#029

Due to a momentary lapse in judgment, I seemed to have become irreversibly disliked by Adna, but I couldn’t afford to be marked as an unpleasant person by the other apostles as well.

‘I had no romantic feelings at all! It happened because I was ignorant! Because I was foolish! I have to appeal that I’ll never make the same mistake again!’

I was desperate.

‘O Sixth Apostle! I have absolutely no interest in your one-sided love interest (or the one who is like a younger sister to you)!’

However, these were not words I could say recklessly.

If the Sixth Apostle happened to be the [Childhood Friend Blinded by Love] type, an event might trigger where their Affinity drops instead, thinking, ‘How could he look at my lovely Adna and feel nothing? Is he insane?’

‘I should observe what type the Sixth Apostle is first…’

While I was frantically racking my brain, the apostle who had been glaring at me spoke first.

“Hey.”

“Ye-yes!”

“You… what did you do?”

“I-I’m sorry!”

“……? Do you even know what you’re sorry for?”

Hearing the Sixth Apostle’s words, I had an intuition.

‘This… is a lost cause!’

I threw my plan to explain everything into the trash.

If I gave clumsy excuses to someone who had already decided to tear me apart, it would only prolong the time I spent getting shredded.

‘Just stay quiet and keep my head down until the anger subsides!’

“I do not know. Therefore, I would appreciate it if you could tell me what I have done wrong.”

“No, why do you think you did something wrong in the first place?”

The Sixth Apostle crossed their arms and looked at me askew.

“W-well, the Sixth Apostle…”

“Me? What about me?”

“…It seemed as though you were displeased because of me. I apologize if I overstepped in my assumption.”

“What?”

The Sixth Apostle’s face crumpled further.

‘Is this… the [I’m not even angry right now, but you’re making me look like the angry one] pattern?’

The so-called ‘Who’d even know I’m the bad guy if they saw this?’ type.

‘I’m doomed.’

Mindless apologies don’t work on this type at all. In fact, they have the opposite effect.

Because if you apologize mindlessly, they perceive you as some fraud who pretends to be hurt even when they haven’t been hit.

‘Damn. It’s hard to cater to this type without prior information.’

“No… did I look that way?”

The Sixth Apostle wiped their face once and let out a short sigh.

“Sorry for making you misunderstand. It’s just… I heard something so absurd just now that I couldn’t manage my expression.”

‘That absurd thing was probably about me.’

“Hmm. Apostles can communicate with each other without making a sound. So, if you want to be technical, if my expression was strange, it’s Ada… no, Adna’s fault.”

“…Was it not a conversation about me?”

“…….”

‘They definitely talked about me.’

Just what on earth did they say, and how, to make them look so disgusted?

‘They seem baffled because the content was too ridiculous; if I play this right, I might be able to explain it as a misunderstanding…’

“…Listen, you.”

“Yes!”

‘No matter what comes out, I’ll just act wronged for now!’

“I heard you said you’d stay by Adna’s side forever, unchanging?”

“Pardon…?”

“Did you really say that?”

‘NO!!’

I felt wronged.

I truly felt wronged.

I felt so wronged that I couldn’t even make a wronged face; I could only manage a look of sheer absurdity.

‘I only said I wouldn’t change if Adna wanted me to, I never said I’d stay by her side!’

Stay by her side for a lifetime? What is this?

Anyone who says that to someone they’ve just met is a complete lunatic, right?

‘Adna… is it okay for an Apostle of Order to slander others?’

And she says this to a childhood friend who always comes to help despite grumbling?

‘Isn’t this practically a death sentence?’

The thought that I was doomed filled my head.

While my “happy circuit” was cooling down in a hopeless situation where no survival route was visible, the Sixth Apostle continued in a tone that still sounded suspicious.

“…I think Adna might have misunderstood something.”

Those words snapped me awake.

‘Could this be… that?’

The third pattern, where they act like the childhood friend is a nuisance and absolutely loathe them, but in reality, they haven’t realized their own feelings?

The pattern where they usually say, ‘Ugh, I wonder who would ever take someone like you…’ with disgust, but the moment someone approaches the expressionless beauty, they go, ‘They like someone like this? Are they hiding some weird motive?’ and go out of their way to do a background check, and if there’s even the slightest suspicious detail, they say, ‘I knew they weren’t normal…! Tsk, what a pain,’ and clear them away so they can’t approach again, all while refusing to believe they are checking a rival?

The kind of people who are a total pain to watch from the sidelines?

That very pattern common in childhood friend stories?

“Yes, yes! I believe there was a misunderstanding!”

The light flashed back on in my happy circuit.

‘If it’s the third pattern, an excuse will work!’

“I didn’t say a single word about wanting to stay by Lady Adna’s side! I believe my words about living my life keeping Lady Adna’s advice in mind were somehow conveyed incorrectly…”

“…What did Adna say?”

“W-well, the kind and thoughtful Apostle Adna! She warned me that even having a dream could cause danger, and that I shouldn’t even dream of things beyond my station!”

“She said that?”

“So, to honor those words, I newly resolved that I should be satisfied with living as a laundry worker or a general laborer…”

“…A general laborer?”

“Yes! Since I come from a background as a serf in a frontier village, I am confident that I can handle any dirty work without complaint!”

“You… came all the way to the Capital Church to be a general laborer?”

“Pardon? I…”

The Sixth Apostle cut me off and spoke in a high-handed tone.

“Be honest. The more you deceive your true heart, the easier it is to be misled by strange things.”

‘Why is he telling me to be honest again.’

My honest desire?

I want to lounge around, do nothing, and eat for free.

I want to go back to the 21st century where I can enjoy modern civilization instead of this Medieval-land.

‘I can’t say that.’

Seriously, this obsession with honesty…

It’s like a company that tells you to be honest in your application, but then rejects you if you honestly write, ‘Because I need to make money.’

I lowered my eyes.

“…My dream was to become a wealthy farmer.”

“Huh?”

‘Sincerity… desperation… honesty…’

I can just make it up.

“My father often told me. That Fabio is a name symbolizing agriculture and harvest. Every time I heard that, I felt a great thrill. Because it felt as if my name was telling me that I could one day become a wealthy farmer.”

‘Starting now… Fabio: The Story of a Serf.’

“If you have oxen or horses, you only need to work one day a week on the lord’s land. But if all you have are your two hands, you must plow someone else’s land for three days a week. Even then, a serf is considered quite well-off if they can tend to their own land for the remaining four days. For a serf who has no land of their own and must rent, after paying taxes and rent, there is barely enough left to feed themselves, so they cannot even dream of improving their situation.”

‘A trashy Medieval-land where there are only obligations and no rights…’

I heard the word ‘villain’ originated from ‘villein,’ a term for these lower-class serfs, and after living as one, I felt I understood why.

‘If there’s no hope for improvement and you’re only exploited, you’d choose to become a villain.’

“Since my father was a landless serf, owning land was his lifelong dream. But there was no hope of saving enough money to buy land through farming alone. So, my father also started working as a porter, carrying heavy loads across steep cliff paths…”

I paused for a moment, as if I couldn’t continue due to sadness.

“…When I heard the news that he passed away after slipping off a cliff, I made a decision. That I must become a wealthy farmer, no matter what.”

‘Well, on the day he had the accident, he was actually on his way to a gambling den, saying he’d hit it big.’

“If I had land and oxen, my father wouldn’t have felt the need to push himself so hard over those cliffs, would he?”

‘Anyway, he always wanted land, and I’ve actually worked as a porter, so it’s not a complete fabrication.’

“Then I heard news that they were recruiting people to go to a frontier village. I thought it was an opportunity. In a frontier village, the land becomes mine as much as I clear it with my own hands, so if I am diligent, I can own more land. Once that land grows large enough, I could even rent it out to others. Then, even if I were to get hurt or sick and couldn’t farm myself, I could survive for a year. And if I stayed healthy and worked hard, I could save a little by little, and with that money, I could buy better farming tools… or if I’m lucky, an ox.”

I spoke faintly, with a touch of longing.

“…That was the dream of I, Fabio.”

‘Until my body was taken over by some weird guy and the dream and everything else ended.’

“And?”

The Sixth Apostle, having heard ‘Fabio: The Story of a Serf,’ had a look of unconvinced skepticism.

“Then why did you come here, even to the point of giving up on your dream?”

“…Apostle. Do you know what is needed to have a dream?”

“What?”

I raised my head and looked straight into the Sixth Apostle’s mint-colored eyes.

“One must be alive.”

“Huh?”

“Can’t you only dream if you’re alive?”

The Sixth Apostle looked momentarily speechless, as if baffled.

Ignoring that, I continued.

“You asked why I came to the Capital Church? I came because I wanted to live. Wanting to learn more, wanting to have more experiences, and thus wanting to be more helpful to others… those reasons aren’t lies, but they are things I can give up if told to. Just as I gave up my land.”

‘It really was a waste when I gave up that land.’

“Even if I give up my dreams and everything else… I just want to live. In truth, I came here with the cowardly hope that if I were even slightly close to the Church, Order might protect me as well.”

‘This part is sincere.’

“Therefore, I will do anything if it means I can stay here.”

‘This part is a lie.’

“Whether it’s a general laborer or anything else, I will do my best if you just give me the chance. So please…”

‘This should be enough to seem honest yet desperate.’

How’s that? My acting skills are a free pass for any interview!

“…Hasn’t the Saintess already promised to protect you?”

However, the Sixth Apostle’s brow was still furrowed.

“Setting the land aside. Why are you giving up on everything else prematurely? No one told you that your opportunity to learn would be taken away in exchange for staying.”

“…Lady Adna, the Fifth Apostle, told me. She told me not to think about moving forward. She said if I wanted to be helpful, I should remain weak, powerless, and ignorant.”

“Adna said that?”

The Sixth Apostle seemed unable to believe it.

But I remained confident.

‘I didn’t say something she didn’t say!’

Though I did distort it a bit.

The act of turning someone’s answer into a self-serving statement is a common trick that any 21st-century modern person who has ever been clickbaited by a news headline knows.

That’s why you shouldn’t answer a reporter’s provocative questions recklessly.

‘But in this era without newspapers, it won’t be easy to see through!’

“Upon hearing those words, I realized poignantly. That I am a dangerous existence outside of Order.”

‘Total bullshit.’

With trash stats and no proper traits, if we’re talking about being harmless, I’m about as dangerous as an ink cap mushroom.

A mushroom that has no particular cultivation value but isn’t poisonous either.

‘Dangerous? You? If he sneers at that, I’ll just act embarrassed and…’

“…That is true.”

‘Huh?’

“Though the reason you’re dangerous isn’t because you’re outside of Order.”

‘Dangerous? Me?’

Me, with 30 Strength and 25 Endurance, am dangerous?

‘Does he think there’s a possibility I could be killed by the guinea pigs he raises?’

“S-so, if I myself am a risk factor, the more I learn to do, the less helpful I’ll be and the greater the danger will grow…”

I spoke with a voice that couldn’t hide its trembling.

“I-I just want to somehow repay the grace of the Order Sect, which decided to protect me even though I haven’t received the Blessing of Order. I am confident in my diligence, so I want to be helpful in that way. So…”

“…So it’s not that you actually want to be a general laborer, or that it would be painful if you couldn’t do it?”

‘Did he actually want the answer that I really wanted to be a general laborer?’

After telling me to be honest?

Is he some lunatic who wants an applicant to say they love working so much that they’re struggling to hold back the urge to work overtime?

“Adna seems to want you to stay with the apostles and learn whatever you want to your heart’s content.”

“Pardon?”

“What do you think?”

‘What do I think? I’ll be dead the moment I say I like it.’

“I-I am truly grateful for the words, but someone like me causing such a nuisance…”

“Forget about ‘someone like me’ or ‘nuisance.’ From your perspective, is it good or not?”

I broke into a cold sweat internally.

‘How am I supposed to answer this?’

On the surface, these are the best conditions possible… it would be weird to say no.

30 – #030