By Zephyria 
“It hurts!!”
The sound of that voice snapped him awake. Until a moment ago, he had been trapped alone in a black world. Stupidly unaware of anything… not knowing what to do… he had been wandering aimlessly in that world, only to now emerge into the light.
In his arms was the person he had searched for so desperately in the darkness… the one he had grasped only for them to scatter. What happened? Why… did this happen? His head was spinning.
Kim Ju-hwan looked around. The room was a mess…. The bedsheets had been stripped and lay on the floor, and the mattress was drenched in bodily fluids and semen.
‘Ah….’
It was a rut. He was even still in the middle of his rut. And the person pinned beneath him, enduring the rut of an Extreme Alpha, was also in rut. However, in his already exhausted body, there was no trace of arousal.
‘Pheromones….’
The deeply ripened pheromones were sweeter than any Omega’s. They even made his heart feel at peace. It had always been like that. He had simply been too comfortable to realize it.
‘Mine.’
He felt the strength of the walls tightening around his member. He could feel that the inside was already full, with no more room to accept, yet it still wasn’t enough. He had to go deeper. He had to create space inside and settle in. Only then could he carve himself into the other man.
“Aaaagh!!”
The other struggled with his whole body to escape. It was useless. He would never let go. He released more pheromones, pinning him down. He grabbed the head of the man trying to pull away and refused to let go. Pressing down harder, he pushed forward with force so that the other could never pull his hips back. Soon, his swollen member settled completely inside, wishing to plant seeds in a non-existent womb.
“Ugh— fuck…. It hurts… I said it hurts….”
He knew it hurt. But it couldn’t be helped. That was how desperate he was. If not a single thing that could connect him to the other didn’t take root inside that body… once this night ended, it would truly be the end.
Kim Ju-hwan kissed Jeong-min’s forehead to soothe him. Following his instincts, he treated him tenderly and used pheromones to calm him down to ease the tension, but for Jeong-min, who was an Alpha, it only made things more agonizing. Normally, he should have withdrawn the pheromones. However, Ju-hwan was unable to think straight due to the rut. He was simply struggling with all his might not to lose the one in his arms.
“It’s okay… it’s okay.”
“Hngh— ugh….”
He tried to stabilize Jeong-min, who was sobbing quietly, by stroking his body. Jeong-min also found it difficult to keep his sanity as the forced rut and the Extreme Alpha pheromones tightened around him.
Everything was a mess. There was no sweetness, nor any tenderness for one another. It was more of a disaster than the first time the two had slept together. One tried to escape, and the other tried to possess. Nothing was consensual; they were merely continuing a clumsy and foolish act.
“Look at me. Please?”
Kim Ju-hwan spoke while rubbing his face against the nape of Jeong-min’s neck. Alphas are strong. But they were infinitely weak for their Omega. They always craved love from their Omega. They desperately hoped they would love them more, hold them, and please, just look at them…. But Jeong-min had no intention of holding Kim Ju-hwan. There was no way Kim Ju-hwan didn’t know that. That only made him crave it more, cling tighter, and grow more anxious.
“Shin-woo hyung….”
No. That’s not the name.
“Hyung… Shin-woo hyung….”
I said it’s not.
Kim Ju-hwan hugged Jeong-min’s body even tighter. When Jeong-min’s body trembled in pain, he loosened his grip slightly, but he had no intention of letting him go from his embrace.
“Sunbae… call my name.”
“Shin-woo….”
A surge of emotion hit him. For a moment, he almost cursed, but he held it back. He couldn’t do that now.
“I told you it’s not that.”
Kim Ju-hwan whispered to Jeong-min with the kindest smile he could muster.
“You have to call my name. Sunbae. You know that.”
“Hyung… Shin-woo hyung.”
“No, I said it’s not that. Sunbae. It’s not. It’s my name. The person holding you right now isn’t that man.”
He pleaded with a forced smile. Why did he keep calling another Alpha’s name while receiving his member and seeds inside that body? The one holding you is me.
“Sunbae… Shin Jeong-min….”
I’m calling your name clearly like this. I know who is in my arms, so why don’t you?
“Please….”
He pleaded again, rubbing his head against the nape of his neck, but Jeong-min only suffered. In the end, the one who cherished him more was the one to give up. The continuous knotting was inevitable, but he suppressed his pheromones and released the pressure of everything constricting the other. As his breathing became a bit easier, Jeong-min gasped for air and soon went limp.
Startled, Kim Ju-hwan quickly checked Jeong-min’s face. While relieved to see his breathing was steady, he suddenly felt a sense of frustration. He placed a pillow under Jeong-min’s head and pressed his forehead against the other’s.
If it were a normal relationship between an Omega and an Alpha… they could imprint by having sex according to each other’s ruts and heats, knotting, and meeting foreheads and eyes like this. But no matter how much he knotted or pressed their foreheads together, Jeong-min could neither imprint nor conceive a child. Above all, Shin Jeong-min would not meet his eyes.
He lay down with his head on Jeong-min’s chest. Light peeked through the gaps in the curtains.
The time they could spend together was coming to an end. Along with that, the identity of this foolish heart that lamented that time was becoming clearer. However, since it was an emotion he had never experienced before, it was difficult to judge easily. Why did he feel this way now, of all times? If only he had realized the identity of this anxiety a little sooner.
“Shin Jeong-min….”
Once this rut ended, he would talk to him. Then perhaps this would not end. Even if it were a tedious bond, he thought that if it continued and persisted, there would come a day when Jeong-min would call his name instead of Yu Shin-woo.
That was pure arrogance. It was a premise that was only possible if Shin Jeong-min thought of him even a little. And he naturally assumed it would be so. But he was wrong.
When the rut ended and he opened his eyes, the man he expected to wake up with in the same bed was gone. Kim Ju-hwan quickly got out of bed and searched every corner of the house, but upon seeing that not a single small trace of Shin Jeong-min remained, he felt his vision go white.
He quickly found his phone and called. Fortunately, the familiar dial tone rang.
─ …Yes.
Jeong-min answered. Kim Ju-hwan, who had been pacing the room anxiously, stopped dead in his tracks. He wanted to scream right then and there, but he endured it and composed himself.
“Sunbae, where are you?”
─ I’m… on my way home.
“In that condition, right now… fuck, where are you?”
─ Why?
“Just tell me where you are.”
He couldn’t bring himself to say I’ll come to you, fearing the other would run away. A few days ago, he would have said it without hesitation. But now he was scared. Why? Why was he so scared?
─ Ju-hwan.
“…Why are you calling me that?”
He hadn’t called him that when he had begged him to.
─ What you did to me was rape.
Kim Ju-hwan clenched his fists. What should he do? He should apologize. Would he accept it then?
─ But well, I dug my own grave, so I have nothing to say. In the end, it’s all my fault.
Exhaustion was evident in his voice.
─ I had the strength to push you away, and I could have refused. But I didn’t. Even if it meant this… even if it meant doing such a thing, if I could only become an Omega, I would have let you do it to me a hundred times. That’s what I thought… but suddenly, seeing you sprawled on the bed today, I wondered what I had done to you. No matter how much I hate you, I’m the one who drew you in, so I thought it would be too shameless of me to take the victim position, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at your face. Haha. I’m sorry. I think… I’ve done something terrible to you.
Why were you the one apologizing?
“Sunbae… where are you? Let’s meet and talk.”
─ Forget it. It’s over now.
“It’s not over. I’ll tell them to develop a better drug.”
─ Enough. Enough. I won’t wish for or demand anything from you anymore, so you should be a free man now too~
It was always like this. You never thought of me once. Only I always thought of you. Without even realizing that was strange.
“You said you had to become an Omega.”
─ Yes… I should. But as I said, since I’ve started dating Shin-woo hyung… I won’t sleep with other Alphas.
“Then if I develop a drug where you don’t have to sleep… then….”
─ …Run your company well. You don’t need to go that far.
“Fuck… then what am I supposed to do?”
Why are you cutting me off so coldly? Can’t you give me even a tiny crack to squeeze through?
─ I’m telling you not to worry about anything. Thank you for everything. Take care.
Before he could say anything… before he could even say goodbye, he coldly cut the precarious thread that connected them. Kim Ju-hwan collapsed onto the sofa and covered his head with his hands. He let out a hollow laugh looking at the watch on the table. Only then did the sole trace of Jeong-min enter his sight. It was always like this. It wasn’t even new. You always cut me off, and I forced the connection. I can just do that again this time.
He hadn’t noticed it himself, but… just how many years had it been? Adding a few more years to that would be nothing.
Feeling the faint remaining pheromones of Jeong-min, Kim Ju-hwan took off his own watch. Instead, he put on Jeong-min’s and kissed it.