By Zephyria 
Ah… Joo Tae-hyun couldn’t withstand the overwhelming dizziness and squeezed his eyes shut.
“You, don’t tell me… don’t tell me you’ve been treating Tae-hyun like that all this time?”
“Oh, Chairman Joo. At this rate, the CEO will collapse again. Shouldn’t we take him outside for a moment…”
Even knowing that he was the cause of all this commotion, he couldn’t soothe his parents, let alone move a muscle.
It felt as if someone was meticulously crushing his chest. As if his worn and decayed bone fragments were being shoved deep inside his body.
A sensation of slowly collapsing from the inside.
Perhaps the saying “my heart is breaking” was made for times like these.
“Doctor Woo. Please take my parents outside. It’ll only be a moment…….”
Tae-hyun, Young Master. The voices of the adults calling out to him each carried a similar metallic undertone. A sigh that seemed to scrape out from within, pitying the young one faltering from a long, unrequited love.
“It’ll really only be a moment, Dad. What if Mom collapses again at this rate?”
“I heard exactly what that bastard said to you with my own ears just now. How can you ask me to leave?”
“Dad, this is something I need to handle.”
However, unlike their worries, Joo Tae-hyun had no intention of obediently following Seo Baek-han’s words.
“I don’t plan to drag this out, it’ll only be a very short while. Really.”
He dismisses his decision as ‘something like a divorce’ and has no intention of respecting his will until the very end, so why should he be the only one to obey?
“Doctor Woo, quickly.”
Joo Tae-hyun’s insides were a mess as he urged the adults, but Seo Baek-han, even as Chairman Joo was practically strangling him, was perfectly calm. On the other hand, CEO Yoo’s complexion was rapidly deteriorating. Startled by his wife’s pale face, Chairman Joo had no choice but to release his grip on Seo Baek-han’s collar.
“I’ll check on the CEO’s condition and return immediately. I need to measure both of their pheromone levels.”
“Thank you, Doctor Woo.”
Doctor Woo hurriedly wrapped things up and went outside. The sound of CEO Yoo’s agonizing sighs and Chairman Joo’s lamentations flowing in from beyond the not-fully-closed door caused Joo Tae-hyun’s barely holding-on heart to crumble.
“…”
A space finally left with just the two of them.
As if he hadn’t been acting up in front of his parents just moments ago, Seo Baek-han said nothing. Only his pheromones, whose intentions were impossible to fathom, overflowed.
“Hyung, why are you doing this?”
There was clearly something that advanced equipment could never reach, something that only they could feel, yet instead of exploring each other’s true feelings, they were busy clawing and tearing at each other as if they had been waiting for this moment.
“I know, I guess I’m acting out of character. Even Choi Yeon-jun asked me earlier if I liked you.”
Seo Baek-han casually spat out the words as he straightened his disheveled clothes. Perhaps it was because of his nonchalant tone and actions, but Joo Tae-hyun didn’t immediately grasp the meaning of what he had heard. What? Hyung likes me, what did he say?
“So I said yes. Because it’s true that I like you. If we’re just talking about whether I like you or not, then of course I like you. I do like you.”
“……No, wait a minute. Hyung.”
“To be honest, I was a little displeased when I first received your proposal… But seeing as I still ended up accepting, I guess I didn’t completely dislike you either.”
The conditions you listed at the time, of course, they were attractive. But I didn’t choose you solely for those reasons.
“I told you back then, too. It’s not like I was so desperate that I could only cling to conditions while erasing all my tastes and preferences.”
“Ha, so what are you trying to say? What are you trying to do by coming all the way here!”
“Exactly what I said. I like you too.”
A long finger, enveloped in a strong peach scent, lightly touched Joo Tae-hyun’s distorted brow.
“Of course, it might be somewhat different from what you’re hoping for. But I thought that if it was the Joo Tae-hyun I know, he would want me to at least give him this answer.”
“…Did I look like I just wanted to hear those kinds of words?”
Oh, don’t you? Seo Baek-han, asking that, seemed utterly serious.
“Regardless of how the imprinting issue is resolved, I don’t think it’ll be too difficult to sleep with you in the future. No, I want to.”
As he said that, Seo Baek-han let out a short, hollow laugh, as if he couldn’t have imagined the day would come when he would say these words.
“Even when I’m in rut, I won’t meet with anyone else. We’re imprinted anyway.”
“…”
“Or what, what should I do? What would you like me to do in the future?”
So, to summarize, this was it.
It wasn’t that he hated him to death, and seeing his struggles not to disappoint him, he thought it wouldn’t be so bad to give him the position of spouse. After mixing their bodies together, the sex was more enjoyable than he had expected… and since they had even imprinted for some unknown reason, he didn’t want to let him go so easily now.
“…Joo Tae-hyun?”
Joo Tae-hyun realized he was crying only after hearing Seo Baek-han’s slightly flustered call. Even after reaching this point, there was still a heart left to break.
“Tae-hyun, why are you crying?”
Once he became aware of it, the tears flowed uncontrollably. Joo Tae-hyun stared blankly at the teardrops that gathered at the tip of his chin and fell to his feet, without even having time to wipe them away.
Why am I crying…? Does he really not know why he’s asking?
“…Hyung shouldn’t have, shouldn’t have said those things to me.”
Joo Tae-hyun, struggling to give strength to his constantly faltering body, glared straight at Seo Baek-han.
“Joo Tae-hyun, why is your pheromone level suddenly like this-.”
Following Joo Tae-hyun’s precarious swaying, the numbers on the panel that Doctor Woo had left on fluctuated ominously. A deep furrow formed on Seo Baek-han’s brow at the unusual drop.
“Can’t you just, hic, listen when someone’s talking! I can’t get a divorce, I won’t, then… then is that the end? With what, sob, feelings I even brought up this conversation!”
“Tae-hyun, that’s not the problem-.”
“Please!”
It was pathetic how sobs mixed in every time a syllable was cut off, but it was beyond his control.
Joo Tae-hyun, whose last line of defense had collapsed, cried like someone who had been waiting for this day alone. He didn’t wail loudly, nor did he sob, but only shed thick tears.
He liked Seo Baek-han’s praise that he seemed mature because he didn’t show his emotions. He wanted to look good to him. Joo Tae-hyun, who had been holding back from laughing and crying, didn’t even know how to cry properly in times like these.
“I even wondered if it was because of the imprinting… but if that’s the reason, then I understand even less. I’m, I’m not at that point.”
If he simply liked having sex with him. If the goal was to control his pheromones before the dual imprinting broke. Even if he only wanted to mix bodies whenever he needed to. Why was this person being so cruel to him?
“I feel like I’m about to die because I like Hyung’s pheromones so much, and it feels like my body isn’t my own, but that’s it, that’s really all it is…”
“Joo Tae-hyun, take a deep breath first. Sit down first-.”
He pushed away Seo Baek-han, who was trying to cover his mouth with his hand, perhaps to control his hyperventilation.
“So stop with the ridiculous imprinting excuse. At least tell me honestly why you’re doing this…”
Would he have said those things in front of his parents if it were normal? He would have tried to negotiate nicely first.
Seo Baek-han would have tried even harder to act rationally because he hated this situation that wasn’t going according to his wishes. He wouldn’t have been so angry at the mention of divorce. He would have been displeased that he had caused a major accident in front of people without consulting him, rather than the divorce notice itself.
Ah, fuck… I don’t know. But whatever it was, he wouldn’t be acting like this now, spouting nonsense as if he had suddenly put on someone else’s skin.
“Stop making excuses about the imprinting and be honest. Hyung is just, doesn’t want to throw away a convenient consumable that listens well and now even has sex with him.”
He had been trying so hard to maintain this marriage, to not give up the title of Seo Baek-han’s legal spouse. But no matter how hard he tried, even if he became much closer to Seo Baek-han as a result, the day he could stand in the same position as the people he used to meet would never come.
That’s why Joo Tae-hyun didn’t have such expectations from the start. If he could at least become a close friend. If he could at least receive recognition as a relatively close relationship, like Choi Yeon-jun, someone he could trust and confide everything in… That was all he wanted.
What Joo Tae-hyun wanted from Seo Baek-han was so simple. But regardless of Joo Tae-hyun’s wishes, unfortunately, he had long since become too great of an existence for Joo Tae-hyun.
If he had only sexually liked him, everything would have been easy. Doesn’t the desire for someone, a strong attraction, eventually fade over time? There’s a reason why they say that if they’re out of sight, they’re out of mind.
But Seo Baek-han was a milestone and indicator in Joo Tae-hyun’s life. Seo Baek-han was the first existence that made Joo Tae-hyun reflect on what kind of person he wanted to become and how he wanted to live his life. He was the one who broke the small and cozy world surrounding Joo Tae-hyun, and the one who made him curious about a bigger world.
First love.
And unrequited love.
There was no clear way to define him, so he simply called him that every time, but Seo Baek-han existed in Joo Tae-hyun’s universe under so many names.
Seo Baek-han himself didn’t give him a proper place, but he wasn’t particularly sad about it. Sometimes… no, actually quite often, he was lonely and distressed, but he just silently followed and liked Seo Baek-han. Just like a disciple doesn’t dare to resent the god they follow.
I wonder, when did it start? When did he start to find this feeling so difficult?
In the meantime, Joo Tae-hyun acted as if it was his destiny to endure the given hardships. He tried to prove his usefulness every moment, and he was proud of himself for being able to read his intentions faster than others.
Not being loved? It was a matter of course. Isn’t that what believing in a god is all about? A thorough and miserable unrequited love where all that’s given in return is self-reflection.
“Doctor Woo! Doctor Woo!”
As the colorful graphs began to plummet downwards, Seo Baek-han suddenly shouted urgently.
He could also feel that his condition was not normal, but… I don’t know. I don’t want to think about anything anymore.
I can’t, I can’t do it anymore.
“…Ah, ugh.”
At the same time, unable to withstand the intense pain spreading in his lower abdomen, Joo Tae-hyun’s knees buckled.