By Zephyria 
The moment Seo Chi-young stepped back slightly and hunched his shoulders, Ui-geon stopped moving. For a second, his eyes widened as if he had seen something unbelievable, and then his face slowly crumbled, distorting.
“Chi-young, have you come to hate me? Because… because I’m this kind of person?”
“…….”
“Because I’m not the Jang Ui-geon you thought I was, you can’t like me anymore?”
Seo Chi-young tried to shake his head. However, seeing Jang Ui-geon’s face fall so miserably, his heart tightened instantly, leaving him unable to move. Watching Seo Chi-young, who could only stare at him with wide eyes that seemed to swell with emotion, Jang Ui-geon eventually gave a bitter smile. Cold words flowed from his lips.
“Then no matter what I say, you’re just going to leave.”
Having said that, Jang Ui-geon did not wait for Seo Chi-young to shake his head. Without hesitation, he reached out, gripped Seo Chi-young’s forearm, and began to walk. Just like he had two days ago.
“……Ui, Ui-geon, wait. Where are we…”
“If I tell you where we’re going, will you come with me?”
Jang Ui-geon’s retort was less of a question and more of a firm answer. As if he refused to listen to any of Seo Chi-young’s responses, he spoke decisively and walked forward without looking back. Being practically dragged along, Seo Chi-young spoke hurriedly in his bewilderment.
“Ui-geon, I, I’ll go later. Not now, later…”
He felt as if his knees would buckle at any moment. His body felt so limp that it was a miracle he had even made it this far. It wouldn’t have been strange if he collapsed right here.
His head was so hot that he couldn’t think straight. The words Jang Ui-geon had poured out were too much to process instantly, filling his mind with a heavy weight.
He didn’t understand. He couldn’t make sense of this situation. Why. How.
He felt that if he could just rest for a moment, he would get better. Truly, just a little bit—if he could just rest a little, he felt he could understand everything and reach the right conclusion.
However, nothing was functioning properly: neither his heart, which felt like it would burst with anxiety and nervousness, nor his body, which throbbed precariously as if it might collapse, nor his mind, which felt sticky and melted from the heat.
Not now. If he spoke now, he wouldn’t be able to understand anything properly and would only end up distressing Jang Ui-geon. He would make him wear that pained and bitter expression again, the one he wore now as he led Seo Chi-young forward.
He hated that.
He hated it when Jang Ui-geon suffered. He didn’t want to see that face crumble and distort. He wanted him to always be smiling, happy and cheerful.
So, just for a moment.
If he could just rest for a very short while, he would be fine. Then he would know what the other man wanted—and he could do it for him.
Jang Ui-geon, walking ahead, only gave a fleeting glance at Seo Chi-young, who was pleading to go later.
“If you go somewhere else like that and don’t come back, where should I contact to find you this time?”
“I-I’m not going anywhere.”
“You did. Yesterday. Without leaving a single scrap of paper.”
“That was… because I was in a hurry…”
“Even on the way, or at night, or anytime today, did you not have even a moment to make one phone call?”
His voice was stiff.
Seo Chi-young suddenly thought that perhaps he had been clutching his phone the entire time. With that bitterly crumbled face, he might have stood blankly in front of the house or the shop, just gripping his phone.
…..Why?
Why did he wait for him to that extent?
Within his throbbing vision, Seo Chi-young looked at the man’s back with eyes that wavered slightly.
His mind, a mess of confusion and unable to organize thoughts, was arbitrarily harboring hope. Maybe. Perhaps—even though it was impossible.
“…..Ui-geon wasn’t there.”
His knees felt like they were about to give out. He was barely managing to take steps as he was dragged along. The voice that leaked through his lips, barely audible, seemed to reach the man’s ears. Jang Ui-geon, who was approaching the car parked outside the alley, paused and turned back to look at Seo Chi-young.
“I, I wanted to see you before I left. ….I didn’t know what kind of face I should have when I saw you. Part of me didn’t want to run into you at that moment, but… still, I wanted to see you before I went. I really wanted to. …..But you weren’t there. I was alone at home…”
Seo Chi-young fell silent.
Truthfully, he had wanted to see him.
Even if it was daunting, scary, and deathly embarrassing, he still wanted to see him before leaving. He wanted to confirm the fact—not through the state of his own body, which throbbed painfully with bruises everywhere—but through his expression, his words, and his presence, whether he had truly been there that night. But Seo Chi-young had been alone.
Truthfully, being left alone had been stinging and lonely. Even if it had been nothing significant to the other man.
“……..”
Jang Ui-geon said nothing. Looking down at Seo Chi-young, who had dropped his head, he opened his mouth as if to say something with a hardened expression, but soon closed it again and silently pulled Seo Chi-young along. He practically pushed Seo Chi-young, whose knees were barely holding up, into the passenger seat and then sat in the driver’s seat.
As Seo Chi-young slumped into the passenger seat, struggling to hold onto his fading consciousness, the car quietly departed. Looking at the direction the car was heading, Seo Chi-young soon realized they were going to his house.
It was only a few minutes’ drive from Seo Chi-young’s house to his.
Though it was only a few minutes, the silence that flowed without a single word felt incredibly long. To the point where he had to struggle just to endure his languid body pleading that it was in pain and wanted to rest.
Jang Ui-geon remained silent with a stiff face. He drove while staring straight ahead until they entered the uphill road leading to his house, and only after the car tilted on the gentle slope did he mutter bluntly.
“I was… afraid of what kind of eyes you would look at me with when you woke up. That’s why I…”
Seo Chi-young strained his ears, which had begun to ring with tinnitus, waiting for the end of the sentence, but the words did not continue. Silence flowed between them until the car entered the old estate and stopped.
Jang Ui-geon turned off the engine and unbuckled his seatbelt. He gave a puzzled look to Seo Chi-young, who remained sitting perfectly still, and said, “Get out,” but Seo Chi-young did not move.
It was hard to steady his body. He was used to not showing pain because he didn’t want to worry anyone, but now he felt as if he truly couldn’t move. Just a little more. After resting just a little more.
However, seeing that Seo Chi-young, who sat in silence, seemed unwilling to get out, Jang Ui-geon clicked his tongue briefly, got out of the car, and returned to the passenger side. Opening the door, he said “Get out” once more in a slightly stiff voice. Then, after waiting a few seconds and seeing that Seo Chi-young still didn’t move, he unbuckled the seatbelt and lifted him up, carrying him as if hoisting him over his shoulder.
“……..!”
Seo Chi-young struggled faintly, but Jang Ui-geon, seemingly having no intention of letting go or putting him down, strode toward the main building.
“Even if you don’t want to be with me, ….. this is not it.”
The voice, frozen with a terrifying stiffness, murmured lowly. It’s not like that, Seo Chi-young whispered, his lips fluttering, but those words, mixed with hot breath, didn’t seem to reach Jang Ui-geon’s ears.
Entering the main building without another word, Jang Ui-geon only put Seo Chi-young down after climbing the stone steps and reaching the wooden veranda. Looking down silently at Seo Chi-young, who sat perched on the veranda without even glancing at him or moving, Jang Ui-geon’s brow furrowed for a moment.
“That’s how I…”
But the words he was slowly uttering stopped midway. He left Seo Chi-young behind and went into the room.
Through the open door, the inside of the room was glimpsed. A duvet was spread out as if someone had been sleeping there until a moment ago. Staring blankly at the duvet with a hot, throbbing head, Seo Chi-young suddenly thought, Oh… The bedding had been left exactly as it was when he had lain there and then left.
An empty bed, grown cold.
“…….”
It felt as if his heart had jolted. It felt like a painful, tingling throb in his heart, but his head was too hot for his thoughts to organize.
As Seo Chi-young stared at the duvet in a daze, Jang Ui-geon approached, carrying something from the room. He abruptly held it out in front of Seo Chi-young.
It was a white envelope. Seeing the standard envelope with nothing written on it, Seo Chi-young looked up at Jang Ui-geon with a puzzled gaze. Jang Ui-geon merely looked back with a blunt expression.
Barely lifting his heavy arm, he hesitantly pulled the paper out of the envelope. He unfolded the paper, which had been folded twice, and looked at it. The paper began with the stiff term ‘Debt Repayment Confirmation’.
‘Since the full amount of the current loan (including interest) was repaid on [Year] [Month] [Day], this confirmation is hereby written, and it is promised that no further objections shall be raised regarding the aforementioned debt amount from this point forward. Creditor…’
In the creditor section of the confirmation, which bore yesterday’s date, was the name Seo Chi-young had been sending money to every end of the month; in the debtor section was Seo Chi-young’s own name.
“……, uh… …..?”
“It’s a holiday, so I only got a temporary confirmation for now. The official confirmation will arrive within this week.”
The blunt voice spoke. Seo Chi-young looked up at Jang Ui-geon. When their eyes met, Jang Ui-geon frowned awkwardly and looked away.
Unable to understand the paper in his hand, the man with the slightly awkward expression, or the words he was saying, Seo Chi-young just blinked blankly at the text. Looking down at the inner courtyard as if glaring at it, the man clicked his tongue lowly.
“I wanted to give you something, Chi-young… it’s not much, but I wanted to give you something like this, so I looked into it and handled it separately. Since it was a holiday, it took longer than expected to figure out, so it was a bit delayed.”
Jang Ui-geon rubbed his chin. Still not looking at Seo Chi-young, he stroked his chin for a while and then spoke briefly.
“Look for a place near the shop, wherever you want. …..I’ll help you.”
The low voice only registered in his ears after a long while.
The words he spoke slowly seeped into a head so hot that his eyeballs felt like they were throbbing. He knew what was happening, yet he couldn’t understand it. Seo Chi-young looked vacantly at Jang Ui-geon and then at the paper. He could see the letters and understand the words, but he couldn’t comprehend the situation.
“……Why, did… why did you, Ui-geon… there’s no reason for you to…”
His voice, stumbling through lips parched by fever, was sunken. However, cutting through Seo Chi-young’s slow words, Jang Ui-geon spoke in a slightly colder tone.
“I believe there is.”
“…….”
Seo Chi-young looked back and forth between the paper and the man two, three times.
He couldn’t understand the situation where Jang Ui-geon had paid off the debt he owed. He understood even less the claim that there was a reason to do so.
Was he unable to understand this properly because his head was too hot? Would he be able to think of a reason once he rested a bit and regained his senses?
As he stared blankly at Jang Ui-geon, Seo Chi-young suddenly fell silent. Words he had heard long ago flashed through his mind.
—Do you want to sleep with me? Right, you said you’ve never slept with anyone else, Chi-young. If it’s your first time, you can sell yourself dearly. I don’t mind if you sell yourself high. I’ll buy you. Does that provide a reason?
Words Jang Ui-geon had once uttered as if by mistake suddenly surfaced in his mind. As if it were a calculation. Those words, combined with what had happened two days ago, revealed exactly why this paper was being handed over at this precise moment.
Seo Chi-young’s face froze instantly.
Jang Ui-geon, who had been wearing a slightly awkward look amidst his expressionless face, frowned slightly upon seeing Seo Chi-young. Seeing the confusion on his face, Seo Chi-young pressed his trembling lips shut.
His eyes, which had been hot from the fever, were becoming even hotter. No. I feel like I’m going to cry. Because his body was in pain, he couldn’t properly compose his emotions or his physical self.
Seo Chi-young quickly lowered his head, folded the paper back into the envelope, and held it out to Jang Ui-geon.
“Y-you… you didn’t have to do this. The m-money, I can’t say it’ll be soon, but I’ll definitely pay you back.”
“I didn’t do this for you to pay—”
“I…!”
Seo Chi-young’s voice rose. Only after his emotions became agitated and he put strength into his voice did he realize he had shouted for the first time. Seeing Jang Ui-geon shut his mouth in surprise, Seo Chi-young himself was surprised and fell silent. Feeling his voice tremble, he kept his mouth shut for a moment before barely managing to continue, stumbling over his words. Despite his efforts to suppress it, his voice continued to shake.
“I, I… just because I slept with you, Ui-geon… I have no intention of asking for anything, or r-receiving money, or anything like that. …..B-b-because it was my first time, selling myself dearly, or, th-th-th-that kind of thought, …..”
It was no use. The words wouldn’t come out properly. His throat, tongue, and lips were all trembling. His body, and his heart.
While his head and body were dizzy with fever, only his heart seemed to grow cold. He never imagined this would come back as a price.
He had asked for nothing. He only hoped they could get along as they did before, that he wouldn’t be angry or displeased. …..Yes. And one very small hope.
It was truly a small hope. That perhaps, even if the probability was one in ten thousand, Jang Ui-geon might like him in a meaning beyond the ordinary. That maybe that was why he did it. He knew it was unlikely, but still, just in case.
“I, really, this kind of th-thing, I don’t need it at all,…”
Whether this piece of paper was meant as an apology, compensation, or a gift—no matter what name was given to it, the meaning was ultimately the same.
Seo Chi-young’s complexion had turned pale. His trembling lips couldn’t form words properly even when he tried to speak. He was shaking so much that his words were unintelligible. Only the hand pushing the paper envelope back to him trembled, revealing his state of mind.
And.
Looking down at Seo Chi-young, who was shaking violently while holding out the envelope without even lifting his head, Jang Ui-geon did not move an inch.
In contrast to Seo Chi-young, who was struggling desperately to compose his trembling body, he remained frozen without the slightest movement, staring down at Seo Chi-young’s pallid face. His face, which had become just as pale, was terrifyingly stiff.
Finally.
“Me.”
The words he spat out lowly through clenched teeth were chilling enough to make the heart tremble.
“You think I bought your body with this trivial thing? This? Just because of a few measly cents, you think I’ve made you a whore? That I treated you like that? Who—I?!”
The voice, which had been lowly suppressed as if coming from hell, gradually tore through his throat, growing louder. It was a fierce shout that seemed to rip through the eardrums.
“Are you saying I’m paying you a fee right now?”
Jang Ui-geon gripped Seo Chi-young’s two arms and hauled him up. He pulled up the body that was so heavy and unstable it was doubtful he could stand on his own legs, and stared into Seo Chi-young’s face from inches away. His pitch-black eyes gleamed like a madman’s. Those black eyes seemed to cloud for a moment when they met Seo Chi-young’s large eyes.
“—Why are you doing this to me, Chi-young? Why are you making me so miserable? I treated you like a whore? I! You!”
His voice, barely suppressing his excitement, was trembling. But the suppressed agitation grew and surged, and Jang Ui-geon shut his mouth. His clenched jaw twitched.
His arms, gripped as if they would be crushed, hurt. But Jang Ui-geon, as if he didn’t even have the luxury to loosen his grip, was scanning Seo Chi-young with unstable eyes.
“Don’t do that, Chi-young. You’re someone no one should ever do that to… you’re the most precious person to me, why would you say such a thing, you!”
But eventually, the suppressed emotions exploded in a burst of resentment.
Seo Chi-young opened his eyes wide and faced Jang Ui-geon, who was glaring at him with wide, piercing eyes right in front of him. He felt like the man had said something, but his ears, ringing with fever, could not easily process it.
Jang Ui-geon stared intently at Seo Chi-young, who had frozen in a flicker of bewilderment, and his face contorted. He let out a self-mocking sigh and wore a twisted smile.
“Ha… fine, shall I just lay everything bare? You’re right, I actually thought about it. That I wished you would just sell your body, because then it would be simple—I could just buy you.”
The grip on Seo Chi-young’s arm tightened. Chi-young flinched, his shoulders hunching.
“I wouldn’t have to be anxious, I wouldn’t have to worry if the way you look at me had changed, and I wouldn’t have to feel my heart sink even if you didn’t like me anymore. Because I could just buy you whole and bring you here. If I just pay the money, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want—how convenient would that be!”
“……..”
A growling voice erupted harshly, as if releasing a burst of pent-up resentment. At the same time, the grip became so violent that Chi-young winced and frowned, feeling as though his bones might shatter. Only then did the strength in Jang Ui-geon’s grasp loosen slightly. Not enough to stop the pain, but held firmly enough that he could not pull away.
A short silence followed.
Jang Ui-geon, who had been staring at Seo Chi-young with terrifying eyes as if he might devour him at any moment, slowly let his expression crumble. A look of agonizing pain, as if he were falling apart, was laid bare right in front of Seo Chi-young.
“…But, I mean it.”
Jang Ui-geon’s voice softened. A low, cautious voice pleaded.
“I really didn’t do it with that intention. I… I was scared of how you would look at me when you woke up. This was my first time feeling like this, so I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted to give you something, anything at all. I just thought… please, don’t push me away, don’t call me cowardly or despicable for forcing you into my arms—that was all I thought.”
I just wanted to give you a present when you woke up, that’s why I did it, the low voice whispered.
Why was it? Even though that face, frozen in grief, remained silent, he somehow looked as if he were about to cry. Perhaps it was because Seo Chi-young felt like he was the one about to cry that it seemed that way.
Just from that single thought.
Because he wanted to offer something when the deeply asleep Seo Chi-young woke up, he had rushed out. After taking care of the unconscious Chi-young, preparing a water bottle and towels so he wouldn’t be uncomfortable upon waking, he had hurried away to return as quickly as possible.
It certainly wouldn’t have been easy to spend an entire day inquiring here and there, pulling strings, and finalizing the arrangements, even if only temporarily.
Having done so, he must have returned with a joyful heart, clutching that envelope to his chest.
And.
“………”
Seo Chi-young’s gaze flickered toward the empty blanket cast aside in the room. It was a trace left exactly as it was, untouched since the man had left.
Seeing that empty spot, what must he have thought upon his return?
“…….Please.”
Jang Ui-geon whispered. One of the hands gripping Seo Chi-young’s arm moved down to embrace his waist. As if afraid he might push him away, only after holding him tightly did the other hand let go to pull Seo Chi-young’s head toward him.
The piercing gaze drew closer and closer until it vanished from sight. The moment their lips touched, that cautious contact soon became greedily rough. The arm wrapped around his waist tightened with full force.
The touch stroking his waist and back haphazardly was desperate. As if he wanted to hold onto something certain but couldn’t, he repeatedly stroked his body unstabley, then, as if driven by an unbearable greed, his anxious and hasty hands stripped away Seo Chi-young’s clothes. Cautiously, as if gauging whether he might refuse or dislike it. Yet, urgently.
Seo Chi-young gasped for a moment. At that, the touch faltered. Does he hate it? Will he avoid me? The hesitating hand, unable to bring itself to retreat, began to move cautiously once more.
Please, Jang Ui-geon whispered.
“…Please, Chi-young. ….I can’t think of anything but you. It’s as if you’ve been melted and poured into my head. ….I think I’m going crazy. I can’t control myself. Chi-young.”
Chi-young, he called in a whisper, his touch trembling as he stroked Seo Chi-young’s body.
“You don’t know how I’ve felt yesterday and today, do you? …..It didn’t feel like I was alive. Really. I thought my heart was going to dry up and die.”
Seo Chi-young accepted the sensation of those whispers against his lips with a strange feeling.
It was odd. He felt a strange sensation, similar to what he had felt not long ago—a feeling that this wasn’t reality. However, it was more peculiar than before, and his heart ached. It was because his heart was very slowly understanding what the man was saying.
He felt like crying. Because he thought about how sorrowful it would be once he woke up.
“…I might be, thinking wrongly.”
Seo Chi-young murmured. It was the maximum amount of self-protection he could manage. It was because he wanted to be even slightly less sorrowful after waking.
Thinking wrongly… Jang Ui-geon, repeating the words, smiled bitterly. The hand stroking Seo Chi-young’s bare waist tightened.
“You really dismiss my feelings as a mere misunderstanding so easily. …..You’re right. I don’t know for sure either. That’s why I just stood by and watched until now. Because it might be a misunderstanding. This is the first time I’ve felt this way, so how would I know what it is? Yes, I still don’t know. Maybe I’ve just momentarily lost my mind. …..But.”
Jang Ui-geon, who had been greedily swallowing Seo Chi-young’s lips, slowly slid down. From the face to the neck, to the chest, and further down, he urgently stripped away the clothes and bit into Seo Chi-young’s bare skin. Pressing down firmly on the body that jolted and leaped.
It felt as if a surge of anger had risen.
“While I was standing there like an idiot, other people were hovering around you, and you took back the heart that said you liked me. ——It was the worst piece of stupidity I’ve ever committed.”
Trembling lips brushed over his body. Seo Chi-young barely managed to close his mouth, from which shallow breaths were escaping. His body, feverish from exhaustion and hardship, became sensitive to every minute sensation and trembled faintly.
“You’re hot,” Jang Ui-geon murmured. As if entranced, he pressed his lips against Seo Chi-young’s heart and rubbed his cheek, continuously stroking Chi-young’s shivering body.
“Yes, the day before yesterday, I felt like I was going to melt. Because it was so hot.”
The voice, filled with a creeping excitement, was elevated with heat.
Seo Chi-young found it strange; because this peculiar feeling wouldn’t fade, he only stared at the moon visible over Jang Ui-geon’s shoulder. It was almost no different from the moon he had seen just the day before, yet today it felt somehow more poignant and sweeter.
What will I do when I wake up? I think I’ll be too sorrowful. …..In that case, I’d rather not remember after I wake.
Jang Ui-geon’s touch, which had been cautiously stroking Seo Chi-young, grew bolder as Chi-young continued to gasp and flinch but did not push him away or try to move. Yet, the fingertips stroking him remained unstable, as if anxious about when he might refuse or retreat.
His body, which had been heavy and distant for a while, sank to the point where he could no longer move it at will, leaving only a searing heat. Like a consciousness that was throbbing and blurring.
Midway, he felt something cold touch him. While reflexively shrinking away, he murmured inwardly, Ah, that’s cool. He only realized that what had touched his back was the floor after the body heat of Jang Ui-geon, lying atop him, overlapped.
He felt breathless under the firm body pressing heavily against his chest. Below Jang Ui-geon, whose lips were pressed close to Seo Chi-young’s neck, their chests met, slightly offset. Below that, their bellies and groins touched.
He could feel the genitals, rubbing hot against each other, becoming gradually slick.
“How is this a misunderstanding?”
Jang Ui-geon murmured. The low voice, mixed with ragged breath, was close to a monologue.
“Sometimes I can’t breathe when I’m next to you. Even though you’re right here, I miss you… I want you so much I can’t breathe, even though I’m more comfortable with you than anyone else.”
Jang Ui-geon paused for a moment.
Before he knew it, Jang Ui-geon had spread Seo Chi-young’s legs and positioned himself between them, pressing his body close. With a low, beast-like groan, every time he rubbed his lower half, his rigid desire pierced him. While tightly embracing Seo Chi-young’s flinching body, he rubbed his lips against Chi-young’s and whispered.
“You once said that everyone has a place assigned to them.”
Seo Chi-young vaguely recalled something he had said a long time ago. His mind was already distant, his consciousness blurring. It was cycling between clarity and haze. Yet, even with a blurring mind, he recalled the memory of saying those words. The place assigned to him. And the place assigned to the other. What it would be, where it would be.
“If so, the spot next to you must be assigned to someone too. There’s no way the spot next to someone like you would be empty. I don’t know how it’s been vacant until now.”
Jang Ui-geon continued to repeatedly kiss Seo Chi-young, rubbing his lips cautiously. Lightly, then deeply.
“I don’t know when or who will sit there, but once they do, you’ll surely be kind to them. No matter who takes the spot next to you, no matter who forces their way in, you’ll be kind to them regardless. Yes, whether it’s that woman from the establishment or anyone else.”
Jang Ui-geon stopped talking. And with a hazy mind, Seo Chi-young imagined someone sitting beside him.
He couldn’t imagine if such a person existed or who it would be, but Jang Ui-geon was right. If someone appeared to walk through life with him, no matter who or what kind of person they were, Seo Chi-young would cherish them. Because that was also the place assigned to him.
Jang Ui-geon seemed to notice Seo Chi-young nodding almost imperceptibly. He seemed to stop moving for a moment, but soon let out a low, rough voice. The teeth biting Seo Chi-young’s lower lip were just sharp enough not to leave a wound.
“But that is where I must be. Me. I can never give it to anyone else. …..Even if you want to give it away, you can’t. No matter who tries to step foot there, I might even kill them to clear the way.”
The voice of a ferocious beast, growling with a dangerous sincerity, seeped into Seo Chi-young’s lips. It wasn’t a simple threat or intimidation; at the truth creeping within it, Seo Chi-young unconsciously felt a chill run down his neck and shrank his shoulders.
Sensing that, Jang Ui-geon let out a heavy sigh.
“Are you afraid of me?”
“………”
“I am too.”
He carefully sucked the lip he had just bitten. As if begging, please.
“I’m scared too. ….I’m scared of you, Chi-young.”
Because of you, I feel like I’m becoming someone other than myself, the low whisper licked his lips.
The arm embracing Seo Chi-young’s waist tightened. As if it were the only rope to cling to, as if he would fall into a distant abyss if he let go, Seo Chi-young could not shake off the arms clinging so desperately. He could not even turn his head away from the anxious lips that touched his own countless times.
——Do you still like me, even a little..?
He thought he heard a whisper as faint as the sound of the wind.
Whether that vague brush of words, spoken as if even speaking was an anxiety, was truly something Jang Ui-geon said, or a hallucination created by a mind crossing the boundary between consciousness and unconsciousness, he could not tell.
Even so, his heart hurt.
Because his heart throbbed with pain, he wanted to answer, Yes, I like you a lot, very much, but his throat was tight and no words came out.
How much time had passed? By the time Jang Ui-geon’s breath and touch had reached every part of Seo Chi-young’s face, body, and everywhere else, the desire that had been anxiously rubbing and wetting the space between their groins suddenly pushed its way deep into his body.
“……..!”
The body, which had been limp to the point of not being able to move a finger, flinched in a small spasm. Once he had pushed inside, as if it were too difficult to endure any further, Jang Ui-geon let out a low, beast-like groan and thrust his lower body upward. The sensation of his feverish, throbbing body being forced open was vivid.
It was hard. His vision was distant. Despite the heat boiling throughout his body, cold sweat poured down like rain. Jang Ui-geon, who normally wouldn’t have missed such a thing, was clinging to Seo Chi-young’s body with a face that didn’t know what to do in his anxiety.
“………”
Seo Chi-young struggled to reach out his arm. Even lifting his own arm felt as if a thousand-pound weight were attached to it.
Jang Ui-geon’s words reached his mind, albeit slowly. Yet, they felt like lies. Even though the words he spoke must surely be his truth, it felt as if those words, this entire situation, were false, so he hesitated as he reached out his hand. But the moment his hand touched the man’s face, that haggard touch conveyed a vivid heat.
Oh… Seo Chi-young opened his eyes wide, however faintly.
It was real. Jang Ui-geon, and he himself, were truly in reality.
His touch, his breath, and the words he whispered.
“……..”
His heart beat. Within a heavy body that felt as if it were being dragged down into the abyss, only the heart beat loudly.
He wanted to say something to him. He wanted to say anything. Some words that could soothe that anxiety even a little.
However, his consciousness, which was sinking deeper into darkness, could not produce a voice; the most he could do was embrace Jang Ui-geon’s neck, who had been pulled in obediently despite hesitating at Seo Chi-young’s powerless touch.
Chi-young, hearing his name called several times in a rough and poignant breath, Seo Chi-young managed, just before losing consciousness, to press a kiss against his cheek with all his might.
He didn’t know how long he lay sick.
He had thought he would recover after resting for about a day, but perhaps because he had overexerted himself again before properly resting, he collapsed completely. His consciousness returned only sporadically; he would wake for a brief moment to moisten his throat or go to the bathroom, then soon lose consciousness in a haze again.
He could hardly eat. Every time, Jang Ui-geon brought thin rice porridge, gruel, or finely blended fruit that would be easy to swallow, but after two or three spoonfuls, he would fall back into a deep sleep as if fainting.
Without a single sound of pain or a groan, while he slept as if unconscious, occasionally letting out ragged breaths, Seo Chi-young felt as if Jang Ui-geon was almost always by his side. Since he had to go to the store—the annex where he was lying sick was only a few dozen steps away from the main house—it couldn’t actually be the case, and there were certainly times he opened his eyes to find no one there, yet he felt that way. It felt as if the man was always holding his hand or brushing back his sweat-soaked hair. Or perhaps it was a dream he had in his half-conscious state.
‘I’m sorry. I was so foolish I didn’t even realize… it was obvious you wouldn’t be well, but I didn’t even think of that. I’m sorry, Chi-young.’
Occasionally, the sound of him blaming himself, speaking cautiously in a tone of apology as if he couldn’t even bring himself to say the words, entered his ears painfully. There were times it didn’t properly register in his hazy consciousness, and other times the voice sounded as vividly as if it were painful.
No. It’s okay, it’s fine… he should have said that, but Seo Chi-young could not bring back his fading consciousness; thinking I have to say it, I have to say it, he would lose consciousness once more.
For about two days, he had almost no memory. He felt as if he had eaten something, been turned over by someone’s hand, and occasionally gone to the bathroom, but it was blurred in his memory like a dream he forgot as soon as he woke up. Only the vague touch of the hand caring for him remained as a faintly familiar sensation.
Then, around the third day, his proper consciousness finally flickered back. His voice was heavily raspy and barely came out, but he was at least able to speak a few words.
Feeling something touch his lips, he opened his blurred eyes to find Jang Ui-geon sitting beside him. The man, who had been moistening Seo Chi-young’s parched lips with a wet towel, saw Chi-young open his eyes and gave a familiar, very slight nod.
‘Are you okay? Is there anything you need?’