By Zephyria 
After a moment, Gu Hae-bin, letting out a sigh that held no discernible meaning, approached. He rummaged through his pockets and carelessly tossed his wallet onto the table. I was mindlessly tracking its trajectory with my eyes as it slid from the force of the impact, barely stopping right before it fell off the edge.
With a rustling sound, a small, rectangular piece of paper silently landed on the table this time.
It was a photo. I knew immediately where it came from. It was something he always kept in his wallet.
“Explain.”
So, this was the reason. Eun-ha, his expression instantly turning sour, held his breath. He didn’t want to answer, but the piercing gaze felt like it was poking his cheek, so he reluctantly opened his mouth.
“…What?”
“Why do you have this?”
“Why are you going through someone else’s wallet?”
“Don’t change the subject. What is this?”
“……”
“Why do you have a picture of you and Kim Ji-woon?”
Kim Ji-woon. It was a name he hadn’t heard in a long time. It was always familiar inside him, but it had been a long time since he had recognized it as a sound.
He hated that, and his stomach churned just from hearing it, so he avoided his gaze. As if it was nothing.
“Why do I have it? There’s no reason. Just…”
“Just what?”
“…That’s the answer. Just.”
“There’s no ‘just,’ you fucker.”
His tone was sharp. The look in his eyes as he looked down was also fierce. He wasn’t someone with a good impression to begin with, and when he deliberately tried to act serious, a rather grim atmosphere formed. But Eun-ha knew that he wasn’t just angry.
He had a look of incomprehension on his face. Furthermore, he was trying his best to understand, even if only a little. As if he was trying to read something inside Eun-ha.
Eventually, he gave up and frowned in annoyance. “Aish,” he said, messing up his hair.
“Lee Eun-ha.”
“……”
“What are you even thinking when you live?”
“……What?”
“I got goosebumps as soon as I saw the picture. Why do you have that? I really thought you were crazy.”
Keeping a picture of an ex-lover. He wondered if it was such a big deal, but when he looked back on the past, it seemed like it was a problem. The fact that it had been three years since they broke up made it seem even more problematic.
So, even though Eun-ha felt angry at Gu Hae-bin for rummaging through his wallet without permission, he felt like a criminal and had nothing to say.
“…I know what you’re worried about, but whatever it is, it’s all an exaggeration. It’s a misunderstanding.”
“You know what I’m thinking?”
“You’re making strange assumptions, like I can’t forget that Hyung, or that I miss him… That’s what you’re thinking, right?”
“Is that not it?”
“I don’t know if that’s a question, or what…”
“Then explain why you’re carrying it around.”
“I told you there’s no ‘why.’ Just. Really… It has no meaning. It’s nothing, and nothing happened. It’s not something to be so serious about.”
“Keeping a picture of the bastard who cheated on you after five years of dating is nothing?”
“……”
“You didn’t leave the house for six months because of that, and you lived like a moron. Is that just in my memory?”
That was true. And Gu Hae-bin had watched the whole process. That’s why he had so little to say.
Because he knew how worried Gu Hae-bin had been about him at that time. He was more shocked and concerned than he was, and he took care of him. While dedicating a significant portion of his time.
If it hadn’t been for him, he honestly didn’t know how far he would have fallen apart. So, he couldn’t possibly say that he was being nosy or meddling.
“I know what you’re worried about, but it’s really not what you think, so don’t get angry.”
“I’m not trying to get angry, it’s just…”
Gu Hae-bin, swallowing the curse that was about to come out, looked away as if trying to suppress his frustration. With both hands on his waist.
Eun-ha, looking at him in trouble, sat down in his seat as if he couldn’t help it. He stared at Gu Hae-bin, who showed no sign of moving, for a while, as if waiting for an answer, and then hugged his knees.
“…To be precise, it’s not that I deliberately carry it around, it’s that I didn’t throw away what was originally in there.”
“Why didn’t you throw it away?”
“I didn’t think there was any need to throw it away.”
As soon as he answered calmly, he turned around and sent him a reproachful look.
“You’re saying that now…”
“The picture didn’t do anything wrong.”
“……”
“Regardless of what that bastard was like at the end… That time wasn’t wrong.”
He was someone who had occupied half of his 20s. Maybe even more.
They had shared countless firsts and shared everything. The ending wasn’t good, but there were many good memories. He had taught him a lot. If he deleted such a person, Eun-ha’s past would be like a pillar with the middle brutally cut out, leaving nothing behind.
So, he couldn’t throw it away. Even in the house where he used to live, there were still traces of him everywhere, and it was the same. Even if he stopped going to that house, he couldn’t get rid of everything in it. It was as if he was throwing away his entire existence.
It was so futile.
“…That’s all. I didn’t think it was something to get so upset about and try so hard to throw away. I didn’t think it was that far.”
“……”
“And… I also wanted to look at it sometimes when I thought of him and curse him.”
“I already blew his ass away. I asked my Mom’s shaman friend to do it.”
“……That’s funny.”
“Doesn’t seem like a joke.”
Eun-ha let out a faint laugh.
“…Anyway, it’s really not what you’re worried about. I’m not some kind of idiot. That Hyung can’t be anything to me anymore. That doesn’t make sense.”
“……”
“That’s really, it doesn’t make sense.”
In the first place, he didn’t look at it often. He just left it there. He forgot about it usually.
“I’m okay, Gu Hae-bin.”
“……”
“I’m fine.”
As he repeatedly denied and explained, Gu Hae-bin gradually reduced his momentum to push him. Rather than fully understanding, it was more of a resignation, as in, ‘If that’s what you say, what more can I say?’
A low sigh escaped.
“I’ll trust you for now.”
“It’s not ‘I’ll trust you,’ it’s that it’s not true.”
“I’m going to trust you, but. Lee Eun-ha.”
“……”
“If you think something’s not right, just tell me.”
“……”
“Please. I’m most afraid of you being quiet. I’m afraid that one day I’ll suddenly get a text message saying you died somewhere.”
He should have laughed and scolded him, saying that it was an absurd exaggeration and a random leap, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. He couldn’t even laugh.
He couldn’t even force himself to smile, so he buried his forehead in his knees as if trying to avoid it.
“Hae-bin. I don’t want to talk about this with you.”
He didn’t want to have heavy conversations. He didn’t want to delve into such stories with his friend. He felt like his pathetic and miserable side was being displayed too nakedly.
Sigh. A familiar sigh disappeared behind him.