By Zephyria 
Despite it being broad daylight, the neighborhood looked utterly hideous. In fact, because everything was clearly visible, the sense of desolation felt even stronger. Instead of using the air conditioner, Min-ho rolled the car window all the way down and rested his arm on the ledge. Since the season was transitioning into autumn, a cool breeze rushed in whenever they passed under the shade.
“Winter will be here soon.”
“Yeah.”
Winter was the season when fatigue felt most heavy. Because the days were short and the nights long, the hours spent unable to sleep felt exceptionally drawn out. I wondered if I should get a prescription for sleeping pills again this winter. I had occasionally relied on medication during the winter, but I never became completely dependent on it. There were too many people whose lives had been ruined by drugs, and whether it was people or medicine, I didn’t want anything to lean on.
“I’m thinking of staying at Hyung’s place this winter. Is that okay?”
Min-ho, who had been leaning against the seat staring out the window, quickly turned his head.
“Why do you keep wandering around when you have a perfectly fine house?”
“It’s cold when I’m aloneee.”
Gyu-oh, dragging out the end of his sentence, slowly turned the steering wheel. Perhaps because his eyes were tired, Gyu-oh looked blurry despite being right there.
“Why? Is it not okay?”
“…….”
Min-ho didn’t answer. Won Gyu-oh was someone who already crossed his threshold so often the floor was worn down. He felt that suddenly cutting him off by saying it wasn’t okay would seem too conscious of the situation. He simply bought time by rubbing his dry eyes vigorously with the back of his hand. Then, a hand suddenly grabbed his wrist and pulled it down.
“Who are you talking about letting into your house that it’s ‘not okay’?”
As expected, the question veered in a strange direction. Though they didn’t show it, both he and Won Gyu-oh were clearly conscious of it. The secret they shared.
“They say if you stay close like this, you’ll develop feelings. Haven’t you heard?”
Gyu-oh, inhaling through his teeth, simply blinked slowly. Three men gathered; one of them had a male lover, and another chose only men to sleep with. The guy caught in the middle might not even know what the problem was, but regardless, it was better not to be misunderstood for no reason.
“There are a lot of eyes watching, so just come and go in moderation.”
“What does that have to do with me?”
His indifferent voice was laced with stubbornness.
“Anyway, unless there’s a special reason, I’ll assume it’s a yes.”
But what kind of guy was Won Gyu-oh? Judging by his usual personality, it was obvious he would push his way in even if not permitted. There was no point in wasting energy now only to get angry later, so it was better to save his strength.
“Do whatever the fuck you want.”
“Huh? That sounds so erotic.”
“……Ha.”
“When you say ‘do whatever the fuck you want,’ do you mean do whatever my cock wants, or what?”
He continued to chatter noisily for a while, wondering what kind of mindset the person who first coined that expression must have had. Cock, fuck, dick. Because such bold words were pouring out—words that would be terrifying if anyone else heard—Min-ho had no choice but to quietly roll up the car window.
“Arrived quickly and safely today as well.”
The car stopped in front of a building that Gyu-oh had visited several times on his own. As Min-ho was undoing his seatbelt, Gyu-oh suddenly grabbed his wrist, stopping his movement. Startled by the sudden skinship, Min-ho flinched, but Gyu-oh leaned his upper body in, closing the distance completely.
“……Hey.”
As Min-ho twisted his hand to pull away and retreat, a low voice clung tightly to his ear.
“Someone’s watching from the window right now.”
It was a whisper simply relaying the situation, but the problem was that he was far too close. He was so close that Gyu-oh’s breath brushed against the curve of his ear, and the scent of skin grazed the tip of his nose.
“I get it. Move back a bit.”
“Ah, sorry.”
Only then did Gyu-oh seem to realize how close they were, and he too flinched in surprise. Min-ho pushed the broad shoulders away with force and quickly turned his body. After stepping out of the car almost as if escaping, he had to let out the breath he had been holding all at once.
Before, he wouldn’t have been conscious of something like this at all. Lately, however, every small bit of skinship needlessly weighed on his mind.
Clearing his throat, Gyu-oh stepped out of the car and strode ahead. As soon as they entered the dilapidated building, a musty smell wafted out, and damp air clung to their ankles. Miscellaneous trash lay scattered across the stairs, and it seemed no one had any intention of cleaning it up. If they truly wanted to protect this place, they wouldn’t have left it in such a state. It became abundantly clear that their goal was purely money.
“Hyung, do you remember any of them?”
At the casually asked question, Min-ho shifted his gaze sideways. They were all people he had completely erased from his mind, to the point where he could barely match faces to names after reviewing the list. A few might still have their numbers in his phone, but they would be saved as meaningless combinations of digits instead of names.
“……I don’t know.”
Min-ho shrugged and vaguely brushed off the question.
“I was like that too, but as soon as I saw them, I remembered. Especially that baldie who used to bully me, remember him? He has hair now, but his face is exactly the same as back then. I guess it wasn’t alopecia.”
He chattered away, sticking close as if it were a secret. Only then did a few scenes flicker through Min-ho’s mind. During the time Gyu-oh was being bullied, Min-ho had spent most of his time sitting in the office. Because of that, he had witnessed the scenes occasionally.
The reasons they bullied Won Gyu-oh were childishly simple. Gyu-oh was a guy who had no fear from the start, so he carried out any dangerous task assigned by superiors without hesitation. On top of that, his sociable nature made him well-liked, which the others found irritating. They lacked the courage to achieve the same results and resented seeing him get recognized.
Of course, the problem was that Gyu-oh’s personality wasn’t much different from now, so he didn’t just take it lying down. He would subtly tease them, be sarcastic, and grate on their nerves, which only made them hate him several times more. The bullying continued, and it was said that the one who had been particularly severe was now stationed on the third floor.
“I’ll have to see him to know.”
“You’ll know instantly. The guy with hair, but it doesn’t suit him, like he’s wearing a wig.”
Is it actually a wig? While forming a new question, Gyu-oh climbed the stairs two or three at a time. After striding forward, he soon stood before an opaque glass door. As if escorting him, the door opened in time with Min-ho’s pace.
Immediately, stale air mixed with the smell of cigarettes poured out, and Min-ho could instantly recognize who that hairy baldie was. He had shaggy hair now, but his face from back then remained exactly the same.
“Huh?”
“…….”
I remember. The guy who had come to visit him with condoms even when the factions within Seong-tak were split. He was a persistent bastard who kept following even after being hit by a car. Min-ho’s bloodshot eyes slowly scanned the interior. Besides the shaggy-haired man, a few others looked familiar.
“Wow, look who it is.”
As soon as Min-ho appeared, the atmosphere froze as if cold water had been thrown over them. The shaggy-haired man barely managed to open his mouth to acknowledge him, and Min-ho responded with a casual wave of his hand.
“I heard you guys don’t get along with him. So, I brought him along.”
“…….”
“As a bigger ‘Hyung’ than any of you.”
The one speaking was Gyu-oh, but everyone’s gaze was fixed on Min-ho. While some looks were hostile, others mixed in a glimpse of insidious intent.
“But is this how you’re going to treat Hyung? You can’t treat him the way you treat me.”
Gyu-oh gave a half-hearted gesture to a guy standing far off. Acting as if he were a member of this gang, a dim-witted-looking man hurriedly brought over a chair and carefully placed it in front of Min-ho.
“…….”
Looking at the man who glanced at him and then moved away, Min-ho remembered occasionally making him drive. Late one rainy dawn, they had slept together in the car while heading home, and he recalled sending him to another team as soon as it dawned—probably. Since his memory was blurry anyway, he could have acted brazenly, but perhaps because Gyu-oh was beside him, he felt inexplicably uncomfortable.
Completely unaware of the situation, Gyu-oh blew on the chair and dusted off the grey grime with his palm. Then, like a waiter, he extended one hand toward the chair.
“Please, sit?”
“…….”
Even in the few steps toward the chair, the gazes clinging to him from everywhere made him feel suffocated. When he first checked the list, he thought there were two awkward people, but now that he was here, it felt like three. It was as if they had intentionally gathered only the people who had slept with Cha Min-ho.
His ironclad rule was to never encounter people he had slept with again, and even if he had to meet them due to unavoidable circumstances, he had always handled it calmly. But being gathered in a pack like this was the greatest variable in his slutty life. To make matters worse, Won Gyu-oh, who had recently been showing excessive interest in his private life, was stuck right by his side. The situation was turning out more awkward than expected.
“Learn a thing or two today. What you guys do isn’t negotiation; it’s just throwing a tantrum.”
Perched on a ping-pong table, Gyu-oh crossed his arms and smiled leisurely. He looked as if he believed Min-ho would pressure the opponents by flipping cards one by one, as they always did, and remain calm until the desired result was achieved.
“Right, right. Cha Min-ho should be the one to step up for this kind of thing.”
The shaggy-haired man, grinning to reveal prominent snaggleteeth, pulled the chair closer. He then leaned his chest against the back of the chair and rested his chin on his hand. The smell of stale cigarettes stung the nose.
“It’s been a while; you’ve lost a lot of muscle, haven’t you? I almost didn’t recognize you. And why are your dark circles so bad?”
“…….”
“The scent is still as good as ever, huh?”
He scanned Min-ho obsessively with a sticky gaze and then suddenly closed the distance. Pressing his lips close to Min-ho’s ear, he whispered softly enough for only him to hear.
“I see you’re still eating young sprouts?”
Every time he opened his mouth, the smell of cigarettes surged. He didn’t think it was this bad before. It was so repulsive it made him want to gag.
“Haa.”
Min-ho, pressing the bridge of his nose with his thumb and middle finger, let out a sigh. Then, he pushed the shoulder of the shaggy-haired man who had approached too closely with his fingertips.
“Get lost, seriously.”