By Zephyria 
A low bass becomes subtly blurred when pronouncing sex partner. Eun-ha slowly mulled over his words. It was advice for the complaints he had been rambling on about. It meant he should live a more substantial life.
Suddenly, a hollow breath escaped him. Because it was such an obvious answer. Even an elementary school student would know that clear method.
“I know. That’s what I should do.”
“…….”
“But I don’t really want to live well.”
Eun-ha chuckled.
“So it’s even more… fucked up, right? Because I know how contradictory this feeling is.”
He hated his pathetic self, but he had no will to live passionately. Self-deprecation mixed with lethargy had been gnawing at Eun-ha for a very long time. Rotten emotions that acted as the source of his crazy disease.
When it became really unbearable, Gu Hae-bin, unable to stand it, would urge him to visit a psychiatrist, but he had never fully relied on one. Eun-ha had once been dragged around to every famous hospital in the country by Mom. He had reached a point where he was disgusted even by the first character of the word “psychiatry.” It was as if all the Doctors were quacks, he couldn’t trust them, and the drug made him feel like he had lost a screw, either dazed or insanely sleepy, or conversely, staying awake as if he had been up for three nights, so he didn’t want to rely on it.
Some drug even made him feel like his short-term memory was strangely impaired, which made him even more reluctant.
Enduring the dulled consciousness while intoxicated with the drug only made his depression twice as bad.
Instead of drug, Eun-ha clung to ordinary daily life. Spending a long time and effort to open a cafe, directly participating in the store operation that was sufficient to run by hiring people without lifting a finger, diligently raising plants, and studying hard even when he went home. All of it was part of that. It was the minimum effort.
What was initially an effort had now become a daily routine, and he didn’t feel particularly burdened anymore. For Eun-ha, that kind of life was basic and natural. Except for the summer, he rarely dug himself into a hole like this. And in those rare cases, his insides were indescribably twisted. As if the buried emotions were retroactively rushing in.
“It’s pathetic, isn’t it?”
It was in the form of a question, but in reality, it was just an accusatory tone towards himself.
To that self-reproach, a short answer came back.
“No.”
A calm voice. Eun-ha stared at the blue table as if glaring at it, then slyly raised his head. His gaze met exactly with Yeon-jun, who was looking at him while lightly resting his chin on his hand.
“I think the really pathetic people are the ones who don’t know they’re pathetic.”
“…….”
“How many people in the world are shameless?”
After finishing his words, Yeon-jun, who had been gazing at him as if gauging him for a while, slowly tilted his head supported by his palm.
“And. Just based on what Hyung is saying.”
“…….”
“I don’t think the words ‘I don’t want to live well’ are really sincere.”
“…….”
“Hyung actually looks like someone who really wants to live well….”
While speaking, his cheeks flushed slightly as if he was embarrassed. His expressionless face with only a faint blush gave him a strangely ticklish feeling.
Did I? Eun-ha felt his reason flickering and thought slowly. He couldn’t tell if the intoxication was rushing in rapidly or if the voice and content he was hearing were too cozy, causing his tension to ease. In any case, he desperately wanted to fall asleep. He felt like he could fall asleep now.
The heart that had been lumped together with depression and self-reproach was becoming languidly relaxed. His consciousness scattered, and his eyelids became rapidly heavy. His mind quickly went dark. It was finally the unconsciousness he had wanted.
“If you sleep here, your mouth will go crooked.”
But, what does it matter since a while ago… Complaining dizzily, Eun-ha released the strength in his whole body. It would be more accurate to say that his strength suddenly drained away.
As if turning off the power, what struck Eun-ha, who was suddenly tilting forward, was not the hard feeling of the table or the pain from any collision, but simply the firm touch of a hand supporting his forehead and gripping his forearm.
A splitting headache struck at the same time as his sudden awakening. Eun-ha, who closed his eyes tightly as soon as he opened them, curled up his body. He buried his face deeply in the soft sheets and made a groaning sound, “Ugh…” After enduring the sizzling feeling for a while, he was able to raise his body unsteadily. He vividly felt the sensation of the blanket that had been covering him sliding down his body.
A desolate feeling.
Eun-ha, who knew well what that meant, looked down with momentarily cool, hardened eyes.
He saw his bare body.
“…….”
His skin was blotchy with various marks. His chest, which had been bitten painfully, was swollen. He thought it was natural since he had been rolling around with Jeong Tae-geon just yesterday, but somehow, a chilling feeling bit into his spine. It was an instinctive hunch.
Eun-ha, with a face that was not completely free from sleepiness, groped and put his hand inside the blanket. He was wearing pants. He touched his forehead a little dizzily and looked around. It was a completely unfamiliar room.
However, the reason why it felt somewhat familiar was because the interior finishing materials and structure were exactly the same as his Officetel. The location of the dressing room separated by sliding doors. The overall familiar finishing. Even the familiar doors and window frames.
Even the scenery outside the window was similar.
Eun-ha looked out at the sky where the dim sun was rising and rummaged through his darkly painted memories. Yesterday. Yesterday, that is…….
‘What are you doing here?’
Ah. Right. With that person in front of the convenience store.
At the moment he thought that, the door opened with good timing, or rather, bad timing.
What immediately caught Eun-ha’s eye as he inadvertently turned his head was the man’s bare body.
Yeon-jun was only wearing black shorts that came down to his knees. He had a towel in his hand, and his damp hair was curlier than usual. He, who was drying his dripping hair as he came in, noticeably stopped when he discovered Eun-ha.
“……Ah.”
A moment of bewilderment flashed across his sharp eyes. His black pupils seemed to flicker rapidly, then rolled to the side. He closed the door he had opened, leaving only a crack. Eun-ha scanned that gap narrowly. That reaction……. What is it. Suspicious. Too suspicious. It was indirect evidence that added more credibility to the tentatively drawn conclusion.
Soon, a small voice was heard.
“……I have to get ready to go to school.”
Eun-ha, who pondered Yeon-jun’s words for a moment, chuckled silently. It was a moment of clarity that suddenly came. An unfamiliar bed. A top that had gone somewhere. A sluggish body…….
As his sleepiness faded and his five senses revived, his hips even throbbed as if they had bumped into something.
Circumstantially, it seemed certain that they had had sex yesterday, but the fact that the other party had to get ready to go to school made him feel absurd about himself.
I slept with a college student.
Dead drunk. I must be crazy…….
The unplanned one-night stand was quite embarrassing even for Eun-ha.
Two people in one day is a bit much. Doesn’t it seem like I’m living too recklessly….
“Go ahead, then.”
He replied calmly for now.
“Can I come in?”
“Why can’t you?”
Is it something he needs permission for? It’s his own house. But Yeon-jun didn’t come in. Instead, he let out a soft sigh. As if he was troubled.
“……I put your clothes next to the bed.”
Looking around, there were indeed neatly folded clothes on the bedside table, as he said. It was the knit he wore yesterday, neatly folded as if it had been washed. Eun-ha picked it up and stared strangely at the door that was still only slightly ajar. In short, he could only come in if he put on his clothes.
It felt strange that he was keeping his distance after doing everything he could do. No matter how much he acted reserved…… Wasn’t he the one who took these clothes off himself?
Thinking it was shallow pretense, Eun-ha smiled a little and put on his clothes. As he put his head into the neckline, the scent of an unfamiliar fabric softener wafted up. The incredibly pleasant scent made his neck stiffen for a moment. He felt a sudden itch somewhere he couldn’t pinpoint.
Perhaps it was because of the situation. Even that felt somehow intentional. Like a trick…….