By Zephyria 
“So, what were you thinking about?”
What on earth does dating my ex for five years have to do with my neck getting red? The bizarre and absurd reaction only intensified my doubts. Urging him to answer, he stared at Yeon-jun.
“I’ll keep it a secret.”
“What? You make me curious… What is it? What were you thinking?”
“It’s a little embarrassing to say.”
“Then you shouldn’t have started at all.”
“It’s really nothing much….”
“If it’s nothing, then say it.”
“…I just, imagined Hyung dating.”
Yeon-jun, mumbling, raised his arm and stroked his jawline for no reason. Eun-ha blinked, staring at his cheek. Dating. There were so many different forms it could take, it was hard to narrow down what kind of feeling he was talking about.
“What kind of imagination?”
Yeon-jun didn’t answer. That was the real secret, he said.
Then, he suddenly spoke, as if he had reached some conclusion on his own. In a more tender voice.
“…If Hyung dates, I think he’d be very sweet.”
“Unfortunately, not at all.”
“I’ll judge after seeing it for myself.”
“Seeing what. Judging what….”
I let out a hollow laugh. He really seemed to be getting more and more brazen.
More than that, it seemed like a confession that should have been quite shocking to him, but was he not bothered at all?
“Doesn’t your heart cool down or anything?”
I felt his gaze turn to me. Eun-ha continued speaking calmly.
“If someone told me they dated someone for five years… I think I’d hesitate a bit. I think any feelings I had would cool down.”
Perhaps it was a projection that was only possible because Eun-ha was the person involved. Still, because my head to toe was all dyed with Kim Ji-woon, I imagined that others would be similarly filled.
“Doesn’t it bother you? That kind of thing.”
Was he not bothered, or was his affection not strong enough to be bothered?
“Of course, it bothers me.”
“……”
“How could it not?”
He was a concise poet.
“But… there’s nothing I can change. Even if I’m bothered, nothing changes, and if I hold onto it, I’m just miserable, and it’s not particularly useful.”
I just accept it, I guess. Yeon-jun muttered nonchalantly, adding that he actually had a lot of questions for Hyung. Things he wanted to say, thoughts he only kept to himself.
“But I’m not anything to Hyung right now.”
It was a quote that sounded like it was picking on Eun-ha’s statement.
“I think it’s better to try to become something? Meddling or asking questions is the next step.”
Turning to Eun-ha, Yeon-jun said playfully. Responding to that, Eun-ha forced a smile and looked down at some part of the dark lake. At times like this, I thought, he seemed uncomfortable and difficult.
I couldn’t pinpoint what ‘times like this’ meant. What to say… When I was watching him scheming to flirt outrageously, I would just scoff without thinking, but when I felt like I was just facing him as a complete stranger, it felt like something unknown was happening inside.
“What did you like about him?”
He asked smoothly. It was a question without a reason, so I paused for a moment. Would he want to hear that? The good points of the person the person he likes liked. It seemed like an unpleasant topic for him.
It wasn’t particularly pleasant for Eun-ha either. He said sullenly.
“…I don’t want to say what I liked about him, now that it’s over.”
Because it was good then. Because that’s the past. A past I can’t reminisce about.
It was just a memory. Fragments that had nothing to do with my will, fragments that were engraved, not engraved. I didn’t want to say ‘It was good’ about that memory, which was stuck like sticky tar, as if reminiscing. Yeon-jun nodded as if he understood.
“Hyung.”
“What.”
“Then tell me your ideal type.”
Ah. So that’s why. Eun-ha nodded inwardly and paused for a moment to think. What kind of answer would be good, I groped through my head and opened my mouth calmly.
“Older.”
It was an answer with a lot of deliberate intention. Immediately, a short, dull sound of ‘Ah’ rang out. Looking to the side, he was making a face as if he had been hit, as if his stomach was aching.
“That’s not something I can do anything about….”
It was quite a pitiful sight, but Eun-ha didn’t care.
“What else?”
Asked again, I spat out again after a brief moment of thought.
“Someone who’s good at cooking.”
Yeon-jun was silent for a moment. As if understanding the meaning of those words. Then, he chuckled softly. As if he was getting interested.
“Yes. And?”
There was laughter in his voice at the end. Why do you keep asking? Eun-ha, raising his eyebrows crookedly, leaned against the railing and looked at Yeon-jun. As if telling him to listen carefully.
“Someone who’s good at driving. Best driver.”
This time, Yeon-jun laughed, making his throat vibrate.
“And?”
He kept looking forward to the next one. As if telling me to keep talking. Like a test, like a provocation.
Slightly scratched by that, Eun-ha began to list his ideal type with a feeling close to spite. Someone who’s an only child. Someone who can drink well. Someone who can’t swim. Someone who doesn’t have a mole under their eye. Someone who doesn’t have a mole on the inside of their wrist. I don’t really like heights from 187. Too tall.
Ahaha, Yeon-jun buried his face in his palm and laughed.
Whether he did or not. Eun-ha didn’t rest. Leaning against the railing, he continued to speak without hesitation. Someone who can’t catch bugs. Someone who can eat spicy food well. Someone who went to a regular kindergarten, not an art kindergarten. Someone who never fell off a bicycle and had seven stitches in their knee when they were young. Someone who has a dog at their parents’ house. Cats are not allowed. Only dogs. And…….
“Hyung.”
It was a low call. As if that was a power button that turned off the sound of the world, silence suddenly rushed in. Eun-ha slowly raised his head and looked up at Yeon-jun. I didn’t know when he had come, but he was standing facing Eun-ha. It was a distance close enough to feel his body temperature. Meeting his smiling eyes, his smooth lips drew a pleasant arc.
“How did you remember all that?”
It was a voice crumbling with joy, and he supported both sides of Eun-ha. Eun-ha held his breath and took a step back at the dead end. As soon as I hesitated a little, the railing of the promenade pressed against my back.
Yeon-jun lowered his eyelids even more. An even thicker smile spread across his lips. Like someone immersed in a certain emotion that became more enjoyable the more he savored it. Or like someone who guessed the words he expected.
I knew he wouldn’t come any closer than this. But Eun-ha once again spoke clearly and forcefully.
“Don’t do it, Yeon-jun-ah.”
It was a warning that even I couldn’t know the subject of. Perhaps it was a warning that I didn’t even know who it was directed at.
“Hyung.”
Yeon-jun was still wearing a smile. As if wanting to convey some meaning, he matched his eyes for a long time, and then, smiling, he slowly lowered his head. He buried his forehead in Eun-ha’s shoulder and mumbled as he rubbed against it.
“I guarantee it.”
“……”
“Hyung will definitely come to like me.”