#103

‘He has no memories, so he doesn’t even know how dangerous he was…’

“…I’m not in the mood for that kind of talk.”

I stood up with a stern expression.

“Since you’ve woken up safely, go receive the Blessing of Healing now. Athanas, the blood vessels in your eyes are all burst. I need some time to organize my thoughts.”

When he asked where I was going, I simply replied that I was going to my room and hurried out of the prayer room as if escaping.

I simply couldn’t stay in that space any longer.

‘I’m going crazy, seriously.’

I thought I would feel relieved once Athanas woke up.

But I didn’t.

‘I feel like Oblivion might be eavesdropping.’

That was why I didn’t know what I could or couldn’t say to Athanas.

Does Oblivion only react to stories about itself? Or does it recognize other keywords too?

What if the investigation we are conducting falls under the category of ‘targets for disposal’?

‘…Of course, there’s a possibility that this is all just useless worrying.’

As long as I don’t call Oblivion by name, it might not react to any conversation. Oblivion might be too busy to care about someone who isn’t a target for disposal.

‘But how do I know if that’s actually true?’

Would I dare test a god?

Just to check if it’s really eavesdropping?

‘What if Oblivion comes back because of that?’

Just thinking about it made my stomach churn.

I stopped for a moment and gagged.

‘But if I don’t check, I can’t do anything.’

Unless I give up the investigation into the Othergods and vow never to see Athanas again, I will eventually have to ‘test’ it.

Prepared to face Oblivion once more…

‘…Should I just quit everything?’

A sudden doubt crossed my mind.

Why was I doing this in the first place?

Information on Othergods and players?

The hidden movements of Order?

‘Wouldn’t it have been better to remain ignorant of it all?’

Ignorance shall protect you…

That was a rule that absolutely had to be followed if one wanted to stay sane in the Dark Realm.

‘If I hadn’t tried to find out about the God of Oblivion, this wouldn’t have happened.’

My stomach felt nauseous.

‘Why did I try to escape ignorance?’

Why did I decide to cooperate with Athanas?

What was the catalyst?

‘…Because I was curious why the apostles weren’t doing anything.’

The Saintess didn’t know what a player was.

At that time, I began to suspect that Order was truly ignorant and incompetent.

‘So I decided to find a player.’

I thought that a player who had converted before me would have some clues.

I planned to ask them if they knew what Order was thinking.

‘…And I thought that if wicked players were deceiving a foolish Order, I should tell Order the truth.’

Looking back now, it was a shockingly naive and stupid thought.

Nothing about it was right, but the most basic premise was wrong from the start.

‘Order wasn’t just doing nothing.’

Why else would ‘Oblivion’ be wandering around so much?

‘If there is nothing to erase, there is no need to erase.’

Only now did I fully understand what the God of Records had said.

He said, ‘The fact that Order is destroying evidence is the evidence.’

He was right. The very fact that Oblivion was diligently roaming about was proof that Order was hiding something.

‘Targets for disposal…’

Oblivion is ‘disposing’ of something.

However, it is extremely difficult to find out what is being ‘disposed of.’

Because there is a high probability that whatever was ‘disposed of’ has been erased from everyone’s cognition.

‘…If this were a mystery novel, it would be the trashiest trick ever.’

How to commit the perfect crime!

Modify the memories of everyone who witnessed the crime.

No one even knows that a crime occurred.

‘Fuck.’

There was no such thing as a gentle Order that was generous even to heretics.

There was no Order that had become stupid due to debuffs to balance the game difficulty.

‘There is only a lunatic who is more of an Othergod than the Othergods themselves.’

I felt as if the ship I had boarded, thinking it was an ark, was actually a giant coffin.

‘…Does it even make sense to continue cooperating with Athanas now?’

I’ve already confirmed that Order isn’t just stupidly sitting on its hands.

In that case, shouldn’t I avoid interfering with Order?

Instead of daring to wonder about the Lord’s Will.

“Athanas…”

Thinking of Athanas made my heart sink.

‘What if I hadn’t had the Sacred Relic?’

Oblivion wouldn’t have left so quickly.

Instead, it would have continued investigating what was blocking its ‘intrusion.’

In the meantime, Athanas’s body would have gradually collapsed.

‘…My recklessness almost killed Athanas.’

Athanas is not strong.

Is it because he’s not a Heretic Butcher yet?

No, that’s not it. Even if he becomes a Heretic Butcher, Athanas is weak.

Because compared to a ‘god,’ he is merely a human.

‘How many times did Athanas die during “Die Heretic!”?’

There isn’t a single boss in “Die Heretic!” that is easy to catch.

Of course, that’s because the game would be boring if it were easy, but Athanas overcomes the enemies with great difficulty every time.

The reason Athanas didn’t fail until he saved the world wasn’t because he possessed immense luck. It was because the gamer made every ending where Athanas ‘died’ as if it never happened.

‘But in reality, there is no such thing as a load.’

A living Athanas can die from something trivial.

And then that’s the end.

Age 20. Athanas deceased…

‘No, I’d be lucky if a tombstone remained.’

What if Order decides to make Athanas ‘oblivious’?

Not even a trace that Athanas ever existed would remain.

To think a single human can be erased like that.

‘A mere human can do nothing before a god.’

Was I not also a foreign object that a god ‘picked up’?

To those who can lightly traverse worlds, humans are nothing more than toys.

If you pick up an ant in a park and move it hundreds of kilometers away, that ant will never be able to return home.

I am nothing more than such an ant.

I looked up at the sky. It was still midday, so no stars were visible.

The name ‘Watched One’ felt unpleasant all over again. Are the Othergods looking down at this land? Are they enjoying watching what the player they picked up is doing?

‘Rather than being an interesting spectacle…’

…Should I just die?

Before I see something even more horrific.

While I still have the freedom to choose death…

‘…What am I thinking?’

Suddenly, I snapped back to my senses.

It felt as if someone had splashed cold water on me.

Once I became momentarily detached from my emotions, I could look into my thoughts as if reading someone else’s diary.

‘Wow, fuck, is this a failed SAN Check?’

When a unit with low faith witnesses an event that exceeds the range their mental strength can handle, they fall into a ‘mental meltdown’ state. Once this trait, commonly called a mental breakdown, is attached, the unit has a high probability of attempting suicide.

‘If faith is high, madness deepens instead of a mental breakdown.’

Since there’s no way I have faith, it seems a mental breakdown hit me.

I opened the Status Window, but I couldn’t find any mental-related traits. Even if I didn’t have a mental breakdown, I surely have ‘neurasthenia.’

‘That was almost a disaster.’

Even if Oblivion is damn scary, it wasn’t a situation where I should make an extreme choice.

It didn’t act hostile toward me, and it passed me over, saying I wasn’t a target for disposal.

Then I should just be like, ‘I survived!’ and live quietly, so why…

‘…It’s probably because my mental strength is miserably low.’

I’m glad I came to my senses before putting those crazy thoughts into action.

The brain’s defense mechanism probably kicked in and temporarily turned off the fear.

Having one’s thinking paralyzed by fear is disadvantageous for survival. Therefore, the brain has a kind of switch that turns off emotions. When an extreme stress situation occurs, everything momentarily feels like someone else’s business, allowing one to become calm.

‘I really should quit.’

I’ll tell Athanas the next time I see him.

That I don’t think I can cooperate anymore.

That I’ll just live believing that the Lord has a great plan…

‘…Athanas will understand, right?’

I skipped lunch. I was in no mood to eat.

Even when I went to do volunteer work, I was told to rest because my complexion looked too poor.

‘I don’t want to be alone in my room…’

As I was explaining to the priest that I’d be fine after a short rest, Andrea, who was passing by, spotted me and called me to a stop.

“Fabio, I have something to discuss, so come to my office with me now.”

‘…Something to discuss?’

What could Andrea possibly want to talk to me about?

As soon as we entered the office, Andrea locked the door.

For a moment, I thought I was screwed, but Andrea spoke with a worried expression.

“Did Athanas perhaps threaten you?”

“What?”

‘Suddenly?’

Athanas?

‘No, it’s not sudden.’

To Andrea, I was a commendable young man who had volunteered for the mission of deceiving the wicked Athanas at the risk of his own life.

If my complexion was poor, it was only natural for him to think Athanas had done something.

“Tell me if you need help. I will assist you by any means necessary.”

A creature peeked its head out from Andrea’s sleeve.

‘…After seeing Oblivion, the vassal of the Distorted One seems like an angel.’

Come to think of it, if I wanted to stop cooperating with Athanas, I had to explain the situation to Andrea as well.

‘I’ll just tell him it’s too damn hard and I can’t do it anymore!’

“Bishop, I tried to hide it because I didn’t want to disappoint you, but I think I’ve reached my limit.”

I bowed my head deeply and continued in a trembling voice.

“Bishop, I am a weak human. When I see a wicked being, courage doesn’t well up in me; instead, fear swells until I can’t move an inch. I don’t know how much longer I can endure in the face of this fear.”

“Fabio…”

“I’m afraid that I, having succumbed to fear, might betray you. I would take my own life before such a thing happens, but if Athanas leaves me with no means of resistance…”

“Fabio! When did I ever expect such a thing from you?”

Andrea raised his voice.

“The reason I allowed you to help was because you said that doing so would lessen your fear. If you have been pushing yourself this hard, you should naturally step away. Did I not tell you? I did not save you just to see you throw your life away so easily.”

“Bishop…”

“Stop this immediately! I will help you.”

I paused for a moment while pretending to be moved, squeezing out some tears.

‘…Help me?’

With what?

Breaking up with Athanas?

“What exactly are you going to help me with?”

“I can make you disappear from this place. I will help you by erasing all traces so that no one can find you.”

‘…That’s not a suggestion to bury me in a shallow grave, is it?’

I asked, breaking into a cold sweat.

“Th-then, where would I go?”

“There is a quiet, remote village I know. It will be similar to where you originally lived.”

Fortunately, it wasn’t somewhere deep underground where no one could find me.

‘A quiet, remote village…’

Suddenly, I miss Antonio.

Looking back, the time I spent in the frontier village was truly a life of luxury.

The food was terrible, but my mind was truly at peace…

“Fabio, you can spend your time there doing what you love.”

The more I heard, the more tempting it sounded, but since I wasn’t just a simple Chanter but a ‘Watched One’ who had even received a Sacred Relic, it was impossible to quietly disappear from the Capital Church.

‘I appreciate the offer, but I’ll have to decline…’

“You don’t have to worry about safety there. It is a place personally guarded by the Lord’s messenger.”

‘…What is guarding it?’

I paused.

The Lord’s messenger?

That snake-like purple creature?

‘Does the remote village mean the Distorted One’s secret faith community?’

That’s a village you can enter, but you can never leave.

“U-um, Bishop. I am truly grateful for the offer, but…”

Andrea gripped both of my hands tightly.

“Fabio, you are a shining gemstone, but you are too soft. A soft gem does not become smooth and polished through many hardships; it breaks and crumbles. I want you to remain with this shining heart.”

‘No, if you send me to a secret faith community, it’s a brainwashing ending.’

Shining heart or not, there won’t be a ‘heart’ left.

‘First of all, cancel the “acting exhausted” part.’

I’m scared I’ll suddenly wake up at the Distorted One’s base camp.

“U-um, hearing Bishop Andrea’s words, I feel courage suddenly surging in my heart. I think I can put in a bit more effort…”

“You don’t have to overdo it,” Andrea said in a gentle voice.

“Fabio, even without your help, I can kill Athanas myself.”

Chapter 104