WNC 220

Whenever the wind stirred, the bamboo leaves rustled noisily. Sunlight, fragmented by the bamboo leaves, adorned the glossy floor. I was sitting in the cool shade. Only after looking up did I realize I was sitting in a pavilion adorned with various embellishments in the traditional Dancheong style.

The child sitting across from me urged me to look at him, so I straightened my head again.

When did this child grow up so much? Rubel, exuding a masculine aura, was fully dressed in white robes and a heroic headpiece. He was already handsome with his broad shoulders, slender waist, and sturdy physique, but the belt around his waist in the style of the Central Plains made it impossible to take my eyes off him.

On the low table placed in front of Rubel, there was a liquor jug along with some snacks. Liquor, I had long been accustomed to drinking only tea. With a dazed feeling, I grasped the cup. Rubel neatly concealed his left sleeve and poured liquor into my cup.

“…You’re, already…. No, is Ruben old enough to drink liquor now?”

“Of course. Did you think I would remain a child forever?”

The child’s refreshing smile was pleasing to the eye. Gazing at the deeply etched corners of his mouth, I lifted the cup as if possessed. The somewhat sweet liquor felt unfamiliar, so I only wet my lips and put the cup down.

Then, Rubel quickly grabbed a well-cut piece of red apple and put it in my mouth with his hand. With a crisp bite, sweet and cool juice filled my mouth vividly.

Seeing the child put the remaining half of the apple in his mouth made my mouth water.

My gaze went to Rubel’s knuckles, glistening with juice. His flawless hand was marked with calluses unique to those who wield swords. Somehow, it was difficult to swallow what was in my mouth.

Suddenly thirsty, I hurriedly reached for the liquor cup, and the child stood up and moved to sit next to me.

The sight of his white robes fluttering and scattering in the wind made my heart drop.

“Are you going to keep drinking alone? You have to give me a cup too, Mika.”

“…Ah. Yes, then, a cup.”

“I… like this better.”

Instead of my half-dazed self, the child gently wrapped my hand holding the cup with both of his hands and brought his lips to the cup. The child’s ticklish breath directly touched my right hand. Even if I were struck by the Yeolyang Palm, it wouldn’t be this hot and numb. His lowered eyes were very close.

I felt the urge to caress the ends of his neat eyebrows, but I unconsciously raised my left hand and hid it behind my back. It had become a daily routine to be restless and want to embrace him when he was not in front of me, but to be unable to touch the child when he was in front of me.

Ruben’s wet lips, having emptied the cup, brushed past the tip of my thumb.

“…Mika?”

The sound of sleeves brushing against each other rustled. While bamboo leaves brushed and swayed all around, I was afraid that the child would hear my turbulent heart, and I couldn’t even breathe properly. I craved the warm lips that had touched the tip of my thumb, that moist and soft sensation.

My body tensed up involuntarily, and I straightened my back.

I looked at the child without blinking. He lowered his eyes gracefully, and I couldn’t bear to see him blush and back away. I hurriedly grabbed his waist and pulled him closer, and he fluttered like a butterfly onto my thigh.

The fragrant floral scent that I had smelled somewhere before filled my heart deeply.

I knew it was permission even without asking for it. I dared to bury my face in the child’s flushed cheek. Rubel couldn’t catch his breath and gasped. The sound of his rapid breathing made my spine tingle.

I slipped my hand between the neatly closed folds of his clothes. Rubel, holding onto the robes that flowed down like a shed skin, shyly rubbed his cheek against my shoulder. I was anxious, not knowing what he would say with his red lips parted.

I traced his exposed bare shoulder with my lips, grasped the hollow of his arm with my hand, and laid the child down. As I grabbed and opened the loosely disheveled robes, Rubel gave an embarrassed smile and turned his head, revealing his white neck. And, I….

What?

I woke up with a start.

It was my bedroom. Of course, I was lying alone. Was it the first time in decades that my lower body felt so hot? I couldn’t come to my senses in time and just blinked, sitting up. No matter how many times I shook my head to clear my mind, Rubel’s face, smiling lewdly, wouldn’t disappear from my head.

What kind of messy…

I’ve finally lost my mind.

My heart pounded as if I had run a long distance breathlessly.

I couldn’t hide my embarrassment and fell off the bed as if rolling down, and rushed to the bathroom. I didn’t even bother to warm it up and poured a bucket of water, which the servant had prepared in advance for the morning wash, over my head.

I didn’t even have time to take off my pajamas, so I was soaked from head to toe. Beyond Donggyeong, the image of a boy with a flushed face, soaking wet and blinking, was reflected. Unable to bear the foolish sight, I buried my head in the remaining cold water. I wished I could just stop breathing.

How could I, with that child…

The thought that there would be no great difference since it was just a matter of people liking each other, and the ignorance I had shown towards same-sex love, vanished as if swept away by a broom.

I was utterly unfamiliar with the fact that I was eager to do something more lewd than anything I had vaguely imagined. Bubbles of breath leaked out from the side of my head submerged in the water. Only when I was suffocating and my chest felt tight did I lift my head.

Even after pouring a whole bucket of water and making a mess, the thought of that child filling my head didn’t disappear.

Goodness. I wanted to cry.

❖ ❖ ❖

Tuesday.

Unable to escape from the shadow of the hazy dream, I somehow managed to go to the Martial arts training ground on time and attend classes. However, it was very difficult to get my mind right, and my neck and ears kept getting hot.

In the early morning, Marianne coaxed me, asking if something was wrong, and Maelo Sanson, whom I met in advanced swordsmanship class, pushed my back, telling me to go to the infirmary right away if I didn’t want to skip the afternoon class. No, I’m okay, I answered vaguely, but I wasn’t okay at all.

In the afternoon, as always, I went to the Magic Tower with Maelo Sanson. These days, I was engrossed in directly observing the various Monsters that Sanson had brought to the Magic Tower, learning about each Monster’s attack range and habits, and creating swordplay suitable for them.

In the carriage heading to the Magic Tower, Sanson told me that we should only look at one type of Monster carefully today. I could clearly see that he was trying to soothe me, and I was grateful and sorry. I didn’t insist further and nodded in agreement.

Edwin, whom I met at the Magic Tower, twisted his lips as soon as he saw my face.

“What, you look like you’ve seen a ghost or something.”

“…No, it’s nothing.”

“You’ve looked terrible yesterday and today.”

I didn’t bother to answer. He sighed deeply, and the child didn’t ask further.

As always, Mage Trickle and Maelo Sanson walked ahead, and Edwin and I were walking behind them.

Until now, whenever I walked with him, I was the one who spoke first. Edwin always walked with a primly closed mouth, and only near the end of the class would he toss out his impressions of the day or small words of encouragement. Today, I didn’t feel like talking, so I didn’t open my mouth, but I wondered if I looked that strange.

Is my face that unsightly?

I was someone who dreamed a lot.

The more I worried, the more various Fiends appeared in my confused dreams and made a mess. In my past life, I dreamed a lot about insignificant things, and in this life, I dreamed a lot about my past life. Therefore, until now, no matter what kind of dream I had, I never lingered on it until midday.

No matter how amazing something was, it was something in a dream, and no matter how painful something was, it was something in a dream. I thought it was futile to bring things from dreams into this life.

The reason why I was so preoccupied today was clear. Rubel, that child, was deeply embedded in my heart. I only sighed and didn’t answer.

Edwin scanned my face and continued what he wanted to say.

“The Second Prince sent a telegram last night. He said he wanted to visit sometime in September and asked me to set a date.”

“…Ah.”

“But he didn’t say anything about the three of us meeting. Are you thinking of talking to him separately?”

I tried to answer, but closed my mouth again.

Could I face that child’s face with a normal expression right now? I had no confidence at all. It would be awkward if we met alone, and it would be awkward if the three of us met. No, no. At least I’ll have a week, and there’s no way the mess inside me won’t calm down by then.

…No. How can I ever adapt to this…?

Even after thinking about it carefully, it was very difficult to set a date. The exam period was coming up soon, and after the exam, I would see Ruben again… I thought it might be okay to skip this month.

The desire to see the child even once more, the curiosity about how he treated Edwin, was just my greed….

After hesitating for a long time, I opened my mouth.

“The exam period is coming up soon…. I don’t have time right now. It would be good if the two of you met first and set a date for next month.”

“Really? Then let’s do that. Are you really okay?”

“Yes.”

“You’re not sick or anything?”

“No.”

“…Haa…. Okay, never mind.”

It seemed like the child was sulking again, so I was about to say something to soothe him, but we arrived in front of the Ogre cage, which we were going to examine today, so I closed my mouth. Maelo Sanson, who had heard everything we said, looked at me intently for a moment, then suddenly entered the cage, saying he would start now.

It was not the time to be having wicked thoughts. The Hwagyeong master was directly catching Monsters and showing them to us. Under the master’s neat gaze, who was trying to make even a small contribution to the creation of a new swordplay, I was embarrassed to be having immoral and lewd thoughts, and my face kept getting hot.

I clenched my fists so tightly that nail marks appeared on my palms and listened to the lesson with wide eyes.

However,

Whenever there was even a small gap, I thought of Rubel.

During class, I could somehow manage by looking directly at the professors’ eyes, answering questions honestly, and controlling my mind, but every time I lay down on the bed to fall asleep, it felt like a floral scent brushed against the tip of my nose.

Afraid that I would touch Ruben arbitrarily in my dreams again, I hid the crow doll far away in the study, and I was afraid that I would fall asleep comfortably and swallow Ruben in my dreams, so I reduced my sleeping time.

I thought I would study for the exam in my spare time, so I opened a book, but every time I looked at the white space between the letters, I thought of the white robes. The dreamlike, flowery face that nestled gently in my arms filled my eyes, and I couldn’t come to my senses.

On those early mornings, I went to the Martial arts training ground alone and drew my sword along with the Samjae. It felt like the child would walk in from the dark gap in the distance. I drew straight lines thousands of times to have a righteous mind.

It was only after five days that the sword, which I had swung until my arms were numb and my heart was cold, captured the stars instead of the sky.

I had newly created a form of the Righteous Sword like that, and stood there blankly for a long time.