By Zephyria 
Anxiety surged within him. There was no response. Needless to say, the silence only made him more uneasy.
If he reluctantly turned his head, he could see Yeon-jun sitting next to him. He looked as calm as ever. His eyes were deeply sunken, as if lost in thought.
His heart tightened at the subtly different, quiet atmosphere. Well, how could it be the same as usual? No matter how kind and docile this kid was. A sudden, drunken intrusion couldn’t have been pleasant. No one likes that. Especially me…
“……”
He gripped the blanket tightly. Eun-ha knew his drinking habits well. If he got excessively drunk, he would simply fall asleep, but if he remained conscious, he would try to fill the seat next to him. So, the fact that he didn’t remember the night itself had never been a major problem. That was because Eun-ha had always associated with similar types of people. People whose interests aligned, and whose values and behaviors were similarly dissolute.
But Yeon-jun was different. That was precisely why he had continued to meet him until now. Treating him the same way, letting him get swept up in it. He felt sorry that they had become inappropriately entangled. He had granted him the requests he wanted. Although the boundaries had become subtly blurred since they gradually started engaging in physical contact, he had no intention of repeating the same mistake. But then.
It was completely ruined. The thought made him feel like his insides were parched and dry. Finally, Eun-ha, who had turned his gaze away, clenched and unclenched his fist. Then, he resigned himself. Maybe it was a good thing.
Yeah. Maybe it really was. He had been unsure how long he could continue this kind of relationship. In fact, he had been uncomfortable with this kid for a long time. He had wanted to cut off the relationship as soon as possible. Since things had gone awry, it might not be a bad idea to just end it altogether. In the end, it was actually a good thing…
“…I know. I told you.”
But what came out was a terribly distorted voice. Eun-ha tried to continue speaking.
“I’m originally that kind of person. You knew that, didn’t you? I’m just, always, like this…”
As he rambled on, his head became tangled in confusion. I’m originally this way, and I’m used to it. I’m very different from you. I’m just a pathetic and insignificant subspecies. In fact, I haven’t even become an adult. I don’t know why you like me when I’m so faded. I think it’s better to stop… There were so many things he wanted to say, but somehow he couldn’t bring himself to say them. It felt like his insides were being painted black.
He didn’t understand it well. What was there that he couldn’t say? They were all just facts.
It was then. Suddenly, one of his shoulders was gently embraced. Yeon-jun, who had placed his hand on his shoulder and gently pulled Eun-ha’s body towards him, leaned in. Eun-ha slowly stopped speaking and raised his head. He hesitated, meeting the eyes that were quietly examining him.
“What are you thinking about?”
A voice mixed with a slight smile. There was no sign of displeasure from last night in it, so instead of answering, he quietly looked at him, and he straightened his bent back slightly.
What came back was an unexpected correction.
“You don’t have to talk like that. Nothing happened yesterday.”
An unexpected explanation. Eun-ha frowned. Nothing happened? He looked at him suspiciously, but he didn’t seem to be covering it up with lies. Nevertheless, he asked. Because it was an explanation that was hard to believe.
“Nothing at all?”
Yeon-jun blinked a couple of times, then slyly rolled his eyes to the side.
“…Well. Just, a little bit of kissing?”
“…That’s not nothing.”
“Well…”
“……”
“But nothing like the misfortune Hyung is imagining happened.”
“……”
Eun-ha took a breath and slowly lowered his gaze. As he quietly took in the sight of his body still in the clothes he had worn yesterday, an additional explanation followed.
“If you want to be precise, it’s true that we slept together.”
“……”
“We really just slept.”
“……”
“That’s all.”
His head cleared as if dark clouds had lifted with the refreshing explanation. Only then was Eun-ha able to objectively look back at the present. He hadn’t been able to think about it because he was so flustered, but when he thought about it, there was nothing uncomfortable or painful about him. On the contrary, he felt refreshed. Mentally and physically.
…So, really, nothing happened. We just slept.
“……”
He blinked dazedly. If so, it was a fortunate thing. Even so, the fact that he had gotten drunk, barged into someone else’s house, and caused a ruckus did not change. But for now. At least it didn’t go to the worst-case scenario.
Yeah. It’s fortunate, but…
Then why is he reacting like this?
He raised his head again, staring blankly. Yeon-jun, who he looked at like that, still had a calm face. Since waking up, he had been maintaining a calm and composed attitude without any particular fluctuations. As if he was deeply lost in thought. Or like someone who had something else on his mind.
…A misfortune didn’t happen, but we kissed?
He didn’t know. It was when he was throwing a vaguely ambiguous gaze. Soon, he opened his mouth. As if telling Eun-ha, who was silently wondering, the answer.
“Hyung.”
“……”
“The reason why you can’t sleep well…”
He said up to that point and then moved his lips. The hesitation, however, did not last long. It was when he felt that the eyes he was facing seemed to soften. At the same time, it was when a feeling of pity also slightly passed by.
“Is it because there’s no one next to you?”
In an instant, his vision shook violently.
His facial muscles relaxed and his mouth slightly opened. His head turned white at the unexpected point.
He knew it was a reaction that wouldn’t do him any good, but he couldn’t control his expression at all. Like someone who had been suddenly stabbed in the bullseye.
“…That’s.”
His head seemed to be spinning rapidly. His gaze moved here and there, and clumps of bewildered breaths popped out. Eun-ha, who had opened his mouth as if being pushed from behind, had to be immersed in the feeling that his throat was blocked in front of the gaze that was looking at him as if observing him.
He missed the timing to answer like that and closed his mouth tightly. It must have seemed like an admission to Yeon-jun. Eun-ha, who bit his lip in dismay, looked at the empty air. Really, he thought he didn’t know what happened yesterday. I mean.
…How did you know that?
“Is that right?”
“No?”
A sighing breath was heard in response, which was not filled with any confidence. Something close to a pitiful smile. With that as the end, silence fell for a while.
“So that’s what it was.”
“……”
“So, all this time…”
“No. I said no.”
He belatedly came to his senses and raised his head. He tried to correct himself by putting strength into his voice, but it didn’t seem to work effectively. Because the eyes he was facing only seemed to become darker.