22 – Cheon Woo-joo (Side Story) (Beyond Moment)

During my childcare leave, I took on the role of a full-time dad and remodeled the first-floor studio. Initially, I only intended to tidy up to prevent dust accumulation and ventilate occasionally. However, after going in and out a few times and examining Kang Hae-ah’s studio without Kang Hae-ah, I gradually noticed things that needed fixing, and that’s how it happened.

Just then, the wall lamp Hae-ah had ordered arrived. She had ordered it before Woo-joo was born, and it took more than a season to cross the sea after passing through the hands of a craftsman. To my eyes, it looked like a defective product made asymmetrically, so I asked Hae-ah whether to return it or exchange it, and she chuckled.

“It’s not defective. It’s made like that on purpose.”

I couldn’t understand the explanation that ‘that’s why it’s prettier’ at all. Still, if Hae-ah said so, I thought it must be true. Hae-ah’s eye for style had turned me, who wore the clothes, shoes, ties, and watches she chose for me like a doll in her hands every morning, into ‘the well-dressed CEO.’ So, whatever it was, Hae-ah was right.

So, I installed the crooked lamp on the empty corner wall of Hae-ah’s studio.

After that, I was bothered by the dim ceiling light, so I replaced it. The easel where she put her brushes and palettes was tilted, so I replaced the worn-out wheels with new ones. I repainted the two walls with paint stains all over them, washed the dusty canvas covering the unfinished work, cleaned the air purifier filter, and ordered new canvases, saying, ‘Please make them the same as last time,’ filling one section of the canvas rack.

Even after that, I still had energy and my hands were itching. Once she recovered, Hae-ah would pick up her brush again. She would burn her beautiful brown eyes with artistic spirit and create beautiful works to her heart’s content. I wanted to see that sight as soon as possible. I was getting restless just waiting for Hae-ah to recover from her illness, so I awkwardly picked up a long, stiff-bristled brush. If a dog in a village school can recite poetry after three years, then a squire of a master painter should be able to apply gesso after two years, right?

…But on the other hand, there’s also the saying, ‘A crow-tit breaks its legs trying to follow a stork’….

I remembered seeing Hae-ah sweeping across the canvas with a large brush, so I clearly imitated her. I generously applied white gesso to the new canvas and sanded it vigorously. But even after all that, the canvas was still just white, with no visible difference.

Narrowing my eyes, I slowly stroked the canvas where I had left my first brushstrokes. I was convinced that I had distributed the paint well and applied it cleanly, but for some reason, some areas were too smooth and thick because too much gesso had been applied, while other areas had too little gesso, revealing the texture of the canvas.

When Hae-ah applied it, it seemed more… overall, smoother and more even….

‘Is this… not how you do it?’

Finding me staring at the canvas with a vague feeling, Hae-ah was startled and laughed.

“Tae-rim! What’s wrong with your hands?”

In no time, white paint had splattered all over my hands and shirt sleeves. Hae-ah reached out her index finger and removed a drop of paint from my eyebrow, as if my face was also dirty.

Then she looked around at the canvas lying alone on the floor. At that moment, Hae-ah’s round head wasn’t just cute. Her serious expression and sharp eyes looked very dignified.

“How much did you apply? The gesso is… very thick and bumpy. If you were going to cover the texture like this, there was no need to weave the canvas with this fabric….”

The master painter’s assessment was very cold. Even so, Hae-ah didn’t allow the contoured canvas to be thrown away. She said that she would work on it first when she recovered, and that she would paint a very pretty picture. She looked excited as she put two pencils in her pajama pocket and took an esquisse notebook in her arms.

“But did you like it?”

I asked, feeling proud despite the harsh criticism.

Hae-ah exaggeratedly pulled down the corners of her mouth, as if trying to suppress the laughter that was coming out. Then she spoke in a sharp voice.

“You’re not good enough to be my disciple yet!”

Then she came up to me and pinched my cheek with her right hand. As I tilted my head, bewildered, following the force of her hand, Hae-ah pressed her lips firmly against mine. She pressed down hard for three seconds, mashing my soft flesh, then sucked on my lower lip strongly, leaving a ‘smack’ sound, and passed by as if nothing had happened.

“…What was that?”

Rubbing my tingling cheek, I followed Hae-ah as if possessed. Her back view, walking briskly with rabbit-like steps, looked light and cheerful.

“Why did you kiss me if I’m not good enough? Was that a compliment just now? Huh?”

Hae-ah’s gesture of grabbing the railing and turning around to climb the stairs was light and graceful. In front of such Hae-ah, my movements to wrap my arms around her waist and turn her around always felt heavy and clumsy.

Thanks to the two steps she had climbed, she was now facing me directly, and Hae-ah laughed. Her laughter, showing her white upper teeth, was very cute.

“Why are you following me!”

She raised her voice like a child who couldn’t stand a fun prank, but her defenseless tone, flushed cheeks, and forcefully raised shoulders were all lovely. I had to return a deep, proper kiss, so that the hand holding the railing would be strengthened.

While sharing a kiss mixed with giggles and suppressed laughter, I thought that I should continue to prime Kang Hwa-baek’s canvases in the future. It’s also a subtle arm workout. But to do that, I’ll have to learn how to apply the brushstrokes evenly.

In that way, my touch was left on various parts of our house, including the studio on the first floor. Meanwhile, the second floor was solely Kang Hae-ah and Cheon Do-jin’s space. It was because Woo-joo cried every two or three hours at dawn. I spent the whole day on the first floor with the baby, so that the baby’s crying wouldn’t disturb Hae-ah, who was recovering.

Unexpectedly, Do-jin became busy as well. He quickly climbed the stairs to the second floor and then came down again, repeating the process. Do-jin stayed by Hae-ah’s side all night while she slept, but he also ran over with light footsteps, as if to check if the baby was doing well. Then he would ‘sniff, sniff’ at Woo-joo’s diaper, whether he was lying in the cradle, in my arms, or lying on my chest. As he headed back to the second floor where Hae-ah was, he would exhale, as if relieved or tired.

‘Hmph!’

What a funny dog.

Throughout the time that Hae-ah couldn’t get out of bed, there was a donut-shaped indentation in the blanket she covered. It was a mark made by Do-jin, who lay with his back against Hae-ah’s side, curled up in a ball. At times like that, Do-jin looked just like a young puppy.

As if understanding Do-jin’s heart, which had become more affectionate and made more ‘hooong’ and ‘woooong’ sounds, Hae-ah cherished him even more than before. Even when Do-jin, stressed by the sudden appearance of a new family member, caused trouble, it was the same. He did things he had never done before, such as peeing on the curtains and tearing up the carpet, but Hae-ah never scolded Do-jin.

Instead, she mustered her strength morning and evening to stroll around the yard with Do-jin.

Do-jin would roll around on the soft grass, then run straight to Hae-ah, showing his belly and shaking his whole body, acting cute.

“So, you like the smell of the morning grass?”

Hae-ah laughed, scratching the white nape of his neck with a ‘bok-bok’ sound.

“Our Do-jin is still a baby too. Suddenly, he’s become a big brother, right? But he’s still dignified, our little rascal.”

Fortunately, Hae-ah’s solution worked perfectly for Do-jin. After a short period of wandering, he acted calmly and smartly again. He seemed to understand that the presence of the young baby, who cried all night long, didn’t threaten his position at all. No matter what anyone said, he was Kang Hae-ah’s beloved, adorable puppy.

After such a long recovery period, Hae-ah’s existence became so precious to me. It was originally like that, but it became even stronger. These days, when Hae-ah’s health has improved, feel like a dream to me.

The second problem was that I missed the time when Hae-ah and I could lie in the same bed and fall asleep comfortably together. Hae-ah had been so sick after giving birth that I couldn’t even dream of such luxury. She would wake up in the middle of the night, her lips and limbs turning blue and trembling, her gums would swell up even though they had been fine, she couldn’t eat properly and lost weight, and she would be laughing well, but then she would suddenly slump, saying that the surgical area was numb and tight. There were four times when she felt a twisting pain in her intestines and had to rush to the hospital.

I was so scared the whole time, worrying that I might lose Hae-ah. If I could have measured and recorded the fear I felt, the level of fear I felt would have been so high that it would have been listed in the Guinness Book of Records. So much so that even while holding our precious baby’s cheek on my shoulder, feeling his soft skin and pounding heart, and loving him, the thought that I shouldn’t have gotten Hae-ah pregnant in the first place even came to me for a fleeting moment.

It was Hae-ah’s smile that washed away the deep anxiety that I couldn’t easily tell anyone about. Only when he left the bedroom and walked around the house as before did my life, as well as my mind, regain its original rhythm.

So, I can’t express how precious these days are, when Hae-ah’s cheeks are pink and her pleasant voice has completely regained its vitality.

Whether she knew my heart or not, Hae-ah didn’t enjoy the joy for long. As soon as her body barely recovered, she immediately started worrying about Woo-joo. It was no use telling her that it wasn’t her job and that she should leave all the childcare worries to me.

Honestly, it’s true that the worry is too big for me to handle alone.

I’m tasting the pain that ‘average’ gives these days. I’ve always done everything at the highest level throughout my life, but now I feel like I know the heart of a slowpoke. To be exact, I mean the heart of a parent with a slow child.

Until he was two months old, I thought Cheon Woo-joo was a genius. The doctor said so too, and even my mother, not to mention my father, who hated fussing, cherished his grandson like a treasure.

When I started comparing him to other babies, even my child’s smallest gestures took on great meaning. He would smile faintly, raising the corners of his mouth, and when he made a sound, he would slowly move his eyes, which seemed exceptionally bright.

Even Woo-joo seemed to recognize Hae-ah’s face. Whenever he was held in Hae-ah’s arms, he would stare intently at Hae-ah’s face with a thoughtful expression, and then open his mouth and smile.

‘Our baby must be a genius!’

Even at 4 months, no, even at 5 months, that thought didn’t change. Woo-joo already knew how to sit up and crawled around the living room, pushing his belly. From some point on, he stopped crying when he woke up in the middle of the night. There were more than ten videos of Do-jin following Woo-joo, lying on his belly on the floor and crawling around.

Since Woo-joo was born, we wrote ‘Cheon Woo-joo’s Childcare Diary’ every single day. While I objectively recorded Woo-joo’s weight, height, temperature, and health status, Hae-ah meticulously wrote down the feelings of love she felt based on Woo-joo’s mood, behavior, and expression. And she pasted new photos on every page of the diary.

Our Woo-joo, who must have inherited more of my genes than Hae-ah’s, who was small and delicate, was taller and had longer legs than other babies, and his growth was fast. He already had two small, white, rice-like teeth on his upper gums.

When that baby crawled up to me, put his head on my lap, and smiled, that was the face of happiness.

Woo-joo’s gestures, eyes, expressions, and actions were a great joy to me and Hae-ah. It was enough to convince us that we were in perfect sympathy with this small and precious baby, that we were fully sharing the emotions of this moment, and that we were communicating without any barriers.

That was the misstep.

It was only after 5 months and 1 week that we realized Woo-joo’s problem.

Unexpectedly, it wasn’t me or Hae-ah who brought the ‘problem’ into reality with words, but Hwang Ok-hye.

From the day a baby was born in our house, Hwang Ok-hye came to work thirty minutes earlier and left two hours later than before. It was because Hae-ah was more uncomfortable than anyone else with having strangers nearby. She carefully selected the people she would have as acquaintances by her side, so how much more would she worry about Woo-joo, who couldn’t speak? So, rather than blindly hiring a nanny, she decided to ask for help from a helper who knew us better than anyone else.

In that way, as she added additional work for childcare to her existing work as a helper, I know that Hae-ah doubled her salary. I also slipped her a bonus. While asking Driver Oh to take Hwang Ok-hye home, who was leaving later than usual.

“We’re lucky to have a professional by our side.”

When I expressed my gratitude, Hwang Ok-hye gave a sheepish smile.

“I’m a beginner too.”

Then she surprised me by saying that her only son was actually adopted, and that she had never raised a baby as young as Woo-joo.

“Then how do you handle Woo-joo so well?”

As an Alpha, I asked, thinking it was an area of innate talent that I wasn’t born with, but Hwang Ok-hye cut off my thoughts in one stroke.

“There are weekend nanny training classes. If you learn, anyone can do well.”

“Ah.”

While I was grateful for her passion for not regretting her precious weekends, there was also one fact that Hwang Ok-hye, who was like that, noticed before anyone else.

“By the way, isn’t it too quiet at our writer’s house for a house with a baby?”

We were sitting together in the middle of the living room, admiring Woo-joo on the play mat. She brought coffee for me and fruit juice for Hae-ah, and then told us the story in a very cautious manner.

As soon as the words were spoken, I looked at Hae-ah, and Hae-ah looked at me. At the moment when we looked each other straight in the eye and shared the emotions that had risen without being able to hide them, we realized at the same time.

‘Ah, I wasn’t the only one who thought that.’

That’s right. Our house was very quiet. Morning, noon, and night, Woo-joo didn’t make any noise. He had never called us ‘Dad,’ or even made a similar sound, he didn’t whine, and he didn’t even babble.

Our reason sometimes tries to protect itself in irrational ways. Even though we know that we should recognize and solve problems quickly, we postpone confirming them because we’re afraid that the anxiety will become reality. Even I, who had never had such an experience in my life, fell into the trap as soon as that anxiety became about Woo-joo. Even though I was thinking about Woo-joo all day long, I couldn’t look at the abnormal symptoms properly and just stayed in uncertainty.

In the end, both Hae-ah and I regretted it. We should have noticed it sooner and taken him to the hospital, I should have looked more carefully…. Such words echoed on each other’s lips.

So, I grabbed the steering wheel.

“There won’t be any problems.”

It was also my job to comfort Hae-ah, who was sitting in the back seat holding Woo-joo.

I wasn’t just saying that. I actually guessed that our baby would be fine. No, I was sure of it. As soon as he was born, Woo-joo had all the necessary tests, and all the results were good.

So, everyone, from the doctor to the nurses, praised Hae-ah. Apart from being a VVIP customer from the hospital’s point of view, Hae-ah was a very admirable patient from the medical staff’s point of view. She had endured premature birth, difficult labor, and even a major surgery to remove the amniotic sac due to special circumstances. In the process, Hae-ah was so sick that she was on the verge of death, but Woo-joo, whom she had cherished and protected in her womb, was born with an average weight without any problems.

Woo-joo’s existence itself was Hae-ah’s achievement. It wasn’t enough to hear a hundred compliments that she did a really good job, that she had achieved a miracle, and that she was amazing.

My father, who had smiled brightly when he first held his grandson, shed tears when he saw Hae-ah waking up from anesthesia. My mother slapped my father’s back, making a loud noise, saying that the baby would be surprised if he cried, and said this.

‘Hae-ah! You did a really good job. You gave birth to a really, really healthy baby very, very well.’

Hae-ah was indeed an excellent creator. Just as all the works that passed through Hae-ah’s hands were beautiful, so was Woo-joo. No, Woo-joo was more than that. Woo-joo was perfect enough to surpass all the works that had received worldwide acclaim.

With a weight of 3.25kg, Woo-joo received a heap of praise from the adults and let out a robust cry. His loud “Wah, wah” sounded full of energy.

Looking back, that first cry was the loudest sound our child ever made. As he grew little by little, day by day, Cheon Woo-joo became quieter and quieter.

As soon as we arrived at the hospital, Kang Hae-ah looked for a handkerchief and wrapped it around Woo-joo’s neck. Hae-ah was a devoted father who believed that his child’s life should be free from scorching sunlight and direct cold winds. That’s why he looked more serious and earnest than anyone else when he sat facing the Doctor in the examination room.

Following Hae-ah, not only I but even Woo-joo’s expression turned serious. As the three of us sat there with furrowed brows and tight lips, the Doctor asked his first question.

“What is Woo-joo’s reaction when he is left alone for a long time? Does he ever whine and look for his Hyung in such cases?”

Hae-ah and I were both taken aback by that. I was confident that I could answer any question about Woo-joo, but I was immediately stumped from the very beginning.

After a brief silence, I answered.

“We’ve never left him alone long enough for him to whine.”

“Oh…”

Looking somewhat flustered, the Doctor stroked his chin and stared intently at Woo-joo in my arms. Woo-joo, with the ear of a yellow teddy bear in his mouth, looked very cute. He was letting the boring time pass with a dazed expression, as if sleepy and indifferent.

“…Hmm. I see.”

Licking his lips as if trying to organize his thoughts, the Doctor said.

“Although it’s very rare, it’s possible that the baby doesn’t feel the need to speak. It means that he will naturally open his mouth when he feels he needs to. Even if that’s not the case, he’s still within the normal range, so don’t worry too much yet.”

“You say he’s still within the normal range… does that mean he’ll be abnormal if more time passes?”

Hae-ah’s reaction to the diagnosis, which had been delivered with a smiling face, was sharp.

“How long will it take to know? A few weeks? A few days? Does that mean our Woo-joo will become abnormal then?”

Supporting Woo-joo’s chubby belly with his right hand, he quickly reached out his left hand. I had to cover Hae-ah’s knee with my palm and pat it to soothe him.

The air inside the examination room seemed to freeze instantly,

“I said that to reassure you. I didn’t mean anything else.”

The Doctor said again. I swallowed my awkwardness along with my dry saliva, and I couldn’t help but think that I could get indigestion from just that.

Even without turning my head, I could feel Hae-ah’s lips twitching. Before an angry voice could come out of his beautiful mouth, I quickly readjusted Woo-joo in my arms. And I helped Hae-ah up as if supporting him.

“I understand. We’ll see you again at the next checkup.”

While hastily wrapping up the examination, all I could think about was getting out of there quickly and feeding Hae-ah something delicious. If I left him alone, he would argue with the Doctor, but given Hae-ah’s personality, there was a high probability that he would regret saying unpleasant things to others within 30 minutes.

Especially when it came to issues related to Woo-joo, he would inevitably blame himself excessively, saying things like, ‘Did I seem too much like a tiger mom just now?’ or ‘Will our Woo-joo remember me getting angry?’

So, I had to get out of this situation as quickly as possible. The answer was to fill him up with a dish containing tender meat and a dessert mixed with chocolate. Then, the annoyance that had swelled up to Hae-ah’s throat would instantly subside. Nothing makes our Hae-ah as sharp as annoyance caused by worry. Especially if the object of concern is Cheon Woo-joo.

So, I sat the sulky Hae-ah in the back seat of the car. Woo-joo was placed right next to Hae-ah, lying in his special seat with his seatbelt fastened.

“Let’s go eat. Where should we go? There’s a restaurant you liked before near here. Shall we go there?”

To my question while holding the back seat door,

“Tae-rim-ssi, are you hungry?”

Hae-ah returned a different question.

“Huh? No. You more than I…”

As soon as I answered that, I realized, ‘Oops.’ Before I could even finish my sentence, Hae-ah’s lips opened at once. The answer that was about to be uttered was, of course, a refusal.

“Then let’s go home. I don’t really want to eat.”

‘Ah… I should have pretended to be starving…’

It was too late to lament inwardly.

‘Oh dear…’

In my haste, I had made a basic mistake. I should have said, ‘Let’s go together because I’m hungry,’ then even upset Hae-ah would have picked up his fork…

After sitting in the driver’s seat and pondering while moving my lips meaninglessly, I started the engine. Regretfully, I stopped by a drive-thru at a franchise cafe chain. Making excuses that I had never been questioned about, saying that I was too thirsty, I ordered a vanilla shake, a strawberry latte, and a glass of warm milk.

Then, as soon as I received the drinks in the carrier, I pretended to taste them roughly,

“It’s too sweet for me to eat.”

And immediately handed them over to the back seat.

“Why did you order sweet drinks again?”

“I wanted to try a new flavor.”

“You always fail.”

Hae-ah muttered, narrowing his eyes and glancing at my cheek.

“You can’t even drink coffee with sugar. From now on, order an Americano or bottled water. You have to drive, what are you going to do if you’re thirsty?”

It was a very gentle voice, so affectionate that it disappeared before it even reached my ears.

While rattling off pleasant nagging, Hae-ah placed the glass of warm milk in Woo-joo’s hands. If I put a chubby straw in, Woo-joo would drink the milk, albeit clumsily.

Driving very slowly, I glanced at the rearview mirror several times. Hae-ah, sitting next to Woo-joo with his soft baby fat, with a straw in his mouth, was more addictive than any masterpiece drama.

By the time we returned home after the short outing, the sweet shake and strawberry latte were all gone. Hae-ah took care of Woo-joo, and I took care of the plastic cups, crumpled straws, and wet wipes used to wipe Woo-joo’s drool and spilled milk.

I wanted to hold not only Woo-joo but even Hae-ah in my arms, but Hae-ah liked to carry Woo-joo so much that there was nothing I could do. Hae-ah was still bothered by the fact that he couldn’t take care of Woo-joo much when he was a newborn. ‘Well, you were so sick that you couldn’t even get up, so it couldn’t be helped,’ ‘Woo-joo has already forgotten about that time,’ it was no use telling him the truth.

As I was rinsing the plastic cup with strawberry pieces stuck to it in front of the kitchen sink, Hwang Ok-hye’s eyes widened as she approached. After checking even the sweet-smelling shake cup, she took off her apron and said solemnly.

“I’ll pay more attention to dinner tonight.”

Then she grabbed her shopping basket.

“Thank you.”

United in our determination to improve Hae-ah’s gloomy mood, we nodded at each other.

As Hwang Ok-hye headed to the yard with busy steps, she grabbed Do-jin’s collar and sat him next to Hae-ah, who was basking in the sun. She naturally added that his fur was warm to the touch. Leaving behind a totem to soothe the melancholy of the sensitive young master, Hwang Ok-hye immediately went out to do the grocery shopping.

Shaking the water off my wet hands, I also headed to the living room sofa. Leaving the wide space unused, Hae-ah was sitting listlessly like an accessory stuck in the corner of the sofa. It was time to put his limp hand on Do-jin’s back and relieve his hurt feelings.

“Listen, Hae-ah. They say our Woo-joo’s intelligence is very high. He also has excellent empathy, diverse emotional expression, and has already been verified to be smart.”

Hae-ah nodded silently at my words. But his gloomy mood didn’t disappear. The scenery visible through the large living room window was bright and cheerful, but it was as if Hae-ah had rain pouring only on the crown of his head. While combing his crumpled and drooping hair with my hand, I continued.

“He’s like you, so his eye for color is accurate. I know about perfect pitch, but I’ve never seen perfect color sense.”

Only then did Hae-ah meet my gaze.

“Yeah…”

His answer, delivered with a throat rumble, was also a good sign.

There was not an ounce of exaggeration in my words ‘perfect color sense’. Woo-joo already knew how to distinguish colors and knew what to avoid or prefer. Among the many toys, he liked the yellow teddy bear the most, and he would often sob and look for it whenever the doll was washed for cleanliness. So, I bought another identical teddy bear, but he didn’t even glance at the new doll and only looked for the first teddy bear.

After sitting side by side with Hae-ah and comparing them, the only difference between the new teddy bear and the old one was the color of the overalls on the doll’s clothes. One was sky blue, and the other was blue.

‘Cerulean blue? Do you like cerulean blue, Woo-joo?’

Hae-ah adored such Woo-joo. He would squeeze out paints and draw a line or two, telling him about the yellow of forsythia, the pink of shyness, and the blue of the autumn sky… He had a great time playing with various colors.

Woo-joo had been looking up at the mobile that Hae-ah had assembled and painted himself since he was a baby, and he had been enjoying fairy tales made just for him. So, I thought he might be distinguishing and accepting colors more delicately.

In that respect, Woo-joo resembled Hae-ah a lot. When he grew up a little more, he would definitely choose the wallpaper and carpet color, the pillowcase and blanket pattern for his room himself. Saying things like, ‘This is warm ivory, that’s cold white.’

“He looks like me, but the inside is exactly you.”

I was happy to think of Woo-joo in the future, so I said with a smile. But a straight wrinkle formed between Hae-ah’s eyebrows.

“…Is that why?”

“Huh?”

Then he asked a question I didn’t expect at all.

“Is it because I gave birth to him? Is it because I’m lacking that our Woo-joo was born sick?”

Immediately, my body sprang up like a spring. Getting up from my seat, I shouted without realizing it.

“What are you talking about! How can you say such a thing?”

Hae-ah’s surprise was as great as the bewilderment I felt. Gathering both hands in the center of his chest, Hae-ah leaned his upper body deep into the back of the sofa. His eyes widened and his mouth opened silently.

On Hae-ah’s frozen thigh, Do-jin quickly stepped forward with his front paws. He usually listened to me the best, but in an emergency, Do-jin prioritized protecting Hae-ah. My excitement quickly subsided at the sight of the dog standing with his white chest stretched out, as if eloquently saying, ‘Don’t do that!’

“Gosh, you scared me…”

A beat late, Hae-ah whispered.

“…You said you’d never shout at me again.”

“It’s because you’re saying such nonsense, no… such strange things.”

Calming my angry heart, I lowered myself and sat in front of Hae-ah’s knees.

Do-jin was watching me intently with shining black eyes. After stroking his neck to express my apology, he moved his body away from between me and Hae-ah, he was quite a smart fellow.

Thanks to him, I had a moment to catch my breath. Taking a deep breath, I took Hae-ah’s left hand. Slowly stroking the ring finger where the wedding ring was, that was the signal of reconciliation.

And I told him, emphasizing each word.

“Hae-ah. You are the most perfect husband, Omega, and father in the world.”

“……”

“Engrave it in your heart because I’m saying it sincerely.”

“…Why do I have to engrave it in my heart…”

Even so, Hae-ah was caressing the left side of his chest with his right hand.

The more beautiful and lovely he was, the more my heart ached. As for other things, no, in any other matter without exception, Hae-ah was perfect without a single flaw. Especially when it came to Woo-joo, there was no need to say more.

Even if our Woo-joo had a congenital problem, even if any variables occurred in the future, none of it was Hae-ah’s fault.

“You are perfect.”

Stroking Hae-ah’s knees, I said as if to myself. It was a sound that would not be enough even if I said it a hundred or a thousand times more.

“You are my perfect husband. You are the creator of our Woo-joo. You are that Kang Hae-ah.”

My appearance, saying that as if chanting a spell, was reflected transparently in Hae-ah’s brown eyes.

“You are Kang Hae-ah.”

That’s enough. You are Kang Hae-ah. Being Kang Hae-ah is enough…

It’s a wonderful thing. Just by taking a few words of my sincerity and showing them, I can melt Hae-ah’s heart frozen with worry. The fear disappears from his big eyes, and stability and affection fill the space.

Even if sad worries rush in like a tide and sink Hae-ah, it doesn’t matter to me. I can always push away those worries.

That’s what I, Cheon Tae-rim, should do as the person next to Kang Hae-ah. Becoming the moon in front of the old mudflat in Hae-ah’s heart.

If there is another unwritten rule for us, it is that we do not bring any problems of the day to the bed at night. Only each other’s bodies can lie next to Hae-ah and next to me. All other worries, complaints, and negative emotions that can disturb a good night’s sleep are prohibited.

After checking on Woo-joo, who was sound asleep in his cradle, I tiptoed out backwards. I laid down on the bed, which had been warmed by Hae-ah’s body temperature and the languid feeling of the late hour. Sitting next to me, Hae-ah closed the ‘Cheon Woo-joo Childcare Diary’ notebook, which contained the day’s events. And he checked the camera screen showing Woo-joo in the cradle for another 5 minutes.

“Woo-joo must have been tired. He went out and went to the hospital in his own way, geez. Cute… He’s sleeping well without even tossing and turning.”

Setting the tablet PC on the bedside table, from which only the sound of Woo-joo’s gentle breathing could be heard even when the volume was turned up, Hae-ah also lay down next to me. Immediately, I grabbed Hae-ah’s chin and gently moved it to face me.

Kang Hae-ah, a father whose 16 hours of the day are made up of Cheon Woo-joo, finally looked at me. Matching my gaze beautifully, he moved his precious eyes here and there, examining my eyes, nose, and mouth.

Quietly waiting for Hae-ah’s gaze to reach my lips, I reached out. I brought my lips to his soft and smooth lips, which had a beautiful complexion.

I pressed down firmly as if stamping a seal, rubbed them up and down with affection, and sucked hard without being able to resist my possessiveness.

“Ugh…!”

Surprised, Hae-ah’s hand pushed my chest, and I sucked very hard, for a long time, and deeply, until his eyes were tightly closed.

Swooosh!

When I took my lips away, which had been pressed so hard as if sucking in air, Hae-ah’s head moved back with the recoil.

With his lower lip reddened from the deep kiss, Hae-ah blinked his eyes.

“I, I thought you were giving me cupping therapy on my lips…”

“Cute.”

Even that word was cute, so I had to kiss him again.

I licked his upper lip with the tip of my tongue, dug into his parted teeth and ran it over the roof of his mouth, and caressed his timid tongue that came out to greet me with the smallest movement in the sweetest way. My hands were wrapped around Hae-ah’s waist, and Hae-ah’s hands were wrapped around my neck. As I reaffirmed the contours of his body, which I had read so familiarly that I could perfectly draw them even in my dreams, and mixed saliva and rubbed his soft flesh, joy was not far away.

At the end of the soft kiss, each other’s breath lingered at the tip of our noses. After licking between our lips for no reason and briefly making eye contact, Hae-ah slowly climbed on top of me. He seemed to be sitting with his hips on my lower abdomen, and his posture of lying down so that his chest touched mine was flexible.

And slowly, gazes that observed each other passed slowly. The time spent reading each other’s eyes, nose, and lips felt warm.

After a moment of silence, Hae-ah hugged me tightly.

“Cute… I think Tae-rim-ssi is cuter. The cutest in the world… no, the second cutest after Woo-joo.”

When I hugged such Hae-ah back, the unique scent of his skin mixed with the smell of formula.

“You’re more, more cute.”

When I rubbed my nose against his hair past his soft earlobe, Hae-ah’s shoulders, trapped in my arms, shook with playful laughter.

It was a cozy night. Hae-ah and I were both in a very good mood, and the atmosphere around our waists was very strange.

To Hae-ah, who was quietly leaning his face on my shoulder, I conveyed whispers of ‘I like you’ several times. Hae-ah only listened quietly, answering only with the pounding of his heart.

“I love you.”

I trapped Hae-ah in my arms with words like ‘I love you’ and ‘I like you a lot’.

Whenever I look at Hae-ah like this, my love for him never changes. Rather, it deepens even more than before, beating so hard that my heart sometimes aches.

It was a problem because I loved him too much.

Remembering all the pain Hae-ah went through last year, it felt like all that suffering was my fault. …So I felt sorry, and a little scared. Today, Woo-joo’s existence is a blessing, happiness, and even a glorious thing with a somewhat sublime aspect to us, but the three seasons it took for that child to come into the world made Hae-ah sickly and frightened me.

Now, the meaning of the act of sex has become very significant. When I hold the beautiful Hae-ah in my arms, I am filled with joy, but when I habitually slip my hand into his underwear, I hesitate without realizing it. I was very careful and sensitive about voicing such an attitude, fearing that it might hurt Hae-ah. Even though I perfectly understood that Hae-ah would no longer have to go through pregnancy or suffer because of it.

Kang Hae-ah’s existence is not light at all. Rather, it is very heavy. It was as if Hae-ah had his own unique gravity. And I love the sense of stability that gravity gives.

What kind of feeling is this?

“……”

Hae-ah, lying on top of me, his mouth heavy, was also quiet. His deep breathing revealed the weariness of the day. After blinking his eyes for a few minutes, he slid down next to me. It was cute how he snuggled close to my side, trying to find a comfortable sleeping position like a little puppy.

As I stretched my arm out on the pillow, Hae-ah laid his cheek on my forearm as if he had been waiting for it. The bedroom became quiet.

About ten minutes passed like that. A voice flowed from Hae-ah’s lips, who I thought was asleep.

“Today… was a good day.”

I was very happy to hear the whispered words from him, his eyes closed and long eyelashes drooping down.

“Really? Was it?”

As I answered him as if he were a child,

“Yeah.”

Hae-ah’s cheeks rounded out pleasantly.

“Because Tae-rim-ssi is here…. Thanks to Tae-rim-ssi, today was good. It became a good day.”

Following his soft voice, I slowly stretched my head towards his face. And I felt the breath flowing from his words.

“That’s all that matters.”

“Yeah.”

More than the habitually returned answer,

‘Yeah, that’s all that matters.’

My thoughts were delayed because they were frozen.

I spent the dawn looking at Hae-ah’s languid cheeks, lips, eyebrows, and ears. Even the pattern of blood vessels faintly visible on his closed eyelids looked beautiful.

Today was good because of me. Because today was a good day, that’s all that matters. …Repeating the words I heard several times, I was amazed by Hae-ah. I was amazed that Hae-ah knew how to make me happy. With just one word whispered like a sleep talk, today became a good day for me too.

Si Eun-cheol said that. ‘Other people’s children grow up quickly.’ He came with paper bags full of baby toys, clothes, and gifts hanging from both arms, washed his hands thoroughly, sprayed disinfectant all over his body, and then prostrated himself in front of Woo-joo, begging for the indifferent baby’s attention, saying, ‘Woo-joo, Uncle is here,’ ‘Aren’t you glad to see Uncle?’ He said that like a habit every time.

‘Other people’s children grow up fast, and it’s true.’

That statement was half right and half wrong. Not only from the perspective of the fake uncle who felt that Woo-joo had suddenly grown up every time he saw him, but also from the perspective of me, the father, my child’s growth was so fast that I regretted each day. Is this what parents feel? We often had conversations with Hae-ah about how we felt sad because he seemed to be growing up too fast.

The fact that our feelings were not just simple feelings or illusions was proven by the Doctor who met Woo-joo every Monday morning.

“Woo-joo, you… you look like your Father!”

Holding Woo-joo’s outstretched ankles and shaking them gently up and down, the Doctor smiled with wide eyes. Woo-joo, unconcerned by the expert’s playful gestures, quietly held onto Hae-ah’s thumb.

Passing the dignified baby patient who didn’t cry or fuss, the Doctor’s gaze immediately fixed on me. …Yeah, I knew it. Whenever they admired Woo-joo for ‘looking like his Father,’ that ‘Father’ was always me, one hundred percent of the time. Even I could see that his eyes, already exuding a fierce energy, his nose with distinct shadows for a baby, and his seemingly taciturn lips were at the level of a Cheon Tae-rim mold.

But that unique point didn’t seem to be limited to his face alone.

“At this point, he’s in the top 5 percent in terms of weight among babies of the same gestational age. His height is the tallest I’ve seen among babies.”

“Ah….”

No wonder…. Every time I bought clothes recommended at the store according to his gestational age, I seemed to fail. I complained about why the sleeves and pants were so short, but it turned out that Woo-joo’s height was unusual.

“He could be a model when he grows up!”

To the Doctor’s compliment, given to be pleasant to hear,

“I won’t make him do such a hard job. Self-management is difficult, and if he’s an Asian male model, the pay is relatively low.”

Hae-ah, who had already considered all sorts of occupations as Woo-joo’s future aspirations, answered more seriously than anyone else.

“If he goes into fashion, I think Woo-joo would be better suited to being a creator rather than someone who wears clothes. Since his Father is a writer, the barrier to entry into the art world is low, no matter what path he takes.”

‘How could it only be low? It’s nonexistent, nonexistent.’

He’s not just a writer Father, but the only son of ‘Kang Hae-ah the writer.’ He’s also the only grandson of Chairman Kang Jun-il of Han-seong Corporation, and even if you disregard the Kang family, his other Father is a businessman, his grandfather is a prosecutor general, and his grandmother is the eldest daughter of a steel company.

There’s no way there would be obstacles in Woo-joo’s career path. He could study as much as he wanted, and the same goes for art. Even if he did sports, he would receive full support. Because he’s an Alpha who accounts for 80% of gold medalists, and that trait is extremely Dominant.

The worries given to Woo-joo’s life are already clear. It’s the glossy conflict unique to Nepo Babies, who have to overcome their parents’ fame. If he goes into business, he’ll have to overcome me, who founded AOM at the age of twenty-eight, and if he goes into art, he’ll have to overcome Kang Hae-ah, who turned the Hong Kong auction market upside down at the age of twenty-six.

Well, he can probably do that much. He’s our child, not anyone else’s. He properly inherited my genes and traits, and he’ll live his whole life receiving Hae-ah’s love and support, so if he can’t even do that, can he even be called an Alpha?

Hae-ah’s thoughts were no different from mine. His voice, discussing Woo-joo’s future that he had imagined dozens of times every day, was like a small bird boasting about its chick.

Woo-joo didn’t seem to care whether his Father was bragging about him to the Doctor or not. He kept his mouth shut and half-opened his eyes, simply wrapping his arms around Hae-ah’s neck. Even that action was something to be proud of for Hae-ah.

“Look at this. He’s been hugging me like this since last Sunday. Now he can stand up on his own, and he staggers while holding onto the sofa or Do-jin, oh, that’s our dog’s name… Anyway, he holds onto the dog’s back. He even pretends to walk a little.”

As Hae-ah spoke excitedly, the Doctor nodded and quickly typed on the typewriter. He praised Woo-joo, emphasizing that his growth was very fast and above average.

However, as soon as the story of ‘average’ came out, Hae-ah’s joy was cut off. Despite being superior to others in every other aspect, there was one thing that Woo-joo couldn’t do as much as ‘average.’

Raising his back from the back of the chair, Hae-ah asked.

“Will Woo-joo speak this week?”

At those words, the Doctor’s hand stopped completely. He also tapped the enter key twice meaninglessly with a ‘hmm’ sound.

My gaze passed over Woo-joo’s blank face and reached Hae-ah’s profile. The speed at which the light disappeared from his eyes, which had been sparkling with anticipation, was surprisingly fast. Hae-ah was moving his lips as if urging an answer, but he couldn’t easily make a sound, fearing that a negative story would come back.

The same question was also lingering in my throat. Just in case there was a problem that we couldn’t find out even with dozens of tests, I was just swallowing it, not knowing how to share the shock that Hae-ah would receive in that case.

With a face that was as comfortable as it was heartless, Woo-joo still hadn’t said a single word. I didn’t even expect him to call me ‘Father.’ I just hoped he would make even a single syllable of babbling, like ‘ah’ or ‘oh.’

However, the Doctor’s diagnosis had been stuck at the same stage for three weeks already.

“Let’s wait a little longer.”

“……”

Now Hae-ah wasn’t curious about how many days that ‘little’ was. The worries that had filled his heart as the days went by had grown so much that he might not want to confirm the reality of it anymore.

On the way out of the hospital after making the next appointment, we sympathized with each other’s hearts in silence. Whether he knew that his Fathers were worrying about him or not, Woo-joo was immersed in a nap with his chubby cheeks pressed against Hae-ah’s shoulder.

Hae-ah got into the car very slowly, trying not to wake the sleeping Woo-joo.

I should feed Hae-ah expensive food and sweet desserts today…, as soon as I grabbed the steering wheel with that plan, I changed my mind.

“I can’t do that. I have to change the destination.”

Checking on the sleeping Woo-joo in the rearview mirror, I whispered softly, and

“Huh?”

Hae-ah asked back, mixing half air and half voice.

“Where are you going?”

Instead of answering the question, I carefully drove the car. It was because I knew Hae-ah would say something like, ‘Let’s do it next time,’ ‘Let’s come next time,’ and show me a disheartened voice if I told him the destination now.

As expected, as soon as he checked the destination that appeared beyond the car window, Hae-ah frowned, pulling down the ends of his eyebrows. It was in front of my parents’ house, where he would normally run in like an excited puppy and look for ‘Mother.’

With an uncharacteristically subdued attitude, Hae-ah rolled his eyes around.

“Tae-rim-ssi. Let’s… come next time. Today, I’m a little….”

Then he whispered the words that didn’t deviate from my expectations at all, like a criminal.

Deliberately ignoring such Hae-ah, I parked the car in the parking lot, turned off the engine, and unfastened my seatbelt.

“Let’s go in. It’s the time when Mother is alone. She said she wanted to see Woo-joo after a long time. And you too.”

Five days ago was Hae-ah’s health checkup day. On that day, Mother also came to our house, took care of Woo-joo all day, cooked baby food and porridge, slept over at night, and returned home the next day. Still, if Mother said it was after a long time, then it was after a long time.

Who is Kang Hae-ah? He was the beloved and affectionate youngest one who had charmed all the Cheon family members. If she hadn’t seen him for five days, she would have been sick with longing.

“Our little puppy!”

As expected, Mother ran out past the shoe rack to the front door. Then she hugged ‘little puppy’ Hae-ah and was busy looking at his face here and there.

“Why do you look so pale? Didn’t you have lunch?”

Hae-ah nodded obediently to the words of concern. He hadn’t eaten yet, so it wasn’t a lie.

“We’re on our way back from the hospital. The Doctor said Woo-joo’s legs are longer than other kids’.”

To my explanation given in place of Hae-ah, Mother said, ‘I see.’ She was more curious than anyone else about Woo-joo’s condition, especially whether he had started talking, but she never asked first. Knowing such Mother, I decided to send a rescue request signal to Mother today as well.

Mother had a particularly divine aspect in front of us. Even if we didn’t list our worries, she saw through me and Hae-ah’s hearts and would throw out the necessary words. The stories she threw out like the wind or basking in the sun were often very helpful.

“Woo-joo looks exactly like Tae-rim.”

Mother smiled as she took the sleeping Woo-joo, drooling, into her arms, not even knowing that he had come to his grandmother’s house.

“He doesn’t talk much, doesn’t cry, and doesn’t ask for anything. It was exactly like when I raised our Tae-rim. Even if guests came, they wouldn’t even know it was a house with a baby for half a day.”

“Really?”

While fiddling with a teacup with dewdrops forming on it, Hae-ah was now shining his eyes.

“Of course. He didn’t even whine when he woke up from sleep, and his babbling was so late.”

“Really? Was Tae-rim-ssi like that?”

To the question filled with curiosity, Mother started looking for an old album. As soon as I saw the album with the three letters ‘Cheon Tae-rim’ and the old year written on the name tag sticker with a magic marker, I picked up Woo-joo and headed to the living room sofa. It was time for memories that would last at least thirty minutes.

“Wow, what is this? I thought it was a picture of our Woo-joo.”

While looking through my childhood photos, Hae-ah laughed, expressed affection saying ‘cute,’ and even opened his wallet trying to insert my photo, saying, ‘Can’t I have this photo?’

“I shouldn’t show this album to Woo-joo. It contains all the spoilers of his life.”

To the impression given with a shake of the head, Mother laughed and I laughed too. Because my chest, where he was resting his head and drooling, was heaving, Woo-joo frowned his soft brow.

After a long time of pleasant chatter, Hae-ah sighed softly. And asked.

“How did you wait? When Tae-rim-ssi didn’t talk.”

“I just, knew.”

While taking out a small photo from the album, Mother replied casually. She just knew, that he would talk someday. That he would look for his Mom and look for his Father.

“That’s what parents’ hearts are like. You don’t need a plausible reason. You can just know. You just know and wait as your heart goes.”

While receiving the photo of me around the age of two, staring straight ahead with a expressionless gaze, Hae-ah nodded. His clear face looked fresher than before, and there was strength in his nod.

Whether he took the murmuring voices as white noise, Woo-joo woke up when the whole house became quiet. He seemed to be staring at me, who was wiping the drool from the corner of his mouth, but Woo-joo soon looked for Hae-ah. He could have greeted his grandmother, whom he hadn’t seen in a long time, but Woo-joo wanted Hae-ah more right now, now that his nap time was over. So he stretched out his arms and waited for his affectionate Father to run over and hug him.

“Our Woo-joo.”

Hae-ah smiled as he firmly held Woo-joo, who was still mumbling with the energy of a sweet nap. The kiss he left on the forehead of the baby, whose bones were all soft and skin was delicate, looked very sweet.

When I watched those two, I felt a strange emotion that had never been mine in my life. It wasn’t loneliness or resentment, but a strange sense of isolation. When I saw Hae-ah making eye contact with the small baby born from his womb and smiling endlessly, when I saw Woo-joo liking such Hae-ah more than anyone else in the world and following him with his eyes from the moment he opened his eyes in the morning until he fell asleep in the evening. The most lovely appearance of them was an inviolable area even for me. That was Hae-ah and Woo-joo’s world.

“I just know.”

Pretending not to hear Hae-ah’s self-talk, as if making a promise, I stretched unnecessarily.

That’s how the morning outing became an early evening outing. It was only after finishing a feast that filled the table until the legs almost broke, until Hae-ah waved his hands saying, ‘I’m too full to eat anymore,’ that we could return home.

Woo-joo’s excellent athletic ability, which he was born with, was especially shining during meal times. From Monday to Friday, he would grab Hae-ah’s hands, ears, cheeks, nose, and hair, and on weekend mornings, he would fiddle with the beard on my chin. From the moment a spoon was held in Woo-joo’s small hand, it was a disaster. To be exact, it was a baby spoon in the shape of a combination of a fork and a spoon, but anyway.

Because of our son, the ‘farmer ajusshi’ in the conceptual story that the elders often talk about must have cried a lot. He would push the food that was minced, ground, and cut to be easy to eat this way and that way, throwing it and flinging it, and it was common for it to fall under the small children’s table. It wasn’t just a day or two that I saw Do-jin feasting under there.

Bright yellow steamed pumpkin and sweet potato, well-cooked scrambled eggs, and sliced and blanched beef were thrown in parabolas across the kitchen floor and sometimes even into the living room. If a baby shot put competition were held, the gold medal would be a sure thing.

Thanks to that, there was even less need to train Do-jin. Without even a sliver of worry, Do-jin came to like Woo-joo, who provided him with unlimited snacks.

Along with unlimited loyalty to his little protector, Do-jin’s weight also increased.

This weekend morning was no different. Do-jin, his pink belly plump, was napping and snoring. Hae-ah filled a pasta bowl with baby food and sat at the table. Then he tried to stimulate Woo-joo’s appetite by eating a bite or two himself.

“Mmm, delicious. Father has to eat it all.”

While readily abandoning the food served in the cute and adorable baby dishes, Woo-joo showed great interest in the food Hae-ah ate, served in Hae-ah’s ‘adult dish.’ He would stretch out his small hands, signaling that he wanted some too, and only then would their late breakfast usually begin.

A fulfilling lunch for both the puppy and the baby, and the weather was wonderfully sunny. While Hae-ah wiped Woo-joo’s mouth, I made new plans to spend this weekend meaningfully.

‘If he interacts with other babies, he might start mimicking them soon.’

Before today was over, I really wanted to hear Woo-joo’s voice. More precisely, ‘I wanted to let him be heard.’ The reason was the ‘Cheon Woo-joo Childcare Diary,’ filled with thousands of lines of Hae-ah’s handwriting, pressed so firmly that the marks showed on the next page, and sentences I had scribbled in my handwriting, which Mother said resembled Father’s so much that even she couldn’t tell them apart. That notebook, packed with records of his growth, now had only one page left.

Before that precious first diary was closed, I hoped that the first word Woo-joo uttered would be written down. I wanted to give Hae-ah the joy of writing down that one word.

And so, in search of a new stimulus to unlock Woo-joo’s speech, I discovered our destination: an infant playground.

As always, Hae-ah liked the destination I had chosen. He seemed excited, saying it was good timing as he had been wondering if Woo-joo could get along with children his age, and then he dashed off to the dressing room.

Then, he picked out matching outfits for me and Woo-joo, saying,

“Hurry up and change. It’s a set for Father and son.”

He handed over a sweatshirt and cardigan. The XXL men’s size was for me, and the baby-sized T-shirt, small enough to be mistaken for a dog’s outfit, was immediately put on Woo-joo.

“Even if we don’t wear this, everyone knows. That Woo-joo is my son….”

It was no use grumbling about why we had to wear matching outfits when our faces were already identical.

Cheon Tae-rim and Cheon Woo-joo looked so alike that if you made up a story about them coming from the future to meet their past selves, or being doppelgangers whose meeting would endanger one of their lives, or being twins with a huge age difference, or even being clones, ninety-nine out of a hundred people would believe it. The one person who wouldn’t be fooled would probably be blind.

Hae-ah loved ‘our’ faces the most in the world. He already had a smile on his lips and a camera strap around his neck. How could I refuse when he was so excited, grinning like a mischievous child, and wanted to play dolls? In the end, both Cheon Tae-rim and Cheon Woo-joo had to wear the same clothes.

The playground we found was quite spacious and pleasant. It was worth driving over an hour to get there. The center of the indoor facility was well-decorated as a playground with a large lounge, and independent room spaces were connected all around. There was also a café selling tea and milk. Many parents were watching their children play through the glass windows.

“It’s nice. It’s not too crowded.”

Hae-ah’s reaction was positive. Still, I secretly regretted it. I should have let Hae-ah rest at home and come out with Woo-joo alone.

There were many young children in the ball pool and on the mats piled high with dolls. There were also a few babies who looked to be Woo-joo’s age. They were all excited, giggling, shouting, and babbling. The clumsy and noisy voices immediately captivated my ears. It wouldn’t be any different for Hae-ah.

“Kya!”

A little girl with pigtails tied with cherry-shaped bobbles shouted from afar. She looked excited and cheerful as she threw a soft ball and played. Hae-ah’s eyes as he watched her were peculiar.

Putting my arm around Hae-ah’s shoulder, who seemed to be deep in thought, I led him to the room space I had reserved.

“Let’s go play over there.”

The plan to have Woo-joo mingle with children his age had already been erased. The room, decorated like a large dollhouse, was quite cozy. We left the light purple door wide open, but that was it. Hae-ah started playing with Woo-joo, and I was busy capturing the two of them with my camera.

Woo-joo showed interest in the colorful rubber blocks. They were new toys that I had never bought him, thinking they might be dangerous for Woo-joo to play with.

I only realized this year, but Hae-ah was naturally talented at taking care of babies. He read fairy tales well, sang lullabies well, and played so well with any toy that he could make Woo-joo smile brightly. As Hae-ah started building a house by stacking square, triangle, and circle blocks, Woo-joo’s eyes sparkled.

“What color should we make the roof? Should we build a red maple leaf house, or a blue wave house?”

Then, Hae-ah placed a red triangle block and a blue square block in Woo-joo’s hands. Woo-joo looked very serious and thoughtful as he carefully examined the block house that was nearing completion.

At that moment, a small shadow was cast behind the two fathers as seen through the camera lens.

‘Click.’

After pressing the shutter for the twentieth time, I glanced at the light purple door. A boy with a buzz cut, awkwardly holding the yellow doorknob, was watching Hae-ah and Woo-joo with a hesitant attitude. He looked to be about two years old, wearing a Super Ranger vest and a plastic armband. I could tell at a glance that he was a boy with a strong personality.

‘Did he come because he was captivated by Hae-ah’s voice?’

The thought came to me naturally, as the boy seemed mesmerized by the gentle ‘Forsythia-blooming rabbit house story’ that Hae-ah was reciting. It was a newly made-up fairy tale, where he put a thumb-sized rabbit doll inside a fence made by surrounding the blocks and sprinkled a few yellow balls.

The stranger watched Hae-ah and Woo-joo with a fairly absorbed expression, concentrating more than a child usually would. Just as I was wondering what this situation was and our eyes were about to meet, the boy said.

“Me too.”

“Huh?”

Only then did Hae-ah notice the stranger. Succeeding in attracting Hae-ah’s attention, the boy seemed embarrassed and unnecessarily picked up a whale doll that had fallen on the floor. Then, he toddled over to Hae-ah and Woo-joo.

“Here.”

In a cute voice, the boy held out the whale doll to Woo-joo.

Hae-ah’s and my gazes met in the air, then immediately turned to Woo-joo. I was certain that at that moment, Hae-ah and I were thinking the same thing.

‘Could our Woo-joo be making his first friend?’

Such a delightful thought.

Disappointingly, Woo-joo wasn’t interested in the boy who had approached him first. With a face devoid of smiles, he barely glanced at his friend and turned his gaze back to the rubber block in his hand. His chubby cheeks and big, cute eyes, and his rejecting attitude was so cold that even I was surprised.

The boy, openly ignored, just stared blankly at Woo-joo, seemingly flustered.

‘He’s going to cry.’

Worried about causing unnecessary misunderstandings, I quickly looked around. I was thinking of finding the buzz-cut boy’s parents. I couldn’t just pick up someone else’s child and move him or coldly kick him out.

At that moment, the boy took a sudden action. He strongly pushed the whale doll, which he had been holding out to Woo-joo as if telling him to take it, against Woo-joo’s head. It was a very soft impact that didn’t even make a sound, but it was a huge deal to us. Not only Hae-ah and I, but even the puppy Do-jin, had never pushed Woo-joo like that.

Even with the ‘being hit’ experience that he was experiencing for the first time in his life, Woo-joo was surprisingly indifferent. Even as his forehead was pushed by the whale doll’s head once more, again, and a third time, Woo-joo didn’t cry or get angry. The expression on his face as he blinked his eyes and looked at the stranger seemed as if he didn’t know how to react.

It all happened in just a few seconds. I reached for the bell to call an employee, and Hae-ah took the whale doll from the boy.

“Okay, thank you. I’ll take this.”

That attitude surprised me again. Instead of snatching it away and scolding him, he was being very kind, saying that he would take the doll instead of him, and thanking him for bringing the doll.

Seeming relieved by the attention Hae-ah gave him, the boy started to whine. Unlike Woo-joo, the buzz-cut boy was very talkative. Play with me too, me too, let’s play, let’s play…. Hae-ah looked at the boy, who kept repeating the same words endlessly, with a troubled expression.

“Hey, what’s your name? Huh? Where are your mom and dad…? Or moms… or dads… Anyway, where’s the adult who came with you?”

Instead of answering the question, the boy leaned against Hae-ah’s knee. Then, he insisted that he wanted to play with them too. He seemed to think that Hae-ah and Woo-joo’s block play was very fun.

“I’ll send him out first. Then his parents will come looking for him.”

As I reached out my arm, Hae-ah stopped me.

“Wait a minute, Tae-rim-ssi. What if there’s a problem….”

At that moment, Woo-joo got up from his seat. Holding a red and blue block in each hand, Woo-joo approached Hae-ah. More precisely, he approached the boy sitting on Hae-ah’s lap, then stretched out his right arm and held out the block. The gesture looked like he was trying to make peace by offering to let his friend build the roof.

“Woo-joo.”

No sooner had Hae-ah, who was more easily and quickly moved than anyone else, made a tearful sound, than—

Thwack!

The blue block, thrown from Woo-joo’s hand as if it had been launched, fell on the boy’s stomach.

“……”

“……”

Hae-ah and I were speechless for a moment. The boy, who had been hit by the block on his Super Ranger vest, also fell silent at once. He just stared at Woo-joo with wide eyes.

Before I could even properly grasp the situation, my hand moved on its own. Like an accomplice trying to get rid of evidence, I picked up the blue block lying on the floor and threw it far away. Then I said.

“Woo-joo… was going to give him the block, but he dropped it. Right?”

Leaving behind the most awkward lie I had ever uttered, I got up from my seat.

“I’ll call an employee.”

As I went out to the lounge and scanned the surroundings, I ran into an employee wearing a uniform. She seemed busy, wiping her hands on her apron as she approached, as if she had heard the call bell alarm.

“You called? Is there a problem?”

Facing her, who was wearing a smile that seemed to have the six letters ‘kind service’ engraved on it, I wiped away my troubled expression with a dry wash of my face and said.

“A boy came into our room. Please check where that boy’s mom or dad…, or moms or dads…, no. Anyway, where his guardian is.”

“Ah! A boy? Yes. I’m sorry. Please wait a moment.”

While the employee was communicating with a walkie-talkie to find the guardian of ‘a boy,’ I looked again beyond the light purple door. Just then, Hae-ah was patting the stranger’s vest and comforting him.

“I’m sorry. Woo-joo doesn’t seem to want to play with you.”

On the other hand, Woo-joo was moving separately from Hae-ah, who was trying to let the boy know that he was being rejected. He seemed to be quietly watching his father comforting the stranger, then turned his gaze to the fallen block. Then he picked up the white circle block and put it down, and picked up the red triangle block again. The way he moved his chubby legs and toddled over, out of Hae-ah’s sight, was impressive.

He then hit the stranger’s shoulder with the block….

“Ouch.”

After hitting the boy’s shoulder, the triangle block bounced all the way out the door. Hae-ah, who hadn’t seen anything decisive, didn’t know the stranger’s annoyed reaction or Woo-joo’s intentions as he stood quietly behind him. He just let out a flustered voice and said, ‘Let’s continue building the toy house later,’ and tried to soothe him.

But I knew. I had witnessed everything. Woo-joo didn’t want to finish building the toy house, nor was he trying to hand the block to his friend but missed. There was a clear intention behind the actions of our son, my other self, Cheon Woo-joo.

‘Stay away from my dad.’

Yes.

Woo-joo, he resembled me….

‘Is he a genius?’

As I stared at the back of Woo-joo’s head, his small hands clenched into tight fists, I was lost in absurd thoughts.

‘…How did he know that hitting with the corner would hurt more?’

Then, I quickly picked up the triangular block that had fallen at my feet and put it in my cardigan pocket in a hurry. And I stood up straight as if nothing had happened.

Not long after, a short female employee brought a young man in jeans. His worried expression and busy steps made him look like a guardian who had lost his troublemaking child, even at a glance. My heart, which had been thinking, ‘I should say something to the parents when I see their faces, wondering what they were doing that they didn’t even know where their child was,’ instantly subsided.

He looked too young to be the father of a two-year-old. Was he twenty, twenty-one years old? He was tall and handsome, but his skin was pale, and his navy jersey and jeans were stained with what looked like crayon marks or snack crumbs, and the fatigue of childcare was wafting from his entire body.

His complexion worsened as he confirmed that I was the parent he had to deal with.

“I’m sorry.”

He apologized right away without even having time to look at my face and explain the situation. He seemed to think that his child was at fault, which was natural without even having to ask. Seeing his pitiful appearance, even the strength in my shoulders drained away.

‘Anyway, our Woo-joo didn’t do anything right either….’

So I bowed my head in return and greeted him.

“It’s okay. Boys are all like that, you know.”

“It’s a daughter….”

“……”

Soon, he bent down and entered the room to find his daughter, who wanted to become a Super Ranger.

“Lee-ji. Come out here. Let’s go quickly.”

He was quick to hug his troublemaking daughter, apologizing repeatedly to Hae-ah, saying, ‘I’m sorry.’ The child readily snuggled into her young father’s arms, but insisted that she didn’t want to go and wanted to play in this room. She was truly a very talkative, loud, and stubborn child.

‘She’s the complete opposite of Woo-joo.’

Worried that Woo-joo might pick up the third block, I took care of our child separately. Hae-ah had a few words with the young guardian, saying, ‘We have to go now,’ ‘Let’s say ‘goodbye,’ goodbye,’ to the girl who was clinging to his arms. He looked relaxed, as if he had never been flustered, as he lightly gestured and explained the situation.

As I quietly watched him, I looked down at Woo-joo in my left arm. Woo-joo also quietly looked at Hae-ah, then looked up at me.

Moving my right hand, I took out the triangular block I had hidden in my cardigan pocket and showed it to him. Then Woo-joo reached out his hand. As I stretched the red block far up, Woo-joo’s arm also stretched out along with me. But it wasn’t enough to grab the block.

“Cheon Woo-joo.”

Looking down at Woo-joo’s clear eyes, I said.

“If you do that again, I’m going to tell Hae-ah Father everything.”

Hae-ah was at the end of the index finger that I stretched out with the hand holding the triangular block. Whether he understood my warning or not, Woo-joo’s eyes, whose thoughts I couldn’t read, were large. Hae-ah was in his gaze again.

“Hae-ah Father doesn’t like it when you hit other friends and are violent. I know from experience, that’s a deduction point. If you do that in front of Hae-ah Father? He’ll cry a lot and be upset.”

I put my lips to Woo-joo’s ear and whispered those words one by one. I knew how much Woo-joo loved Hae-ah. Ever since he was able to clench his fingers and grab things, Woo-joo had always been holding Hae-ah’s finger tightly.

“You wouldn’t want Hae-ah Father to dislike Woo-joo, would you?”

Woo-joo’s arm, which had been stretched out towards the block, slowly went down. The little guy, so small and young that he could be held in one of my arms, dropped his two hands on his small knees. His attitude seemed timid and sullen.

“……”

Changing my posture, I firmly hugged Woo-joo’s chubby waist and butt with both arms. Like a thoughtful puppy, Woo-joo completely leaned his body against my upper body, making a cute and thoughtful expression. Meeting the eyes of the child who had comfortably drooped his head, I whispered the question I had wanted to ask all along.

“Why don’t you talk? Woo-joo. Just tell me. Huh?”

Just like Hae-ah, I knew everything about Woo-joo. I just, could know.

“You know how to talk.”

Cheon Woo-joo can’t not talk. He’s just not doing it.

It was a purely unfounded belief.

Even in the seat next to Hae-ah, who had fallen asleep leaning against the back of the car seat, even after we got home, bathed him, applied lotion, and changed him into his pajamas, even after he ate a bowl of baby food neatly at dinner, Woo-joo was no different from yesterday.

Quietly, silently, he remained silent.

Holding a teddy bear in one arm and a small piece of apple in the other, Woo-joo was munching away. Hae-ah looked at him and smiled weakly.

“After dealing with another kid today, I think it might be a good thing that Woo-joo is quiet and doesn’t talk much. That girl’s dad was even jealous of our Woo-joo.”

I cleared my throat for no reason at the gentle story he told. After rinsing my throat with a sip of lukewarm water, I answered calmly, trying to act nonchalant.

“He said that?”

“Yes. He said that his daughter is always causing trouble and making noise, never staying still for a second.”

Hae-ah raised his eyebrows and spoke in a light voice. His expression was indifferent, and the way he twirled the pasta on his fork looked relaxed.

“So, I’m okay, Tae-rim-ssi.”

At his sudden words, I wiped my mouth with my hand.

“Huh? What are you okay with?”

As soon as I asked casually,

“Even if the first volume of Woo-joo’s parenting diary ends like this.”

Hae-ah nonchalantly continued, his sharp words poking at my insides.

“Was that what you were worried about? That I would be disappointed?”

“……”

Will the day ever come when I fully understand the man named Kang Hae-ah? I don’t know.

Even after understanding him as the mascot of Hanseong Group, learning how to handle him as an Omega, and getting used to life with him as a spouse, Hae-ah still surprised me like this. The field I love the most and pay the most attention to is ‘Kang Hae-ah,’ and he still captivated my interest. By accurately understanding and comforting me, Cheon Tae-rim, of all people.

“As for our Woo-joo, and as for our Tae-rim-ssi, I don’t get disappointed. No, I don’t know how to. Not like that.”

With that, Hae-ah smiled. It wasn’t the fake smile he easily showed in front of others. It was the kind of smile that made the corners of his mouth lift involuntarily, the moment his brown eyes were filled with affection. A smile just for me, a smile for my sake.

“So, Tae-rim-ssi, I’m okay.”

It was a way of telling me not to worry, not to try so hard.

Strangely, that beautiful smile and gentle whisper scratched at me. A strange impulse suddenly surged. I was the kind of guy who couldn’t be satisfied with Hae-ah ‘not being disappointed.’ Even if Hae-ah said he was okay, I wasn’t okay with him just being ‘okay.’

I wanted Kang Hae-ah to be incredibly happy. I wanted him to be completely satisfied, with nothing more to wish for. I wanted him to be so happy, without any worries, looking forward to tomorrow and turning the next page of his life.

“Cheon Woo-joo.”

So, I suddenly looked at Woo-joo. Without thinking, I reached out and snatched away the teddy bear, the cerulean overalls-wearing bear, the child’s beloved toy.

“Tae-rim-ssi?”

I didn’t care that Hae-ah was trying to stop me. I wanted to give our son, Woo-joo, an experience he had never had in his short and happy life.

“I’m taking your teddy bear? If Woo-joo doesn’t talk, this isn’t Woo-joo’s anymore. Dad’s going to take it and put it in the washing machine.”

Then I hid the teddy bear behind my back. I wedged it into the back of the dining chair and pressed it down with my back. I showed Woo-joo my empty hands.

“I really took it, right? It’s gone now. Teddy bear, it’s not yours anymore.”

Hae-ah opened his mouth at my brazen attitude. He stared blankly at me for a long time, then muttered to himself in a voice barely audible.

“Tae-rim-ssi… You’re so petty…”

But what mattered to me was Woo-joo’s reaction. Even though he had lost his beloved doll, Woo-joo just stared at me blankly. His attitude of putting down the piece of apple in his hand and the dissatisfaction in his clear eyes were evident. But he didn’t seem to hate it enough to cry.

“What are we going to do if even Tae-rim-ssi becomes a child?”

‘Hoo,’ Hae-ah sighed exaggeratedly and soothed Woo-joo. The hand that wiped the apple juice from his hand and stroked his cheek was gentle and tender.

At that moment, I realized the greatest stimulus I could give Woo-joo. There was only one being in this world that Woo-joo would want enough to speak for. Not a friend to talk to, not a cool new toy, not the teddy bear he hugged to sleep every night, but a being he had since the moment he was born and had never been taken away from him.

Kang Hae-ah.

I jumped up from my seat and grabbed Hae-ah’s wrist. I grabbed his hand that had been stroking Woo-joo with both of my hands and pulled him up, and Hae-ah followed me and stood up.

His clear and cute eyes, as if scolding me, ‘What are you doing, interrupting our meal?’ were useless.

It was time to take Kang Hae-ah away from Woo-joo.

“Cheon Woo-joo. Hae-ah Dad isn’t yours either.”

With that, I took Hae-ah out of the kitchen. As he and I walked away with heavy footsteps, Woo-joo moved his head back and forth in a panic. But all he could do was try, as he was safely strapped into his high chair.

“Tae-rim-ssi. What’s wrong with you?”

Hae-ah whispered, laughing as if he was dumbfounded, and

“Shh.”

I hid Hae-ah in the hallway leading to the study.

Then I returned to the table and stood there, blocking Woo-joo’s view with my body. Every time Woo-joo stretched his neck to find the disappeared Hae-ah, I moved half a step to block him, and said loudly as if threatening him.

“Hae-ah Dad is gone now. Do you know why? I took him. Your dad is mine.”

“……”

“Didn’t you know? Your dad was originally mine. Not yours.”

As I seriously uttered words that someone who didn’t know the situation would misunderstand if they only heard the audio, I heard a snicker from behind me. At the voice calling me ‘Tae-rim-ssi,’ I turned my head to look at Hae-ah.

Hae-ah was peeking out from the hallway, frowning and smiling.

But that absurd smile didn’t last long. Hae-ah was clearly smiling with his mouth closed in front of me, but I heard a familiar title from behind me.

“Tae-rim-ssi.”

“……”

It was a voice I had never heard before. A voice I had wanted to hear so much, a voice I had prayed for, even if it was just a mumble, anything would be fine.

Slowly turning around, I looked down at Woo-joo. With his big eyes wide open and his mouth wide open, a mouth that had never been hurt and was only soft, Woo-joo said.

In a clumsy and high-pitched voice, unique to children,

“Tae-rim-ssi.”

Once again, he clearly said it.

It was a sound that couldn’t be distinguished whether it was ‘Tae-rim’ or ‘Ttae-rim.’ While banging on the high chair tray with his palm, with a face that was so angry as if it was the first time he had been so upset since he was born, our son’s first words were ‘Tae-rim-ssi.’

The content was a protest to return Kang Hae-ah.

On the last page of the first volume of ‘Cheon Woo-joo’s Parenting Diary,’ Hae-ah shed tears. I was the only one who was sad that Woo-joo’s first words were not ‘Dad’ looking for Hae-ah, but ‘Tae-rim-ssi’ scolding me. Rather, Hae-ah was happy. That the words Woo-joo had memorized were the three letters ‘Tae-rim-ssi’ that came out of his mouth every day.

“I’ve finished writing today’s diary. Tae-rim-ssi, write a line too.”

With that, Hae-ah handed me the thick diary. While he disappeared into the bathroom to wash up, I rolled the pen in one hand and opened the diary.

And I was embarrassed.

Reaching the last page of the first parenting diary, Hae-ah had written a long letter. Except for the one line of space he had left for me, the palm-sized notebook was filled with words, and all the words were so beautiful. It was a letter to Woo-joo in the future.

Cheon Woo-joo, I was happy throughout the time I carried you, and every day since you were born has been happy. Thank you for coming into the world, thank you for being born as my child. If I could, I would want to carry you again and give birth to you again, because every moment was so truly happy, I would do the same thing any number of times.

Silently looking at the writing, I wasted time. I could only look at it, I didn’t know what emotions to feel or what reply to leave. I felt like a complete idiot.

I didn’t know that Hae-ah had been happy all along. I didn’t know at all that the whole process of giving birth to and raising our child was just a thankful thing.

Because I regretted it. Because I was just heartbroken the whole time I was watching Hae-ah going through painful, agonizing, and difficult times. Because I was so afraid of losing Hae-ah.

Today, until midnight, I was obsessed with the idea that I had to protect Hae-ah. I thought that my Omega, my husband, my Kang Hae-ah, was a weak, scarred, and sensitive person. I thought that it was my job to protect Hae-ah from getting hurt and to embrace him without fear.

But it was the opposite.

In fact, I was the coward.

Hae-ah knew how to endure everything, he was just happy because of Woo-joo, but I was terrified next to him. I just thought that I never wanted to go back to the past again.

I couldn’t believe that he felt rewarded and happy even in the difficult times of carrying Woo-joo, and that he wanted to carry Woo-joo again if he could.

“Hae-ah. Do you want to carry Woo-joo again?”

I asked Hae-ah, who had walked out with his hair not completely dry, wrapped in a bathrobe.

“Even after going through so much trouble?”

I don’t know, but my expression must have been very strange right now. Hae-ah couldn’t hide his surprised expression and came to me, stroking my cheek as he did to Woo-joo.

I sat Hae-ah on my lap. It was okay if the moisture from Hae-ah got on my clothes. I couldn’t help it because I wanted to hug Hae-ah right away, I wanted to trap the writing Hae-ah had written and his heart in my arms.

“Why?”

I asked without waiting for an answer.

“You, you were sick. It was hard for you. Even after giving birth to Woo-joo, you went to the emergency room several times…”

“Because Woo-joo is Tae-rim-ssi’s baby.”

Hae-ah said, hugging my neck and dripping water on my shoulder. It was a voice so small that it wouldn’t wake up Woo-joo in the next room. But it was a gentle voice that knew how to come into my ear and settle in properly.

“I was happy because Woo-joo is Tae-rim-ssi’s baby. I really like these days when I’m raising Woo-joo. I’m so happy that Woo-joo spoke today. Today, I heard our Woo-joo’s voice for the first time. I… I thought I was born to do this.”

I shook my head at the confession that came with pure emotion. Hae-ah’s chest, which was in contact with mine between the thin pajamas and bathrobe, was also throbbing with rapid heartbeats.

Hae-ah’s body temperature, which had come out after taking a warm bath, was a little higher than usual.

“I was really happy to be able to give birth to Woo-joo. I really like raising Woo-joo these days. I’m so happy that Woo-joo spoke today. Today, I heard our Woo-joo’s voice for the first time. I… I thought I was born to do this.”

I shook my head at the confession that came with pure emotion.

“No.”

No, Hae-ah. …Then I said quickly.

“Even when Woo-joo wasn’t in this belly, you were always perfect.”

I slipped my hand inside the bathrobe and touched Hae-ah’s flattened belly. I slowly walked over the surgical scar that was drawn horizontally.

“I’m enough with just you. Kang Hae-ah, I only need you. The only thing I need in my world is you.”

It was a confession given in a trance.

“I’m happy when you smile, and I’m full just watching you eat. When you sleep well, my fatigue is relieved…”

“Tae-rim-ssi. Stop.”

“If I only have you, Hae-ah.”

I suddenly ran out of breath because I had forgotten how to breathe. As I took a deep breath through my nose and mouth, Hae-ah’s scent filled my lungs. The soft baby smell, the scent mixed with baby lotion, made me very happy.

“I don’t want anything more.”

“Our Woo-joo will hear us…”

“What does it matter? Woo-joo must be thinking the same thing as me.”

With that, I hugged Hae-ah tightly. As hard as I could without breaking him or bruising him. Then I could hear a snicker, as if air was escaping from his torso.

I loved the feeling of that breath tickling my ear.

“Tae-rim-ssi. I, originally. I wasn’t interested in family dramas at all…”

The feeling of moving his fingers twitching and walking on my back and shoulders, the feeling of hesitating as if hesitating and then hugging me back as if shouting ‘I don’t know,’ the gesture of clinging to me with all his might.

“But it was good. Family dramas like that.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Everything about Hae-ah was love to me.

“It was really good, the family thing.”

My heart tickled at the whisper that was given in a confident voice, a slightly wet voice.

“Yeah. It’s good, really…”

So I just repeated Hae-ah’s words like a parrot.

I was dazed in the midst of joy. I was caught in a strange feeling, I was amazed. It was the moment when I suddenly understood myself these days.

‘I was scared because I was so happy.’

I was afraid of losing such a happy day, the peace I had found again. I was so afraid that I couldn’t bear to think back to the sick Hae-ah. Responsibility became a sense of debt, and love became heavy.

‘You stupid bastard.’

Hugging Hae-ah, who said that everything in the past was happy, and shaking my upper body from side to side, I cursed myself. I felt like I had become a love idiot. I felt like a beginner again, about Kang Hae-ah.

“Today…”

Once upon a time, there was a confession given with a heart that was timing in the elevator that was going down to the first floor quickly. I slowly repeated the same confession.

“I want to hold you.”

It was obvious what the returning words would be. Because if I decided on the destination, Hae-ah always liked it.

“Shall we? Shall we make it a good day today?”

A joking question came back, and

“Yeah.”

For the first time in a long time, I hugged Hae-ah, and Hae-ah hugged me.

We didn’t need a movie to heat up the atmosphere, wine to convey the intoxication, or steak to melt the tension. While reading each other’s bodies more skillfully and familiarly than ever, we were still fluttered and didn’t know what to do. Fortunately, I wasn’t the only one whose hands were shaking. When we kissed, Hae-ah’s chin trembled, and he hesitated and stepped back even after mixing his tongue to the fullest.

“It’s been too long.”

Hae-ah, who was making excuses to himself for the nagging that he had never given, was cute. While slowly melting him, who was as nervous as I was, with words and actions, it felt like I had returned to the beginning again. No, it was a more thrilling beginning than the first time.

In order not to wake up the baby who had barely been put to sleep with two picture books, I was obsessed with Hae-ah’s chest while quietly messing up the bed side by side. I put my cheek on his low and soft chest and listened to the sound of his heart beating, and listened again. My heart was beating so hard that it was difficult to tell which sound was coming from whose body.

While dirtying the bed with sweat and bodily fluids, and intoxicated by the pheromones that were uncontrollably exuding, Hae-ah hugged my head tightly. It was a hug that thawed my head, which was full of worries. It was enough to melt it gently, and even boil it hotly.

While resolving the great desire that I didn’t know how I had endured until now,

“Kang Hae-ah.”

I recited that name like a spell.

“Hae-ah.”

I like Kang Hae-ah.

I like Kang Hae-ah’s body, I like his face, I like his way of speaking, I like his thoughts.

“I love you.”

At my small whisper, Hae-ah scratched my back with his blunt fingernails. He rested his chin on my shoulder, tickled my ear with his rapid breath, and whispered love in a small voice so that only I could hear it.

“I love you, Tae-rim-ssi.”

At the most affectionate time than ever, at the moment of embracing and enjoying my world in my arms, I thought of the sentence to leave on the last line of the diary.

‘But Kang Hae-ah is mine.’

And I have to put a period. Because our story always starts with Kang Hae-ah and ends with Kang Hae-ah.

I’m looking forward to the new diary that will be filled with Hae-ah.