By Zephyria Looking ahead, the road was completely blocked. He didn’t know where Lee Do-hyeon was taking him, but wherever it was, it didn’t matter. He thought it would be better to speak as soon as possible before Lee Do-hyeon wasted any more unnecessary money, so after hesitating for a while, Ryu Jeong stammered with difficulty.
“I’m sorry…”
“To me?”
“Yes…”
“What are you sorry about?”
“…Just… everything.”
Ryu Jeong moved the hand that had been still the whole time and took out the check from his padding jacket pocket. He smoothed out the quickly crumpled check as much as he could and held it respectfully with both hands.
“I… I don’t need to eat. I’ll give this back too.”
Lee Do-hyeon didn’t take his hands off the steering wheel and just stared at the check Ryu Jeong was holding, as if glaring at it. He couldn’t understand why Ryu Jeong was doing this, since he had skipped the preamble and got straight to the point.
Considering he was embarrassed about that day…
“Did I perhaps do something wrong to Jeong?”
“…Pardon?”
“I’m asking because I don’t know. Did I do something to upset Jeong without realizing it? Tell me comfortably. I’ll fix it.”
That was absurd. Ryu Jeong shook his head, his face pale.
“Ah, no. I’m the one who did wrong…”
“Then what did you do wrong? I really don’t know.”
“Th-that’s…”
Ryu Jeong bit his lip. He worried for a long time about what to say, and the words he finally uttered after much hesitation surprised Lee Do-hyeon.
“Y-you shouldn’t have c-come that day.”
“…What did you say?”
“During the Heat cycle… Th-that is, you don’t have to do this. You can stop now…”
“No, wait a minute. What are you saying?”
“You don’t have to worry about me anymore.”
At those words, Lee Do-hyeon stared straight ahead and frowned. Torn between figuring out what Ryu Jeong meant and driving, Lee Do-hyeon became agitated and jerked his head sharply to the side. Then he turned the steering wheel, pulled the car over to the shoulder, and stopped. The sound of the hazard lights flashing echoed rhythmically.
“Jeong. I don’t understand, so can you explain it to me specifically? Slowly.”
Ryu Jeong’s shoulders slumped endlessly. He hunched his body and picked at the hangnails next to his fingernails. Lee Do-hyeon was worried he might draw blood, but he couldn’t touch him carelessly, so he just watched.
What was he sorry about, and what was he telling him to stop doing? Lee Do-hyeon was about to press him according to his usual personality, but he took a deep breath and shut his mouth. He clenched the steering wheel to calm the rising irritation. Lee Do-hyeon, trying to regain his composure, took a long breath and calmly opened his mouth, trying to consciously relax his expression.
“Let’s start with this. What did you do wrong?”
“……”
“No matter how much I think about it, I don’t know what you mean. I don’t feel like Jeong made any mistakes.”
“……”
“Well, you have to see each other’s faces to make a mistake or not.”
“……”
“What did Jeong do with me? Sex, dinner, nothing.”
Ryu Jeong’s face flushed red at the very direct choice of words. Ryu Jeong pressed down on his burning cheeks with the back of his hand.
In fact, it was more accurate to say he had done wrong rather than made a mistake. He had coaxed someone who only wanted to help into doing such a thing. If it hadn’t been for that chance encounter at the convenience store, he would never have even glanced at an Omega like him. He was too kind, too friendly… a man who lived in a completely different world from him.
He had to tell him to stop wasting his time and money with a debt in his heart.
“I won’t… dwell on that day.”
“That day, what. The sex? Why?”
“…That way, President will feel more comfortable… and you won’t have to waste money…”
“What on earth are you talking about?”
Unable to bear his frustration, Lee Do-hyeon habitually reached for a cigarette but stopped. He waved his hand through the air a couple of times, then gripped the steering wheel tightly.
The check he had handed over was still in Ryu Jeong’s hand. His hand, which was holding it gently, not even able to apply much force for fear it would get crumpled further, was white. Lee Do-hyeon, who had been logically organizing Ryu Jeong’s words, suddenly had a thought flash through his mind, and he asked with a hopeful voice.
“Are you perhaps doing this because you think I had sex with you because you begged me and I couldn’t help it?”
“…Yes.”
“I was forced to have sex that I didn’t want… but anyway, because I’m an Alpha. As an Alpha, I took you, an Omega, to the center, bought you food, and begged you to meet me out of a sense of moral obligation… Is that what you think I’ve been doing? And you feel sorry about that?”
Is that right? Ryu Jeong nodded. He had explained it well in an easy-to-understand way, but it sounded subtly sarcastic, and a corner of his heart throbbed. Still, it was what he had been trying to say, so there was no reason to deny it.
Lee Do-hyeon, seeing the small head shaking up and down, sighed softly. He barely swallowed the curse that almost came out at the end of the sigh.
“If I hadn’t insisted on not going to the hospital… President wouldn’t have had anything to do with an Omega like me. Because I needlessly clung to you, President couldn’t even go to work… and wasted time going to the center…”
As frustration and self-loathing mixed together, his eyes stung. Ryu Jeong strained his eyes to hold back the tears that were about to spill out.
“I shouldn’t have said I was okay because it was extreme heat… I’m sorry. But I took the medicine right away, so… nothing you’re worried about will happen. Even if something like that happens, the professor said he would take good care of me…”
“What kind of thing?”
“…That…”
“Pregnancy?”
Ryu Jeong’s mouth closed again. It seemed he thought that if he got pregnant, it would block his path. Shouldn’t he be thinking the opposite?
“Jeong. I’m only asking this just in case, but you don’t think I’m following you around because I’m afraid you might be pregnant, do you?”
“…Even if I had said I would go to the hospital right away…”
“Ah… I’m going crazy.”
Lee Do-hyeon muttered as if he were out of his mind. He had dug a very deep hole all by himself. Where should he start explaining?
“You probably don’t know because it’s your first proper Heat cycle… It’s natural to want to fuck, or rather, be fucked when Heat comes. If you endure Heat raw, you just go crazy, you know?”
Lee Do-hyeon tapped his temple with his fingertip, saying “here.” He probably meant that his head would go crazy.
“Only instinct remains. It’s not just you, it’s like that for all Omegas, and it’s like that for all Alphas in rut. If it had been another Alpha in that place instead of me… ha, you probably would have asked that bastard to fuck you too.”
Lee Do-hyeon, who felt disgusted just by assuming something that hadn’t happened and would never happen, stopped talking and muttered a curse. Ryu Jeong, who was startled because it was the first time he had heard such rough language from Lee Do-hyeon, flinched. Feeling like he had scared him unnecessarily, Lee Do-hyeon suppressed the rising anger and continued his explanation in as soft a voice as possible.
“Well, you might be embarrassed about the situation itself, whether it’s instinct or whatever. But Jeong. You shouldn’t be apologizing, you should be angry at me. You’ve completely missed the point.”
“I’m… not angry…”
“I knew what situation you were in, but I still touched you. I acted without restraint like a clueless kid, not like someone my age. I was in my right mind too. Ah, you don’t know how old I am, do you? You’re twenty-three, right? I’m exactly ten years older than that. An uncle who’s ten years older touched a kid, you know? In the first place, having sex with an Omega in Heat who isn’t your partner is a crime. It’s the same as touching someone who’s drunk, you know?”
Lee Do-hyeon let out a self-deprecating laugh. He hadn’t been aware of it until now, but once he realized it, he felt like trash. Lee Do-hyeon, feeling disgusted with himself for the first time, pressed the inside of his cheek with his tongue in dissatisfaction. He did that for a while. He quickly calmed down and then started with, “And.”
“I never worried that you would have my baby.”
It was actually the opposite. On second thought, he was trash. If he were to take out all the thoughts he was having inside, Ryu Jeong would probably be shocked. Lee Do-hyeon, who had decided to bury the thoughts he had alone in his head, honestly revealed the concern that had been ahead of his desire.
“I was worried that you would have a hard time, that’s all.”
“What…”
“You’re still young. You’re at an age where you have a lot of things you want to do, but what if your path gets blocked because of me? If you get pregnant, you’ll suffer physically and mentally whether you keep it or terminate it. And what about me, who enjoyed it with you while you were suffering? Even if your path is blocked, it’s you who’s blocked, why would my path be blocked?”
Ryu Jeong rolled his eyes around as if he were confused. Lee Do-hyeon wanted to take out Ryu Jeong’s thought process altogether if he could. Couldn’t he think of himself just a little bit? It would be okay to act as selfishly as others.
He should have taken Ryu Jeong to his house, not just kept it as a thought, but put it into action long ago. Instead of the ice-cold floor, he should have whispered sweet words while lying on a fluffy bed that would make him fall asleep just by lying on it. Instead of letting him clean up alone in the cold water that chilled him to the bone, he should have personally wiped away the traces of sex with warm water that would make his whole body melt. Lee Do-hyeon ruminated, recalling the plans he had temporarily postponed in consideration of Ryu Jeong.
“Honestly, the morning-after pill isn’t good for your body. I didn’t want you to take it, but what if you resent me later?”
“……”
“But looking at you now, it seems like you’re going to resent yourself, not me. And then you’ll feel sorry for me again for no reason.”
“……”
“Did you think I was taking care of you out of a sense of moral obligation or something? No.”
“…Then… then what is it…?”
Ryu Jeong, who had been holding his hands tightly enough to turn his fingertips white, broke the silence he had maintained all along and opened his mouth. His trembling voice was pitiful. He should have ignored the words “I’m okay” that he always had on his lips this time. Lee Do-hyeon bit his lip tightly.
“…When a person.”
“……”
“When you have feelings for someone, it’s natural to want to look good to that person, right?”
Feelings…? Ryu Jeong thought about what Lee Do-hyeon had said. He understood what it meant right away, but Ryu Jeong thought it didn’t make sense. He wasn’t someone who could attract someone’s favor, especially Lee Do-hyeon’s. But Lee Do-hyeon immediately drove the point home as if he were looking into his heart.
“It means I’m interested in you.”
“Wh-what.”
“Shall I be honest? From the first time I introduced myself to you, I was just staring at your lips.”
“Pr-President.”
“After we had sex, I just kept thinking about that day. I was properly dressed and sitting at my desk, wondering what your skin felt like, where you liked to be touched, what your pheromones were like. I was having these vulgar thoughts, me.”
Every time Lee Do-hyeon pointed something out, the events of that day seemed to replay before his eyes. Where Lee Do-hyeon’s hands had gently stroked and strongly gripped, how intense and fragrant his pheromones had been. The illusion that he could actually feel it, not just imagine it in his head, made his legs tingle. Ryu Jeong blushed with embarrassment and slowly narrowed the gap between his thighs.
“I’m sorry, but I’m not as moral of a person as you think.”
“……”
“If you knew what I was thinking every time I looked at you, you’d jump out of a moving car.”
Lee Do-hyeon turned his body completely towards Ryu Jeong and scanned him from head to toe. Ryu Jeong swallowed hard, feeling like a cornered mouse.
Before he knew it, Ryu Jeong was desperately clutching the seatbelt that crossed his upper body diagonally. Perhaps because he had tensed his whole body, his heart was beating too fast. The reason he couldn’t keep his mouth still was probably because of his breathing, which was uncontrollably quickening with his heartbeat.
“…I won’t jump…”
“What?”
Lee Do-hyeon frowned as if he couldn’t hear the small voice well. Normally, he would have dismissed it as nothing and moved on, but Ryu Jeong continued to speak clearly as if he were possessed by something.
“No matter what you’re thinking… I won’t jump.”
Honestly, he was an unreliable man. When he thought about it, he had been a bad person from the start. When he said he would repay the favor of helping him, he had brazenly demanded that he help him carry out his plan to destroy the place he lived, hadn’t he? He had come without regard for the other person’s circumstances, and then he had covered up his rudeness with kindness, such as treating him to a meal, and pretended that nothing had happened.
Knowing all that, Ryu Jeong was now volunteering to be a pushover. The word that the Shop Owner, Noh Hee-cheol, and the loan sharks used to refer to him behind his back, that very pushover. He didn’t know why. For now, he couldn’t think straight because of his wildly beating heart.
“Are you saying that after hearing what I just said?”
“…As much as I think…”
“I’m not a moral person.”
Lee Do-hyeon narrowed his eyes and looked at Ryu Jeong as if he were measuring him. Did he know what he was saying right now? But for Lee Do-hyeon, it didn’t matter what Ryu Jeong’s intentions were. The resentment that had been building up until now because of Ryu Jeong’s unilateral avoidance had melted away like snow.
The feeling of resentment, annoyance, and frustration that had been mixed together disappeared, and another feeling crept into the empty space and sat down. Lee Do-hyeon, facing the violent desire that had impulsively begun to boil, tilted his head as if contemplating. In the end, a strange light flickered in Lee Do-hyeon’s emotionless eyes, which were so cold they were almost indifferent.
“Okay, then. No matter how terrible I am, just bear with it for a little bit, and I’ll let you down when I stop.”
As soon as he finished speaking, Lee Do-hyeon turned the steering wheel and stepped on the accelerator at the same time. Ryu Jeong, horrified by the brutal driving that didn’t care about the circumstances of other cars, turned to look at Lee Do-hyeon.
“Wh-where to…”
“I’m going to show you what I’m thinking.”
As if telling him not to say anything more, Lee Do-hyeon silently looked ahead. Ryu Jeong gasped, tense. It was only a matter of time before the hand that was tightly gripping the seatbelt, with sweat beading on the cold palm, turned even whiter.