31 – TIO

“Haa.”

Seo Yi-kyung let out a deep sigh and turned around. This was no time to be idling.

First, it would be best to skip the sketching. If he just smeared the paint around, perhaps he could mimic a similar shape. Painting wasn’t about making something perfectly identical.

Seo Yi-kyung headed toward a shelf taller than himself. In his eyes, rows of similar-looking paints were lined up. They were all brand new and unused. Though they were categorized by brand, he had no idea which ones were actually good.

Since he had to paint a mountain.

He simply grabbed some paints blindly with both hands. After picking up a few more, he returned to the work table.

He squeezed a tube of oil paint firmly. He spread the colors on the palette and looked over the array of brushes and knives. With a determined look in his eyes, he picked up a thick brush.

Seo Yi-kyung looked to the left, took a short breath, and slowly slid the brush across the surface. A green line trailed wherever he passed.

“…….”

Seo Yi-kyung’s expression became even more despairing. He raised his paint-smudged hand and clutched his head.

The more his brush brushed the surface, the more the ruined canvas became apparent at a single glance.

There’s a limit to how different things can be, but anyone could tell this was painted by a different person.

* * *

The next day, Seo Yi-kyung set up in the garden.

He erected the easel and placed a stark white canvas upon it. Butler Do placed a teacup and a plate of cookies on the outdoor table. Butler Do tilted the teapot to fill the cup with black tea.

Seo Yi-kyung faced the canvas with a solemn gaze. He stared intently at the tree right in front of him, then walked over to it and even touched it with both hands.

Watching this, Butler Do felt a flicker of doubt, but soon a smile touched the corners of his eyes as he watched Seo Yi-kyung embrace the tree. It reminded him of how he was as a child.

Seo Yi-kyung turned and walked back. The apron that reached his knees fluttered in the wind. Butler Do spoke kindly with a smile.

“Do you intend to paint outdoors today?”

“Yes… well…”

Seo Yi-kyung trailed off with a bitter smile. For some reason, he couldn’t concentrate in the painting studio. Furthermore, trying to exactly replicate the paintings he had previously created seemed to make his hands stiffen further, as if gripped by obsession.

“The sunlight is lovely; it is suitable weather for painting.”

“I’d like to paint alone today as well.”

Butler Do looked around and nodded readily. He didn’t forget to remind him to call if he needed anything before heading back inside.

Seo Yi-kyung looked down at his apron. Since he had used it yesterday, he pulled a pencil from a pocket stained with oil paint.

Painting a mountain ridge was far more difficult than he had anticipated. It seemed like something he wouldn’t be able to achieve even if he spent six months or a year on it. Quickly giving up, he focused his attention on the tree in front of him. Han Seung-jae had asked for a painting, but he hadn’t specified what to paint. Therefore, he would boldly give up on the background and give him a painting of a tree.

The stiffened Seo Yi-kyung let the tension drain from his shoulders and began to move his hand. His gaze shifted from the tree stretching upward to the tips of his fingers. It would have been great if he could have brought something from the painting studio…

However, changing Han Seung-jae’s mind was no easy feat. Perhaps painting a picture was an easier method than trying to persuade him.

Seo Yi-kyung raised his left hand and gripped his right wrist firmly. Biting his lower lip, he steadied himself so that his fingertips wouldn’t shake.

‘It’s just a tree. Don’t be nervous. I can do this.’

Despite that, Seo Yi-kyung continued to pull “earthworms” out of the canvas. In fact, painting a single tree in detail was even harder.

Eventually, utterly devastated, Seo Yi-kyung’s knees buckled. He slumped down onto the garden floor. His small head moved incessantly.

Should I just buy a painting? That would be better. Anything purchased would be better than this. Or maybe hire a professional. But none of that could be done while avoiding Han Seung-jae.

Seo Yi-kyung looked down at his hands. The faint marks of the rope that had remained on his wrists until the day before had now disappeared. Only a pencil was held in his white, delicate hands.

Still, these were the hands that had personally painted those many works in the studio. His body remained unchanged, yet his painting skills had become abysmal.

“What is the matter?”

Step, step. Butler Do, who happened to be coming out with sandwiches, approached in a heartbeat. He looked down at Seo Yi-kyung sitting on the ground with surprised eyes. Seo Yi-kyung slowly raised his head.

“Well, you see…”

With a gloomy face, Seo Yi-kyung looked troubled, not knowing what to do. Butler Do stared blankly at the canvas and then gazed at Seo Yi-kyung again.

“Are you having trouble painting?”

He moved to place the plate of sandwiches on the outdoor table. Then he returned and tried to help Seo Yi-kyung up.

However, Seo Yi-kyung declined, pushing himself up from the ground with both hands and dusting off his palms. Putting the pencil back into his apron pocket, he murmured with his head bowed.

“I think I’ve hit a slump.”

Butler Do nodded in agreement.

After getting married, he had not gone near the painting studio for a long time. Consequently, the time he spent painting became infinitely scarce. Furthermore, paintings often reflected one’s state of mind. Looking at the painting on the canvas, Butler Do looked at Seo Yi-kyung with an even more pitiful gaze.

“There was a time in the past when you suddenly said you could no longer paint. It happened when you were fourteen; do you remember?”

The fingertips of Seo Yi-kyung, which had been fiddling with his apron pocket, paused. He raised his head.

“Didn’t I tell you then to try painting just one more time? You must have forgotten.”

There was a time when the young master, who rarely revealed his inner thoughts, had been unable to paint for a long while.

—Did something happen at school?

Seo Yi-kyung, who had recently entered middle school, sat on his bed without even taking off his school uniform. Throughout the time Butler Do observed his complexion, he hardly opened his mouth, only to eventually mutter in a crestfallen voice.

—I don’t think I have any talent for painting.

—Is it not too early to make such a judgment? You are young now, so if you paint more, you will improve.

—Seon-yu started even later than I did, but I’ll never be able to paint like that.

At that time, having just entered middle school and seeing people who excelled at painting with his own eyes, he must have felt a sense of alienation. After that, he had eventually declared that he felt he could no longer paint. Recalling the events of that day, Butler Do added with a serious gaze.

“Once you go there, I am sure you will start painting again, just like before.”

Seo Yi-kyung’s heart fluttered. Perhaps it was a vague sense of anticipation. A hope that if he went to a place this body was familiar with, he might be able to create something.

Regardless, he couldn’t just stay slumped like this. He had to try something.

* * *

Clack. Seo Yi-kyung stepped out of the sedan and closed the rear door.

Butler Do, who had come out first, was busy. With a bag of art supplies slung over his left shoulder, he moved the easel and canvas along with the driver.

Seo Yi-kyung followed behind, carrying a picnic basket. It contained water and snacks to drink and eat while painting. Since he had come out skipping lunch, these were things Butler Do had prepared.

Seo Yi-kyung looked around. The vast park, which took about an hour to reach by car, was located near the main house where he had previously stayed.

A lukewarm breeze blew along the hills and winding paths. Since the temperature was high during the day, some people were seen wearing short sleeves and carrying jackets in their hands. As he walked further with Butler Do, the number of people exercising or riding bicycles gradually decreased.

“It is here.”

Having climbed the hill, Butler Do stopped. As the driver set up the easel, Butler Do placed the canvas on top. It was clean and stark white.

I will be waiting in the car. The driver gave Seo Yi-kyung a slight bow and returned the way he came.

Butler Do took off the bag from his shoulder. The inner part of the park, which offered a great view, was secluded. He spotted someone in the distance who seemed to be taking landscape photos, but they were far enough away not to be distracting.

He took the picnic basket from Seo Yi-kyung’s hand and placed it on a bench. From inside, Butler Do took out water, poured it into a cup, and handed it to Seo Yi-kyung.

Seo Yi-kyung took the cup and moistened his dry throat. Butler Do turned his head to look down the hill and murmured.

“When you were young, you often painted while looking at this scenery.”

Seo Yi-kyung turned his head and looked down at the same spot. The wind, sweeping up from below the hill and through the lush green leaves, brushed past his hair.

“You don’t have to start painting immediately. Back then, you sat on the bench for a long time before suddenly starting to paint.”

Butler Do smiled as if recalling a buried memory. As if following his words, Seo Yi-kyung approached the bench and sat down slowly. Butler Do poured a bit more water into Seo Yi-kyung’s half-empty cup.

Seo Yi-kyung looked around at the scenery while drinking the cool water that slid down his throat. The sunlight was blocked by a large tree, casting diagonal shadows across his face. Whenever the leaves swayed in the wind, the shadows stretched down to his dress shirt and then retreated.

The surroundings were so quiet. It was an environment that couldn’t be better for deep contemplation.

He felt the heaviness in his chest gradually ease. Seo Yi-kyung closed his eyes. Seeing that no impulse to paint arose, it seemed that painting skill could not be brought out by will alone.

If I can’t paint today, will I be able to tomorrow? Or will I have no choice but to find another way?

It was then. The sound of footsteps running from afar seemed to draw closer, and a man who had been passing by Seo Yi-kyung’s back came to a halt.

Butler Do looked back. A man wearing a gray tracksuit and short shorts approached the back of Seo Yi-kyung, who was sitting on the bench lost in thought.

Butler Do spoke up as if to intervene.

“Is something the matter?”

At the same time, the man placed both hands on the bench.

“Seo Yi-kyung!”

Seo Yi-kyung, who had his eyes closed, lifted his eyelids. As he slowly turned his upper body back, a man with beads of sweat on his forehead was looking down at him. As their eyes met, the blankness in his gaze vanished, and he broke into a smile.

“You’re still the same.”