By Zephyria 
Beside a friend who constantly dragged people into their circle, Seo Chi-young nodded.
Those who are meant to meet will eventually find a way to meet.
However, he felt that the timing of that meeting was also incredibly important.
Perhaps the people Seo Chi-young knew now would have had different relationships if they had met years ago or years later under different circumstances. Those he was on good terms with now, or those with whom things were awkward, might have been different if they had met at a different time or place.
In a world where no one is absolutely good or bad, the thought vaguely crossed his mind that the timing of meeting someone might be what determines the nature of the relationship.
“If those meant to meet eventually do… then I hope they meet at the time when they can build the best possible relationship. I hope anyone can be that lucky…”
I hoped that for us.
Seo Chi-young let his voice trail off and fell silent.
He hoped that when he looked back on the moment he met the man before him, he would feel fortunate that it happened then. Just as he felt infinite happiness in being able to accumulate these moments he was spending with him right now.
With his head lowered, Seo Chi-young looked down at his fingertips. His slenderly trembling hands were no longer shaking from anxiety. It was because the present moment was beyond satisfying.
“…Still. Perhaps that is the case.”
Suddenly, a quiet voice sounded from above. Seo Chi-young slowly raised his head and locked eyes with Jang Ui-geon, who was looking at him.
“Back in high school, I was more impatient than I am now; I lived only looking at what was right in front of me. …If I had gotten to know you then, Chi-young, we might not have stayed acquainted until now. Or perhaps I would have been broken, or I would have broken someone…”
Jang Ui-geon fell silent.
Perhaps he was recalling a time long ago. A time when they had been in the same space, yet he hadn’t known Seo Chi-young.
What was he like then?
He was younger. He was more fearless and more reckless than he was now. He believed everything would go as he wished, and he was clumsier in choosing the means to achieve his ends. He found it easy to hurt others, and yet he didn’t even realize it.
“…Though I don’t think I’ve improved much even now.”
Jang Ui-geon gave a bitter smile. Soon, he let out a light sigh and smiled warmly.
“Still, I’m glad it wasn’t any later.”
Speaking in a slightly light tone, Jang Ui-geon feigned a sigh. Then, as if the mere thought was horrific, he shook his head.
“If I had given up on Jun-young, and you weren’t by my side in that situation, I might have been so heartbroken that I just married whoever came along.”
Jang Ui-geon stared into the air for a moment. He seemed to be hypothesizing what would have happened if that had occurred.
“…And if I had met you after that.”
As he muttered this, a crease formed between Jang Ui-geon’s brows.
Hypotheticals aren’t always useful, but Seo Chi-young found himself thinking along with him. If the man he met again had someone—someone with a bond so firm that even a one-sided love wouldn’t be permitted. Then, naturally, they wouldn’t have the relationship they had now. No, they might not have even become close in the first place.
Beside Seo Chi-young, who gave a weak smile, Jang Ui-geon rubbed that crease with his index finger and let out a low, heavy sigh.
“That would have been much more troublesome. To abandon that life while married and come to you, Chi-young, would have been terrifyingly difficult.”
Seo Chi-young’s faint smile vanished. “Uh…” he looked at him, slightly bewildered.
Uh. …Uh. That means…
Seo Chi-young instinctively pulled at the ends of his hair with shrinking hands. His blinking eyes, not knowing what to do, remained fixed on Jang Ui-geon’s expression.
Even if he had walked a smooth path, he was murmuring as if it were an absolute fact that he would have eventually come to Seo Chi-young. That no matter the situation, he would have ended up with him. Even if a smooth and easy path lay right before him. Even if he had already stepped onto it.
“…”
“Uh,” Seo Chi-young muttered once more, dropping his blinking gaze.
What should I do?
It was a terrible hypothetical—one that, even in imagination, would deeply hurt someone else and should not be entertained—yet Seo Chi-young’s heart throbbed with a sweet ache. That stinging pain was so sweet it seemed to drive the shadows hiding in the corners of his heart deep away.
What should I do… He couldn’t lift his head. He couldn’t bear to show his foolish face, whose heart was fluttering over a few words of a non-existent hypothetical.
While Seo Chi-young kept his head down, not knowing what to do with his flushed face, Jang Ui-geon remained lost in thought for a while. Perhaps he was still pondering that scenario.
He sighed and shook his head.
“No, as I thought, I’m glad that didn’t happen. Even for me, that would have been truly horribly difficult.”
He gave a bitter smile and shrugged his shoulders.
“If I had actually been married, you would have never come to me, Chi-young.”
Because you are that kind of person, he said, pouring tea into an empty cup. As if his lips were parched just from the imagination, he emptied half the water glass in one go. Seo Chi-young looked up at him with only his eyes and murmured, “Uh… well…”
“…But if that had happened, it would have been the same for you, Ui-geon.”
Seo Chi-young spoke with a shy, faint smile.
Jang Ui-geon, who was always confident and stood tall, would have been the same.
Yes. If that had happened, they could never have been like this from the start. He felt glad it didn’t happen, glad they didn’t meet at such a time.
Jang Ui-geon looked at Seo Chi-young with a subtle expression. He stared at him as if wondering how it would have been, then let out a short, bitter laugh.
“I don’t know. I feel like you might have run away to avoid me, and I might have ended up in prison…”
“Haha, no way…”
Seo Chi-young ended up smiling faintly at Jang Ui-geon, who muttered a joke that was terrifying to even imagine as if it were nothing. Jang Ui-geon smiled back and moistened his lips with barley tea in silence. A moment of silence passed. Breaking that silence, Jang Ui-geon put down his cup and spoke.
“But, you’re right.”
“I’m glad I met you now, Chi-young. Not sooner, not later, but right now, when my head isn’t as hot as it used to be, nor as stiff as it might become.”
Having finished speaking, Jang Ui-geon quietly rubbed his chin. Looking into the air with a shy, awkward gaze, he looked back at Seo Chi-young. That gaze was directed toward him with sincere, pure honesty.
“Chi-young. Please just remember this. I cannot live without you. Yes, at least the human called Jang Ui-geon that you know would not be able to live for a single day. …So please, always stay by my side.”
Seo Chi-young looked at Jang Ui-geon with wide eyes. In the face of that serious and direct gaze, he couldn’t turn away, as if his eyes were held captive.
“Uh…”
After staring for a while, all Seo Chi-young could do was nod, letting out a foolishly vague response. He had no choice. His heart felt so full that words wouldn’t come out. Pushing away the faint anxiety and shadows, his heart simply beat loudly.
That deep and calm stability. A comfortable sense of relief.
Within that, Seo Chi-young nodded. Always by your side, he whispered inside.
Jang Ui-geon seemed to smile. His softly curving lips whispered.
“Alright. Then shall we head back now? To our home.”
Our home—that small, warm house that he always kept the door open for Seo Chi-young.
…However, as it turned out, this man—though he might not realize it himself—seemed to actually prefer having relations with women. At the very least, he definitely preferred a woman’s body over a man’s.
Because.
“…!”
Seo Chi-young gasped and flinched. It was because Jang Ui-geon’s lips, which had been obsessively stroking his chest, suddenly sucked his nipple in forcefully. Even without looking at the part held in his mouth, or the other side being constantly twisted and teased by fingers, he could tell how red and swollen it had become.
“Ah…!!”
Between the sensation of being flicked by a tongue, nibbled by lips, and sometimes sucked so hard it felt as if it would be pulled out by the root, Seo Chi-young didn’t know how many times he had let out a cry. Every time, he felt like he would cry—no, he actually did cry—as he twisted his body.
Jang Ui-geon did not let the small piece of flesh, which had become so sensitive from countless repeated stimulations that it would stand erect at the slightest touch, rest for long. Throughout the act, except for the occasional oral sex or when kissing Seo Chi-young’s lips or cheeks—though even then, he didn’t stop fiddling with his fingers—Jang Ui-geon relentlessly pleasured Seo Chi-young’s chest. Even when they briefly coupled just before closing Seo Chi-young’s shop, or during intense foreplay in the car, Jang Ui-geon never missed that spot.
“…”
In the end, until Seo Chi-young’s mind became a complete mess and his reason nearly vanished as he thrashed toward a climax, and until Jang Ui-geon, having spread Seo Chi-young’s body and filled him deep and tight, released his own desire, Jang Ui-geon’s mouth or hands never left Seo Chi-young’s plump, swollen nipples.
Even now, after being tormented until the night grew deep and lying sprawled on the blanket, exhausted to the point where he didn’t have the strength to move a single finger, Jang Ui-geon was stroking Seo Chi-young’s chest with his lips. Jang Ui-geon had also poured his desire into and around Seo Chi-young’s body several times, and his member was now languidly limp. Therefore, he couldn’t be licking the chest out of any other greed.
“…”
Seo Chi-young rolled only his eyes downward, looking at Jang Ui-geon, who was lightly tapping his nipple with the tip of his tongue.
“…Ui-geon.”
When Seo Chi-young called him in a voice thick from crying, Jang Ui-geon raised his head. Meeting his eyes, he let a smile appear around his eyes as if asking what was wrong.
“S-sleeping with a woman… how does it feel?”
The moment Seo Chi-young spoke, Jang Ui-geon suddenly stopped moving. The languid smile that had been pleasantly spread across his eyes and face vanished. His eyebrows twitched slightly as he lifted his head. Looking down at Seo Chi-young with a suspicious expression, he muttered as if reluctant.
“If you’re asking in comparison to a man, well, of course, it’s softer than a man. There’s less bone getting in the way, so it’s easier to hold. …Why? Are you interested?”
At the counter-question tinged with a faint hint of displeasure, Seo Chi-young quickly opened his mouth to say no.
“I-it’s not that, …U-Ui-geon, actually, women…”
But Seo Chi-young let his voice trail off. Jang Ui-geon frowned slightly.
“…Women?”
He asked softly. After waiting silently for a moment for Seo Chi-young, who had closed his mouth and was only rolling his eyes, he stroked Seo Chi-young’s cheek as if urging a response. That soft touch had a somewhat firm quality to it, signaling that he was not very pleased. Seo Chi-young looked as if he were about to cry and barely managed to speak again.
“I wondered if you… like women. …B-because, …y-you seem to like… breasts, or things like that…”
As he spoke in a voice that seemed to crawl away, Seo Chi-young’s face grew hot. Jang Ui-geon looked down in silence for a while at Seo Chi-young, who had quickly turned his head to avoid eye contact, his face flushed a deep red. It seemed he had lost his words. Perhaps he hadn’t realized it himself until then; Jang Ui-geon didn’t move an inch, only blinking his faintly widened eyes slowly as he stared intently at Seo Chi-young.
“…Ah.”
Eventually, Jang Ui-geon muttered shortly. He sounded a bit dazed.
“…I see. …So that’s it.”
Jang Ui-geon muttered to himself like someone who had just realized something, still sounding slightly dazed. Then he fell silent. Jang Ui-geon’s gaze, which scanned every corner of Seo Chi-young’s face with a strange expression, felt piercing. Finally, returning to his usual face, Jang Ui-geon gazed steadily at Seo Chi-young for a moment and then asked calmly.
“And so?”
“…Pardon?”
“And so, do you dislike it, Chi-young?”
To Jang Ui-geon, who asked slowly as if it were no big deal, yet emphasizing each word as if it were something that must be clearly addressed, Seo Chi-young murmured, “Uh…” as if caught off guard.
“Ah… a-ah, no, it’s not that I dislike it, it’s just… I don’t have breasts, so, well…”
Looking down at Seo Chi-young, who stammered with a voice that sounded like he might cry, Jang Ui-geon rubbed his brow as if momentarily perplexed. The sound of a low click of the tongue reached his ears. He slowly lowered his head. And he tilted his head to kiss Seo Chi-young, who had been turning his face away and stubbornly looking elsewhere. At the tender kiss that softly brushed his lips, Seo Chi-young’s gaze finally returned to Jang Ui-geon for a brief moment.
“Just to clear up a slight misunderstanding, I don’t particularly like breasts in a special way.”
“…”
“And even if I did like breasts, I wouldn’t sleep with a woman just because of them. I’m not that kind of hedonist.”
As he said the latter, a sigh of slight annoyance descended upon Seo Chi-young’s lips. Seo Chi-young instinctively looked at Jang Ui-geon.
“T-then why…”
But the mouth that had unintentionally let out the question stopped halfway.
Why do you pleasure my nipples so obsessively?
That question simply couldn’t come out. However, Jang Ui-geon seemed to realize what the flustered, red-faced Seo Chi-young wanted to say. He looked down at Seo Chi-young in silence for a while. Jang Ui-geon opened his mouth as if to say something, but then seemed to sink into thought for a moment and closed it again.
“…”
“…”
A brief silence passed. Eventually, breaking that silence, Jang Ui-geon asked instead of answering.
“So, if I were to say that I prefer breasts—that I prefer a woman’s body.”
Jang Ui-geon stopped mid-sentence. Having remained silent, he continued with a look of displeasure, as if he didn’t particularly want to say the rest.
“Would you tell me to go to a woman, Chi-young?”
“…”
Seo Chi-young kept his mouth shut, his eyes widening. He looked at Jang Ui-geon in surprise, and when their eyes met, his gaze drooped as if he were about to cry.
Go to a woman.
No way.
He didn’t want that.
If Jang Ui-geon said he wanted to go, there would be no way to stop him, but he had no intention of casting him away with his own words. Facing Jang Ui-geon, who was looking down at him with an expressionless face as if he were angry, Seo Chi-young struggled to put on an indifferent expression, even as he became aware of himself looking more and more like he was about to cry. But it was useless; his eyes kept drooping. Jang Ui-geon, who had been observing him intently, eventually sighed.
“I have no intention of doing that. Even if you told me to go, I wouldn’t. So please, don’t even think that. …Please, don’t tell me to go.”
Seo Chi-young blinked his large eyes and looked at Jang Ui-geon. Seeing him look slightly depressed, as if his energy had drained, Seo Chi-young instinctively gave a barely perceptible nod. Jang Ui-geon’s stiff expression loosened slightly.
The question remained unresolved, but a faint sense of relief brushed over Seo Chi-young’s gaze. At the very least, Jang Ui-geon was not lying. No matter what he was thinking when he did it, or even if it was a preference he hadn’t known himself, Jang Ui-geon’s serious gaze told him that he hadn’t been imagining a woman’s body while pleasuring him.
Is that so… Is it okay? As long as he didn’t do it because of some dissatisfaction or longing.
Then Seo Chi-young didn’t mind. No matter where or how Jang Ui-geon touched him, as long as it made him happy, Seo Chi-young was happy too.
Seo Chi-young slowly exhaled the breath he had held deep in his chest. Along with the quiet, light breath, it felt as though the heavy, dark shadows were leaking away as well. Jang Ui-geon brushed back Seo Chi-young’s hair and softly stroked his cheek, looking down at him with a flicker of anxiety. Looking up at him, Seo Chi-young thought, No way. To tell him to go—surely that couldn’t be it. If anything, if he were to leave, Jang Ui-geon would likely cling tightly to his sleeve, not knowing what to do but refusing to let go. Seo Chi-young took another deep breath. Then, looking straight at Jang Ui-geon, making a conscious effort not to turn away his flushed face, he spoke.
“Uh… …it’s not like that. …I want you to stay with me.”
Jang Ui-geon’s eyes softened as he looked down at Seo Chi-young, who had murmured in a voice that could only be heard by listening closely, before shyly averting his gaze. His eyes curved gently as he leaned down toward Seo Chi-young. Once again, their lips overlapped softly, this time a bit deeper. Hesitating for a moment, Seo Chi-young opened his mouth to match him. Jang Ui-geon pushed his tongue into the mouth as if in joy, sweeping through every corner as if inspecting it thoroughly, then laughed pleasantly and kissed him once more, as light as a brush.
Then, as if something occurred to him, Jang Ui-geon chuckled. When Seo Chi-young looked at him curiously at the laughter leaking through their pressed lips, Jang Ui-geon lowered his gaze with a hint of mischief and murmured lowly, “And.”
“I told you before. Your body has become more erotic than a woman’s, Chi-young.”
“…”
Seo Chi-young flinched, his shoulders hunching. For a moment, he froze as if paralyzed, unable to move a single finger, only blinking up at Jang Ui-geon.
Uh… I did hear that, but… but…
As a look of growing bewilderment filled Seo Chi-young’s face, Jang Ui-geon pressed his lips lightly and softly against his lips, cheeks, and nose several times, while slowly moving his hips. Seo Chi-young’s eyes widened. Jang Ui-geon’s member had regained its strength and was now pressing against Seo Chi-young’s groin.
“That’s right. I’ve been far too biased until now. I’m sorry. This time, I’ll make every single part of you feel good, so give me one more chance to make up for it.”
As Jang Ui-geon whispered softly, parting Seo Chi-young’s legs and delving back between them, Seo Chi-young looked at him, murmuring in confusion, “Uh, uh, that’s not it,” but that flustered voice was soon swallowed by Jang Ui-geon’s mouth.
A cat wailed outside the window. Its thin, pitiful voice could be heard intermittently, two or three times.
Jang Ui-geon had been gazing at Seo Chi-young, who had been fast asleep in his arms, using his arm as a pillow, for some time now. He didn’t even know how long he had been watching him. He felt a strange sensation, as if he could look and look again without ever tiring of it. The round forehead, the neat eyebrows, the long shadows cast by the eyelashes beneath them, the smooth bridge of the nose, the slightly parted wet lips, the cheeks where the drenched tears had dried… No matter what he looked at or for how long, everything seemed fresh. To the point where he almost tired of himself.
The cat wailed again outside. This time, the cry was a bit longer. In that moment, Seo Chi-young’s eyebrows seemed to twitch slightly. Only then did Jang Ui-geon lift his gaze and look at the window with a slightly displeased expression.
“…”
Thinking that he wouldn’t wake up immediately, he very carefully lowered Seo Chi-young’s head onto the pillow. As the weight resting on his arm vanished, he felt a sense of emptiness.
Jang Ui-geon quietly stood up, tucked the blanket tightly around Seo Chi-young’s body, and walked to the window. As he opened it, the night breeze flowed in. A cat was perched on the wall of the inner house in front of the window. It was a fellow that occasionally lingered near the food bowl at dawn.
“Go away. You’ll wake him.”
Jang Ui-geon spoke lowly, but the cat, staring wide-eyed at him, had no intention of moving. When Jang Ui-geon clicked his tongue and let out a short, sharp hiss, the cat finally recognized the threat and leaped off the wall in a hurry, disappearing somewhere. Jang Ui-geon let out a short sigh, looked around to see if there was anything else that might disturb Seo Chi-young’s sleep, and closed the window.
He didn’t hate cats. However, he didn’t particularly like them either. Whether it was a dog or a cat, he liked them enough to play with them moderately if they caught his eye, but not enough to intentionally call them over or feed them to raise them. Yet, he had no intention of driving those small animals away. No, it was actually better if they gathered every day, craving food. Thanks to that, Seo Chi-young came here diligently every morning.
He had subtly tested the waters several times, asking how it would be to move into this house and live, but even though Seo Chi-young must have understood what he meant, he either pretended not to or shook his head while breaking into a cold sweat with a flushed face. Since Jang Ui-geon had no intention of pushing the matter further and letting it escalate into an argument, he would drop the subject appropriately each time. However, Jang Ui-geon was always watching for an opportunity, thinking that if a gap appeared, he would take him and live together.
He didn’t know if it would actually become such a gap, but for now, those hungry cats were serving as a fairly decent stepping stone.
“…”
Jang Ui-geon sat on the wooden chair placed under the window. Then, he quietly gazed at Seo Chi-young, who was sleeping soundly, burrowed deep into the bedding. He could feel his own expression loosening instinctively.
It was a strange feeling.
How could he like a person this much? It was an unbelievable state of mind. He had never imagined he could fall for someone so frantically. Could he have ever imagined in the past that he could change his own nature because of someone?
It felt as if he were not himself.
He felt as if the image of himself he had held was a lie. For over thirty years, he had lived thinking that image was naturally who he was, but it now felt as if it had all been an illusion.
That strange feeling.
“…Chi-young… did you mix something into the gopchang?”
Jang Ui-geon murmured as if joking, but with a feeling that wasn’t a joke at all. No answer came back. However, Jang Ui-geon soon shook his head, answering his own question, No, that shouldn’t be it. It would be troublesome if another person like him appeared. As it was, he was already flustered by the fact that everything surrounding Seo Chi-young didn’t look pleasant to him.
He hadn’t known he could go this crazy. Yes, he really seemed to have lost his mind.
Even though he knew clearly that Seo Chi-young was not the type of person to do so, his nerves frayed whenever a cute girl spoke to him. It was the same even if the girl wasn’t cute. Wherever the gaze of that man, who answered everyone with kind eyes, landed, Jang Ui-geon’s eyes reflexively followed. It wasn’t just women. Naturally, he hated men too. In fact, he hated men even more. Women were, for the most part, outside of Seo Chi-young’s immediate range, but men were not.
It was a perfectly natural fact that just because one is gay, it doesn’t mean they like all members of the same sex—as evidenced by himself—but any man who hovered closer to Seo Chi-young stood out exceptionally to him.
Yes, he didn’t like that old friend, Kim Kyung-chul, and he didn’t like the child that man brought along either. He was displeased that Seo Chi-young hugged the child affectionately, and that the child clung snugly in those arms. Thinking that he’d rather be the one holding him than see someone else in those arms, he ended up holding and diligently coaxing a child he didn’t even like—who he disliked even more for resembling Kim Kyung-chul.
Because of that, he had actually quite seriously considered adopting a child, but he gave up on the idea. If there were a child, he could likely keep Seo Chi-young tied down with a probability incomparable to something like a stray cat. No matter what happened, that man would never abandon his responsibility and leave. However, he folded the idea, thinking it would be hard to bear the sight of him hugging a child every single day.
“…”
Jang Ui-geon clicked his tongue. Letting out a sigh like a low groan, he thought that he had truly gone mad. The human known as Jang Ui-geon, whom he had known for over thirty years, was not this kind of person. Looking from an objective perspective, without pride or conceit, Jang Ui-geon was a fairly decent human being. Even at his worst, he considered himself a blameless person who did not deviate from general common sense. Others’ evaluations of him were even better; he thought that judging him as a general man of common sense was actually modest.
A person who was generous to others, looked at his surroundings with a positive perspective, and was flexible and magnanimous. A cheerful, reliable, and mature person.
That was how others evaluated him. Therefore, Jang Ui-geon had thought of himself as a reasonably good person who lived uprightly according to his own standards.
However.
After meeting Seo Chi-young—more accurately, from the moment he couldn’t take his eyes off Seo Chi-young—he became strange. As if he had truly lost his mind. He came to realize poignantly what kind of other ego existed within him. He had no idea it would be such a ferocious form.
“…”
He felt as though he might even develop self-loathing.
And yet, Jang Ui-geon could not lock that side of himself away again. As long as that person was before his eyes. And now, he didn’t even intend to.
Jang Ui-geon rose from the chair. Then, he approached the bedding again and slid in beside Seo Chi-young. Reclaiming the spot that had been his until a moment ago, he moved Seo Chi-young’s head, which was resting on the pillow, back onto his own arm.
“…Uh…?”
At that, Seo Chi-young’s eyelids flickered, as if he had momentarily woken up. Jang Ui-geon quietly whispered, covering his eyes with his hand.
“It’s okay. Sleep more.”
Whispering in the kindest and most affectionate voice he could produce, Jang Ui-geon kept his palm over the eyelids until Seo Chi-young, who had fidgeted for a moment, relaxed his shoulders again and began to breathe rhythmically. Only after he had completely fallen back asleep did Jang Ui-geon gaze down at Seo Chi-young, who was sleeping comfortably using his arm as a pillow.
His gaze, which slowly watched the man whose mere sight sometimes made his heart ache, moved toward the body lying with a curved back under the blanket that had slipped below the shoulders. It was the body that Jang Ui-geon had indulged in and tasted to his heart’s content just a moment ago. Suddenly, the chest, half-hidden by Seo Chi-young’s arm, caught his eye.
“…”
Jang Ui-geon reached out without hesitation, yet carefully enough not to wake Seo Chi-young, toward the small nipple that had now subsided slightly. As his finger pressed firmly on the nipple, Seo Chi-young’s shoulders seemed to flinch slightly, but he did not wake. Jang Ui-geon slowly stroked it. Suddenly, an impulse arose to suck that small piece of flesh hard, but to do so, he would have to put down Seo Chi-young, who was sleeping in his arms. He didn’t want to do that.
“…Ha.”
Jang Ui-geon let out a quiet, absurd laugh.
He realized once again how childish he was, and how he obsessed over even the smallest details of this man. He hadn’t even realized it until Seo Chi-young told him—that he particularly liked touching his chest.
“You can laugh or tease me… but, …still, what can I do if I’m angry.”
Jang Ui-geon whispered lowly into Seo Chi-young’s ear. Even in sleep, the nipple quickly stood erect. Feeling as if he might unconsciously put strength into the hand that was fiddling with it, he made an effort to relax his grip.
“I’m forcing myself to endure it because I feel like my mind will be shredded if I worry about the people who touched you before you met me, but… everything after meeting me should have been a first for me. …But only this part was stolen first; if you were me, Chi-young, wouldn’t you be angry?”
He thought, Maybe Chi-young wouldn’t be angry, but that thought only made him feel more displeased, so he shut his mouth. Thinking about it again, his heart felt as if it were freezing cold. In that moment when his vision turned red and he could see nothing, if that woman had been there, he might have struck her.
The red bruise left on the neck, the chest that had been swollen from being bitten hard.
Even now, in his subconscious, Jang Ui-geon felt resentful that another person’s touch had reached those places first.
“…What are you going to do, Chi-young. Because of you, I’ve become a man who feels like he could use violence even against a woman…”
Jang Ui-geon murmured like a lament.
Finding it spiteful that Seo Chi-young was sleeping so peacefully while he felt such a bitter taste in his mouth, he gave the nipple he had been carefully stroking a slight pinch. He pinched it just enough not to hurt, fearing he might wake him, but Seo Chi-young flinched his shoulders and mumbled something like a sleep-talk. Jang Ui-geon wrapped his arm around Seo Chi-young’s waist and pulled him closer. He held him tight in his embrace.
“It’s okay. I’m here… sleep more.”
When he whispered in his ear, Seo Chi-young, who seemed to be vaguely opening his eyes, flickered his eyelids a couple of times and then let out a deep breath again.
He slept securely within his arms.
As he quietly pushed his head further into the crook of Jang Ui-geon’s arm, breathing low and peaceful breaths, Jang Ui-geon hugged him even tighter.
Jang Ui-geon knew that for some time, Seo Chi-young had been looking at him with an expression that seemed somehow apologetic. He probably didn’t know, but Jang Ui-geon was always watching Seo Chi-young, always observing what he saw and what he thought. He couldn’t stand not knowing a single thing about him. In times like this, he thought it was a relief that he was quicker to pick up on things than other people. He could easily guess what foolish thoughts were making Seo Chi-young look at him gloomily, but Jang Ui-geon said nothing.
He didn’t like it when Seo Chi-young felt sorry or gloomy, and those thoughts were truly foolish and nonsensical—Seo Chi-young seemed to think that he was the one holding Jang Ui-geon back, when in fact it was the opposite—but Jang Ui-geon intentionally said nothing. Eventually, unable to bear seeing Seo Chi-young looking dispirited, he did let him know that wasn’t the case. However, he hoped that he would look only at him, even if it was out of that nonsensical feeling of apology.
“…I’m sorry, Chi-young. I didn’t know I was this kind of person.”
He hadn’t known he was a man so desperate to capture someone’s heart using such despicable means. Nor did he know he was a hypocritical man who struggled to appear as a cool and wonderful person in the other’s eyes. He had never imagined he would become such a person, nor did he want to.
But.
“…Chi-young.”
Jang Ui-geon softly called his name. The body buried in his arms didn’t move, and no answer came back, but he could hear a pleasant sound of breathing, as if the spot were comfortable. Jang Ui-geon tightened his grip on the arm embracing Seo Chi-young. Their naked bodies touched, and the warm body heat came closer. To the point of being hot.
That feeling was so pleasant and comfortable, and the quiet breath tickling his chest was so heart-wrenchingly good, that Jang Ui-geon hugged him tightly, refusing to let him go from his embrace.
Despicable, cowardly, and hypocritical.
He had become such an unsightly human being, but he did not regret it.
Fin.