By Zephyria 
A loud noise echoed. It was so loud that he wished someone would just mute it. Did God hear that wish? For a moment, the sound fell silent.
Instead, his head felt like it was splitting open and his body became heavy. He hoped to be consumed by the darkness just like this, but God did not grant this particular wish. Just as he was sinking deep into the depths, he was suddenly pulled out by light.
“Ah….”
He blinked. Dazzling light streamed through the window. He wanted to draw the curtains, but a bird perched on a branch outside the window was looking at him with sharp eyes, so he couldn’t bring himself to do it and kept staring.
Were birds’ eyes always that pretty? Were they always that cute…? Just looking at it brought a smile to his face. Feeling a sudden urge to touch it, he reached out, and the bird fluttered away.
At that sight, he felt an inexplicable sense of regret and sadness, and tears fell. Why? Jeong-min wondered if he had always been such a sentimental person and blinked a few times. Before he knew it, the light of the world had vanished, and only darkness remained. To the point where he felt cold.
‘I think I’m in a hospital, but why am I here….’
Jeong-min thought and thought with a dazed mind, but he couldn’t figure out why he was here again. Did a side effect occur? No, he had been really fine lately… After turning his frozen brain over and over, he finally gave up and looked to his side. There, a man sat with his head bowed, hands clasped together as if in prayer. Seeing such a large guy acting like that was an unpleasant sight.
“Kim Ju-hwan….”
Just how long had he been lying there? His throat was so dry that his voice came out as a rasping sound. Yet, the man, who recognized that voice with supernatural precision, lifted his head. Seeing the man’s face, Jeong-min was startled. It was because his face was beyond pale; it was filled with despair. Had he been crying? The area around his eyes was reddish.
“What… why does your face look like that….”
“Sunbae….”
He approached Jeong-min and grabbed his hand.
“Are you okay?”
“I don’t… know. Why on earth am I in the hospital…?”
Kim Ju-hwan couldn’t answer Jeong-min’s question and only gripped his hand tightly.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry.”
He was even offering an apology that didn’t suit him. If this guy was apologizing to this extent, it meant it wasn’t a normal situation. Did something happen to his body? While he was pondering, his stomach tugged slightly. Wait. Stomach? Stomach….
Jeong-min stopped as he stroked his stomach. He remembered. Why he was here. Back then, along with an immense abdominal pain… blood….
“Kim… Ju-hwan….”
Jeong-min’s voice trembled.
“The baby… the baby?”
Suddenly remembering the small bird perched by the window, he looked at the window. Outside the window, there were no trees, no birds, nothing. It was a dream.
“…….”
Kim Ju-hwan couldn’t say a word and only squeezed the hand he was holding tighter.
“I see….”
That’s why the bird left. It must have decided it couldn’t stay in this Alpha’s body and left. Was that for the best?
“Sunbae, please don’t feel guilty. Actually, they said it must have been hard. Because the womb wasn’t complete like an Omega’s… the baby would have had a hard time growing properly anyway… so.”
It was hard to listen to Kim Ju-hwan’s voice, which sounded pained. He was desperately trying to say it wasn’t Jeong-min’s fault.
“No. It’s okay. Kim Ju-hwan. I’m okay. It’s for the best for the baby. That young life will surely find its way back to a good Omega.”
He thought so, but it wasn’t that Jeong-min wasn’t hurting. It was just that a very small miracle had come and gone for a moment… and that miracle was so small and precious. And because it felt as if all of this was his own fault, Jeong-min’s heart ached. However, he couldn’t just spend his time being sad; there was something that needed to be resolved. Either way, this situation was absolutely not something that happened naturally.
“…Where is Shin-woo hyung?”
“Sunbae.”
“I’m sincerely curious. Why he did that.”
None of his actions made sense. Not a single one.
“He is currently in a detention center.”
“What?”
“Do you think… I would just leave that person alone? No matter what you say, I will not leave that person alone.”
Bloodlust could be felt in his voice.
“…Do you think I’d be stupid enough to embrace that person after going through this? No. I’m just… curious. Why he did it. It could have been his own child, so why… why did he do such a cruel and crazy thing?”
“…It was not that person’s child.”
Jeong-min looked at Kim Ju-hwan.
“That’s possible, but… it’s not like there’s no possibility.”
“No. It truly couldn’t have been that person’s child. It’s true that his azoospermia was cured, but I heard he even touched drugs. Therefore, it was impossible to achieve a proper pregnancy with those sperm in the first place.”
What on earth had he just heard? Every word Kim Ju-hwan spat out, holding back his emotions, was unbelievable…. It was something that couldn’t happen according to Jeong-min’s common sense, so it didn’t sink in easily.
“That child… was definitely yours and mine. And Yu Shin-woo knew that fact. He knew that you couldn’t get pregnant with his sperm.”
The hair on his entire body stood on end. His hands trembled violently.
“…Let me meet him.”
“Sunbae.”
“I want to meet him and hear the story. I want to hear it directly. What he was thinking when he did it. I’m begging you. Let me meet him.”
“…After you recover your strength first. Let’s talk about it then.”
Kim Ju-hwan stood up, saying he would call the doctor first. He noticed that the shoulders, which were always confident, were slumped. His gait looked precarious. It made sense. Jeong-min wasn’t the only one feeling this agony and pain.
It had only been a little over a week since he heard that something the size of a pea was in his womb, but in that short time, the two had shared countless conversations, dreamed sweet dreams, and held hope while imagining a future where they were three, not two. Even then, Kim Ju-hwan was the one who kept saying it was okay even if the child wasn’t his.
The doctor checked Jeong-min’s condition. Kim Ju-hwan remained calmly by his side the whole time, but his face didn’t look great. He even felt an instability, as if he might cry if poked. When the examination ended and only the two of them remained, Jeong-min looked at Kim Ju-hwan and reached out his hand.
“Kim Ju-hwan.”
“Yes….”
“Come here.”
In the past, if he had said this, he would have run over with a sly smile. He would have annoyed Jeong-min by saying strange things. But today, he didn’t approach. When he told him to come here one more time, only then did he slowly approach. Once he was close enough to be touched, Jeong-min pulled his arm and hugged him. Then, he patted his back.
“It’s not your fault.”
At those words, he flinched and trembled. Soon, he buried his head in the crook of Jeong-min’s neck and hugged him tightly.
“I should have protected you. Because I’m an inadequate man.”
“No. Not that. So don’t think like that. The baby wouldn’t think that either.”
To think that everything was a simple accident, there was a clear perpetrator. That’s probably why it hurt more. Because he never dreamed Shin-woo would do such a thing. Kim Ju-hwan hugged him a little tighter. Was this guy always this emotional and fragile? Jeong-min patted Kim Ju-hwan more diligently.
After spending a long time comforting and soothing each other’s aching hearts, they eventually found themselves lying side by side on the bed, looking into each other’s eyes.
“It’s cramped.”
“I agree.”
Kim Ju-hwan brushed back Jeong-min’s hair.
“Hey, where do you think… you’re stroking the hair of your exalted Sunbae.”
“Then I should go all the way to the heavens.”
Then he hugged Jeong-min again, burying his nose in the crook of his neck and nuzzling. Feeling somewhat embarrassed, Jeong-min squirmed, and Kim Ju-hwan hugged him as if clinging to him.
“Maybe I’m being punished.”
He began to speak as if making a confession.
“Actually, when I heard that you were pregnant, I was happy. But more than the fact that you might have been carrying my child… I was happier that I had an excuse to stay by your side. All those words I said for the sake of the child were hypocrisy. In the end, it was for my own sake. That’s why I think I’m being punished.”
Listening to the story calmly, Jeong-min sighed. He could feel Kim Ju-hwan flinching at that breath, gauging his reaction.
“Why did you do that?”
“There’s nothing….”
“What?”
“I have nothing to keep you here, Sunbae… The only reason you were ever by my side was always because of Shin Yeong-min or Yu Shin-woo. If it weren’t for those two, you wouldn’t have given me a second thought. I truly hate them, but one way or another, they were the only strings connecting me to you. But now, a new link has been created. One that allows us to be together for a lifetime…. Even if you were to abandon me using the child as an excuse, I now have a string that allows me to keep coming back to you. You don’t know how terrified I am. Every day, I fear when this precarious thread will snap…. The moments I spend on the phone with you, the moments we talk… you… Sunbae, you don’t know how precious they are.”
Jeong-min’s chest felt tight. No, was this Kim Ju-hwan’s heart? His feelings… the sound of his heart was being transmitted to Jeong-min.
“You….”
This… what this guy is saying is.
“Sunbae. I love you. That’s why I’m sorry. For being such a deficient man. I’m truly… sorry.”
The heart that says ‘I love you’ and immediately follows it with ‘I’m sorry’… Jeong-min knows that feeling best of all. Because he himself had always said the same to Yu Shin-woo. That is why he knows the desperation of this heart. He knows the sorrow, and he knows its depth. And the fact that he doesn’t dislike these feelings… must be the result of your efforts.
Jeong-min stroked Kim Ju-hwan’s hair.
“I really hated you, Kim Ju-hwan. But thinking about it now, I think it wasn’t you I hated, but myself. I hated the way I was gradually leaning on you, someone younger than me, so I grew to hate you… yes… I think that was it. That’s right. I think I tried harder to hate you because I was simply too ashamed of myself.”
His thoughts were organizing themselves. Calmly….
“Thank you. I mean that sincerely.”
If this guy hadn’t been there, he would have collapsed countless times. Every time, the person who somehow held onto him and pulled him back up was Kim Ju-hwan.
“Sunbae… please… don’t abandon me.”
Kim Ju-hwan looked into Jeong-min’s eyes with a face suddenly gripped by fear. At that sight, Jeong-min took hold of Kim Ju-hwan’s cheeks and kissed his lips.
“Let’s just sleep for now. Let’s sleep… and think about what comes next tomorrow. Or we can think about it in a week, or a year… for now… let’s just rest.”
He believed Kim Ju-hwan would understand what those words meant. So, Jeong-min closed his eyes with a peaceful mind. He was tired. And he was sad. Little bird. If you had been between us, you would have made a more beautiful sound. I’m truly sorry.