By Zephyria 
Indus Canyon was dark both day and night.
As soon as I determined our current location, I set our destination as Yulan. I had to find a large city to properly treat Mikael. Especially for a critically ill patient like Mikael, Yulan—with its milder climate—was five times better for recuperation than Felix, where the temperature difference between day and night was severe.
I felt constantly gloomy, endlessly distressed, and occasionally angry.
Mikael pretended to be fine, but it was frequently obvious that his physical condition was not sound.
Mikael, who had been one of the fastest and most agile among the Sword Masters, now broke into a cold sweat after walking for only three hours a day. His complexion was pale regardless of whether it was morning or evening, and his lips dried quickly even though I consistently made sure he drank water. When he fell into a deep sleep, he would sometimes make groaning sounds of pain.
And there was another problem.
From a certain day onward, using the drop in body temperature as an excuse, we began taking turns sleeping while clinging tightly to one another. Mikael, who had fallen asleep with me sitting between his legs, leaned his warm body against my lower back. I could hear his shallow, rhythmic breathing next to my ear. Mikael’s hand, which had dropped in front of my navel, clearly revealed the narrowed distance between us.
Suppressing the heat rising in my body, I ran my fingertips over the artifact storage pouch tied to my waist belt.
No matter how many times I counted, it was the same. The artifacts we had left were very meager. Three healing artifacts, two Chargeable Shield Artifacts, four Explosive Artifacts…
Right, there were no Clean Artifacts.
Every time Mikael cutely rubbed the tip of his nose against the nape of my neck or hugged my waist, I grit my teeth in agony.
How could this happen? I felt like I was going crazy hating my own lack of preparation. Of course, who could have predicted that I would be stranded alone with Mikael, but this was a separate issue from Mikael being lovely.
We were clinging to each other like this… In these moments of relying on, leaning on, and embracing each other…
Fuck, I smell.
Of course, Mikael was fine. He was a patient, and his natural body scent was originally quite faint. If anything, now that his scent had deepened, he seemed a bit sexy. But, but I wasn’t. With no clothes to change into and no Clean Artifacts, I was just a filthy, musty beast.
I knew this wasn’t the time for such things.
That’s why I tried to endure it.
However, the path we walked had severe inclines and declines. As we climbed up and down the rough road, I sweated frequently. Our sleeping quarters were mostly natural caves, and the caves were humid at night.
There was a limit to hiding my body scent by applying holy oil. A musty smell had seeped into my skin.
Even yesterday, the clueless and erotic Mikael buried his head behind my ear and took a deep breath, then smiled bashfully and rubbed his cheek against me… At a time like that, I… I’m not some wild bear…
I couldn’t take it anymore.
Fortunately, there were no Large Monsters in the lower part of Indus Canyon. I could sufficiently handle Small Monsters or Medium-sized Monsters on my own. The water flowing in the stream was clean enough to be used as drinking water. Even if I couldn’t wash properly with soap, I wanted to soak my body in the water for a while and wash away the terrible dust and dirt.
As soon as I found a cave that was less than ten minutes’ walk from the stream, I stopped. I acted spoiled and pleaded, saying I was tired, couldn’t walk anymore, and that we should rest a little earlier.
As soon as we settled in, I told Mikael to lie down and sleep quickly, saying that I had already taken a nap and it was now his turn.
Fortunately, Mikael had been falling into deep sleeps lately. After confirming that Mikael was asleep, I waited another ten minutes before carefully picking myself up. For Mikael’s safety, I activated a shield artifact and cautiously slipped out.
A sigh escaped me as I took off my clothes. The parts soaked in my sweat, which had darkened the color, were more noticeable than the parts splattered with Mikael’s blood.
Thinking I should soak the grime until I could wash my whole body, I made a small well with a few stones and soaked my clothes in it.
I also untied my hair, which I had kept in a single ponytail. Because I hadn’t been able to brush it properly for a while, the ends were slightly damaged. I decided I would trim the ends as soon as I entered Yulan.
With those thoughts, I sat down in the stream, which didn’t even reach my waist, thoroughly soaked my hair, and began scrubbing the parts that bothered me most, one by one.
I wondered if Mikael was sleeping well. Because the sky was pitch black, the surface of the water reflected my image like a mirror. Looking into the water, I washed my face several times until it felt squeaky clean, then began to rinse my body properly.
I paid special attention to the valley between my breasts where sweat had accumulated and my lower area, which had been tightly closed since we entered the desert because I hadn’t been able to touch it for a while. While doing so, I felt absurd at my own state, and my face flushed red. Still, really, just in case…
…Should I do it once? No, no. Not now. I have to go back before Mikael wakes up.
I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them, then hurriedly grabbed the laundry I had left to the side. Since I had never washed anything by hand, I was clumsy, and it took quite a while.
After finally finishing my grooming, I wrung out the wet clothes as much as possible and put them on.
I planned to return to the cave quickly and change into dry clothes.
…
…Not knowing that Mikael was here.
It felt as if my heart had dropped to the floor.
When, just when? Since when had he been watching?
The sticky feeling was completely gone, but the clothes draped over my body were still damp. I was so startled that my hands and jaw trembled together. Mikael, who had been looking down at me for a moment, slightly averted his gaze.
He must find it absurd. He must be flabbergasted. I would feel the same way.
It would have been better if a person could die from shame. I had struggled so hard every day wanting to live, but for the first time in my life, I wanted to die. I wanted to forget everything cleanly and run away.
I… Fuck, I washed too thoroughly.
The direction, what was the direction? I came out naked and did laundry. Which way was I facing? Still, it’s a relief that I washed while sitting rather than standing.
No, how could that be a relief? If I had known Mikael was watching, I would have washed more modestly.
No, modestly, how?
Excessive shame turned into heat. I felt dizzy. My head and chest were boiling so much that it felt like I would just explode. I shuddered at my own stupidity for not thinking he would follow me, even though I knew well that he moved without making a sound.
I should have just told him. If I had asked him to keep watch because I wanted to wash, it wouldn’t have been like this. If it were Mikael, I think he would have looked away. Of course, I wouldn’t have been able to wash as thoroughly as I just did, but still.
No, just in case, if I had acted coy from the start and washed prettily… Not scrubbing my hair so vigorously, and just, ah, just…
Until I entered the Academy, I had lived being served during my baths. I wanted to brush it off, asking what the big deal was about showing some skin, but it didn’t work. Was it because I had acted conservatively whenever Mikael had contact with me? No.
It’s just that I’m a man.
I know well now that Mika is very fond of me and likes me. I know he loves me enough to protect me with his life. I now understand that he finds me cute, cherishes me, and pities me.
But that was a separate issue from sexual desire. I still remembered the day Mikael had tilted his head innocently, wondering how a man and a man could date and marry.
It took several years just to have one kiss. Every act of Mikael holding and comforting me had been very chaste until now.
I was originally large in build. As I held a sword for a long time, my shoulders and muscles developed. Unless he was blind, he couldn’t mistake me for a woman. Above all, I had that thing which women don’t have. Should I have just cut it off in advance? If only I had folded it well and hidden it.
I couldn’t believe that after all the dog-like effort I put in to act like a freshly bloomed flower in front of Mika, I had blown it all at once for a reason like this. I must have been incredibly distracted. To make a mistake like this.
The more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t forgive myself. How do I fix this?
I wondered if a prisoner being led to the execution ground felt like this. I couldn’t lift my head until I entered the cave following Mikael.
Mikael only turned around to show his face once we were inside the cave, and he had a very troubled expression with his eyebrows drawn down.
I’m going crazy. I didn’t have the courage to look at Mikael.
“…Since when did you intend to do this?”
“…”
Did he just sigh? In front of me?
“Pardon?”
“…Since three days ago…”
“…Pardon?”
I didn’t want to say more. My tongue kept curling, so I bit it hard, and Mikael hurriedly cupped my cheek and jaw.
Our eyes met. I wondered what he was thinking, then desperately hoped he wouldn’t think anything at all. I squeezed my eyes shut.
“…I smelled.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“…Because I, smell…”
“No, to whom exactly? You didn’t at all.”
“…”
Is his nose on his foot? That couldn’t be.
I twisted my head to escape Mikael’s hand. My face was still hot. Not just my face. Heat rose to my fingertips and toes. The accumulated heat gathered hotly in the corners of my eyes.
I couldn’t understand why, why I kept ending up crying over strange things in front of Mikael.
To avoid Mikael’s gaze, I curled my body slightly in the wet clothes.
Then Mikael said this.
“Every time, you were… fragrant. So. That…”
“…”
“No… I’m not saying I smelled you on purpose.”
…
…?
I opened my eyes. Now Mikael’s face was also red.
Blood flowed back into my heart, which had been shriveled like a dried raspberry until a moment ago.
As I stared blankly, Mikael cleared his throat several times and then furrowed his eyebrows fiercely, pretending to be angry. His face, with cheeks and ears still bright red, while licking his lips several times.
His trembling gaze lingered on my nape and collarbone for a long time before sliding down. Then it hurriedly returned to my face. But our eyes didn’t meet…
“If you wanted to wash, you should have just told me. What would you have done if you went out alone and encountered a monster while defenseless? Huh?”
I answered in a dazed voice.
“…I was, embarrassed.”
“…”
“…To strip, in front of you.”
“Fa—”
A long silence pooled between us.
Now it was Mikael who was avoiding my gaze.
I examined Mikael’s face thoroughly. Even in the dim cave, I quietly stared at and savored the slightly flushed corners of his eyes, his lips which were wetter than usual, and his Adam’s apple, which bobbed more than usual due to tension every time he swallowed.
Perhaps.
No, no. No way.
First, I should hear the rest of Mikael’s words.
“…Fa? …What’s next…?”
“…Fa. Actually, it’s just that.”
…Really?
It wasn’t strange? He still likes me? Loves me? I’m okay even like this?
I stood there blankly, lost for words. As I remained silent, unable to continue, Mikael cleared his throat and glanced at the tips of my hair. Water droplets were still clinging to the ends and dripping down.
“…I’m afraid you’ll catch a Cold Evil, so it would be best to dry your hair first.”
“…”
“Hmm? Ruben.”
“…You’re not angry?”
“…Hah.”
Mikael laughed. As if he were still shy, he bit his lower lip hard and then let out a breath like a burst. His gaze, which had been cast downward the whole time, looked at me.
When our eyes met, I heard the sound of something large rolling and falling inside my chest.
The heat permeating Mikael’s eyes blocked my words. Somehow, the corners of my mouth began to lift.
After looking at each other for a long time, Mikael gestured slightly. Was he saying he would dry my hair?
I’d love that.
“How… could I be angry right now? First, sit down.”
“…Okay.”
I obediently turned around and sat, entrusting my hair to Mikael’s hands. Although I often entrusted my hair to Mikael, it was the first time I had shown him such unkempt hair, so I felt shy as if I were naked. I slightly raised my knees and pulled them toward my body, adjusting my damp clothes once more.
Then Mikael let out another deep sigh.
“Did I smell to you?”
“No! No, it’s not that. No. I didn’t.”
“Really… I just can’t believe it. That I didn’t know Ruben had been worrying about that for several days until now. Right now…”
Well, that’s because I intended to make sure you didn’t notice.
I always wanted to show a good side of myself to Mikael. I put in a lot of effort to act in a way that he could like me enough, feel fluttery, and find me pretty.
Even knowing Mikael wouldn’t notice, I applied holy oil and cream to my hair and skin every day, kept my attire neat even while camping, and washed and groomed myself cleanly even in places others couldn’t see whenever I had the chance.
For today’s bath, I had monitored the monsters’ movements for three days, checked the stream water several times, and selected a place not far from the cave… but I know that being separated from Mikael in a stranded situation was dangerous for both of us.
Without resisting further, I apologized obediently.
“…I was wrong.”
“…As long as you know.”
Instead, I added a slightly cute excuse.
“Because, …because I like you.”
“…”
“…I wanted to look pretty to you… Sometimes, you… breathe against my ear,”
“…Pardon?”
“So…”
I did do something wrong.
But still, if by some chance, we were in the cave together and the atmosphere became more sexual, that wouldn’t be my fault alone. Confidence, swelling without limit, slowly stretched and expanded its place.
Mikael no longer moved his hands. Listening to the gradually quickening breath in the quiet cave, I kept wanting to curl my body. I scrambled to gather more excuses.
“…I brought the holy oil… so I thought I could just wash quickly and apply it. I really, truly tried to wash fast. But… it’s true that I was wrong. I won’t do it again.”
“…I…”
“Yeah. But, it’s not that I hate it. It’s because I like you… I did it because I like you. There are less than four days until Yulan, so it’ll be really, really okay now…”
“…No, it’s not.”
“…Really?”
“Yes. I’m fine too. Just, that… from now on, no matter what happens. Please be sure to tell me.”
“Mmm-hmm…”
Since Mikael’s hand remained still for a long time, I took the thin tunic he had used instead of a towel and finished drying my hair. I gently shook the roots of my hair so they wouldn’t stick too closely to the scalp, and pressed down on the lengths to absorb the moisture without damaging the hair texture.
After a while, the still-damp clothes bothered me, so I had Mikael sit facing away from me and began to groom myself properly.
After drying the moisture from my body, I applied holy oil, smoothed out the wrinkles in my clothes to dry them a bit more, and took the opportunity to brush my hair once more. I glanced back several times, nervous and hopeful that Mikael might turn around, but Mikael didn’t budge, remaining seated with his back to me.
Throughout that time, Mika’s neck and ears were a vivid red.