By Zephyria 
Eun-ha’s expression became even more ambiguous. It wasn’t just because it was a question he couldn’t answer. More than that…
“Don’t you… have any pride?”
At the words that slipped out unintentionally, Yeon-jun blinked his eyes obediently. Then, as if in response, a smile appeared in his pupils. Eun-ha glanced at his clear face, which didn’t exactly deny it, with displeasure.
He knew that the reason why he hadn’t been in touch much for the past few days wasn’t simply because of exams. He must have been troubled in many ways. He couldn’t define exactly what he was feeling, but he could easily guess that he was trying to distance himself this time.
He knew it, but he cheered him on. It was also true that he wanted him to be even more troubled by it.
And yet, as soon as they faced each other like this, he was so happy to see him without any reservations. He wondered when he was so startled when he thought he was ignoring him, and this was also irritating. He would have preferred him to be a little uncomfortable. Even if he acknowledged him, he wished he wouldn’t show such an easy smile.
He’d rather he hated him. He’d rather he lost some affection…
“Are you just a pushover by nature?”
When he rebuked him again, the two eyes that met him became even more intense with laughter.
“I think I am, even when I look at myself.”
“Why are you doing this, really?”
“Because I like you.”
“So, why do you like me so much…”
“Is there a reason for liking someone, Hyung?”
Is there a reason? Of course…
“……”
He couldn’t bring himself to continue. Was it because he happened to be inside the university? Hyung, what are you doing? Hyung. Where are you going? Hyung… The past self who used to stir up the department building while saying that vaguely came to mind.
Eun-ha, with a subtly complicated expression, slowly took a step. Yeon-jun naturally followed beside him.
“Weren’t you on your way somewhere with your classmates?”
“I told them.”
“You seem to get along well with your classmates.”
Their eyes met. Eun-ha continued his explanation indifferently.
“I thought you were being wangdda… or something.”
It seemed like that wasn’t the case, so he spoke comfortably. Yeon-jun tilted his head, and then turned halfway around and crammed himself into Eun-ha’s field of vision. Then, he furrowed his eyebrows and made a troubled expression. So that anyone couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.
“I am wangdda.”
Eun-ha, who paused, nodded inwardly. So that wasn’t the case. He didn’t have to worry. As he stepped aside and frowned, he heard a light laugh from behind his head. Yeon-jun followed beside him again.
“So, Hyung.”
“……”
“How did you get here?”
“Just taking a walk.”
“Just taking a walk-.”
It was a tone that didn’t believe him at all. At the same time, it was a voice that seemed very happy. Well, it was hard to believe that it was ‘just’ a walk. Anyone could see that he had walked with a purpose. He tried hard to deny it and came all the way here, but he knew that denying it was already admitting the opposite.
He shouldn’t have come. He regretted it then. The price of his impulsiveness was belatedly recognized. Eun-ha awkwardly rolled his tongue in his mouth, and then spoke with a resigned feeling.
“Are you doing some kind of… mil-dang?”
Since he suddenly cut off contact after seeing him every day, he couldn’t help but feel empty. This was separate from liking him.
“I didn’t really intend to…”
“……”
“I guess I pulled you in.”
His laughter-filled voice was somehow irritating. Eun-ha ignored the gaze that was blatantly reaching him from the side. Then, Yeon-jun chuckled in his throat. He couldn’t understand why he was making it so obvious that he was in such a good mood.
No, actually, he knew. That’s why he wanted to pretend he didn’t know. He wanted to ignore the fact that he was the one who contributed to his good mood.
There was one other time when he was exactly like this. At the lake, when he rattled off the information he remembered about him, he acted as if he couldn’t stand it, just like now. As if he was so happy that he didn’t know what to do.
As if he had heard a confession of love, like that.
Suddenly, the sunlight felt hot. Eun-ha, feeling overwhelmed, quietly suppressed a sigh. While he was calming the goosebumps that were rising, Yeon-jun asked a casual question. Had he eaten? He said he had. He said he was on his way to eat a little while ago. He was planning to eat lunch near here with his classmates and come right back.
Eun-ha replied that he should go eat lunch then. It was an expression of his intention to keep the current coincidence as a coincidence. He wouldn’t do anything more here.
He felt his gaze, but he walked with his eyes fixed firmly on the front. As he did so, he was already on a gentle downhill path. A path leading out of the art university.
Just as he was about to step forward, Yeon-jun grabbed his arm. As if recognizing the wide-open space, he grabbed Eun-ha closer to his shoulder than his wrist and turned him around.
“Are you going like this?”
“Yeah. I have to take a walk and go home.”
“That’s a shame…”
“What now? And you were the one who said you wouldn’t see me until the end of the semester in the first place.”
“I guess so. Why did I do that? I want to cancel it.”
“…That’s absurd. There’s no such thing.”
“I wanted to because I saw Hyung’s face.”
It was a shameless thing to say. His heart was as fickle as a reed. He had no pride either.
However, Yeon-jun, who seemed like he would hold on forever and show his regret, soon let Eun-ha go willingly. As if it was a joke. When he stared at him blankly, he shrugged his shoulders.
“I’m so happy to see your face… But it’s also true that I don’t have time to go anywhere.”
As he said that, a hint of sensitivity could be seen on his face. His face was slightly tired. He must be having a hard time with his studies. That’s right. Who told him to slack off all the time? He should have done well from the start… Instead of nagging him as usual, Eun-ha just carefully took in his tired-looking face.
Then, he opened his mouth as if on impulse.
“…I’ll be in the library until dinner, so call me if you have time.”
At the words he said so casually, as if it were nothing, Yeon-jun’s eyes widened slightly. A precise gaze immediately fell on him.
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“…Just because. I’m bored.”
He was serious. He was bored, and he had nothing to do even if he went home. But because you’re acting like you’re dying to see me. It wouldn’t be bad to play with you for a while. He also felt a little sorry for him, who would have to suffer at school until night.
That’s all.
“If you don’t like it because I’m being nice to you, then forget it.”
“I like it so much, Hyung.”
Yeon-jun, who answered right away, slyly met his eyes. Then, he burst into laughter.
“But, if you’re going to be like this, can’t we just date?”
“…What?”
Eun-ha, who had stiffened for a moment, soon scoffed coldly.
“If you’re going to be like this, you say.”
“I don’t really know what’s different.”
“It’s too different.”
Yeon-jun questioned him silently. Eun-ha met his eyes and said clearly.
“I don’t like you.”
It was a statement meant to tell him not to misunderstand. Don’t try to float on your own. Get hit.
However, Yeon-jun only curved the corners of his lips.
“Not even a speck of dust?”
“……”
“So, I mean not in a human way.”
Eun-ha took a breath. As if choosing his words.
“…Yeah. I don’t.”
He was barely able to answer. For a moment, his throat felt tight. Like someone who knew that his own answer was ridiculous.
I see, with a short voice mixed with laughter, he turned around. He nodded roughly to Yeon-jun, who said he would contact him, and left the spot. As he walked indifferently, trying to empty his head, which was about to become complicated, Eun-ha suddenly realized that his pace was much more urgent than usual and stopped abruptly as if applying the brakes.
Six times.
Eun-ha, who suddenly recalled the number of dates he had left with him in his confused head, savored a sense of despair like astonishment. It suddenly felt absurd that there were still so many left. He shouldn’t care whether it was six times or a hundred times, but he didn’t know why he felt this way.
He really didn’t know what he was doing.
Regret finally took shape properly.
Ah. He shouldn’t have gotten involved, he thought.