By Zephyria 
“Soo-kyung.”
A voice tickling his ear pulled his sinking consciousness back up. His blurred vision cleared, and the muffled feeling covering his ears vanished. Beyond his eyelids, which blinked a couple of times, he saw a tender face.
“Soo-kyung, you have to wake up.”
“……Why aren’t you at work?”
The end of the sentence trailed off, heavy with sleep. Feeling like a child throwing a sleep-tantrum, he cleared his throat with a cough to steady his voice.
“I’m back. Have you been sleeping until now?”
“……Already?”
Turning his head to look out the window, he saw that it had already grown dark. He hadn’t seen the sun today either. They said winter was over, but the weather was still cold, and the sun set quickly. Even though it was spring, it didn’t feel like spring.
“Did you eat?”
“No.”
“Did you sleep straight through without waking up?”
“Probably.”
He sat up, but as he answered weakly with a still-dazed mind, a low sigh escaped. It sounded as if there were many things the other wanted to say but was barely holding back, so he looked up.
“Why do you have so little energy?”
“Just, I’m sleepy.”
“You’re sleepy even after sleeping all day?”
“They say you get more tired if you sleep too long.”
That’s why an appropriate amount of sleep is important. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help the urge to keep lying down. He didn’t want to lift a single finger; he just wanted to lie there and breathe. He had no desire to do anything else.
“Wash up. Let’s go out. Let’s go eat something delicious.”
“Let’s just eat what’s at home. Or order something.”
He lay back down, replying in a voice full of laziness. Kwon Yi-kang, who had returned after taking off his coat and suit jacket, pulled him up again.
“Cha Soo-kyung.”
“Just leave me alone. It’s a hassle. Washing is a hassle, and I hate going out. Let’s just grab whatever and lie down. Please?”
He snapped for no reason and then, surprised by his own action, checked Kwon Yi-kang’s reaction. He wasn’t angry, but an expressionless face was staring at him. He turned his head away from the steady gaze.
“Do you want to die?”
Was this a threat? Was he asking if he was snapping because he wanted to die? Or something like that? But the voice was too calm for that.
“Are you going to die? Do you want to follow that bastard in death now that he’s dead? Is there no meaning in living because that bastard is gone?”
Only then did he understand the meaning of Kwon Yi-kang’s words, and his hunched shoulders slumped.
“Was that bastard really that important? You said he was someone who did bad things to you. So what if he’s dead? Don’t you want to live well just to spite the dead man? Do you have no lingering attachment or meaning to live in a world without him? Is that bastard the only thing that matters to you?”
He found himself unable to respond to the words that seemed to pierce right through his inner thoughts. As he hung his head low in silence, like a sinner, Kwon Yi-kang sighed, knelt before him, and met his eyes.
“You staying shut in the house and cutting off contact for a week—that was because of that bastard too, wasn’t it? You ran away to me to avoid a blind date, yet you still can’t escape him. Then what about me?”
As he flinched from the ticklish sensation of intertwined fingers, Kwon Yi-kang pulled his hand away and pressed his lips to it. Every time he sighed, hot breath dampened his fingertips.
“Am I not enough to be your reason for living? I get angry several times a day. Every time I think of you, I get so angry that I wonder if I’d feel better if I hacked that dead man’s corpse to pieces. I don’t know what I have to do to make that guy’s meaning disappear from you. No matter how much I think about it, I don’t know.”
“It’s just…….”
No one had ever cared for him like this. He had always had to suffer alone, worry alone, and reach a conclusion alone, no matter what happened. Rather than reaching a conclusion, he had simply been swept along by his surroundings, so in a situation like this, he didn’t know what to do or how to do it.
Even now, he felt that if he just spent time like this, things would somehow work out; he was simply killing time helplessly. It seemed that in Kwon Yi-kang’s eyes, that was displeasing.
“I haven’t done anything, and now there’s nothing I can do…… I wonder if it’s right for me to be alive like this.”
“Make it me. Fill your reason for living with me. Love me, amuse me, make me happy, and live to be by my side. When I’m with you, look only at me, and when I’m not, think only of me. With just that, you won’t have the leisure to think of anything else.”
What is that? That’s incredibly selfish and arbitrary. Nevertheless, he tightened his grip on the held hand and didn’t offer any rebuttal. Meeting his downward gaze, Kwon Yi-kang asked, “Hmm?”
“Who are you living for?”
“Kwon Yi-kang.”
“Who should you think of from now on?”
“Kwon Yi-kang.”
“You know it well. Just do that.”
The proud, smiling face was annoying, but he didn’t know why it was so handsome. It made him even more annoyed because he was so handsome. He wanted to hit him, but there was nowhere to hit.
“Let’s have a child soon.”
“……What?”
He blinked and asked at the random remark. It wasn’t something that should come out in this situation; he wondered if he had misheard a word.
“Just have one and raise it. If you pour your spirit into that, you won’t have the leisure to look for reasons like why you live.”
“You can’t just have a child for that reason.”
“I was planning to make a child anyway. Perhaps already……. No, anyway, watching a child cry and whine will stop you from thinking about other things. Look after the child while I’m at the company. Instead, when I come home from work, look only at me.”
He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. It was a part he had never considered, so he couldn’t find the words to respond.
“Still, you shouldn’t have a child with that kind of mindset. How could I possibly give birth to a child?”
“It’s natural for a child to be born when you get married and live together. And if not you, who would give birth? Do you think children just fall from the sky?”
They don’t fall from the sky, but he had never once imagined giving birth from his own belly. When he pictured his stomach swelling, he found nothing more horrific. He frowned deeply and shuddered.
“How can a man…….”
“Is the father who birthed you a man or a woman?”
“……A man.”
“Are you an Alpha or an Omega?”
“Omega.”
“Then who do you think would give birth, you or I?”
“……Me?”
“Why pretend not to know something so obvious? Are you trying to be cute?”
He couldn’t pull himself together, as if swept away by a storm. First shock: the suggestion to have a child. Second shock: the statement that he should be the one to give birth to that child.
“Still, a child……. I’ve never once thought about it.”
“I pumped you and came inside you so much that your hole wouldn’t even close, so how have you not thought of it once? It wouldn’t even be strange if you gave birth to triplets.”
I was stunned by the mention of triplets, my mouth hanging open in shock. I wasn’t actually pregnant; I had only been thinking about having a child, but my mind went completely blank, leaving me unable to think of anything else. Kwon Yi-kang must have planned this.
“Wow… this is so surreal.”
“Just get ready to welcome a baby within the year.”
“No. A baby? That’s creepy. I can’t do it.”
“If a baby is conceived, we have to have it. Surely you aren’t thinking of killing a child that’s already been created? A child who sought us out as its parents. Are you planning to kill your first child?”
I covered Kwon Yi-kang’s mouth with my hand as he casually spoke of such terrifying things. Pregnancy, children, abortion—it all felt surreal.
Pregnancy and childbirth were words that had nothing to do with me, but hearing Kwon Yi-kang speak of them made it feel like a foregone conclusion. I felt like I should start paying attention to something called contraception from now on.
∞ ∞ ∞
They say the protagonist always appears late.
Since I had contacted my family saying I had something to tell them, everyone should have returned home by now. When I headed down late, just in time for the meal, the gazes of the family filling the table converged on me.
“You make your parents ashamed, you bring disgrace to this house, and yet you still have the appetite to eat? How dare you crawl back in here with your head held so high, as if nothing happened!”
My Alpha Father shouted, his hand gripping the spoon trembling violently.
“Let’s just eat first. Can’t you wait a little bit for a meal?”
I sat down with a face as indifferent as usual. I glanced at the empty seat of the youngest before turning away and picking up my utensils.
“What on earth do you have to say that required calling all these busy people together? What have you done right!”
“I’m getting married.”
The menacing aura, which felt as if he were about to drag me from my seat, paused momentarily at my words. Seeing his face, which looked as if he couldn’t comprehend what he’d just heard, I repeated it for confirmation: “I said I’m getting married.”
“All that stubbornness, only to bow down like this. We’ll have to set a new date. You apologize for the child being sick and ask for a suitable date.”
Ahem, ahem. My Alpha Father cleared his throat and nudged my Omega Father’s elbow. I hated that unwavering belief of his that things would eventually go exactly as he planned. Perhaps that’s why I rebel even more.
“There’s no need for blind dates. I’ve been proposed to. So, I’ve decided to marry. It might be a bit early to marry, but I figured if I have to get married anyway, this is better than going on blind dates.”
I replied, brushing back my hair with the hand wearing the ring for all to see. I had hoped at least one person would notice, and as expected, my sister-in-law’s timing was impeccable as she pointed to my finger.
“Brother-in-law. What is that? Is that a real diamond?”
“Ah, this. Of course it’s real; why would it be fake? He originally intended to give it as a gift, and he was so disappointed that it turned into a proposal ring. I didn’t mind, though.”
“Oh my, how many carats is that? It looks like it easily exceeds ten carats. Did a size like that even exist in this country?”
I didn’t know how big ten carats was, nor did I know how many carats this was. I only just remembered from my sister-in-law’s words that diamond sizes are called carats; did I even have the mental capacity to ask how many carats it was? I just wore it because Kwon Yi-kang said it was expensive.