By Zephyria 
It was when he lifted his exhausted arm to open a new bottle of alcohol. After fumbling a couple of times, he managed to grab the bottleneck, and then he heard a dragging sound nearby. Next, the table he was leaning on shook slightly.
He barely managed to straighten his head, which was tilting in all directions. Someone was sitting across from him. A man wearing a black Ball cap was vaguely visible.
Eun-ha frowned, trying hard to focus his spinning eyes. It still wavered similarly without much improvement, but after staring intently, he figured out who it was. Thanks to the clothes he had seen earlier in the day.
“…Baek Yeon-jun?”
Yeon-jun across the table answered by putting a light smile in his eyes. Eun-ha momentarily snapped back to his senses, but soon lost it again and opened his eyes wide. He wasn’t happy to see the person he had met again in less than a day.
He didn’t like the person himself, and he didn’t like meeting someone in this state.
“What are you doing here?”
“Can’t you tell? Just sitting.”
Like an idiot…… As Eun-ha swallowed the words in his mind, Yeon-jun tilted his head slightly. A judging gaze lightly touched him.
“Are you drunk?”
“As you can see.”
He answered roughly.
“Then why are you here?”
At this hour…… Eun-ha asked, adding with slurred pronunciation.
“You drinking too?”
“Ah. I stayed at school to do homework.”
“……”
“I saw a familiar back on my way home.”
Eun-ha scrutinized the man who was answering calmly with his dizzy eyes. As he looked closely, he could see that his face was exhausted, unlike in the morning. He looked more haggard than usual.
When he thought that it was the result of diligence, he felt strangely twisted. It wasn’t directed at the man, but rather a way of adding more weight to his self-loathing.
Because he had been having sex all day to the point where his head was numb, and then he had fought violently with someone whether he meant to or not, and as the final destination, he was sitting at a table in front of a convenience store, drinking alone from a bottle.
In contrast, a normal, or rather, a fairly desirable day as a college student was vividly drawn, making the tip of his tongue bitter.
He blurted out.
“You live diligently. You too.”
Like other people. Like ordinary people.
Finishing homework until this hour. Attending school so diligently, and even putting in more than a month of effort to sleep with an older same-sex person…….
It was Yeon-jun who cut off the chain of twisted thoughts that were spreading uncontrollably. He stretched his lips as if to show humility.
“It’s not really that… I’m just being punished for procrastinating.”
“Why do you procrastinate?”
“Um.”
“……”
“…Maybe because of Hyung?”
His tone was hesitant. Eun-ha stared at Yeon-jun blankly. The past month flashed through his dull mind. The man who stayed at the cafe every day without fail.
He swallowed the laughter that was about to burst out. He felt like he was reaching his limit. Seeing him making such blatant advances.
But what’s the point. I have no interest in younger men…….
Eun-ha listlessly turned his attention away. He wasn’t quite in his right mind to continue with his usual sarcasm. He was only clear on the idea that he wanted to get drunk and pass out, and everything else was blurry. He opened the bottle of alcohol he had been holding until then and put the opening to his mouth, and then he felt a clear gaze on him. As he swallowed the bitter liquid without hesitation, he heard a slightly embarrassed murmur.
“Alcohol……”
“……”
“Did something happen?”
“Yes.”
“What happened?”
Eun-ha, who had put the bottle down on the table with a thud, wiped his watery mouth with the back of his hand. He looked at Yeon-jun hazily. After a very brief pause, he opened his mouth without hesitation.
“I fought like a dog with my sex partner and broke up.”
The words he couldn’t bring himself to say to Gu Hae-bin flowed out easily. Who is this person? Eun-ha thought vaguely and then shook his head inwardly. It must be because they have no relationship at all that he can say it so easily. Because it doesn’t matter.
Or maybe it’s just because he’s drunk.
Yeon-jun blinked quietly. He only sent a silent gaze. Like someone who couldn’t find a suitable answer.
There was an awkward embarrassment in his eyes, but Eun-ha didn’t notice it. Eun-ha, who arbitrarily interpreted the lengthening silence as an intention to continue listening, continued to speak. It wasn’t that he wanted any response from the man, but just because he wanted to say it. Because they were words he had wanted to spit out like a thorn in his throat all along. Because words sometimes make you feel better just by taking them out.
Eun-ha always found that difficult.
“I should say that I didn’t break up, but ran away unilaterally. That bastard broke the light in the house because he was angry. It was something I cherished…… He also threw his cell phone. And glared at me like he was going to hit me.”
“……Did he hit you?”
Eun-ha shook his nodding head at the suddenly lowered voice.
“It wasn’t like that. I don’t really feel wronged either. No. It’s not that I don’t feel that way at all…… If you want to be precise, it’s something I brought on myself. ……So I don’t have the right to feel wronged, not me.”
“……”
“But because I feel that way, I hate it. I feel ridiculous and pathetic for feeling wronged and complaining about my situation. I feel like an idiot. I feel miserable. I wonder why I live my life like this…… But even thinking that is miserable, so I hate it even more…… That kind of feeling.”
“……”
“Since this isn’t the first or second time this has happened. Since I always end up badly with my sex partner…….”
The eyes that had been fixed on Eun-ha for a moment contained a subtle light. It was because he was soaked in alcohol that he didn’t recognize it either.
“……At this point, it seems clear that there’s something wrong with me. That’s why it’s even more fucked up. No one wants to admit that they’re terrible.”
The dawn air is cool. As he was spitting out words that were somewhat bitter to say, he felt somewhat clear. But at the same time, he also felt more buried. The feeling of being stabbed anew by the factual statement he made himself.
I should just lose consciousness…… As he picked up the bottle again, he heard a dragging sound. Suddenly, his wrist was grabbed. He tried to close his eyes while tilting his head back, but he straightened his vision. He saw Yeon-jun, who was already nearby. He put one hand on the table and lowered his eyes as if he was in trouble.
“Hyung is already very drunk.”
“What does it matter? It’s none of your business if I get drunk and die….”
He answered irritably. As he was acting Drunken behavior, the scene in front of him swayed greatly. As he twisted the grabbed wrist, he suddenly heard a sound of laughter exhaling like wind from above his head.
He looked up with narrow eyes. Yeon-jun was expressionless. Well, an expressionless face that he had tried hard to compose. A smile that he couldn’t quite erase was hanging on the corner of his eye. Even with his hazy mind, Eun-ha was momentarily dumbfounded. What are you laughing at…?
While he was making a displeased expression, Yeon-jun, who had finally snatched the bottle from Eun-ha, pulled up a chair and sat next to him. He reached out his hand. Eun-ha blankly watched his actions. He picked up the Energy bar on the table.
He unwrapped it and put it right into his loosely clenched hand. It was just when he was reflexively grabbing it as it tilted.
“If you have a sense of problem, can’t you just not do it?”
“……”
“Sex partner…… Don’t make things like that.”