By Zephyria 
He pulled me roughly, and as soon as he closed the door, he pinned me against the wall and captured my lips with a coarse gesture; I accepted it all without resistance. It was because I knew it was Tae-un.
The black pupils looking down at me held an anxiety that hadn’t been there before. Within that infinitely deep gaze was a tremor, a flicker of agitation uncharacteristic of him, yet it wasn’t unfamiliar. Kim Si-baek had felt that anxiety just a few hours ago.
When Gloiuken and Nasluik appeared. When they suggested a return to slechtro.
From the boy who had clung to him desperately, as if he might crumble at any moment.
Kim Si-baek steadied his ragged breathing and slowly raised his hand to caress Tae-un’s cheek. Tae-un let out a low hiss through his teeth and buried his face deep into his palm.
“I told you I’m not going back. The way back is blocked anyway.”
With a low sigh, Tae-un let out a whisper.
“You told me before that there were people like disciples to you, and people you followed like a father. Those are them, right?”
“That was a long time ago; you remembered that quite well.”
“I never forget anything you tell me, Hyung.”
I wondered what more he wanted to say. Having cut himself off ambiguously, he didn’t utter another word and simply wrapped his arms around Kim Si-baek’s waist.
As Kim Si-baek patted his back, wondering why he was acting like this, a fragment of a past memory suddenly flickered through his mind.
It was around the time Tae-un was ten years old. Tae-un had come over to his studio apartment, and Kim Si-baek had made him tteokbokki. The boy hadn’t eaten, but instead hesitated before finally speaking up.
〈There are kids who came to the orphanage before me. Like Min-hyung.〉
〈Min-hyung was a complete newborn.〉
〈So they’ve known you longer than I have.〉
〈Mm-hmm.〉
After that, he remained silent for a while, chewing on his words, before saying this:
〈…Are they cuter than me?〉
Kim Si-baek remembered how the eyelashes of his tightly shut eyes trembled, as if he were terrified of the answer, but he couldn’t recall exactly how he had responded. He only vaguely remembered bursting into laughter because the boy’s nervous appearance was both cute and amusing.
Sister Benedicta, who heard about it later, had smiled and said, “He must feel so much like a real brother that Un-i is getting jealous that you’re close with the other children.”
Kim Si-baek asked Tae-un, half-joking.
“Are you jealous?”
“Huh?”
“I asked if you’re jealous.”
“…Me?”
“You’ve been like this since you were little, why act surprised now?”
Kim Si-baek chuckled and grabbed Tae-un’s cheeks, shaking them. It was quite funny and cute to see him swaying with that same blank expression.
“Gloiuken is, well, something like a disciple, but also a colleague. And Nasluik followed me a lot back then because of some circumstances…”
Kim Si-baek rubbed the anxiety lingering in Tae-un’s eyes with his fingertips. As if he could erase it just by doing so.
He didn’t remember exactly what answer he had given Tae-un back then, but it likely carried the same meaning as now.
“You once told me you hoped I would forget you. That was because I knew I wouldn’t be able to forget you.”
“….”
“Because you are my only selfishness.”
It was undeniable that when he first saw Tae-un, he had overlapped him with his younger brother. For a long time after that, he continued to be reminded of his brother, but before he knew it, the child had established himself as the unique existence known as Tae-un.
How could he not love a child who possessed eyes that held only him, a smile that bloomed brightly only for him, and a heartbeat that throbbed only when leaning into him?
And now, Kim Si-baek knew that the beat within his own chest was thumping for the boy. For the sake of his newly reaffirmed selfishness.
Neither his brother, nor Biyendwe, nor Gloiuken, nor Nasluik—no one else could provide this.
Kim Si-baek took Tae-un’s hand, which had slid down, and placed it on his left chest. There was a pulsing vibration there, as strong as Tae-un’s longing for him.
“Only you can feel this sound, Un-ah.”
The fingertips of Tae-un’s hand on his chest trembled slightly. He curled his fingers as if he could grasp the sound of the heart. The intangible wave could not pool in his palm, but it was enough to flow through the skin, nerves, and blood vessels of his hand and be engraved into his heart.
While pretending to be composed, yet revealing an uncontrollable anxiety, the murderous intent that had been simmering throughout finally subsided like a lie.
Tae-un felt relieved that he hadn’t taken Biyendwe, and that he hadn’t killed Cloud, Gloiuken, and Nasluik. Consequently, the principles of his life and actions were once again entirely defined and delineated for Kim Si-baek.
Just as Tae-un was Kim Si-baek’s only one, Kim Si-baek was Tae-un’s eternity.
“…I’m glad that you are the beginning and the end of my life.”
Before Kim Si-baek could wonder about the true meaning behind those words, Tae-un’s lips touched his. The heat of the boy chasing him was still urgent, but there was a bit more composure than before.
Because Kim Si-baek’s recovery power was strong, the deep hickeys left on his neck had faded considerably over a few days. Tae-un slid his hand down while nipping at the skin. A moan escaped naturally at the heat mixed with the stinging pain.
Having had sex once, the hand descending toward his buttocks felt very natural. It felt strange to have his buttocks kneaded so explicitly.
Since the boy had large hands, his buttocks were gripped firmly within his palm. Wanting to play a prank, Kim Si-baek tapped the back of the hand to push it away, but Tae-un’s eyes immediately drooped, so he quickly guided the hand back to its original position. The sound of Tae-un’s small laugh vibrated against the skin.
As he was pushed onto the bed by the other’s weight, the mattress creaked precariously.
“What if it actually collapses?”
“Then I’ll just tell people that Hyung fucked me so hard the bed broke. If rumors spread that Hyung has great hip strength, your reputation will only grow; wouldn’t that be killing two birds with one stone?”
“…Stop it.”
Having actually imagined it, Kim Si-baek shuddered involuntarily. Rather than having such an embarrassing rumor spread, he would rather carry Tae-un in a bridal carry and sprint through the center of Daejeon along the Daedong River.
Without needing to decide who went first, they stripped each other. Unlike the night they first joined bodies, the light above their heads was bright.
“Wait. I’ll go turn off the light.”
Feeling awkward now that he was naked, he tried to turn off the light, but Tae-un would not let go of his shoulder.
“Let’s do it with the lights on, Hyung.”
“It’s a bit…”
“It was too dark then, so I couldn’t properly see what kind of face you make when you feel it. I want to see and remember all of you, please?”
As he pleaded with a cute voice, peppering him with kisses, it was impossible to shake him off. Not missing the moment of hesitation, Tae-un bit down on his nipple as if swallowing a fruit hanging from a branch.
“Hngh.”
The soft nipple was sucked inward, pulling the skin with it. As he let out a low moan at the sharp sensation of pain, Tae-un licked and rubbed the entire areola with his tongue as if to soothe the pain.
“Do you like it when I bite hard enough to hurt, or do you like it when I lick?”
An answer like ‘Who likes pain?’ might have come out, but it wasn’t bad to have his body nibbled and marked with tooth marks during sex. No, it could even be described as feeling good.
“If it’s you doing it, I like everything…”
Tae-un, who had been playfully gnawing at the erect nipple, took a deep breath. Then, leaning his face close, he breathed a hot whisper into his ear.
“…Hyung, I’m really hard right now.”
“Huh?”
It wasn’t even erotic content, so why did that make him hard? Kim Si-baek was flustered, but the volume pressing firmly against his thigh was very real. Even without touching it directly with his hand, the heaviness he felt made him swallow hard. It didn’t feel real that he had swallowed a size like that between his buttocks.
Noticing that he had instinctively glanced down, Tae-un smiled deeply.
“If you look at me with such hungry eyes already, what do you think will happen to me?”
Knowing that answering would only draw him in further, he couldn’t help but ask because the boy’s eyes were too sparkling.
“…What will happen?”
“My cock will probably explode from your hot gaze, right? Then you’ll be at a loss too.”
Before he could reply that his gaze wasn’t that hungry or hot, the large hand that had been kneading his buttocks moved. Cool fingers pried open the hole between his buttocks and pushed deep inside.