By Zephyria 
‘…….’
‘I told you so.’
‘…….’
‘And it’s only natural to want to touch someone you like.’
For now, at least, that’s how I feel……. Eun-ha added softly, burying his face deeper into the embrace as if trying to hide himself.
‘It’s not that it isn’t hard. But I’m saying it’s okay to a certain extent. Because I like you.’
‘…….’
‘Just as much as you think of me, I’m doing something similar.’
‘…….’
‘A little bit of greed on your part isn’t going to cause some great catastrophe for me.’
And—.
‘You said it last time. That you were curious about what I like.’
‘…….’
‘I like it a little rough.’
As if I’m the only person in the world. As if I’ll die if you let go.
He swallowed the rest of the words. Yeon-jun remained silent for a long time.
Eun-ha melted quietly into the still atmosphere, then, sensing something at some point, he pulled his upper body back and detached himself. At the same time, his eyes slid downward.
He flicked his gaze back up, fixing it on the smooth line of the other’s jaw.
‘Yeon-jun.’
‘…….’
‘Jun.’
‘……Yes.’
‘You have an erection.’
‘……How can you just say it like that, Hyung.’
He had simply stated a fact, but Yeon-jun looked down at Eun-ha with a look of utter disbelief, as if he were speechless. Eun-ha stared blankly at Yeon-jun with his characteristic indifferent expression and reached out his hand.
Like someone who had been caught many times, Yeon-jun nimbly grabbed Eun-ha’s wrist.
‘I’m not going to do it, really…….’
‘That’s why I’m saying, there’s no need for that. I never asked you to do it that way. So why do you keep acting as if you’re being considerate of me—.’
‘Hyung.’
‘Am I a critically ill patient? And I wasn’t going to say this, but I’ve been an adult for eight years. For eight years, how much have I…….’
‘…….’
‘……Anyway. But why does someone keep—.’
‘I get it. I know what you’re saying.’
‘Yeah.’
‘Do you even know how many times we’ve already done it…….’
‘But you’re hard.’
‘It’s not by my will.’
‘I find it fascinating too. That it can get hard again after all that.’
‘That doesn’t necessarily mean I want to release it with you, Hyung.’
‘…….’
‘This is just something that needs to be calmed down. You know that too.’
‘When I get hard, I take it out.’
‘…….’
He didn’t bother to endure the blood rushing down due to sexual desire. Of course, he wouldn’t release it every single time he got an erection. But at the very least, he didn’t force himself to hold back during intercourse. Not specifically.
Instead of answering, Yeon-jun quietly turned his eyes away and looked into the air, as if searching for words in the void. His lips parted slightly, and he glanced at Eun-ha again. In that glance, a flicker of determined resolve appeared in his pupils.
‘Mine will wear out.’
‘……Ha.’
Just as Eun-ha was about to let out a laugh at the absurd claim, Yeon-jun suddenly lowered his eyelids sorrowfully.
‘I’m only twenty now.’
‘……Why are you suddenly bringing up your age.’
‘I really don’t know much about this stuff yet, really…….’
It was a deliberately pitiful plea. As if he truly didn’t know. As if he were too bewildered, embarrassed, and overwhelmed by the sudden thrusting of an act he didn’t understand.
The way he feigned sexual ignorance was quite pathetic. At the sight of him acting like a trembling small animal, the corners of Eun-ha’s mouth twisted into a bewildered smile. Especially considering that for the past few days, they had literally rolled around like dogs.
Though Eun-ha had engaged in various stimulating words and actions to make it happen, in the end, it was Yeon-jun who had held onto him, swung him around, and hammered into him.
‘Am I raping you right now?’
‘It feels roughly similar.’
‘What do you mean roughly similar?’
‘Sexual degradation……? Something like that.’
Eun-ha was now at the point where his shoulders were shaking with laughter. As he chuckled, Yeon-jun gave him a resentful glare and hugged Eun-ha’s entire body as if binding him. He bit the edge of Eun-ha’s shoulder gently. Like a minor punishment.
The funny part was that, in the process, his genitals were haphazardly poking at Eun-ha’s lower abdomen and thighs, which were naturally pressed close together amidst the tangled blankets. Despite that, he really acts like…….
In any case, after the incident that day, Yeon-jun seemed to have reached some sort of compromise. He seemed to have concluded that excessive worry and restraint could actually be poisonous in certain parts. That even if he continued to insist on his will, the Hyung’s intensity would only increase, never subside. That if things continued like this, he would just keep getting swept up in it……. And that it might actually be more taxing for Eun-ha.
Since Eun-ha had pushed him while acting like a sex-starved person, hoping for exactly that kind of surrender, it had been a rewarding process.
As if to prove it, Eun-ha indifferently observed the remaining marks on the body and slowly picked out some clothes. After changing into long-sleeved clothing so that no bare skin was exposed, he left the bedroom.
After finishing his preparations to go out, he called Yeon-jun as he left the front door. He had told him to contact him after eating. It didn’t take long for the call to connect.
Hyung. Are you awake?
The voice was clearly filled with gladness. Behind it, the bustling noise of the surroundings could be heard. When Eun-ha replied, “Yeah,” he immediately asked if he had eaten. Eun-ha answered faithfully and briefly stated his business.
“I’m going out for a bit. I’ll probably be back tomorrow.”
Where?
“I have to finish cleaning up the house.”
The reason was that there were only two days left until the deadline he had promised his mother. In truth, knowing his mother’s personality—someone who cherished her child terribly and wanted to give him everything materially—he doubted she would firmly insist on putting the house on the market after two days, but since he had made a bold promise, it was better to get it over with while he had the resolve.
…Now? You’re going alone?
“Yeah.”
Should I come with you?
“No. Aren’t you with your friends?”
It’s okay.
“What do you mean it’s okay. Just have fun. As for sleep…… I think it’s better if you just sleep at your place today. I’m going to clean up there and close my eyes if I get tired.”
A worried voice continued. Meanwhile, the noise gradually faded, as if he had stepped away from the loud venue. What if Hyung’s condition gets bad again? What if you have bad thoughts…… Should I just ditch my friends and go?
“Ditch who? I told you I’m fine.”
Eun-ha was only able to end the call after repeatedly reassuring Yeon-jun, who couldn’t quite put his mind at ease. As he climbed into the car with practiced ease, he thought of the true feelings he hadn’t shared. That he preferred going alone. That he was intentionally not bringing him along.
He didn’t want to show him his wretched side a second time.
* * *
The house he returned to was preserved exactly as it had been about ten days ago, when he had messily pulled out all his belongings.
Fumbling to turn on the light, Eun-ha stood in place for a moment, simply staring silently at the living room.
Just by looking at it, his breath caught as if it were a natural sequence. A feeling of something unpleasant crawling up his body, as if it were tightening around his throat.
As if he had witnessed a ghost, Eun-ha looked down at a certain spot in the living room with a pale expression, let out a long, deep sigh of sorrow, and slowly began to walk.
In truth, there wasn’t much to do. This was thanks to his decision to take only the bare minimum and leave the rest to be disposed of by a professional company. If he tried to organize too meticulously, it would only end up being detrimental to his mental health.