By Zephyria 
Jang Ui-geon remained silent, simply gazing at Yoon Jun-young. Without realizing it, Seo Chi-young clenched the hands resting on his lap.
He had liked Yoon Jun-young for more than twenty years. Seo Chi-young could not even fathom the weight of that amount of time. Even if he had liked someone for ten years, how many of those years were actually spent facing them and thinking of them? If a few years felt like this, let alone ten or twenty.
It was only natural that they were incomparable. Seo Chi-young gave a hollow laugh. Then, he suddenly murmured without thinking.
“But… isn’t there a difference between ending it by one’s own will and ending it by the will of others?”
Just as a heart that had fallen asleep, buried within a situation, could raise its head again after ten years.
However, as soon as he said those words, Seo Chi-young shut his mouth. It was because Yoon Jun-young was staring blankly at him. His eyes, unreadable in their intent, did not blink for a long time.
My own will. Just as those words left Yoon Jun-young’s lips with a bitter tone, a ringtone sounded from his pocket. Yoon Jun-young stopped talking and pulled out the phone; his face hardened the moment he checked the screen. The expression alone was enough to guess who was calling.
After glaring at the screen while the phone rang for quite a while, Yoon Jun-young finally slid it open. “Hello,” he answered, his voice dropping slightly lower. In the quiet air where both Jang Ui-geon and Seo Chi-young remained silent, a faint, mechanical-sounding voice leaked from the phone.
‘Are you coming tomorrow?’
‘…I don’t know. I think Ui-geon will go.’
As Yoon Jun-young spoke, a brief silence followed on the other end.
‘…Are you together? You meet often.’
‘It’s probably just that you’ve been avoiding me, so it seems frequent.’
The neat line of Yoon Jun-young’s lips twisted faintly. However, the reply “I’m avoiding you?” immediately came back.
‘I thought you were the one avoiding me. —Make sure you come tomorrow. If you say you won’t, I’ll send people to drag you here.’
‘Ha… do you really want to make a scene at your own wedding, Darling?’
For a moment, Yoon Jun-young seemed speechless, but he soon let out a hollow laugh. Every word was laced with a bone-deep tone, like poison.
The other party did not respond to that, only leaving the words ‘Tell Ui-geon I’ll see him tomorrow’ before hanging up. Yoon Jun-young stared at the phone as he slowly slid it shut, remaining motionless for a while.
How long did he stay like that? Two glasses, three. Yoon Jun-young, seemingly deaf to Jang Ui-geon’s voice urging him to stop drinking since he wasn’t feeling well, emptied his glass and suddenly stood up.
‘I should go see Kang-hee. He seems desperate to receive my congratulations on his wedding. …I suppose I should congratulate him at the wedding as he wishes, but I don’t think I can bear to see him standing side-by-side with a woman at the altar. …This is the end. It’s been too long.’
Yoon Jun-young looked as if he were smiling. Yet, at the same time, he looked as if he were crying, so Seo Chi-young could not say a word as he left the shop. Jang Ui-geon, too, only managed a single “Right.”
A heavy silence flowed in the space where Yoon Jun-young had been. In that silence, Jang Ui-geon continued to tilt his glass slowly and incessantly, as if he could never get drunk no matter how much he drank. Seo Chi-young remained quietly before him, listening to the occasional requests of customers ordering drinks or food within the shop.
Eventually, Jang Ui-geon laughed like a sigh.
‘It was long. …Yes. It was too long.’
Who was he talking about? Yoon Jun-young. Or himself.
‘…Is it okay to let him go like that?’
When Seo Chi-young asked quietly, Jang Ui-geon turned his gaze toward him. His eyes smiled faintly.
‘I wonder… should I say it feels like “it wouldn’t be strange if he were to die,” but at the same time, “I want him to just hurry up and get married”?’
Repeating the words Yoon Jun-young had said while laughing, he finally put down the glass he had been holding.
‘Ten years… that’s truly a long time. It occupies most of my life since I became mature.’
‘…’
‘I don’t think that what I want will come true now. Too much time has passed to harbor such expectations. Right, Chi-young said it before. “The share given to me”—if such a thing exists, Jun-young is not my share.’
‘But Chi-young,’ Jang Ui-geon smiled.
‘What you said was right. There is a difference between ending it by one’s own will or by the will of others. …But, I cannot give up by my own will. Even though I know perfectly well that he isn’t mine.’
Jang Ui-geon’s voice was calm. Even while speaking of the weight of those long years, there was no trace of agony or hardship. However, that very fact spoke to how long and difficult that time had been, leaving Seo Chi-young speechless.
All that time, consistently. He looks at him. At the man who does not look back. Even knowing that.
Seo Chi-young looked at Jang Ui-geon without a word. The few years he had spent looking at the man had been continuing for several times longer for this person. And yet, even with just a few years, he liked this man so much.
Then, Jang Ui-geon, who was pouring alcohol into his empty glass again, looked at Seo Chi-young and smiled with his eyes.
“Why are you making that face?”
‘…I just can’t bring myself to take Ui-geon’s side…’
Jang Ui-geon’s smile vanished for a moment, and he looked puzzled.
‘Ah, it’s nothing… it’s just that there’s nothing I can do. …If I had known it would be like this, I would have gone to a church or a temple. …The One above would probably hate me for only praying at times like this; it would seem too calculating.’
Seo Chi-young murmured gloomily, realizing once again that there is ultimately nothing one can do for another person.
As Seo Chi-young shut his mouth gloomily, looking down at the hands on his lap, Jang Ui-geon stared at him as if momentarily lost for words.
Then, suddenly, a burst of laughter erupted. It was lower and shorter than usual, but hearing that sound tinged with a hint of cheerfulness, Seo Chi-young blinked in confusion and looked up at him.
‘Chi-young. You are…’
Jang Ui-geon, about to say something, laughed again for a while. Even after the sound completely stopped, he looked at Seo Chi-young with eyes that still held a faint smile and spoke quietly.
‘Sometimes when I look at you, I think you’re like a miracle in everyday life. It’s not easy for someone who has lived such a hard life to be like this…’
Having said that, Jang Ui-geon smiled again. This time, silently, only with the curve of his lips. That smile was somehow warm, and Seo Chi-young found his gaze drawn to those lips without realizing it.
He didn’t know exactly what “being like this” meant, but since it didn’t seem to be a harsh meaning, Seo Chi-young slowly withdrew his gaze. He thought it would be nice if he kept smiling like that.
Not long after, Jang Ui-geon looked at the clock pointing to midnight, downed the remaining half of the alcohol in his glass, and stood up. “I should head home to think about what to do tomorrow,” he said with a slight smile. After he bid him a good holiday and left, Seo Chi-young felt a sudden drain of energy and sat blankly in his chair for a while. He might have stayed there forever if a remaining customer hadn’t called him.
“……..”
Seo Chi-young sighed. The phone belonging to Yoon Jun-young, tucked in his pocket, felt strangely heavy. Seo Chi-young quietly fiddled with the phone through the fabric of his clothes. Right then, the phone began to ring again.
Startled, Seo Chi-young pulled his hand away and hesitantly took the phone out of his pocket. While wondering why someone would call at this late hour, he looked at the screen, thinking that perhaps Yoon Jun-young had called because he didn’t know where his phone was.
However, unexpectedly, the three-character name on the screen was ‘Kwon Kang-hee’.
“……”
Should I answer, or would it be better to stop? Seo Chi-young hesitated. Come to think of it, Yoon Jun-young had said he was going to meet Kwon Kang-hee. Enough time had passed that he would have already returned.
While Seo Chi-young hesitated, the phone, which had been ringing for a while, cut off, leaving only a missed call record.
He thought that perhaps the call from a moment ago had also been from that man. This was because the phone rang twice more until Seo Chi-young had almost finished cleaning the shop and preparing to close. The caller was Kwon Kang-hee. However, having not answered once, he didn’t feel like answering after that, so he simply stared at the phone as multiple missed call records piled up.
It was just as the fifth ring had stopped.
“As I thought, my phone was here.”
Just before closing the door, as Seo Chi-young took one last look around the shop, he sensed someone entering. Seo Chi-young turned around happily at the familiar voice, but he lost his words the moment he saw Yoon Jun-young standing on the threshold.
Yoon Jun-young was drenched like a drowned rat. It seemed he had come through the heavy rain without any cover; water was streaming down from the hem of his clothes.
“I realized on the way that I’d left my phone, so I thought I’d stop by and pick it up on my way home. I’m glad I made it before you closed…”
“Jun-young… you’re soaked.”
Seo Chi-young hurriedly brought out a dry towel. He began drying Yoon Jun-young’s head as the latter took the phone and silently checked the missed calls, but Seo Chi-young suddenly froze.
He was burning up with a fever. So much so that it was a wonder he was even standing.
“Jun-young, your fever…”
“Ah… it’s been like this for a while. I’m fine.”
Despite the temperature being far from fine, Yoon Jun-young said so, but as soon as he finished the sentence, he murmured “Ah…” and collapsed as if his legs had given out.
Jang Ui-geon arrived less than twenty or thirty minutes after the call ended. He seemed to have just lain down in bed; when Seo Chi-young called, he answered with a slightly languid “What’s going on, Chi-young…?” and rushed over without hesitation upon hearing that Yoon Jun-young had collapsed.
Yoon Jun-young was unconscious. They wiped away as much moisture as possible from the soaked clothes using towels and newspapers, but since they didn’t dry completely, Yoon Jun-young was pale and shivering violently.
“I think we should take him home and warm him up, but I don’t know where his house is…”
Beside the worriedly murmuring Seo Chi-young, Jang Ui-geon, who had checked Yoon Jun-young’s condition with serious eyes, hoisted him onto his back.
“Sorry, Chi-young, please carry Jun-young’s things and the umbrella.”
Without waiting for a response, Jang Ui-geon immediately ran out of the shop. Seo Chi-young murmured “Uh,” and looked around the shop in bewilderment. Seeing Jang Ui-geon already running far off into the rain, he quickly grabbed the plastic umbrella and Yoon Jun-young’s belongings and chased after him.
Following Jang Ui-geon, who strode forward as if running, claiming it would take less time to carry Yoon Jun-young than to go to where the car was parked and then to the house, Seo Chi-young held the umbrella—which was so small it was barely useful—over his head.
The phone in Seo Chi-young’s hand continued to ring and cut off repeatedly. Jang Ui-geon, glancing at it as if annoyed, raised an eyebrow upon seeing the phone Seo Chi-young was holding.
“Isn’t that Jun-young’s phone?”
“Yes… Kwon Kang-hee has been calling, and I wasn’t sure if I should answer…”
As Seo Chi-young murmured awkwardly, Jang Ui-geon fell silent. Glaring fiercely at the phone, he turned his head away without a word. During a brief lull in the calls, Seo Chi-young quickly switched the phone to vibrate and put it in his pocket.
“That bastard is just angry… he’s calling because he’s angry.”
Just then, Yoon Jun-young, who had been limp on Jang Ui-geon’s back as if fainted, murmured in a voice that could barely be heard unless one listened closely. He seemed to have woken up at some point. Even so, he couldn’t even open his eyes, appearing half-unconscious.
Jang Ui-geon glanced back over his shoulder. Even though he couldn’t possibly see Yoon Jun-young fully while carrying him, he cast a pained look and opened his mouth bluntly, “Why?”
Yoon Jun-young, who had been silent for so long it seemed he had fainted again, continued speaking slowly and intermittently amidst the faint vibration of the phone in Seo Chi-young’s pocket.
“…I poured out all sorts of curses. Asked if he really thinks I’d go to some thug’s wedding… haha, he says he’s marrying to keep his distance from me. So, I told him to just hurry up and get married. I told him to just bring that woman here and marry her on the spot. I’m so sick of it that I’d rather just be rid of it. …I told him congratulations on the wedding, and that we should never see each other again. …It’s over. Ui-geon. It’s over.”
Like someone talking in their sleep during a coma, fragmented words flowed out. While only half of it was intelligible, Jang Ui-geon remained silently quiet. Eventually, he murmured in a low voice.
“Yeah. …End it. …It must have been so hard for you all this time. You’ve suffered a lot.”
The bone-aching consolation contained in that low voice seeped into the heart. Seo Chi-young gazed at Jang Ui-geon for a moment before turning his eyes away. With what heart is he saying those words? Thinking this, he felt a hot sensation rise in his throat.
For a long time, no one spoke. Yoon Jun-young, who was limp—whether asleep, unconscious, or simply keeping his eyes closed; Jang Ui-geon, who walked silently with his friend on his broad back; and Seo Chi-young, who walked beside them holding the umbrella, his own shoulder becoming soaked.
Eventually, they left the market alley and entered the apartment complex. The only sounds remaining were the rain, the footsteps, and the occasional vibration of the phone.
And then, from some point, a low, stifled sound of sobbing brushed past the ears.
“….I don’t know how to stop… I want to stop, but I can’t. Even now, I can’t… I don’t know how to give up. …..I can’t breathe…”
Yoon Jun-young was crying, whispering in fragments as if talking to himself. He, who always wore a cold and indifferent face without a single gap, cried like a defenseless child with a body drenched in rain and a heart torn to shreds and bleeding.
Jang Ui-geon’s firmly set jaw tightened. His face, frozen stiff, seemed to tremble faintly.
Finally, after a long silence. With Yoon Jun-young trembling thinly on his back, swallowing sobs that leaked out despite his efforts to suppress them.
Jang Ui-geon spoke.
Words he had kept in his heart for a long time.
Without a hint of playfulness, without masking it as a joke, revealing a sincerity so painful it was heavy.
“Would I not work?”
The low voice was by no means loud, but it was enough to echo in that place.
“Come to me. I’ll do whatever you want. ….Jun-young, I like you.”
The quietly whispered words contained a clear sincerity. To those serious words, which no one could dismiss as a joke or lightly brush aside, no answer returned for a while. The sincerity, flowing out for the first time, scattered in the air without anyone to receive it.
Only after a long time.
“I’m sorry,” a trembling voice whispered, barely suppressing the sobs. But that voice soon broke into a cry as if exhaling breath. As if crying for the first time in his life, the sobbing did not stop. Or perhaps, he really was crying for the first time in his life.
Until they arrived and entered Yoon Jun-young’s house, Jang Ui-geon did not say another word. Except for that short response that had come after a long while.
It seemed that was the last of Yoon Jun-young’s strength. When he was placed on the floor upon entering the house, he did not open his closed eyes. He spoke no more. The wetness around his eyes from the seeping tears slowly dried.
“…I’ll use some of the things here.”
Though the homeowner was unconscious and unable to answer, Seo Chi-young murmured awkwardly, peeking through a few doors before finding the bathroom and bringing out a few towels. He then began to remove the clothes Yoon Jun-young was wearing.
It is not easy to remove wet clothes from an unconscious person, so it took quite some time just to take off a few garments. During that time, Yoon Jun-young continued to shiver violently, but once the clothes were all removed, the trembling subsided slightly.