By Zephyria 
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Cotton candy clouds floated lazily across a pink sky. Scattered among them were densely packed pieces of star candy.
Faced with this fantastical scenery, something impossible in reality, Hui-won vaguely guessed that this place was a dream.
On the endlessly sprawling, wide grassland, there was only him and a single quokka. Since earlier, the small herbivore hadn’t left his side. Yet, it didn’t readily approach either. It just maintained a certain distance, constantly wary of Hui-won.
“Come here.”
Even if it was a dream, sitting alone felt awkward, so he called the quokka. Upon hearing Hui-won’s voice, its round ears perked up straight.
As the quokka stood close beside him, Hui-won plucked a handful of dry grass from around him and piled it neatly in front of it. Perhaps hungry, the quokka chewed on the hay until its cheeks bulged.
His hand reached out almost automatically at the adorable sight. Even as he stroked its head and body, the quokka continued munching on the grass without any wariness.
The leisurely time stretched on. Hui-won leaned back loosely and looked up at the sky dyed in various colors. Even if it was a dream, it was simply pleasant. A cool breeze happened to blow by, and he closed his eyes, feeling good.
– Why do you hate me?
His eyes opened automatically at the soft, high-pitched voice. His gaze naturally turned to the animal beside him.
The cute quokka, standing on two legs, looked at Hui-won with its shiny black eyes like obsidian and spoke again.
– You don’t need me?
“……”
For a moment, his tongue stiffened. More than surprise, it was guilt. Hui-won realized who the quokka in his dream was.
– No one wants me, so I’m lonely.
“…Sorry.”
The child he had been stroking so freely earlier, he could only look at with his eyes now. The quokka rubbed its damp nose tip against Hui-won’s fingertips and tapped its own head with its small hand. Following the request to be touched, Hui-won carefully stroked its round head and body.
– I know too. That I can’t be born. But even just for the time we’re together, please don’t hate me. Love me like you do now.
“…I will.”
– You promised.
As he nodded, the quokka hopped up onto Hui-won’s thigh. It naturally settled on his stomach, curling up its body. As if that was its home.
Hui-won silently stroked the quokka’s small body. This was the only way he could apologize. Thanks to the cool breeze carrying a refreshing bergamot scent, sleep soon washed over him. He drifted into a drowsy slumber together with his other self.
Sometime later, when Hui-won woke up, he unconsciously touched his own stomach. Unlike before, the flat skin of his belly now felt a heavy presence.
He tapped the area above his navel with his index finger. As if responding, a gurgling echo arose.
It felt similar to air bubbles popping, quite different from hunger.
“……”
Hui-won hesitated, then curled his fingers into a fist. It was fascinating, but on the other hand, the feeling was still unfamiliar and frightening.
Slowly, he pushed himself up to sit. He was alone at home. Kwon Young-je had left for work early in the morning due to unavoidable circumstances. Honestly, given Kwon Young-je’s situation, working from home didn’t make sense. Lasting three days was already a lot.
Quite some time had passed, yet there hadn’t been a single call. The silent phone was both a relief and a source of worry. He doubted a big problem would arise just because he was missing one secretary, but he couldn’t help recalling the chaos of the past.
Hui-won pushed aside the cozy goose-down duvet and finally left the bed he had been occupying for so long. To make his afternoon appointment, he needed to wash up and head out soon. Perhaps because he had rested comfortably, his body felt unusually light today.
He arrived at the hospital for his check-up time. They say it’s an era of low birth rates, but the obstetrics and gynecology department is always bustling with people. Seeing the chaotic, war-like parking lot today, Hui-won thought he was right to come by taxi.
The area in front of the elevator was also packed with waiting people, so he simply turned towards the emergency exit. He slowly climbed the stairs to the third floor where the examination room was, when hurried footsteps sounded from above.
“No, I’ll go check that myself, so just leave it! How many times do I have to say it!”
The man running down the stairs was distracted, engrossed in his call. Not looking ahead in his haste, he ended up bumping shoulders with Hui-won.
“Whoa!”
In that moment of surprise, Hui-won lost his balance and slipped. He barely avoided falling flat on his back, but his knee hit the edge of a step squarely. A sharp pain shot through his bone, contorting his face, and a pained groan seeped through his clenched teeth.
“Gasp! I’m so sorry! Are you okay?”
The man, belatedly realizing the situation, panicked and reached out a hand. It was a situation that could have easily led to a serious accident.
“…Yes.”
Hui-won barely managed to reply and couldn’t easily lift his head. The pain was one thing, but he was startled by his own reflexive action of protecting his stomach first. He stared down at his own palm covering his stomach for a long while.
Seeing this, the man presumably assumed he was a pregnant woman, and his already startled complexion turned even paler.
“I’m truly sorry. I was distracted and just… uh, um, I’m really sorry.”
As the man repeatedly bowed his head in apology, Hui-won said it was fine since he wasn’t hurt and sent him on his way. He even refused the business card the man offered, saying to contact him if there were any issues.
Fortunately, the leg pain gradually subsided over time. With significantly slower steps than before, he barely managed to reach the third-floor waiting room.
A while later, his turn came and he entered the examination room. No matter how many times he had it, he never got used to the ultrasound. His body automatically stiffened at the cold gel and the sensation of the probe slowly scraping over his abdomen.
“Hmm… The blood clot is almost gone. At this level, it should be fine.”
Hui-won was also looking at the monitor together. The space like a black cave was just fascinating. And the child settled within it.
“Let’s check the baby’s condition too.”
While getting the ultrasound, he ended up checking the baby’s condition as well. The doctor stole a glance at Hui-won’s reaction and continued.
“Considering the circumstances, the baby has settled in well. It’s growing according to the week.”
As the doctor said, the child had grown even more in that short time. What resembled a kidney bean had now become round like a gummy bear. With limbs attached to its small body, it was asserting itself as a proper little person.
“Soon it’ll be 9 weeks… You need to decide now. If you pass the week count, you’ll have to go for surgery.”
The doctor’s words added to the burden. Hui-won let out a small sigh.
“…Yes, I know.”
Hui-won returned home and remained lost in thought for a long while.
Sitting on the sofa for hours without moving, his hands also wouldn’t leave his stomach. Ever since returning from the hospital, he kept unconsciously touching his belly. It was quite strange. There was no way for there to be a connection, yet strangely, he felt at ease only when his hand was there.
He asked himself a cold, hard question. Could he endure it? Could he really handle it?
Whichever way, wasn’t it a problem he couldn’t decide rashly? But the time given wasn’t much, and he was the only one who had to make the decision.
What was certain was that he wasn’t as afraid as before. Staying in the house filled with Kwon Young-je’s pheromones seemed to have simmered away his own anxiety as well.
“……”
Only when the blue sky gradually began to tinge with crimson did Hui-won finally organize his thoughts.
Pushing himself up from the sofa, he hurriedly prepared to go out again. Instead of the t-shirt he was wearing, he put on a shirt and suit pants like he usually did for work and neatly tightened his tie. He also gathered the necessary items without forgetting anything. In his actions, filled with firm resolve, there wasn’t a hint of hesitation.
Entering a nearby pharmacy, the pharmacist greeted him with a friendly smile.
“Welcome.”
“…Could you dispose of some medication for me?
Hui-won handed over a crumpled medicine packet. The guilt, and the only solution to cut off his own anxiety. By handing over the abortion pills, Hui-won would shed the guilt that had long weighed on him and instead shoulder a heavy responsibility.
“Yes, I’ll take care of it for you. Is there nothing else you need?”
“No. It’s fine.”
As he smiled faintly, the pharmacist also responded with a smile in their eyes. With a noticeably relieved expression, Hui-won left the pharmacy.
His steps headed straight for the company. 7 PM, a time when all the secretaries had left work. Entering the pitch-dark office, he could see the only lit office.
Hui-won opened the door slightly without knocking. Sensing the presence, Kwon Young-je looked up. Seeing Hui-won visit without a word, he made a rare expression of surprise.
“What’s this. All of a sudden.”
Instead of a greeting, Hui-won approached him. He cleared the documents spread on the desk to one side and perched his hips on it. As he sat on the desk, Kwon Young-je sank deep into his chair back and let out a light laugh as if finding it absurd.
“Any issues while I was gone?”
“Someone laid the groundwork too well.”
“Then I can take more sick leave?”
Hui-won said playfully with a laugh. The gaze meeting his was uncharacteristically gentle for Kwon Young-je. In this moment, he felt once again that his choice wasn’t wrong.
Hui-won took out a palm-sized film sheet from his jacket pocket.
“I went to the hospital. Thought you might be curious.”
Kwon Young-je scrutinized the black-and-white photo handed to him. His eyes, examining each detail meticulously, had the same tenacious quality as when he worked.
“The blood clot is better now?”
It seemed the fetus wasn’t entering his eyes. He was only concerned about Hui-won’s condition in the ultrasound photo.
This man also has a long way to go. What to do if both parents are like this. Swallowing a sigh inwardly, Hui-won gave a small nod.
“I looked it up, and they say you can find out the gender in about a month or so. Seems like they tell you directly these days.”
“……”
Kwon Young-je stared intently at Hui-won’s face to grasp the intent of his words.
“I threw away the medication.”
In response, Hui-won laid out the main point without further beating around the bush.
“Both the pregnancy and marriage were sudden… but I think I’ll just consider it fate.”
“Can you endure it?”
Hui-won slowly nodded his head.
Honestly, it was still scary. He had only made the decision two hours ago. If asked if he was confident, he could say no without hesitation. But he intended to try and overcome it.
“This kid is stubbornly holding on to live, and I wondered if cutting it off was really the right thing… Even though it happened by mistake, I want to try taking responsibility.”
“……”
“Not sure if it’ll go well.”
Hui-won wrinkled the bridge of his nose. Unlike him, forcing a bright front, Kwon Young-je still seemed deep in thought.
“Anyway, that’s my decision. What about you, Executive Director?”