By Zephyria 
Eun-ha blankly looked down at the man, whose face flickered with a dim light as if becoming dazed, then turned expressionless as if stiffening. His eyes were sunken, like they were filled with water. His pupils, as if something were compressed within them, felt strangely erotic, intensifying the heat gathering within him, so he deliberately stared, but in the end, he didn’t add any particular demand. Why? Why was that? The more he pondered, the harder it was to understand.
He left the cafe right away. He contacted Jeong Tae-geon to meet. Jeong Tae-geon ditched his afternoon work and drove straight to the Officetel. As soon as he saw Eun-ha, who had arrived earlier, he pounced on him like a beast. He took off his suit jacket, loosened his tie, and pressed his lips to Eun-ha’s earlobe. Yes. Eun-ha wrapped his arms around Jeong Tae-geon’s thick neck, thinking how good it would be if things were always this simple.
The accumulated fatigue, incomprehension, and resentment towards Yeon-jun over the past month. The blatant desire of his partner, in contrast to those feelings, created more excitement and impatience than usual, and he engaged in the relationship more actively. That was all. It was a story that Jeong Tae-geon would be very upset to know.
Was he displeased that Eun-ha had gotten aroused elsewhere and contacted him as a substitute…? No.
Because emotions were involved. Because something had grown inside him to the point where he was inwardly grinning over such a trivial contact. Because the satisfaction was so great that his body ached even after multiple instances of sexual intercourse.
While Jeong Tae-geon was slowly smoking a cigarette, he began to touch Eun-ha’s body in earnest. He stood behind him, hugged his waist, stroked the bare skin inside his clothes, and nibbled his lips along the spine revealed above the loose neckline. Eun-ha twisted his shoulder.
“Don’t leave marks on my neck.”
“Do you think I wouldn’t know that?”
“Don’t. Not outside…”
“Let’s go inside, then.”
“I’m going to smoke one more.”
Jeong Tae-geon chuckled.
“You know, you’re quite the chain smoker.”
“I’m going to smoke a lot and die early.”
He replied jokingly, to divert the flow that Jeong Tae-geon was trying to make more intense. However, even as he chuckled, he pressed his lower body even closer. The heavy weight pressed firmly against his tailbone. It was a difficult situation.
“I’m not going to do it anymore.”
“But I want to?”
“My back hurts. Because we did it from above earlier…”
Even with his complaint of pain, the man didn’t stop; instead, he let out a low breath like someone who had been stimulated. He pressed his lower body even closer and rubbed against him. Eun-ha twisted his body and pushed his shoulder a little more forcefully, but it wasn’t a very effective resistance. Hot breaths spread near his ear.
“Are you not listening to me?”
“I hear you just fine. You said you wanted to get fucked until your hole was worn out.”
“What are you talking about, seriously… Do you have an exhibitionist tendency or something? Why outside…”
He tried to dissuade him in various ways, but all his efforts were in vain. Eun-ha, feeling resigned as the excitement showed no signs of subsiding, threw away the finished cigarette and took out a new one. Jeong Tae-geon, while expressing his desire by pressing his heavy lower body firmly against his back, somehow managed to heed his plea not to do it outside and didn’t try to do anything more. But he didn’t stop caressing him either. A faint, practiced sigh escaped him.
It wasn’t that he was sexually uncomfortable. What was there to be uncomfortable about between people who met for that kind of thing in the first place?
It wasn’t that he disliked sexual relationship. The excuse about his back hurting was just that, an excuse. Eun-ha rarely refused a request for sexual relationship. Except when he was really, desperately tired… and there had only been a few times like that. Usually, when he was exhausted, the other person was usually spent as well.
It was just that the psychology lingering within the desire was burdensome. Jeong Tae-geon’s somewhat lowered threshold felt unsettling. Because he wasn’t usually like this.
He couldn’t shake the thought that it had become excessive. The thought that something within him was changing. And that it coincided with the topic that had been steadily occupying Eun-ha’s thoughts lately.
“…”
He looked out with troubled eyes. A few days ago, he had seen an article saying that summer was expected to arrive early this year. The temperature would gradually rise from the beginning of May, and hot and humid weather like early summer would continue.
Summer…
Eun-ha, who had been smoking as slowly as possible, suddenly opened his eyes wide, like someone who had clearly found the answer he had been searching for.
Soon, he snapped the cigarette and threw it away, and Jeong Tae-geon reached out his arm.
As if he had been waiting for it, the man reached out his arm in response. Their bodies were pulled together, and his lips devoured Eun-ha’s. Jeong Tae-geon somewhat hastily pushed Eun-ha into the house.
The sex was both gentle and rough. Intentionally gentle, but occasionally rough due to a lack of restraint.
Jeong Tae-geon was both impatient and cautious, as if he were having sex for the first time. It was the best sexual relationship he had ever had with him, but he felt disturbed and acrid. The man ejaculated two more times. Eun-ha’s stamina was depleted from about halfway through, and he just wanted to pass out, but he endured and offered his body.
After the passionate time ended, Jeong Tae-geon, who had collapsed next to him, let out a satisfied sigh. He put his arm around Eun-ha and whispered in his ear that today was fucking great. Eun-ha blinked in the darkness, then grabbed the thick arm wrapped around his neck and shoulder with his hand. He slowly lowered it and twisted his body.
“I have something to say.”
As he turned and spoke, Jeong Tae-geon cast a generous gaze at him.
“What is it?”
It was the most affectionate voice he had ever heard. Eun-ha met his eyes, which were focused on him, and opened his mouth calmly. He spoke without hesitation. Now that he was sure, there was no reason to hesitate.
“Let’s stop.”
“…What?”
“I want to quit with you.”
It was as bland a tone as it was expressionless. It was his own effort to ensure that his words would not be perceived by the other person as an aggressive intention or an offensive attitude. He wanted to end things as well as possible. The fact that he hadn’t stopped him even once, despite the limitations, was for the same reason.
Because he wanted to end it maturely.
Eun-ha had tried various methods every time he broke up, but he had never ended things well.
And it didn’t take long for a fierce light to flash in his eyes, which had been relaxed all along.
It was almost midnight when he left the Officetel. Eun-ha, who had stopped abruptly as he was about to leave the building entrance, tilted his head back nervously towards the sky. A cool breeze brushed his cheeks. As he breathed in the clear air, his head, which had been sizzling as if about to explode, seemed to calm down a bit.
He closed his eyes and took a long breath in, then exhaled with a whoosh*, and Eun-ha, now composed, started walking aimlessly somewhere.
The Officetel belonged to Eun-ha. Although there was a house listed on his residence certificate, Eun-ha lived almost exclusively in the Officetel. The distance to the cafe was much closer than to his house, and, more than anything, he didn’t want to take his partners to his house. Because he didn’t want foreign elements mixed into his private space.
That house was the space where Eun-ha had lived with his lover in the past.
They had lived together for over two years. The last three months of that time were recorded as a dirty, contaminated period, as if filth had been poured into Eun-ha’s insides.
Early June. Eun-ha, who was successfully finishing his first semester of his senior year of college, happened to witness his lover’s affair one day, and he spent that entire summer in conflict with him, engaging in all sorts of battles. It was more than just conflict; it was a time when he was destroying and exploding everything within himself, practically self-destructing.
Since then, he had struggled with summer. Even slight seasonal clues brought back memories of that time. He became hypersensitive, had sleepless nights every other day, and frequently took sleeping pills and tranquilizers. Even so, he sometimes went crazy. He did things without thinking that he would only regret later. Gu Hae-bin, the only friend who knew the inside story, described Eun-ha as having a crazy disease.
Therefore, Eun-ha made sure to cut off his partners at least once before summer came. Because a mentally vulnerable person would do anything. Because he knew that very well himself.