By Zephyria 
“No. Those who are swept away by such drugs simply have a vessel that small. Is it only drugs? Everything else would be at that level. Pleasure should end as pleasure. Those who are consumed by that pleasure simply have a small vessel.”
Ah, yes. Is that so? That’s why, as the younger one said, the eldest brother has smoked marijuana for over fifteen years. I let out a short laugh, remembering the younger one asking if he was truly devoted.
“I didn’t know I’d fall for it that much.”
As if recalling something, the eldest brother chuckled and exhaled a long stream of smoke. The marijuana joint, burnt down to the filter, was crushed on the table.
“If I’d known, I would have told him a bit sooner. Then I could have enjoyed the show for a little longer. …And he would have fallen apart even faster.”
The eldest brother whispered secretly, as if sharing a secret. The corners of his mouth were curled up, and his narrowed eyes were filled with amusement.
“Did you tell him? Did you even provide the drugs?”
That’s how the nuance sounded. As if my guess wasn’t wrong, the eldest brother flicked his finger. You really taught your brother something great. Such a loving sibling.
“Timid people are easily swayed by dependency. Depending on drugs, depending on alcohol, depending on love. That’s exactly the proof that they are weak.”
Everything else was correct, but as for love, I wasn’t so sure. While I was debating whether to agree or disagree, the eldest brother, lounging back in his chair, looked up at the darkening sky and hummed a tune.
“I heard you two got along well when you were young.”
“He was quite clever. Kind, docile, and stupid. Everything changed as he grew, but the stupidity remained.”
Clever yet stupid—what kind of person was that? How could someone be both? Realizing my eldest brother was merely speaking in sophistry, I decided there was no need to take his words seriously.
I should have known the moment he suggested we have a profound conversation while smoking marijuana. It was obvious he would just spout meaningless nonsense until the effects of the alcohol and drugs wore off, so I figured it was time to get up.
“No, maybe it was because of that accident. I don’t know why he trembled so much over something so trivial, but his personality completely changed. It worked out well for me. If he had kept growing the way he was, he might have actually been a decent fellow. Looking back, heaven really was on my side.”
As if reminiscing about the past, he stared blankly into the air, his voice trailing off.
“…The accident. You mean the one where someone was killed? A car accident. I heard Chief Bae covered it up.”
At my question, my eldest brother’s eyes widened. He looked at me with a gaze full of amusement, wondering how I knew.
“I heard it from Chief Bae.”
“You’re quite something.”
“My second brother blabbed about it everywhere. I figured there was no one who didn’t know, so I advised him to keep a tighter lid on it.”
He snorted, questioning if that was really my intention. To be honest, it wasn’t. Still, Chief Bae must have felt some sense of urgency because of it, so it counted as advice. I simply shrugged without a shred of guilt.
“…Were you there? On the day of the accident. You were taking my second brother around to teach him how to drive back then.”
“You know a lot, don’t you, little brother? It seems your memories haven’t just returned; they’ve become quite detailed.”
Yeah, no. I was just fishing.
I had asked because of what my Omega father had said, and as expected, it seemed my eldest brother had been there that day too. Which meant he had agreed to bury the accident.
No, he might not have just agreed; he might have begged for it to be buried. While he wasn’t the one driving, a passenger still bears some responsibility… right? I wasn’t sure if there was legal responsibility, but my eldest brother certainly wouldn’t have liked the news of the accident spreading, so he would have wanted a gag order.
“Even if I don’t have the brain to remember, there are people around who do. Hearing a few things is no trouble at all.”
“Even so, do you think there’s anyone who truly knows?”
Staring at me with a sunken gaze, my eldest brother smiled crookedly, intoxicated by his own secret. With a face that looked normal except for the upturned corners of his mouth, he looked somewhat grotesque. Alcohol and drugs really are a dangerous combination.
“I know now.”
“Stupid brat. Then again, most people in the world are like that. Idiots who can’t distinguish between a fact and the truth, eating up whatever is fed to them.”
Wow, that look of superiority. I really can’t stand it. I knew I hated it, but I hate it even more now. I desperately wanted to know the source of that confidence. Just so I could crush it.
“Do you know? Or are you just another idiot?”
Isn’t a fact and the truth basically the same thing? However, because I hated the sight of my eldest brother pointing fingers and calling me stupid, I pulled out my phone ostentatiously.
I typed ‘difference between fact and truth’ into the search bar and pressed enter; the screen filled with results. I turned the screen toward him.
“Search functions are very efficient these days.”
My answer apparently wasn’t the ‘correct’ one, as he clicked his tongue and shook his head. Why? What is there that you can’t find with a phone search these days? I scrolled down through the results.
Fact: Something that actually happened or currently exists.
Truth: A fact without falsehood.
They were words with a similar yet subtle difference. A fact without falsehood. That meant facts with falsehoods could also exist, but how could something mixed with lies be a fact? I rubbed my brow and let out a groan.
“Stupid brat.”
Ignoring the condescending gaze looking down at me, I racked my brain.
A fact with falsehood. A fact mixed with lies. A lie mixed into the known facts about the accident.
What was it? What was the lie?
At first, I was just trying to act smart because I didn’t like the way my eldest brother was snickering with a secret, but the more I thought about it, the more unsettled I felt.
The car accident definitely happened. The fact that someone died in it was also certain. The people in the car were my eldest and second brothers.
“Is there something you’re hiding? …Something even Father or Chief Bae doesn’t know?”
“I wonder.”
The way he avoided giving a straight answer, smiling with his lips curled, was infuriating. The upturned corners of his mouth suggested he was itching to reveal the hidden truth, but he seemed to be holding it back because he enjoyed watching my reaction.
I could have ignored him and gotten up, acting as if I didn’t care, but because this concerned my parents’ accident, I ended up giving in.
“What did you lie about?”
“I wonder, what did I lie about? Why would I have had to lie?”
Amusement flickered in his eyes as he observed my reaction. Facing those grotesquely glistening eyes, I brainstormed and pulled out a ridiculous hypothesis.
“The driving… were you the one driving, Hyung?”
“….”
“Second brother said he was the one.”
At my words, the smile on my eldest brother’s lips deepened. Ah, that snake. Even while half-out of his mind, his personality of never saying what he’s thinking and insisting on drawing the desired answer from the other person remained.
“Did second brother take the fall for you? …No. Knowing his personality, that’s impossible… Did you frame him?”
Just as he was doing to me, I threw out various hypotheses while studying his expression. He reacted like an audience member watching a play—clicking his tongue and shaking his head, or letting out a soft “hooh” of admiration.
“It was you. You’re the one who caused the accident and killed that person.”
My tension suddenly snapped. It felt like hitting a wall at an unexpected moment—no, like finding a hole in the wall I had hit.
“How… how did no one know?”
“I guess you’re not completely stupid. Your brain works reasonably well.”
“How did you even trick second brother?”
“He was completely wasted. Drowned in alcohol and marijuana. Maybe he felt like this. No, since it was his first time with alcohol and drugs, he probably couldn’t keep his head straight at all. He was so delirious that switching places was no difficult task.”
“Switching what?”
“The driver.”
“….”
Watching the change in my shocked expression, my eldest brother laughed as if he were enjoying himself. As if he were dying of pleasure at my reaction. Is that why he’s spouting this absurd nonsense?
“It’s no big deal, yet you’ve turned pale. It was going to be cleaned up perfectly anyway. He couldn’t overcome the guilt on his own and shut himself in his room, and after that, he started acting like a complete degenerate. Father seemed to understand, but he gradually gave up. Isn’t it funny? A guy who ruined his own life over a useless sense of guilt.”
“If it’s no big deal, why… why did you pin it on second brother?”
“I couldn’t let a speck of dust get on my career.”
“….”
An accident where a person died was not treated as a big deal. That ‘nothing’ was, at most, like a speck of dust.
The hands resting on my lap trembled, and I clenched them into fists. The trembling spread through my entire arm, and it felt as if my whole body would seize up at any moment.
I broke away from my eldest brother’s gaze and stood up. I gripped the balcony railing and took a deep breath, but my throat felt so tight that the air entering my nose didn’t seem to flow anywhere.
“Is this what they call the perfect crime?”
Giggling, my eldest brother followed me and stood by my side. Looking down at the scenery far below the building, he let out a long whistle.
“It was nothing more than a few ants dying. I couldn’t let things like that put dust on my life. That is what hosan is. That is what ‘background’ means. If that bastard Kwon Yi-kang didn’t have the background of Hwang Seong, you’d just be an Alpha and Omega who fucked because you were in heat. Because of hosan and Hwang Seong, it can be packaged as a tear-jerking love story.”
I had hated that word, ‘background,’ so much. I wondered why I hated it every time others mentioned it. I thought it was because it sounded like they were dividing people by rank, but it turns out I hated it because they didn’t treat people as human beings at all.
“So stop being stubborn, bow your head, and crawl. While I’m generously treating you like a brother. Do you really think you’re qualified to be under the name of hosan?”
My eldest brother spoke as if it were a joke, throwing his arm over my shoulder. His tone was light, as if he might float away, but it was no different from a threat. The weight of the other person leaning on me felt as heavy as a thousand pounds.
“…Those ants had children too.”
“What?”
Perhaps he didn’t hear my mutterings, as he leaned in, bringing his ear closer. I turned my head to look toward the balcony. Through the balcony door, I could see Kwon Yi-kang, who had shifted his position on the sofa and was watching us.
Meeting my eyes, Kwon Yi-kang smiled softly. My eyes stung as if I were about to cry, but I forced my lips up and returned the smile.
“I wanted to kill him, but he died first. I wondered why, but I couldn’t find the reason. But now I think I know. It must have been a sign not to kill the wrong person. Looking at this, God really does exist.”
Seeing as He took the little one first so my hands wouldn’t get dirty. Telling me not to kill the wrong person, because there was someone truly deserving of death.
Who would have expected the eldest, who dreamed of the perfect crime, to confess his sins with his own mouth? Who would have expected the man who packaged himself so perfectly to brag about his own flaws while drunk on alcohol and drugs?
Was this also a product of coincidence? If it was a coincidence, it was an astonishing one; if not, then God truly exists. Unless it was God’s will to give meaning to my survival, there was no way to explain the current situation.
“What did you just…”
“There is no such thing as a perfect crime.”
Why now, of all times, and why me, of all people? What a ridiculous fate. One person’s blunder becomes another’s opportunity. Pushing aside the various headache-inducing thoughts, I smiled at my eldest brother standing before me.
“You should have kept your mouth shut until the day you died.”
If you wanted to live, you should have. Instead of bragging like the second one, you should have kept your mouth tightly shut. You should have taken it to the grave.
I pushed his limp body. My body, leaning on the railing, tilted backward, and I flailed to maintain balance. I kicked out my leg, which had half-risen and then hurriedly stepped back on the floor.
“Agh…”
Barely clinging to the railing, I stared blankly at my pitifully trembling hand.
“Cha, Cha Soo-kyung. Cha Soo-kyung!”
“It’s time to be punished.”
I savored the moment, pushing away my fingers one by one from the railing they held like a lifeline. One finger, nine left. Another finger, eight left. Another, and another. Before five fingers remained, the hand holding the railing vanished.
I watched the silhouette receding through the air. It was a mere instant, yet it felt like an eternity. It was such an easy death. Just like my parents, who were struck and killed by that man’s car fourteen years ago. It truly happened in a flash.
With a loud thud, the body sprawled on the cold stone floor, staining it with red water, looking so incredibly small. It was similar to an ant that would burst and die if crushed and rubbed with a finger.
The ‘little ant’ he had sneered about. He was the only one who didn’t realize he was also just an ant. The people gathering below to watch his death, the dead man himself, and I, looking down—we were all the same ants.
“…Cha Soo-kyung.”
I turned my head at the sound of my name called in a low voice. Kwon Yi-kang, who had hurriedly opened the balcony door and come out, looked at the empty space beside me and then at me with a look of vacancy.
His face was flushed with deep bewilderment, unable to gauge what situation he was seeing or what words he should utter.
“Come here.”
Pale-faced, Kwon Yi-kang reached out to me. It was a command, but just as with the name that left his lips, his fingertips were trembling. I stared silently at his shivering fingertips before turning my gaze back down.
People were gathering around the road, which was stained as if a single drop of red paint had been plopped onto it. Black dots were swarming.
Kwon Yi-kang slowly approached from behind and grabbed my shoulder, pulling me away from the railing. He scanned me up and down and asked, “Are you okay?”
Cha Baek-joo was the one who died, yet Kwon Yi-kang held me as if my well-being was the only thing that mattered, confirming my safety with both hands. I laughed because the face of the man asking that didn’t look okay at all.
“It’s the best.”
While held in Kwon Yi-kang’s arms, I turned my head and glanced down.
“It’s the best… it couldn’t be any better.”
I felt as if the reason for my existence had been confirmed. I felt as if I had proven the reason why I had to stay alive. I could say with certainty that I was the most sane I had been since coming back from the dead.
“Come, come this way.”
Kwon Yi-kang led me and sat me down in the empty table chair. The chair where someone had been sitting until a moment ago was now vacant, having lost its owner. Confirming this again made my joy grow.
“I killed him. Right?”
Looking down past the railing again, I wanted confirmation. I wanted to jump down from the building and see Cha Baek-joo’s dead body. I wanted to feel his pulse and confirm that he was no longer breathing.
“I killed him, right? I killed him…”
“Cha Soo-kyung!”
Kwon Yi-kang shook his head, covering my mouth as I spoke in excitement.
“He fell.”
“….”
“He was drunk on alcohol and drugs, lost his balance, and fell. Before you could even grab him.”
“…But I killed him? I killed him, I had to kill him so I killed him, so why…”
“…Yes. You killed him. You killed him, but only you and I know that. You must never tell anyone else from now on. Cha Baek-joo lost his balance and fell on his own. Understand?”
I killed him, so why did Cha Baek-joo fall on his own? That’s nonsense. I shook my head, and Kwon Yi-kang, gripping my shaking head firmly with both hands, met my gaze with a deeply sunken look.
“Is your goal just to kill that bastard? Or is your goal to advertise that you killed someone?”
“Killing him. Killing that bastard.”
“Right, since you killed him… it’s all over. Since you killed him, now listen to me. Cha Soo-kyung, you’ll listen to me, right?”
Even if I wanted to shake my head, the hands gripping my head tightly did not allow it. The silent gaze facing me was forcing me to agree. There was only one answer he wanted.
“…Why?”
“I told you. No matter who you kill, no matter how many people you kill, I’ll handle the cleanup. My Omega, my lovely Omega. Soo-kyung, you’ll be safe. No one, no situation can tear you away from me. So… this is our secret. Understand?”
Whispering in a sweet voice, Kwon Yi-kang kissed me. He parted my lips, which he had been softly sucking, and his tongue invaded. The tongue, sweeping through the inside of my mouth, rubbed against the sensitive membranes, inducing a response. As I mumbled my lips to his gentle and affectionate movements, his lips pulled away as if stealing my saliva and then lightly clashed again.
“I’ll protect you and our child. So, what happened just now is a secret.”
“But…”
“It’s a secret.”
I swallowed the words I was about to say at his firm gaze. It was hard to avoid the eyes facing me. Kwon Yi-kang’s eyes were firm, but on the other hand, they also held fear. Was it fear toward me, who had killed a person, or fear for my future as a killer? Either way, it was something I had to endure.
Because… when I saw you through the balcony glass door, I chose Cha Baek-joo.
It was the same as letting go of Kwon Yi-kang’s hand, who was smiling at me. Prepared to willingly accept the brand of a murderer, I pushed Cha Baek-joo. I didn’t think about what would happen afterward. I didn’t think of my marriage to Kwon Yi-kang, nor our future.
The bewilderment he felt upon facing the accident had vanished, and perhaps the now-composed Kwon Yi-kang had realized it too. That I had let go of his hand. That I had chosen the death of Cha Baek-joo over the man known as Kwon Yi-kang.
“It’s time to be punished.”
“It’s okay. You won’t be punished. If someone has to be, it’ll be me. I’ll take care of everything. I’ll handle it, so you just stay quiet.”
“I can’t.”
“Soo-kyung. ……It’s okay.”
The hand that had been holding my head moved down to my cheek, then my shoulder, and finally gripped the hand resting on my knee tightly. His palms were flushed with heat, and that fire seemed to spread to me. The tears I hadn’t been able to shed finally poured out.
Drip, drip. One drop, then another. I lowered my head, unable to wipe away the falling tears. It was too difficult to meet Kwon Yi-kang’s gaze.