#184

It had been suspicious from the start. The Dragon had consistently avoided mentioning how he brought me back to life. Didn’t he stop Lasano from speaking up instead?

What price did the Dragon pay to bring back the dead?

Lasano, who had been smiling, closed his mouth at Cullen’s question. Cullen preemptively laid down his conditions for him, his playful expression still on his face.

“As I am the person involved in this matter, I have the right to know the truth. If you are here for atonement, do not speak falsehoods. I have had enough of being toyed with by your lies.”

At Cullen’s low but firm tone, Lasano slowly placed the basket next to the fireplace hearth. He looked at the contents and said,

“I don’t know why you’re suddenly asking that.”

“Don’t change the subject and answer me directly.”

As I held onto him as he tried to evade, Lasano let out a pained sound and met my eyes again.

“Ouch, are you trying to kill me?”

Saying that, his eyes, when we met, were calm and devoid of laughter. It was only today that Cullen finally examined his eyes closely. They were eyes I had seen before. In my past, when I had to force myself to find a reason to live, I often saw that face reflected in the mirror.

For such a person, death was closer to peace than a means of threat.

“Lasano.”

Instead of threatening, Cullen quietly called his name. At the weighty summons, Lasano shrugged his shoulders. He looked uncharacteristically troubled.

“As Cullen says, this is a matter for the person involved. Kiyen resurrected you. If you are truly curious, it would be right to ask him.”

“I am asking you because he won’t say.”

As I held onto Lasano, who was trying to slip away by nitpicking, he said calmly,

“I don’t know why Kiyen isn’t saying anything either. But there must be a reason, and haven’t you considered that he is remaining silent because of it? I am a sinner who once forced him to do something he didn’t want to do. I cannot do that again.”

Lasano’s words silenced me. The explanation that the Dragon had a reason for it weighed on my mind. As I paused, Lasano continued,

“Frankly, I don’t understand why you’re curious about that.”

When I looked at him with a slight frown, Lasano was examining my face.

“You hesitate to even call Kiyen’s name, yet why are you acting like this? Isn’t this unrelated to Cullen?”

My mind went blank for a moment. Lasano had hit the nail on the head. The gently posed question spread like ripples.

Didn’t I ask for my emotions to be removed, so I wouldn’t feel the sadness or pain of caring for someone?

“Unclear elements can affect future journeys. Once we leave here, we will have to accompany him.”

Cullen finally managed to speak, his lips stiff. He didn’t like uncertainty. As a mercenary, variables were always what I guarded against most. Moreover, even if I no longer cherished the Dragon as I once did, I didn’t want him to be in danger.

At the mention of leaving, Lasano raised his eyebrows. He glanced towards the door and said,

“So, it has been decided that you will leave?”

“I have nothing left to do here. He also permitted me to leave on the condition that we accompany each other, and I am willing to compromise to that extent. Because there is no other way.”

The last sentence was added unnecessarily. Emphasizing that a mere human like myself could not overcome the Dragon’s power, Lasano crossed his arms. He scrutinized Cullen for a long time with a frown.

“Cullen, do you truly no longer love Kiyen?”

Lasano, who had been observing me, threw out that one sentence. Cullen nodded. That much was certain. He knew me better than anyone, the me who loved the Dragon. That kind of earnestness was no longer within me.

“Yes. I am sure.”

“Even so, you are paying a lot of attention to Kiyen. Aren’t you someone capable of making plans to escape if you wanted to? Yet, instead of running away, you accepted his conditions. And now you are worried about what he might have sacrificed.”

My fingertips twitched at the words “worry” and “sacrifice.” Cullen slowly denied it.

“I am not worried. He said there are Demonic Beasts everywhere outside, incomparable to before, and if by chance there was a variable he didn’t know about…”

“It won’t be in a way that harms Cullen. Don’t you have enough ability to protect yourself?”

Lasano cut off Cullen’s uncertain words.

“I don’t even have the right to pity Kiyen, but before I appeared… he held onto you without even knowing what emotions he was feeling. To someone who has now realized if that was love…”

A shadow fell over Lasano’s face.

“Kindness will only be poison. I know you are a naturally kind person, Cullen. Even if it’s just what comes from your actions, it will be a false hope.”

Lasano said firmly.

“If you do not love him, it might be better to keep even more distance than before.”

Having said that much, Lasano stepped back. Seeing his clear intention to end the conversation, Cullen slowly released his arm, which he had been gripping. Lasano, freed, made a “Yow” sound and rotated his wrist. Then, as if nothing had happened, he turned back.

“Since you said you are leaving, I suppose I must prepare to go as well.”

Cullen could not stop Lasano, who spoke indifferently and brushed past him. His mind was in turmoil.

The Dragon returned not long after taking the children outside. He held a bouquet of flowers magically levitating in his arms. The thought that the Dragon, who used to dislike picking flowers, had let them be, crossed my mind, but Cullen decided to kill this curiosity.

Lasano’s words echoed the unease I had been feeling myself. While it was necessary to find out what I needed to know, I had to stop myself from being curious about the Dragon.

Not touching wasn’t everything. There were many ways to grow distant even when close. Just as Kiyen had done when he was with Kia, one person’s heart could grow distant even when they were physically close.

“Kiyen said we’re leaving!”

Cat, who had returned, immediately clung to Cullen’s side and chattered.

“Did he say that?”

“Yes! Right, Black?”

Cat said to Black, who was quietly tending the fire next to Lasano. Black, who had been staring intently at the contents of the pot hanging on the pot rack, turned his head and nodded silently.

“Yeah.”

“When are we leaving?”

White, who was next to Lasano, asked. White, after smelling the salted pork Cullen brought from the village, seemed not to like it and was eating fruit next to Lasano.

The children each had distinct eating habits. Black surprisingly ate fish and meat, things Cullen and Lasano ate, quite well. Usually, they consumed plants, but they didn’t show any particular aversion. White preferred fruits and berries, and Cat greatly enjoyed tasting the sweetness of flower petals.

Thinking about it, it was natural that the Young Dragons couldn’t be left here alone. Cullen looked at the Dragon across from him, realizing this fact. He silently closed his mouth and watched Cullen.

Ever since returning to the cabin, the Dragon hadn’t taken his eyes off me. I couldn’t help but be aware of his gaze, directed so openly.

“……You’re still young, is it alright for all of you to go together?”

“It’s better than leaving them in a place where humans might come at any time. It will still be half a year until they become adults, so in the meantime, I need to teach them how to fully wield their power.”

“And after that?”

Cat, who had been listening, blinked and asked. The Dragon looked at him calmly and replied in a low voice.

“Each must go their own way.”

The Dragon’s answer was unexpected, but Black was as calm as if he had anticipated it. White and Cat, however, looked surprised. As Cat’s eyes widened in shock, White asked first.

“Did Kiyen-nim also do that?”

At the child’s innocent question, Lasano turned around. Cullen’s gaze also turned to the Dragon. He said indifferently, with a blank expression.

“I have been alone since the moment I was born.”

Hearing that, Cullen unconsciously looked at Cat. His face, so reminiscent of the Dragon’s youth, suddenly flashed in his mind as he stood alone. Cat’s image, watching him as he fled that night, overlapped, and the imagination became as vivid as a living scene.

“Then when did Kiyen-nim meet someone you love like Cullen-nim? I don’t want to be alone. I’m lonely!”

Cat reached out his small hand to the Dragon with a worried expression. As he asked, pulling on the Dragon Robe, Cullen remained silent. To speak of their meeting would naturally bring up the years the Dragon had endured. Recalling the time he had to bear alone brought back that familiar pain.

His chest ached with a dull throb, and Cullen opened his mouth to ignore it. Before the Dragon could speak of his cruel years himself, I cut him off.

“For now, we will be together, so it’s not too late to talk about it later. Your time is vast.”

At the word “vast,” Black felt the Dragon looking at him. Though suspicious, he couldn’t ask immediately. Lasano’s words echoed in his mind. Instead, Cullen decided to end the conversation.

“Besides, we are not in any kind of relationship.”

At the firm denial, a shadow fell across the Dragon’s face. Seeing that expression, I felt certain.

I had to keep my distance. Definitely, so he would know I couldn’t love him.

So that the feelings that would only be poison to the Dragon would be eliminated.

“When the horse I requested from the village merchant arrives, we will head east. Until then, I will prepare for the journey, so you should also prepare to leave this place. It’s better for my heart to say goodbye to the place we stayed.”

Then Black asked.

“Why do we have to say goodbye?”

Cullen looked at him and felt the Dragon’s difference anew. Beings who lived for Immortality would have no concept of saying goodbye to a place. They could always return if they wished.

Moreover, they had never experienced the eternal farewell of something they cherished. Looking at Black’s rational face, Cullen hesitated for a moment. It was always difficult to speak of death to young beings. It was even more so for me, who was clumsy at comforting others.

“Humans tend to do that.”

Cullen slowly opened his mouth. Lasano watched him with a peculiar expression. Turning his gaze from Black, Cullen met the Dragon’s eyes. Then, as if to remind him again, he whispered.

“Our time is finite. That’s why we say goodbye.”

At the words that drew an insurmountable boundary of death, the Dragon broke his silence and asked.

“Then, if you are a mortal being, can you love?”

The Dragon’s expression was strange. It was both earnest and anxious.

There was no reason for the Dragon to wear such an expression when speaking of mortality. He was a Dragon. A being of Immortality who would never die. Though he felt he had changed a little, Cullen didn’t think his fundamental nature would alter.

Thinking so, Cullen shook his head.

“I don’t want to lose anyone. My life has always been a path predicated on loss……”

Cullen spoke in a drier voice than usual, to be sure of himself. It even sounded cold.

“I have never wanted to love someone who would die.”

As soon as his words ended, the Dragon’s complexion turned pale. He withdrew his hand from the table and lowered his head slightly.

“I see.”

His voice trembled slightly.

“I understand.”

His eyelashes fluttered slowly, and his gaze shifted elsewhere. The Dragon, with his pale complexion, spoke calmly, looking at the Young Dragons.

“I will do as Cullen said, so know that.”

After finishing speaking, the Dragon closed his mouth. His gaze returned to Cullen, but he remained silent. Until everyone sat down and continued their meal.

The Dragon watched Cullen with a sad expression.