#172

Cullen didn’t want to be revived. He had no lingering attachment to his life. It was a life he had lived with death as a premise from the start. He had harbored futile dreams of the future after meeting the Dragon, but those were shattered and denied in the end.

To be honest, Cullen had always found life burdensome. He hated himself for constantly failing, for not being able to make anyone happy.

But even these sentiments flowed by indifferently. Since he had returned in the end, he intended to find what he needed to do and do it. That was why he had accepted the goddess’s offer.

“Sometimes, one can only realize things after losing them. Those who are blind to emotions often do. I was like that, and so was Kiyen-nim. Cullen, he has changed.”

Lasano acted strangely. It seemed illogical for him, of all people, to defend Kiyen. He had wronged Kiyen, and wasn’t he on the side of those who hated Kiyen? Beyond all that, this side of Lasano was also something new.

As they continued to talk, they entered a narrow path. After passing through the path shaded by bowing trees, a small wooden house came into view.

Cullen finally recognized the source of the déjà vu. This was his hometown. The house, which he thought had burned down and disappeared, stood tall amidst the greenery.

His steps slowed without him realizing it. Lasano, who had been following Cullen, also stopped. He felt a gaze watching him, as if assessing his reaction.

Cullen stopped in front of the cabin and met the Dragon’s eyes, which were looking at him. His eyes, beneath his expressionless brows, seemed dark and sunken.

“Kiyen-nim made the mountains green again.”

Lasano whispered, approaching him.

“Your house is as it was. Your companions and family are in their places.”

A gentle breeze rustled the Dragon’s long blonde hair. While looking at his sun-dappled appearance, Cullen listened to Lasano’s words. He had a feeling that the Dragon was waiting for his reaction. As if waiting for him to be happy.

But Cullen was no longer a fool who made mistaken assumptions.

Instead of showing any reaction, Cullen walked past Lasano towards the cabin. The Dragon’s gaze remained fixed on his face. As Cullen reached the front, he moved his lips. The corners of his eyes twitched slightly.

“May I go in?”

Cullen asked only for permission, without mentioning anything about the cabin. That was all.

At Cullen’s words, the pretty golden eyes wavered like a lost child’s. As if unsure what to do, his gaze slowly returned to the doorway. He grabbed the doorknob and lowered his head.

“…It’s your home. You don’t need permission.”

“Thank you.”

Veins stood out on the back of the white hand gripping the doorknob in thanks. The Dragon, which had paused for a few seconds, slowly opened the door. Cullen passed him without a word and entered. Throughout that series of actions, Cullen also felt a sense of alienation.

It was as if he wasn’t himself, a feeling that briefly brushed past him.

Actions that he should have naturally displayed didn’t well up from his heart. This was his own home, of all places. The fact that the Dragon had settled here, of all places, and revitalized the mountain range was also deeply significant. Yet, no emotion stirred within him.

His thoughts scattered the moment he stepped into the cabin. Cullen met three pairs of eyes looking up at him from inside the house. Beautiful children, each with a different color, were all looking at him. Cullen, who had been silent, showed a very slight change in his expression at this scene.

The presence of children in this house, of all places, overlapped with past memories, as if Sasha were there.

As he slowly surveyed the colors, none of which resembled each other, the children approached. The first to run forward was the child with the shimmering blonde hair. Their gender was ambiguous.

“Is this the one?”

As the blonde child asked, the child with white hair tied back in a bun spoke.

“You said you went to see the ice, Gold. Didn’t you see him?”

“I’m not Gold! I’m going to find a new name!”

The blonde, who had rushed forward in front of Cullen, bristled at being called that. Meanwhile, the other two also came up to Cullen. The children looked back and forth between Cullen and the Dragon behind him, then tilted their heads.

“Didn’t the Guardian get happy when humans came back to life?”

“You still look sad.”

At the word “sad,” Cullen turned around. There stood two men observing him. He considered asking what they meant but stopped. It wasn’t important. His attention had never benefited the Dragon.

“Refrain from unnecessary talk. We will be alone for a moment, so go bring whatever you wish to eat.”

The Dragon stepped forward and took Cullen’s wrist. The moment his fingers softly wrapped around his skin, Cullen’s shoulder flinched. Warmth spread. This feeling wasn’t bad. But such contact didn’t suit their relationship.

…It would be best to break free.

Just as he tried to twist his wrist to escape, the child called Gold raised a hand and asked,

“Can I eat the purple flowers I saw today?”

At the mention of eating flowers, Cullen unconsciously looked at Kiyen’s face. He remembered him eating petals. The Dragon remained silent for a moment, then nodded. The child’s face lit up.

“Wow! Hurry, follow me! I’ll show you!”

The other two also reacted to the child’s beckoning. Their seemingly calm faces brightened slightly. Watching their retreating backs as they scampered away, Lasano also spoke.

“I will also take a look around the surroundings for a moment. Kiyen’s race…”

Lasano paused briefly, speaking thus. With a troubled expression, he continued,

“To get to know their races as well.”

The Dragon answered with silence. Lasano took one more look at Cullen and quietly closed the door, leaving.

Silence settled in the space where only the two of them remained. Having missed the chance to pull his hand away, Cullen remained frozen in a half-hearted attempt to escape. The Dragon’s gaze fell on his wrist.

“You really… remember everything.”

He whispered. His lowered eyelashes moved heavily.

“That’s impossible.”

Before Cullen could reply, the Dragon continued. He slowly raised his head and looked at him. The eyes looking down at Cullen were reddish. It wasn’t an illusion. The Dragon’s eyes were red, as if he had been crying.

“If you remembered everything, you wouldn’t avoid my touch. You…”

The Dragon whispered, as if asking him to say no.

“Didn’t you like it when I touched you?”

He couldn’t deny it outright. Though there had been a three-year gap, he had loved the Dragon until the very last day. Just being by his side brought him joy.

So, if anything, even now, when he couldn’t feel anything, it wouldn’t be unpleasant.

But Cullen had worried that these moments would make him love the Dragon again. The plea to block his emotions was born out of fear of the pain that came from loving the Dragon more than anything else. The pain that had ripped through his chest at the end had been too great.

“I did.”

At Cullen’s words, the Dragon’s eyes widened. He seemed to realize Cullen was referring to the past, not the present. Cullen chose his words carefully. Strictly speaking, there was no reason for the Dragon to avoid touching him. He wouldn’t feel anything. However…

“But didn’t you say my touch was disgusting?”

Cullen remembered those words even in death.

“You also said you never enjoyed touching me.”

With every word Cullen uttered, the Dragon’s expression grew paler. His beautiful eyes contorted horribly, and his hands trembled. Cullen could feel the tremor distinctly through his wrist.

“That was…”

The Dragon took a ragged breath. Pain flickered across his face. The Dragon he met again showed him many things he had never seen before.

Cullen also felt a strange sensation, wondering if guilt had affected him this much. His chest felt tight. Even if he was no longer swayed by emotions, the reason and personality that made up Cullen remained the same.

There was no need for Cullen to say such things to the Dragon. He was stating a fact, but it was largely his own fault that the Dragon had reached a point where he said such things.

“…It wasn’t true.”

The Dragon said in a low voice. Cullen quietly shook his head.

“Didn’t you say Dragons cannot lie? It’s alright. I’m not trying to blame you. However, if you are being kind to me out of guilt… there’s no need for that.”

“It’s not guilt. So…”

The Dragon moved closer. His hand, which had been trembling, released Cullen’s wrist and instead grasped his shoulder. He whispered with a pleading voice.

“I… I was wrong. Cullen, I…”

He seemed utterly unable to articulate what he needed to say. The Dragon’s gaze wavered visibly. After his lips moved for a long time, he implored,

“I need you more than anyone.”

The Dragon took another step closer. He looked as if he were going mad, desperate to embrace Cullen.

For this moment, it was difficult to stop him. While contemplating what action to take, Cullen remained still.

“Without you, I feel no joy.”

He whispered, burying his face against Cullen’s ear.

“…Do you still… love me?”

Trembling could be heard in his voice. Cullen lowered his gaze and stared at the back of the Dragon’s neck as he embraced him.

It was strange. He had never imagined the Dragon would show him such a side. Right now, he was acting in a way that mirrored Cullen’s own past pleas of love.

However, Cullen no longer mistook it. The Dragon did not understand human emotions. He had drawn a clear line, stating that humans and Dragons could not be together, and Cullen now knew this clearly. Cullen vividly remembered the Dragon, who had let down his guard and spoken of the future the moment he met Kia.

Cullen reached out to touch the Dragon’s shoulder, then lowered his hand.

“I don’t know.”

At those words, the Dragon lifted his head. His eyes, which had been reddish, were now truly moist. The Dragon was crying, not for anyone else. Seeing his golden eyes, which grew increasingly tearful, made his heart flutter.

Ah, there it is again. This sensation that had been bothering him around his chest since earlier.

“You don’t know?”

His voice, scraping the floor like a heavy weight, descended.

“Yes. Probably not.”

“I can’t understand.”

The Dragon shook his head. Watching him, Cullen decided it would be best to provide at least a minimal explanation. It seemed like it would prevent future troublesome friction.

“I can no longer feel emotions.”

At Cullen’s words, the Dragon blinked. He stopped, stunned, and repeated Cullen’s words.

“You… can’t feel emotions?”

“Yes. There were many incidents that occurred unnecessarily due to my emotions. If I hadn’t loved you from the start, Arne wouldn’t have died, and the mountain range wouldn’t have burned down again. That’s why I asked the goddess.”

With a face that conveyed no need for apology, Cullen recalled the gentlest voice he could muster. Then, he spoke quietly and kindly,

“I don’t want to love anyone anymore.”