By Zephyria 
After breaking up with Yeon-jun, Eun-ha had to sit in a corner of the franchise cafe attached to the school library, lost in a daze for a long time. While he idled away the time, all that floated in his head were fragmented questions that couldn’t form concrete sentences.
Why. How come. How did it happen. Why did I……. Such distant thoughts.
“…….”
The only reason Eun-ha had been able to maintain his relationship with Yeon-jun so nonchalantly until now was because he was certain it was a relationship with a clear end. Because it was a relationship that could never become anything more.
He thought of it as a temporary connection, so he didn’t care much about what happened between them and was able to respond to anything. Even when Yeon-jun acted cheeky and flirted, even when he naturally and brazenly infiltrated his daily life, he just let it be. It didn’t matter. And that was by no means unfounded complacency.
Cutting off sexual relationships. There was no act more familiar and easier for Eun-ha than that. He had ended most of his partners in the same way, by cutting them off first. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel anything. He wasn’t a robot, how could he not develop feelings?
But that had never been a significant obstacle in ending a relationship. He had never once felt regret. But.
“…….”
Suddenly, he had a thought. That he probably didn’t need to contact him so often. That he should have limited him from coming to see him every day. That he shouldn’t have let him seep into his daily life so deeply…….
They were all tinged with regret. Regret meant that he had developed regrets, so Eun-ha truly felt regretful.
What’s so different about him compared to other people. What is he. Why……. He couldn’t understand, no matter how many times he thought about it.
And what he couldn’t understand the most was his body, which acted completely differently from what his head thought.
Hyung. Are you really waiting for me?
He was spacing out without realizing how much time had passed, and when he came to his senses after the repeated vibrations, it was 4 PM. Eun-ha, muttering self-deprecatingly, answered the phone, and then, silenced by the expectant voice that immediately came through, he could barely open his mouth.
“…I never said I was waiting for you. I just said I’d hang out with you for a bit because I was bored.”
Anyway-.
“…….”
I think I can see Hyung for a bit now…….
Even with his somewhat blunt reply, the endlessly wavering tone brought him anguish.
Then, with the words that followed, his mind became simple and clear, as if a string had faded away.
I miss you.
He was dumbfounded that three hours had passed while he was sitting still and thinking about Yeon-jun, but objectively speaking, it was only three hours. It was definitely not a long enough time to say that he missed him with such an anxious voice.
But such a wavering voice.
What could he do?
Eun-ha, constantly sighing with a sense of helplessness, got up from his seat. When he arrived at the College of Fine Arts, which was less than a 5-minute walk away, Yeon-jun, who had spotted Eun-ha from afar, immediately replaced his emotionless face with a clear and bright expression.
He strode up to him and stood in front of him, unable to say anything right away, then suddenly grabbed Eun-ha’s arm and started heading somewhere. Eun-ha, caught off guard by the sudden guidance without a word, couldn’t find the timing to resist and had to be dragged along.
After a short while, they arrived at an empty classroom. Eun-ha, who had been pushed inside and entered in a daze, turned around at the sound of the door slamming shut.
“Why are we here?”
Instead of answering, Yeon-jun slightly spread his arms and approached. Eun-ha, easily understanding the meaning of the action, frowned and took a step back.
“…I told you that’s not allowed.”
“We already hugged once anyway.”
He meant that the line that had been drawn had already been crossed once, so was it still valid now? Eun-ha, paused by the plausible logic, recalled the night a few days ago.
……He had been hugged tightly for a long time in a close embrace. Yes. He had.
But this is different. You were drunk then, so I couldn’t help it…….
However, the reason he couldn’t bring himself to utter the sentence that had risen to the tip of his tongue was because Eun-ha knew himself well. He wasn’t the type to be weak to Drunken behavior. Rather, his heart turned cold. He thought it was a nuisance to act drunk towards others, and he didn’t really like putting up with it.
But that day…… he didn’t really feel that way. He just felt sorry, a little apologetic, and above all, helpless. He couldn’t do anything in the face of tears. So he stayed in the embrace. Very unlike him.
Yeon-jun, interpreting that hesitation somehow, stretched his eyebrows as if coaxing him.
“If you let me hug you just once, I feel like all the hardship will fly away…….”
It was a very pitiful tone. A deliberate whine with obvious intentions. As if adapting to Eun-ha, who was unfazed by most tricks, Yeon-jun was gradually becoming more unreserved. He didn’t seem to whine so casually from the beginning.
So, he knew in his head that there was no need to accept this kind of pampering. But his heart was helpless. Like a predictable and easy audience member who burst into tears as if waiting for a melodramatic movie that was only focused on drawing tears.
It’s my fault you’re having a hard time. I told you to go to school properly. When did you ever listen to me…….
“…….”
Instead of nagging, Eun-ha drooped his shoulders as if surrendering. Yeon-jun, his eyes sparkling at the gesture of releasing tension and vigilance, took a big step forward. He wrapped his hand around one of Eun-ha’s wrists and gently pulled him. It was a moment before he was hugged tightly as if being put into his arms. His face was buried in his chest, and his firm arms pleasantly squeezed his torso.
Eun-ha had to quietly stop breathing for a moment. As if the pressure was blocking his throat.
Somehow, it felt like a forgotten sensation was coming back to life. Feeling a terrible sense of coziness in the warm and comfortable embrace, Eun-ha blankly thought.
Can I really cut this kid off?
“…….”
Thinking about it made his head ache. He didn’t know. He tightly closed his eyes.
After that day, Yeon-jun started contacting him again as if he had never stopped. Starting with a phone call on the way home that night, he called him again the next day on the way to school, sent him updates from time to time via messages while he was at school, asked him various questions, and sometimes took pictures of his real-time situation and sent them to him.
However, he couldn’t show up in front of Eun-ha first like before. He had three major courses where he had to submit assignments instead of taking exams due to the nature of his major, so he had to be stuck at school from early morning to night as if paying for his past sins.
He went to school on weekends as well, preparing assignments and studying for graduation-required courses and general education course exams at the same time. While clicking his tongue, saying it was all his fault, Eun-ha felt sorry for him again and went to show his face a couple more times. Each time, Yeon-jun showed a clear reaction.
Eyes that, even with a face that had crumbled from fatigue, would first show a strange light when he found him. A face that couldn’t hide his happy inner thoughts. The tips of his ears turning reddish.
Looking at that transparent change, he couldn’t help but wonder what he could do. He wondered if he was that happy.
He was wondering what to do. He’s like that, what can I do…….
He was spending those days wandering like a buoy with a broken rope. One morning, the day before Yeon-jun’s last day of classes, Park Hyun-ji suddenly appeared at the cafe without contacting him. Eun-ha’s eyes widened, as always, guarding the counter, at the appearance of the unexpected face.
“Park Hyun-ji?”
“Hi.”
“What brings you here?”
“Why else would I come here? I came to see you.”
“……At this hour?”
Eun-ha tilted his head, asking with a puzzled expression at the nonchalant reply. It was truly an unexpected visit. It wouldn’t be strange if Gu Hae-bin barged in at any time because he was a free spirit, but Park Hyun-ji was a busy office worker every day.
“I took a day off because I had something to do at school. I thought I’d take the opportunity to see your face and have a meal together.”
A simple explanation came back. Park Hyun-ji graduated from Korea University. The same western studies department as Yeon-jun. It was at that moment that he recalled that fact. The eyes that met him were sharpened with a hint of sharpness.
“I didn’t contact you on purpose. Because I knew you’d run away somewhere.”
There was a bone in the joking tone. Eun-ha rolled his eyes.
“I didn’t do anything…….”
Park Hyun-ji gave a snort at the ambiguous answer.
“Anyway, you don’t have any plans today, do you?”
She meant that she wanted him to set aside a day for her. Eun-ha hesitated for a moment. He was a little troubled by the sudden visit from his friend.
But then he was quickly able to decide on the direction of his answer. He couldn’t send away someone who had come all the way to his doorstep. Eun-ha nodded.