. Then, without warning, he buried his nose in the crook of Eun-soo’s neck.

Startled, Eun-soo gasped and held his breath. In contrast, Do-kwon took a deep breath, his chest swelling. In that moment, his pupils shrank to pinpricks.

“This scent. Is this Omega pheromone?”

“Let me go, Do-kwon.”

“I asked if it is.”

“Of course it is! If it’s a scent you can smell.”

At Eun-soo’s answer, Do-kwon released his arm as if throwing it away. Eun-soo staggered, barely managing to keep his balance. He cradled his throbbing arm. Tears welled up from the sudden pain. He also felt a surge of irritation.

Eun-soo frowned. Do-kwon’s face was equally twisted.

“Your scent is excessively strong. It’s almost unpleasant.”

“What?”

“The moment you walked in, the room filled with the smell of an Omega. It’s giving me a headache and making me nauseous.”

“…….”

“At this level, it’s as if you aren’t taking suppressants. What is the reason?”

At those words, Eun-soo’s cheeks flushed deep red. After all, there was nothing as vulgar as an Omega who walked around emitting pheromones so blatantly.

Unlike ordinary people, Alphas and Omegas were created to be faithful to their instincts. Because the pleasure their bodies produced was so intense, many Alphas and Omegas lived obsessed with sex, much like drug or alcohol addicts. Most of them walked around leaking pheromones.

Eun-soo’s heart sank, feeling as though Do-kwon was treating him like that kind of Omega.

“I… because I’m, I’m pregnant, I can’t… take general suppressants.”

Covering his mouth, Eun-soo spoke haltingly.

“…….”

Do-kwon’s eyes widened.

It was the strongest reaction he had shown since regaining consciousness. Unfortunately, it was not a positive one.

Flustered by Do-kwon’s reaction, Eun-soo’s lips fluttered as he tried to offer an excuse—or rather, the truth.

“I’ve been so overwhelmed since the accident that I haven’t been able to get the suppressants for pregnant Omegas yet…”

Just then, Do-kwon gripped Eun-soo’s wrist again. Eun-soo’s mouth snapped shut. Their gazes collided at close range.

“Don’t tell me. Is that mine?”

Do-kwon spoke in a voice that trembled slightly. It was a voice where confusion and anger were strangely intertwined.

Eun-soo swallowed hard. For a moment, he wanted to run away. This wasn’t a child he had made alone, nor was it a child made in secret, but the thought that Do-kwon might hate the baby made him want to escape from his presence immediately.

But he couldn’t. Eun-soo had a duty to be honorable in front of the child. It was a natural duty as the child’s father.

“Yes. It’s your child.”

Eun-soo spoke in a calm, steady voice. At that, one of Do-kwon’s eyebrows arched.

“……Are you sure? That I slept with you? Me?”

“Yes.”

“You know what ‘slept with’ means, right? I mean sex.”

“I… I know.”

“So, you’re saying I had sex with you?”

“…….”

“And you even got pregnant?”

The conversation kept drifting in a strange direction. The explicit words were uncomfortable. Eun-soo let out a faint sigh and twisted his wrist.

“It hurts. Please let go of this first…”

But Do-kwon’s grip only tightened. It felt as if his wrist were about to snap like a wafer. As Eun-soo gritted his teeth and tried to pull away, Do-kwon leaned down and whispered in a voice only Eun-soo could hear.

“Well, I could’ve had sex with anyone. Whether I fucked an Omega or a pig during some stupid rut, who cares.”

Rut, Omega, pig. Eun-soo closed his eyes tight at the stinging words before opening them again.

A ‘rut’ is a biological phenomenon that occurs for Alphas once or twice a year. It is a period where reproduction is the absolute priority—essentially a mating season. Omegas also had a mating season called a ‘heat cycle’ every couple of months.

These days, medical technology was advanced enough to manage it with drugs like suppressants, but without them, it was horrific. One became a beast, craving nothing but pleasure.

So, Do-kwon was saying that because of that rut, he had chased pleasure like an animal and slept with him, and as a result, a child was conceived.

“…….”

It was a conversation of the lowest order. Do-kwon’s train of thought, spiraling out of control, was equally disgusting.

That day, the day the child was conceived. The love and romance they had created were too beautiful to be disparaged like this. It had been perfectly fulfilling, passionate, and warm.

Being an Alpha and an Omega, it was true they had been thirsty for each other and craved pleasure, but they hadn’t been so promiscuous as to be dismissed as beasts.

Do-kwon, who denied all those emotions, sensations, and moments, felt like a stranger. No, more than a stranger—he was terrifying.

Eun-soo felt his chest tighten as if he had swallowed a stone. His head ached. His eyes felt dry, and a deep fatigue washed over him. Even breathing in and out felt like grueling labor.

As Eun-soo’s face turned pale in an instant, Do-kwon’s grip loosened. His eyes flickered. He couldn’t tear his gaze away from Eun-soo’s face, which was now etched with sorrow.

Eun-soo pulled his wrist away. Red finger marks were left behind. Eun-soo pulled down his sleeve to hide them. Then, he forced a smile, lifting the corners of his lips.

“It’s late. I’ll… be going now. Please don’t skip your meals.”

“…….”

“I’ll come back tomorrow. I’ll come again tomorrow.”

Eun-soo turned around. The sound of broken glass crunching under the soles of his shoes echoed. Even so, Eun-soo walked steadily toward the door. There was nothing to pack. He had rushed out without even putting on a coat upon hearing the news that Do-kwon had opened his eyes.

Just as Eun-soo’s foot crossed the threshold of the room, he glanced back. Do-kwon was staring at him. With a somewhat vacant expression, Eun-soo murmured softly.

“What we did that day… wasn’t sex. It was love.”

He didn’t know if Do-kwon heard him. Do-kwon simply stared at him, offering no answer.

* * *

Eun-soo took the subway, taking a long, winding route back home. The moment he entered the house, he ran to the bathroom.

Being squeezed between people standing as densely as hedgehog spines, amidst the characteristic damp and musty smell of the subway, had left his stomach in ruins. Having not taken the subway since his college days, everything was unbearable.

Going up and down the stairs into the earth, enduring people bumping into his shoulders and back, the loud alarms of the subway, the vibration of the jolting train—unfamiliar discomforts tormented him.

He had considered taking a taxi, but he feared he would do something unsightly inside. For example,

“Ugh…”

Like retching, as he was now. Or perhaps fainting with his eyes rolling back.

Clutching the toilet, Eun-soo gagged repeatedly. His stomach felt as nauseous as if he had spent six hours on a bus winding through mountain foothills.

Only saliva dripped into the toilet. Occasionally, tears were mixed in. They were by no means emotional tears. They were simply physiological tears caused by the retching. Truly.

After spending a long time with his face buried over the toilet, Eun-soo left the bathroom because of his loudly ringing phone. After rinsing his mouth, he practically crawled out of the bathroom.

The caller was Do-kwon’s mother, Myeong-hui. Eun-soo quickly cleared his throat.

“Yes, Mother.”

Eun-soo, where are you? Are you home?

“Ah, yes, I’m home. I’m sorry. I, I left without saying anything. I was a bit tired…*

No, it’s alright. As long as you’re home. I was worried you had collapsed somewhere… Have you eaten?

“I’m about to eat now.”

Good. Make sure you eat. Call me immediately if there’s anything you want to eat.

Myeong-hui continued to pour out her worries for a while. He had to sleep well, avoid drinking cold water if possible, not have bad thoughts, make sure to cover himself with a blanket so he wouldn’t catch a cold, and so on. Then, she suddenly cursed Do-kwon, before hurriedly ending the call, wondering if even this would be a source of stress.

Eun-soo stared quietly at the word [Mother] blinking on the screen. Then, taking a deep breath, he stretched. With a solemn expression, like a general heading to war, he entered the kitchen.

Let’s eat first. After that, I’ll wash with warm water and watch TV. I’ll drink fruit-scented tea while watching a program funny enough to stop me from thinking. And then I’ll fall asleep, completely forgetting the words the doctor told me today and the conversation I had with Do-kwon.

As Eun-soo carefully planned, he put the cold porridge in the microwave and shut the door with a thud.

“Ah…”

Eun-soo blinked his dry eyes slowly. He had only managed to execute half of the plan he had boldly set the previous night. He had eaten, and he had taken a warm shower. Up to that point, it was perfect. He had also drunk tea while watching a funny program.

But he couldn’t laugh. No matter how much he watched, he couldn’t find it funny.

He couldn’t forget the doctor’s words or the conversation with Do-kwon. He couldn’t sleep either. He had drifted into light sleep here and there, but his longest stretch of sleep was barely an hour.

“I shouldn’t be like this.”

Lying stretched out on the sofa, Eun-soo gently stroked his stomach. A sigh escaped him as his stomach seemed even flatter than yesterday.

I need to eat well. I need to sleep well.

He felt as though he had thought that exactly a hundred times throughout the night. Because of that, it began to feel like an obsession. He felt pathetic and incompetent for being unable to even take care of his own body at his age.

Eun-soo sat up and brought over a crumpled blanket from afar. He covered himself up to his chest, lay down in a proper posture, and closed his eyes. He put every ounce of effort into trying to sleep. However, his mind only became clearer.

Thinking his posture might be the problem, he tried lying on his side. Not satisfied, he lay horizontally, then on his stomach, tossing and turning on the bed like he was swimming.

Still, he could not sleep.

Completely drained, Eun-soo sprawled out on the bed. His head was crowded and noisy. What should I do about this? As he rolled his eyes in contemplation, a single-person sofa caught his eye. More specifically, someone’s coat lying on that sofa.

“…….”

It was Do-kwon’s. The day before the accident. After a date, Do-kwon had put it on him, saying the weather was cold, and he had worn it all the way home.

As if possessed, Eun-soo approached the coat. The black coat was large enough to serve as a blanket. Swallowing hard, Eun-soo picked up the coat and buried his nose in it.

As he inhaled deeply, Do-kwon’s scent rushed in. No matter when or how he smelled it, it was an enchanting scent.

Eun-soo returned to the bed holding the coat. He wrapped a large pillow tightly in the coat and hugged it, as if it were Do-kwon. Doing so brought him peace of mind. His shoulders and neck, which had been tense, finally relaxed.

Eun-soo slowly closed his eyes. Then, he murmured words that no one would hear.

“I’m sorry for wrinkling the coat. But you’re partly responsible, so please understand. It couldn’t be helped.”

Having said that, a faint smile flickered across Eun-soo’s lips. And finally, he was able to meet the dream he had craved all night.