By Zephyria My heart was beating so fast that I couldn’t calm my breathing at all. Only then did I realize that I had run here with my backpack on.
I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand, and sweat came off in abundance. I have a spare t-shirt in my backpack, so I want to change, but it was difficult because Sung Se-han was looking at me.
Maybe it’s better to be in a mess, sweating a lot and having my hair styling ruined. I don’t need to look good to Sung Se-han. I just need to hear what he has to say and come back.
“Hoo…!”
I tried to walk slowly, but my steps kept getting faster against my will. Still, my feet inevitably slowed down the moment I entered the playground.
I thought I might not be able to see Sung Se-han’s hair anymore.
I thought that the broad back that was moving away was the last time. I didn’t even expect him to come looking for me.
But I can see such Sung Se-han up close in person after 26 days. I don’t know why my feet are hesitating so frustratingly.
Sung Se-han stretched one leg out, causing me to pause slightly. The swing swayed slightly.
Swaying. Moving the swing like that, Sung Se-han was staring at me as I approached.
Meanwhile, I was thinking that the swing was too low and small for Sung Se-han to ride comfortably.
I also thought that his handsome appearance in black slacks and a white shirt didn’t match the swing.
“Sung Se-han, you…!”
I stopped more than five steps away from Sung Se-han.
I didn’t want to show any emotion. The moment I checked Sung Se-han’s face, I felt a pain as if my heart was being squeezed tightly.
“Are you eating properly? Why… why have you lost so much weight?”
Seeing his gaunt, pale face with only his sharp eyes alive, I felt like my heart was breaking. Just how much sleep has he not been getting? His beautiful eyes were bloodshot and flashing fiercely, making my vision blur.
“If you’re taking a break from activities, your face should be getting better! Why…”
“You’re still the same.”
The low voice that I heard after a long time made my chest throb, making my expression even more distorted. Sung Se-han moved his long legs, causing the swing to sway again.
“My appearance is the most important thing to you. I should have paid more attention to it.”
Sung Se-han’s cynical voice felt like it was digging into my heart. I couldn’t reduce the pain even by biting my lip until it bled.
“Whether you pay attention to it or not, your face isn’t going anywhere.”
“Haha, really?”
Tilting his head to the side was a habit of Sung Se-han’s that he didn’t know about. When his eyes narrowed there was a languid and subtle atmosphere.
“Still, is my appearance still your type?”
Sung Se-han smiled coolly, raising the corners of his lips. As if he knew that I was staring at him as if I was bewitched.
I wiped the sweat flowing from my forehead with the back of my hand, and I was too compared to Sung Se-han, who didn’t even sweat a drop and looked refreshing.
“Hoo…”
It had only been a few minutes since I met Sung Se-han, but I felt like I had reached my limit. Thinking that this wouldn’t do, I adjusted my backpack once and checked the time on my cell phone.
“Tell me what you came here for. I have to go back in soon.”
“Don’t rush.”
His low voice felt somehow oppressive, so I had no choice but to stay in place like a well-behaved child.
“I’ve decided to concede.”
Sung Se-han’s tone was gentle, but the cold look in his eyes towards me made my shoulders tense. So I didn’t ask what he was conceding and waited for Sung Se-han’s next words.
“You can keep liking that person.”
The swing swayed, and Sung Se-han’s body moved back and forth slightly.
“What can I do? You can’t live without that person.”
I quickly rotated my head, but I couldn’t understand Sung Se-han’s words at all. I frowned quietly, and then my mouth dropped open at the shock as if I had been struck by a blunt object.
“What… what are you talking about?”
Sung Se-han tilted his head to the side and leaned his head against the swing rope. There was cynicism in the fierce gaze beneath his narrowed eyes.
“That bastard you can’t live without, keep liking him to your heart’s content.”
What…? Sung Se-han gave me a pretty eye smile as I just gaped blankly.
“I can just have your body.”
I think I stood there blankly for a while even after Sung Se-han finished speaking. My legs, which were staggering back, began to tremble.
“You came here… to say that…”
The heat that had been slowly boiling began to fill my chest in an instant and rose hotly to the top of my head. When I glared with my fists clenched tightly, my eyes met Sung Se-han’s, who was watching me.
“You came to me to say such bullshit? You bad bastard!”
I was wrong.
I should have endured it no matter how much I wanted to see him. I shouldn’t have met Sung Se-han.
I should have been satisfied with the back view that turned away from me.
If I had, Sung Se-han wouldn’t have lost himself and collapsed like this. He would have left with only resentment towards me.
The reason Sung Se-han keeps looking back is because I left room for it with my whole body. I made it that way. I ruined Sung Se-han. It’s all because of my greed…
“I survived to meet you.”
The strength drained from my trembling fists. Because of Sung Se-han’s words that he spat out like a sigh.
“I know. That you’re that person.”
I made a stupid expression even while receiving Sung Se-han’s sharp gaze. All my senses were dulled, but the trembling of my fingers was felt sensitively.
“Can’t you talk so I can understand? What the hell is…”
Squeak. Sung Se-han got up from the swing. Because his gaze, which had been a little lower, suddenly became higher, I had no choice but to look up.
I stepped back a few steps to avoid the large body blocking my path. A long shadow fell on Sung Se-han’s face, but only his brown eyes were emitting a strange glow.
“You gave me medicine.”
Suddenly, a large vibration echoed in my head as if lightning was striking. I shook my head violently, unable to withstand the shock.
“Hey, medicine…?”
“When I was seven years old, when I wanted to die, you appeared and gave me medicine. Don’t you remember?”
Am I dreaming right now? I couldn’t believe the words that came out of Sung Se-han’s mouth, so I just gaped. I couldn’t say anything.
Sung Se-han was looking down at me with the corners of his lips raised. A shiver ran down my spine to the tips of my toes at the glittering glow that his bloodshot eyes were emitting.
“I decided then. I would definitely survive and meet you. I vowed that I would never disappear from the world.”
Sung Se-han’s smile wasn’t artificial. As if he was sincerely happy, he gave off a fascinating smile with his red lips.
“Even after Grandmother passed away, I was able to endure it because you were there.”
“Ah…!”
I want to escape from this confusion first. That was the first thought that came to my mind. But my trembling legs wouldn’t listen.
“I’ve been waiting for you until now.”
Eventually, I staggered, and Sung Se-han, who had come closer, grabbed my shoulder tightly. In an instant, the Cologne scent covered me, and my mind became confused.
“I’m sorry… Sung Se-han, I don’t know what you’re talking about…”
My head felt like it was going to explode with confusion, but from the moment Sung Se-han’s hand touched my body again, I couldn’t breathe properly. I pushed him away in a desperate sense of crisis, but he grabbed my shoulder again and pushed me back. As I stumbled backwards, my backpack collided with the slide stairs. When there was nowhere else to retreat, Sung Se-han cupped my chin and made me look at him.
“You said you remembered my face.”
My shoulders flinched at the look in Sung Se-han’s eyes as he bared his teeth and smiled. It was as if my whole body was being crushed.
Sung Se-han leaned his face closer to me. Only his eyes were shining white in his dark face that was backlit.
“You gave me medicine and disappeared after being dragged out. None of the guys in that room remembered the name Lee Tae-kyung, but I didn’t forget. And I finally remembered your face.”
“Sung Se-han, please…!”
Eventually, a scream-like cry burst from my mouth.
“I can’t understand a single word you’re saying! I told you I feel bad every time you talk about strange dreams, right? Please get a grip!”
Everything seemed to be collapsing in front of my eyes, and my mind was fading. I never imagined that Sung Se-han would remember me. I couldn’t understand how he had the memories of the past after coming back such a long time.
“Sung Se-han…!”
Ah, right. Grandmother had said that. That the time that has passed doesn’t disappear.
Sung Se-han still remembered me, just as I remembered the me who had given him the medicine in the past. The time I thought had passed hadn’t disappeared and was still revealing its enormous presence before us.
Right. The time we’d built up until now was piled up to make us who we are now, so my actions and words hadn’t disappeared and could grab my ankle now.
“I’ll say this for the last time for you.”
Then what happens now? If the past, present, and future, all the time that makes us, are connected like a circle. Then no matter what I do, no matter what I do or struggle, Sung Se-han will inevitably have an accident because of me.
Are we doomed to break up after all?
“I won’t see you after today. So don’t ever come looking for me again.”