By Zephyria 
It hadn’t been like this at the after-party. Even while radiating anger with his entire body, he hadn’t looked my way, hadn’t walked beside me, yet he hadn’t let go of Choi Hong-seo’s hand. Back then, was it okay because I thought he was angry at Kim Jae-won, not me?
The Lee Hae-sung in the mirror was watching him. Setting the towel he used to wipe his mouth down on the sink, he asked.
“Why are you crying.”
“I’m not.”
“You’re posing like you’re about to.”
When he spat out the foam and straightened up, he had already stepped closer.
“Look at me.”
He shook his head.
“What is it. What don’t you like.”
He seemed to be trying to soothe him, but there was still a sense of dissonance, a feeling that things weren’t as they usually were. His languid, sigh-laced voice almost sounded as if he were annoyed. There was no way Lee Hae-sung would feel that way. Just the imagination that he might find him bothersome made his heart ache as if he were dying.
It probably meant he had been loved by him in such overflowing abundance. To the point where being treated slightly differently than usual made him feel sorrowful, as if the whole world had been given to him and then snatched away.
“Go..”
“Go?”
“Sha..”
“Sha?”
He couldn’t understand what he meant if he only spoke like that. Tilting his head, Lee Hae-sung raised an eyebrow. Hong-seo wondered if he knew exactly what was being said but was pretending not to, or if he simply didn’t care to know. Usually, he was quick-witted, almost as if he could read Choi Hong-seo’s mind.
Why aren’t we showering together? He couldn’t ask.
Because that was essentially the same as asking, Why aren’t we having sex?
Why aren’t we having sex? Are we not doing it today? That hurdle was still too high for Choi Hong-seo. Even in his somewhat intoxicated state, he couldn’t bring himself to say it.
Having roughly rinsed his mouth, Choi Hong-seo hesitated, rubbing his lips with the back of his hand. It seemed he had to approach it from a different angle.
“Hyung.”
“……”
Lee Hae-sung faltered at the sudden ‘Hyung attack.’ Instead, this time Choi Hong-seo stepped closer to him. Fiddling with the waistband of his pants—since he wasn’t wearing a top—he looked down toward his navel.
“Hyung, you’re angry, right? Are you… really angry?”
“Why do you think I’m angry?”
“Because you were… there, with Kim Jae-won…”
“It wasn’t a pleasant feeling.”
He felt the gaze looking down at him. The rims of his ears felt hot.
“So… is that why you’re not showering with me? Because you’re angry?”
“I wonder, what do you think.”
Standing face-to-face with Choi Hong-seo, he gave a vague answer while resting one hand on the sink.
He was angry. He definitely was.
Earlier, because Mr. Rebas and other people were there, he had just pretended not to be angry for a moment. But I thought he had cooled off…
“Eve, even before Hyung came… nothing happened… Kim Jae-won was fighting with other people… I was just beside…”
Trying to speak in long sentences made his pronunciation blur, and his speech kept slowing down. Still, he blinked and put strength into his tongue, trying his best to explain.
Hmm. With a sigh, his hand reached out and touched his chin. He used his thumb to wipe away the white foam remaining at the corner of Choi Hong-seo’s mouth.
“Since you think I’m angry. You only call me Hyung at times like this. Since when did you learn to act like such a fox?”
“It’s not that. Kim Jae-won…!”
The face he looked up at immediately frowned.
“Do I have to hear that name again?”
Even though he spoke frighteningly with a crease between his brows, just like at the party, Hong-seo’s lower abdomen tingled. Choi Hong-seo’s bare feet shifted on the bathroom floor.
“Because Kim Jae-won called Hyung ‘ajusshi’…”
“……”
“I, I hated that.”
“You’re calling me Hyung because you hated that?”
Nod.
“Are you going to keep calling me Hyung from now on, then?”
Nod.
“Did you hate it that much that Kim Jae-won called me ajusshi?”
Nod, nod.
“While you call me ajusshi yourself?”
“It’s okay when I do it.”
Fiddling with his belt buckle, he insisted in a sulky voice.
“But other people can’t?”
“They can’t. Because…”
“……”
“Because Hyung isn’t actually an ajusshi.”
“Why not. I am an ajusshi. Even the kid I ran into in front of the convenience store last time called me ajusshi.”
“You’re not an ajusshi.”
He didn’t want to act like a grumpy child. As his lover, he wanted to be more confident, adult, mature, and sexy… in short, he wanted to seduce him with some sort of composure and coolness.
But instead, it felt like he had become more of a child than he was before he met him.
Right, it’s because I’m drunk. This was all because of the alcohol.
Looking down at Choi Hong-seo, who was merely fiddling with his belt, Lee Hae-sung leaned down and lightly bumped his forehead against the back of Hong-seo’s head.
“Hmm. If you just insist like that, it’s not very convincing.”
Since he tended to spray perfume on his skin rather than his clothes, the scent of his perfume wafted from his bare body. The shower gel he used, the spray-type body lotion, the aftershave… the sum of all those scents, which seemed to have seeped even under his fingernails, already enveloped Choi Hong-seo in ecstasy.
He wanted to hug this large body before him and breathe in those scents to his heart’s content.
“A man… this sexy… isn’t an ajusshi.”
Awkwardly, he wrapped both arms around Lee Hae-sung’s waist and hugged him. Resting his chin below his collarbone, he peeked up. The man looking down and meeting his eyes didn’t seem agitated in the slightest. He didn’t even seem sexually aroused. He had a face that said, ‘Let’s see what you’re going to do.’
Since they started living together after returning from LA, nearly a year and a half had passed.
The number of times they had mixed their bodies, kisses as erotic as sex, the places or positions they had used… they were too many to count.
And yet, Choi Hong-seo still didn’t know how to seduce him first.
He hadn’t progressed from that past—where he didn’t know how to keep him from leaving, so he would write letters with his finger on his back after he had turned around.
Lee Hae-sung was not a man who left his lover wanting; he was the one who always made Choi Hong-seo crave him first. Before Choi Hong-seo could even feel sexual desire, Lee Hae-sung had always wanted him, and he had never once felt unsatisfied after sex with him. Because his sex was a complete combustion, burning away every last remnant of sexual desire.
He had never felt the need to seduce him first.
He realized anew that, without noticing, he had ended up relying on him even in matters of the bedroom.
Did he unconsciously think that if he just hugged him, he would want him first this time too?
Was it the power of the alcohol? Deciding that he shouldn’t be like this and that he must be bold, Choi Hong-seo put it into action immediately.
He pressed his lips against the skin before him. He was already dizzy from the scent emanating from the man’s entire body. He rubbed his lips as if grazing the firm upper chest, then moved further down to take the brown areola into his mouth.
“What are you doing, Hyun-seo?”
“I’m… trying to make you feel better.”
Struggling to suck on the nipple that wouldn’t easily be caught, he looked up at him.
“Hmm… the person who feels better when their chest is sucked isn’t me, but Hong-seo…”
Fumbling, he moved up the neck and blocked his mouth with his hand. He leaned his flexible waist back to avoid Choi Hong-seo’s hand, continuing to be mischievous.
“Will it work just by licking ticklishly like that? You have to be more ravenous, hmm? Suck until it’s tingling and scratch with the tip of your tongue. Just like Hong-seo likes.”
His face was beyond red; it felt like it would explode. Everything he said was true. He loved it insanely when he did that. Even at this moment, he desperately wanted that aching, tingling sweetness.
He was anxious, not knowing what to do to possess him.
He simply hugged the man’s torso tightly and buried his face in his chest.
“Then… do whatever ajus—Hyung wants.”
“Hmm?”
Squeezing out his fading voice, he tried his best to speak as clearly as possible.
“Whatever Hyung wants to do. Anything.”
“Whatever I want?”
He nodded.
“Well, I think Hong-seo is the one who wants something.”
“Let’s… shower together.”
“Really? Is showering really what you want to do together?”
Just his voice stimulated his sexual desire. He wanted his tongue, lips, and nipples to be sucked right now, and he wanted to pant and tangle with him like a beast.
Every kind of pleasure that he had persistently injected into him remained and revived throughout his body. Like a special tattoo engraved under the skin that reveals itself when a light is shone upon it.
He knew that if he didn’t speak honestly, he wouldn’t be able to have him. He had to say it.
“Selfishly, badly… love me.”
His hand caressed the rim of Choi Hong-seo’s ear as he kept his face buried in the collarbone.
“If you speak in circles, I won’t grant anything. Because I’m angry.”
“Selfishly, badly… have sex with me.”
Lee Hae-sung’s hand, which had been rubbing the curves of the ear, stopped.
The thick chest pressed against him expanded with a deep, humming breath. His fingers began to rub the rim of the ear again. This time, they moved slower and more erotically.
“Do you know what that kind of sex is when you say that?”
“I know.”
“I won’t say any sweet words, you know?”
Nod.
“And I won’t ask if it’s too hard.”
Nod.
He lowered his head deeply. This time, instead of his hand, his lips slid warmly over the rim of the ear.
“And when Hong-seo feels like he’s going crazy, I won’t stop.”