By Zephyria Leonardo barely managed to stop vomiting after spitting out all the PTSD medication he had swallowed in a hurry.
His lips and chin were covered in vomit and saliva, and he just hissed for a while with the water running strongly in the sink. Then, with trembling hands, he barely rinsed his mouth and roughly rubbed his bloodshot eyes and face.
His water-soaked front had already lost its function as clothing, but the person in question didn’t seem to have the energy to care about such things.
Creak—
His hair and sleeves were soaked and dripping. Leonardo turned off the faucet and stood still.
He lowered his head and caught his breath, then staggered out of the bathroom in a disheveled state. Hugo quickly tried to support him, but he reflexively brushed his hand away.
He just trudged off somewhere, leaving a wet trail. But he soon lost his strength and slid down against the wall.
Occasional dry coughs and uncalmed gasps floated through the silence.
“Haa… ha…”
The red sunset seeping through the window lavishly dyed the room, and thick rays of light flowed thickly over his golden hair.
The light refracted on his tearful eyelashes, making his golden eyes sparkle uniquely. It was clearly a beautiful sight, enough to make one forget the passing of time, but to Hugo, he looked incredibly lonely.
Leonardo hid his sadness in the raindrops and opened his mouth, rubbing his eyes with his palms.
“Ian, and Hallid, Hallid. My family…. They both disappeared like fools, in vain. They promised to come back alive, but they didn’t come, even after waiting…”
The word ‘family’ was particularly unsettling, but he knew that he had no officially registered family from Bermuda. Thinking it was a metaphorical expression, Hugo called out to him softly, as if he was about to go back to the past again.
“Leo.”
“I should have just grabbed them. I should have knocked them out and stopped them from going. Why didn’t I then—”
“Leonardo Blaine.”
At the continuous calls, Leonardo stopped speaking and raised his head weakly. He seemed more composed than before, judging by his immediate reaction.
“Stop it.”
It was a cold word that could have sounded harsh. But Leonardo looked up at the other man with unfocused eyes, without any change in expression.
Rather, it was Hugo who slowly furrowed his brow. He closed his eyes tightly and then opened them, letting out a low sigh through his clenched teeth.
“Don’t torment yourself with past memories.”
In Hugo’s eyes, Leonardo, muttering about the past with a blank expression, looked like he was carving his own heart with sharp shards. It was as if he was harming himself. He was unable to accept the blessing of oblivion that all humans should enjoy, and he was trapped in the swamp of pain that was the death of his comrades.
Hugo found it unbearably painful. More than the tragic events of the past that he was conveying, it was more painful to see Leonardo writhing as he relived the tragedy.
“I…. I. I may not be able to fathom the tragedy of the battlefield, the screams of the dying, the pain of the onlookers, as vividly as you do. But, I also lost many subordinates in this subjugation. I don’t mean to tell you to bury your pain. I understand how painful it is, even if only a little…”
Hugo couldn’t easily organize what he wanted to say. He took a short breath and continued.
“The living remember the dead and honor them, but there is no obligation to carry that memory for a lifetime.”
“……”
“It’s in the past, Leonardo Blaine. You’ve already suffered so much.”
It would be impossible to erase the memories of the past completely. But Hugo hoped that Leonardo would be freed from the trauma that was tormenting him, even if only a little.
“This is no longer a battlefield. Please, let them go now.”
It was more of a request than advice or a suggestion.
He, who must have been dazzlingly active on the battlefield, must have witnessed countless moments of death more than anyone else, as much as he had survived until now. It was too harsh a wound for a young boy to bear. Perhaps the shocking stories that came out of his mouth were only a small part of the pain he was carrying.
“You have to take care of yourself too. You’re having a hard time.”
The stars of the battlefield, which may have numbered in the hundreds, were engraved in Leonardo’s mind and may be gnawing at his sanity. Remembering the dead is a poignant and affectionate thing, but still, the living must live on in the future, that is the way of the world.
Hugo gathered the pity reflected on his face and took a step forward. He wanted to comfort him somehow.
But Leonardo’s expression as he looked at Hugo was strange. It wasn’t the face of someone who was empathizing with his words or gaining enlightenment.
“…It’s in the past, you say?”
A question, hiding a fierce energy, came back. Hugo instinctively stopped walking.
“This isn’t a battlefield—”
Leonardo leaned against the wall and struggled to get up. The voice, scratching his throat as if growling, was fraught with anger.
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
His eyes, reflected in the sunset, shone ominously.
“I live here every day. I see the deaths of my comrades every day, and I live hearing the curses of people I don’t even know!”
His figure, silhouetted against the sunset, looked like a burning figure engulfed in flames. As his momentum became uncontrollably sharp again, Hugo closed his mouth.
White steam rose around Leonardo, and his hair, which had dried quickly, swayed in the hot wind. Nevertheless, the moisture that had moistened his eyes did not dry. A thick drop fell again, sparkling and flowing down his cheek.
“You know too, you heard it with me—! What the Zodiac bastards call me! They called me a murderer, told me to die. You don’t even know how I endured it… those fucking guys—, who do they think they’re alive thanks to.”
Leonardo, enraged, pointed his finger at the red window outside. Hugo’s gaze followed the end of his finger, and his memory returned to that day when he was returning from the frost territory to the Zodiac.
All sorts of shouts, shaking his heart uneasily, poured down once again over Leonardo’s head, trapped in an iron cage.
His red lips bit his teeth, and the tip of his chin trembled. As if suppressing his rage, the seething Magic Power slowly leaked out.
“What did I fight for? Why did my comrades, who died miserably, die? Have I lived until now just to get hit by flying stones? Damn it, what do you know? You begged me to save you. How many enemies have I killed, what have I done for you—!!”
“Leo!”
A cry mixed with resentment burst out with his Magic Power. As the enraged man waved his arm in the air, the nearby window shattered in an instant. With a sharp sound, Hugo hurriedly created a gust of wind to push back the fragments falling on Leonardo.
But Leonardo, as if he didn’t care about the mess behind him, raised the blood vessels on his forehead and eyes and protested.
“At least I had value back then. The enemies trembled at every gesture I made, and they parted like the Red Sea to live—. I was always involved in major operations, and I didn’t miss any of them, from the occupation of Baldur Heights, the Ragnos Landing Operation, the recapture of Vladimir Fortress, to the annihilation of one battalion of special operations forces—! But what am I now? How did I end up like this?”
“……”
“Now I have to obediently accept even the strange handcuffs that a stupid blockhead gives me, like a criminal!!”
Hugo’s eyes twitched at the mention of handcuffs. At the same time, Leonardo’s face crumbled as if collapsing.
“Ugh… damn it…. I finally met my comrades who don’t die, but now they say it’s the death penalty if I tear them all apart and meet them. Ha, what kind of bullshit is this? Uh…? I only had honor and comrades, but you took them all away, ugh, now I have nothing, and you say this isn’t a battlefield? I’m still fighting every day…?”
He shouted at the top of his lungs, then collapsed again, exhausted, leaning against the wall. Hugo, feeling uneasy at his appearance as if he was about to faint, reached out his hand.
Then, Leonardo, who had lowered his head, wrapped his hands around the back of his neck and muttered as if suppressing his resentment.
“Are you satisfied now?”
He asked again, twisting his lips.
“Are you satisfied?”
Until now, it was anger expressed to an unspecified number of people, but this time it seemed to be aimed at him, so Hugo raised one eyebrow.
In that instant, Leonardo raised his head, his sharp eyes glaring.
“You said you would protect me, let me live freely—. Are you happy now that you’ve made me a cripple who can’t do anything without you? Did you bring me here to see me like this?”
“What? Leo—”
“Since I obediently take the medicine as if I know nothing, do you think I’m a toy in your palm now? You’re the same, as that bastard. In the end, there’s no difference. You’re also trying to use me―.”
“That’s not it. Leo! Please listen to me―.”
“No one, no one protects me. No one cares. How I live, how miserable I am….”
The rambling face gradually crumbled. The tear ducts never seemed to dry. Leonardo buried his face in his hands and sobbed softly.
Hugo looked down at him with a pained expression. He wanted to tell him it was a misunderstanding, but the other person was too overwhelmed to listen.
And he couldn’t say that he wasn’t responsible for making him like this. Hugo barely moved his lips with a miserable expression.
“I hate everyone, I want to kill them all―. Hngh….”
“…….”
“The world goes on fine without me, but only I am still stuck here….”
A voice mixed with sobs flowed out between his bony fingers. Receiving the red light, even that was bright red. Like a boy crying covered in blood.
Watching his shoulders heave silently without being able to vomit out his emotions, Hugo unknowingly squeezed his eyes shut. It felt like it was all his fault. He knew that no matter what he said here, it wouldn’t comfort him.
But even so, Hugo took one step, two steps, towards him. He couldn’t just leave him alone. He looked so precarious that he was worried he might break.
The floor was littered with shards of glass that hadn’t been cleaned up yet, but Hugo slowly knelt in front of Leonardo as if begging for forgiveness. Then, instead of saying anything, he opened his arms and hugged his sobbing shoulders and head. A faint tremor was transmitted through his chest, and the shoulders in his arms flinched and stiffened for a moment.
“…What?”
Leonardo half-lifted his flushed face and glared at Hugo’s profile. As soon as he grasped the situation, he pushed Hugo’s chest and struggled to get out of his arms.
“Let go. What are you doing?”
Hugo didn’t let go of Leonardo. He just held him tightly in his arms and endured his struggles without moving.
Leonardo grabbed his firm forearms and dug his nails in, and when the other person didn’t react, he clenched his fist without hesitation. Soon, he struck Hugo’s forearms, abdomen, and back in turn. He put so much strength into it that groans that seemed to squeeze out his energy were mixed with the fierce voice he muttered in between.
“Let go, I said let go! Won’t you let go? Ugh, damn it, let go―!!”
However, Hugo only endured the abuse in silence, pressing his upper body even closer to him. He rather wished Leonardo would vent his anger, beat him, and forgive him.
Thud, thud, dull sounds echoed incessantly.
Just as his joints were throbbing, Hugo, who had been enduring, said just one word in a calm tone.
“I’m sorry.”
At that moment, Leonardo’s fist, which was about to strike his shoulder, stopped abruptly in mid-air. His pupils, which had been alternately inhaling and exhaling, dilated.
Soon, the Gold Eyes that had slowly rolled over stared at Hugo’s Adam’s apple and lower face, which were slowly undulating. His beautiful brow furrowed deeply. Leonardo grabbed Hugo’s waist and began to repeatedly hit his forehead against his shoulder.
As if frustrated, he banged his head with all his might, as if he would break together. Hugo’s upper body swayed greatly once or twice.
But his mountain-like body quickly regained its balance, and a low voice that made him lose strength again followed.
“I’m sorry.”
It wasn’t a voice that seemed to be enduring pain. It was just desperate and choked up.
Leonardo, who had paused for a moment before banging his head again, simply leaned his forehead against Hugo’s shoulder as if he had lost all his strength.
“Haa….”
Leonardo’s hair, as he blankly caught his breath, slid weakly down his broad chest. After staring at the dark space between them for a moment, he gritted his teeth so hard that a sound was heard.
Soon, he lowered his head and buried his face in the other person’s arms.
It was because he didn’t want to show his crying face to others. That was all. He didn’t want to lean on him.
“Hngh, eugh….”
“…….”
Hugo trapped the reluctantly embraced body in his arms and gently patted it for a while. He didn’t dare to offer words of comfort. He just hugged the trembling shoulders and silently offered his broad embrace.
Small dust particles floating in the tranquil sunset landed one by one on his golden hair. So that his glory would not fade, Hugo continued to gently stroke his hair.
The pain of the brilliant hero left in the back alleys of history. Facing the reality, his eyes gradually became hot just by looking at the twilight cast outside the window.
Hugo closed his eyes tightly and buried his lips in the golden head. The name of the hero who protected everyone felt like shackles made by the cruelty of adults at this moment.
The fact that such a young and strong boy was trembling alone inside would remain a secret between him and himself until the day he died.