7 – Early Summer of Despair (2)

Yoon Ye-jun lifted his heavy eyelids. His entire body ached as if his muscles had been wrung out.

It was a stiff morning. He wished he could have slept a little longer, but unfortunately, he couldn’t, with his tutoring session scheduled for early afternoon. The student, who would be a university student next year, maintained top grades at school but harbored an anxiety that couldn’t be resolved until after college entrance exams.

Yoon Ye-jun suddenly recalled his own school days. The students at his school were all pretty much the same, none particularly standing out. He, however, had received a lot of expectations from his teachers there. He had received many suggestions to attend a foreign language high school in a metropolitan city, but in the end, he chose a small school only 20 minutes from home. It was a general high school with only about two or three classes per grade, a small number of students.

And upon admission, the teachers had always emphasized that he should go to Hankuk University. Even his grandfather, and his grandmother who was still alive then, hadn’t said much about it.

If he had had a rival, he probably would have gone mad. And not just in high school. Even after turning 20, life continued to be petty and desperate.

Contrary to his belief that life would completely change if he went to the best school in Korea, he still felt like he was back then. What would happen from now on? It was difficult to give even a vague assurance.

Why did his body feel so sluggish and his mind so whiny on a morning that should feel good? Yoon Ye-jun probably thought the reason was Ki Young-han. Before falling asleep, in the early hours of the morning, the two had lain in the same bed, talking to each other face-to-face like lovers.

“My back hurts.”

When Yoon Ye-jun said it playfully, Ki Young-han replied with “Yes,” in a tone devoid of any affection, yet he still placed a pillow behind his back. When Yoon Ye-jun said he was sleepy, Ki Young-han, with his characteristic cold expression, pulled the blanket up to his chin. It was probably because of that. Ki Young-han often made him show aspects of himself he didn’t want others to see.

With a face still submerged in sleep, Yoon Ye-jun slowly lifted and lowered his eyelids, then closed his eyes deeply. Come to think of it, the spot next to him was empty. Had Ki Young-han gone to wash up? He didn’t think so.

After finishing their intimacy, Ki Young-han had woken Yoon Ye-jun exactly one hour later, as requested, when he was drowsy and exhausted. Ki Young-han had dragged him, unable to properly get up due to sleepiness and fatigue, to the bathroom and helped him as he had promised. “Ah, wash up properly, won’t you? You’re splashing water. My left shoulder, you missed the soap. Scrub the shampoo in harder. Here? You’re removing that here and now? You?” Yoon Ye-jun had looked stunned and his voice had been comical when Ki Young-han mentioned removing the semen he had ejaculated, but he was too weak to laugh.

Recalling the dawn, which was neither quiet nor vibrant, Yoon Ye-jun struggled to lift his heavy body. Washing his face might wake him up, so he went out to head to the bathroom. And the scene that greeted him was.

“What. You’re sleeping until the sun is high in the sky.”

It was Ki Young-han, picking a fight without any filter from the morning. Yoon Ye-jun placed one hand on his hip and leaned his other hand against the wall. He blinked his eyes wide, wondering if he was seeing things correctly. Ki Young-han was standing in front of the kitchen gas stove. He was doing something with a deep frown in front of a pot. A ladle was in one hand.

“What are you doing?”

“Doing what?”

“In front of the gas stove. What are you doing?”

“Haven’t you ever seen me cook before?”

A crease formed on Yoon Ye-jun’s brow. Ki Young-han met Yoon Ye-jun’s gaze briefly, then slyly avoided it and focused on stirring the pot again. It’s because he’s doing something that doesn’t suit him. Still, the appetizing aroma that subtly permeated the interior of the house was undeniable.

Yoon Ye-jun slowly moved his feet. He stuck close to Ki Young-han. He pressed his chest against his back and peered into the pot over his arm. Ki Young-han’s body, which was touching him, stiffened like a simpleton.

He is indeed a simpleton.

For some reason, Yoon Ye-jun felt his heart lighten. Like the chives and pieces of meat floating up each time Ki Young-han stirred the pot.

“What is this, Suyuk Gukbap? Did you make it?”

He knew there was no way he made it, but he asked anyway. He regretted it for a moment. He was 100% sure the other guy would retort with, “Are you crazy? How could I possibly make this? Think for a second.” And so on. Then he would feel bad again.

However, an unexpected reply came from Ki Young-han’s lips. A joke that didn’t suit him followed.

“I made it.”

“Don’t lie.”

“Why ask such a thing when you already know?”

Ki Young-han’s somber murmur made Yoon Ye-jun feel awkward instead. Ki Young-han soon switched the hand holding the ladle. He held the ladle in his left hand and lightly placed his other hand on Yoon Ye-jun’s hip.

Though he seemed to be trying to do it naturally without being noticed, his body and expression were so stiff that Yoon Ye-jun eventually let out a snort, and Ki Young-han immediately pinched Yoon Ye-jun’s hip, not painfully.

“Ah. Why are you pinching me?”

“Go wash up quickly.”

He must have known he was teasing him. Yoon Ye-jun gave a weak smile and headed to the bathroom with a shuffling, dying gait.

It was just breakfast. Yoon Ye-jun glanced at the plastic bag with the restaurant’s name printed on it, placed on the counter. Then he quickly averted his gaze and looked at the broth of the Suyuk Gukbap, which had been colored pink by stirring in the seasoning. He stirred it a few more times with a spoon, scooped up some broth, and put it in his mouth.

It was savory and, as expected of a meat broth, filled his stomach. Since he wasn’t good at evaluating food, he had to summarize it in one sentence. Delicious. That one word was enough. But then, something suddenly made him curious. Ki Young-han, who had clearly fallen asleep as late as he had, when did he go out to buy the gukbap?

“Young-han.”

“Yes?”

“What time did you go buy the rice?”

“I just went for a walk. Why?”

Ki Young-han retorted, tilting his chin slightly. Well, who said anything? Yoon Ye-jun, who lacked the energy to argue further, decided to focus on his meal. He mixed the rice well into the broth and slurped it down noisily. The expensive meat restaurant they ate at yesterday was delicious, but he preferred this kind of food.

Thinking he probably wasn’t destined to be rich, Yoon Ye-jun reached for his chopsticks and moved them around the table. He ate the stir-fried anchovies and cucumber kimchi, and put some well-fermented kimchi in his mouth.

“Did you bring this from home too?”

“She sent it.”

“Tell your mother I enjoyed it very much.”

“Yes, well…”

Ki Young-han picked at his food. Despite looking like someone who would nitpick about things, he ate well. Seeing him not eating, Yoon Ye-jun tilted his head, his mouth full of food. Ki Young-han poured water into the cup in front of him and drank it.

“If it’s delicious, should I pack some side dishes for you?”

“What?”

“Should I pack side dishes for your studio apartment?”

“You’ll get scolded by your mother.”

“I can make them myself.”

“……”

Yoon Ye-jun didn’t answer that. He didn’t expect much from someone who pretended to have made Suyuk Gukbap when he couldn’t even boil soup. He just hoped he wouldn’t bother him as much as scraping the bottom of a rice pot.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“……”

“Answer me.”

Ki Young-han pressed for an answer.

Yoon Ye-jun gave an awkward smile.

“Young-han, I don’t think you’re good at cooking.”

As expected, his expression immediately fell.

“See. You get annoyed like that, how can I say anything?”

Ki Young-han, who had been pouting his upper lip, soon closed his mouth as if to retract his words. Would someone else have been able to say this? When he offered to pack side dishes, he would have said something like, “Why bother? You don’t have to. Eat more.” Yoon Ye-jun could clearly see himself saying only that much.

Yoon Ye-jun stirred the rice submerged in the broth. A small whirlpool churned in the soup bowl. How long had it been since he enjoyed a date? His heart right now felt the same as the rice grains swirling before his eyes. It was a childish thought, but it was true. Yoon Ye-jun soon opened his mouth.

“You don’t have to pack side dishes.”

Ki Young-han met his gaze. Yoon Ye-jun’s eyes curved with a smile.

“Instead, can we have breakfast together sometimes?”

“……”

“You don’t have to make a fuss. Just call me when you’re bored eating alone.”

Ki Young-han just stared at Yoon Ye-jun silently. Yoon Ye-jun blinked a couple of times, taking Ki Young-han into his vision, then tilted his head slightly. The person who should have been snapping at him at any moment bit his lip hard.

“Can’t I come every day?”

“Don’t say that lightly. What if I end up staying here permanently?”

Yoon Ye-jun said with a light laugh. He himself had said it without much thought. They seemed to have gotten quite close. Exchanging silly remarks.

“I’m not joking. You can live here.”

Ki Young-han said it with such seriousness that Yoon Ye-jun was slightly taken aback, though he was still unsure.

Yoon Ye-jun recalled his recent encounters with others. Had there been a time recently when he felt regret after meeting someone and parting ways? Even excluding friends and family, he couldn’t think of anyone.

Since he had nothing to bring, he just needed to put on his shoes and leave. But Yoon Ye-jun felt as if he were holding a large stone. It carried that much weight, or perhaps it was a feeling of longing, or a mix of comfort and excitement. And the object of that feeling was Ki Young-han. But he wasn’t the only one feeling it. Ki Young-han felt the same.

Ki Young-han kept staying by his side, pretending not to. Even when Yoon Ye-jun stood by the sink to do the dishes, saying he would wash them, Ki Young-han sat on the dining chair and made trivial remarks like, “Why aren’t you wearing rubber gloves?” “Why are you only squeezing the dish soap once?” “Do you want coffee?”

There was another instance. When Yoon Ye-jun finished brushing his teeth and opened the bathroom door to ask Ki Young-han what to do with the used toothbrush, Ki Young-han was standing in front of the bathroom. Yoon Ye-jun was the one who looked surprised. Yoon Ye-jun flinched but then pretended not to notice.

Instead, he asked naturally, “Where should I throw this away?” Ki Young-han pouted and said, “You’re coming back anyway, so why not just leave it here?”

It was really time to go home now. Yoon Ye-jun picked up his wallet and mobile phone from the living room table. Ki Young-han, who had been sitting on the sofa with his legs crossed, watching a boring television program, cast a subtle glance his way.

“Are you leaving?”

“Yeah.”

Ki Young-han also slowly got up from his seat. Then he picked up the car keys and mobile phone he had left on top of the shoe rack. Yoon Ye-jun bent down and slipped on his shoes, then straightened up. He deliberately pulled up the corners of his mouth. He didn’t want to show his regret. Instead, he looked up at Ki Young-han, who was standing in front of him. It was time to part.

Speaking of the first date, it was good. It was fun. It was also interesting to see a different side of Ki Young-han. It would be nice if every day was this fun. Yoon Ye-jun stood with one leg crossed, his head lowered, facing Ki Young-han, who had his hands in the pockets of his tracksuit.

“Young-han.”

He called out in a voice that he thought was quite serious. Today was fun. Let’s meet again next time. Let’s meet often when you have time. He had so many things he wanted to say.

“Move aside a bit. I need to put on my shoes too. Did you rent out the entrance hall?”

Unlike Yoon Ye-jun, who was lost in his regret, Ki Young-han acted as if he were determined to make Yoon Ye-jun feel awkward. He couldn’t say anything. Yoon Ye-jun moved aside slightly. He asked, narrowing the corners of his eyes, “Why your shoes? Are you going to buy something?”

“I’m going to escort you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“What are you talking about, really…”

Yoon Ye-jun’s eyes cooled at the harsh tone thrown without filter. Even when they were having a good time, talking well, he would suddenly bring up such things, making him lose interest as a conversation partner. And Ki Young-han, who read that look in his eyes, ruffled his hair for no reason.

“No. Ah, why can’t I escort you?”

“You worked hard, so just rest. It’s not far to walk anyway.”

Ki Young-han looked displeased. Yoon Ye-jun casually reached out. He intertwined his fingers with Ki Young-han’s slender, long, but quite thick fingers. The moment their skin touched, Ki Young-han took a deep breath.

Yoon Ye-jun fiddled with Ki Young-han’s fingers. Would it be the same if they were dating… Would they bicker like this, would he give in, and sometimes Ki Young-han would give in? Would they get angry, kiss, spend time together, and exchange silly banter?

It was strange, even to him, to think of such a future with Ki Young-han.

Yoon Ye-jun raised his head belatedly. His fingers were still intertwined with Ki Young-han’s. Ki Young-han was frowning deeply, but he didn’t look displeased. His eyes flickered, and then his Adam’s apple bobbed. He chewed his lips restlessly, his expression repeatedly contorting and smoothing out. After a long moment of not being able to keep his expression still, Ki Young-han finally spoke.

“…Why are you holding my hand?”

“It was a date. Is it just going to end with sleeping?”

“What… What are you talking about?”

“Young-han.”

“Yes?”

“The date was fun. I want to do it again.”

He wanted to get to know him better, show him himself, and spend time together. Yoon Ye-jun couldn’t convey all his feelings to Ki Young-han. However, he felt he could gradually open his heart more in the future. Ki Young-han had a talent for making people honest, and he, too, was slowly changing Ki Young-han. His heart fluttered. He thought he would only feel this kind of emotion in his early twenties and never again. It seemed Ki Young-han wasn’t the only one changing.

Yoon Ye-jun looked at Ki Young-han with a light smile on his lips.

“You really don’t have to escort me today.”

“……”

“Instead, can we kiss one more time?”

Ki Young-han’s eyebrows rose and fell like waves. He exhaled sharply. Then, without hesitation, he pulled his hand away from Yoon Ye-jun’s grasp. Yoon Ye-jun had expected him to approach shyly and kiss him, but this was an unexpected action.

Yoon Ye-jun’s eyes widened. But immediately, Ki Young-han grabbed his cheek and, just like when he first entered the house, pushed Yoon Ye-jun towards the door. He was so rushed that he couldn’t even put on his shoes.

Yoon Ye-jun, also in a hurry, placed his hands gently on Ki Young-han’s pelvis as he kissed him, and passionately kissed the tongue that was aggressively exploring his mouth.

The first date came to an end.

* * *

To briefly summarize the past few weeks, which felt both long and short, it went like this.

On Monday, the week after their first date.

As Yoon Ye-jun was leaving the lecture hall after his morning class, Ki Young-han, who appeared out of nowhere, grabbed him. Yoon Ye-jun’s eyes widened, and he alternated between looking at the sleeve of his shirt, which Ki Young-han was gripping tightly with his fist, and Ki Young-han’s face. He was too surprised to even ask why he had grabbed him. His lips just moved like a gasping fish, but it was Ki Young-han who spoke first.

“Let’s eat.”

“Uh… Now?”

“Yes. Your class is over, right?”

“Uh, uh… Yeah. What do you want to eat?”

And so, the two ate lunch together.

Then, that Thursday.

During the ‘Performance and Communication’ lecture, Ki Young-han wrote a memo on the corner of his textbook, where he usually only took notes.

[Let’s meet and work on the assignment together.]

Yoon Ye-jun, reading the neat handwriting, which resembled Batang font, tilted his head slightly. He released the hand that was propping up his chin. Then, just as he was about to reply on the edge of his own textbook, Ki Young-han slyly pushed his textbook forward.

“Write it here,” he said with his lips. He tapped the edge of his textbook. Yoon Ye-jun took the textbook and wrote a small reply in the spot Ki Young-han indicated.

[What time? Where?]

After writing his reply, he pushed the textbook back to Ki Young-han. Ki Young-han, who would normally have been busy listening to the lecture, was engrossed in writing his reply. According to the memo he showed him again, the two met at 9 AM on Friday, worked on their assignment at a franchise cafe, ate lunch, and parted ways.

Then, the following Tuesday.

This time, Yoon Ye-jun sent Ki Young-han a message first.

Me

Young-han, where are you? What are you doing?

5:28 PM

Ki Young-han

Why?

5:35 PM

Me

I’m not working my part-time job today, want to meet for dinner?

5:33 PM

Ki Young-han

Yes.

5:35 PM

Of course, they didn’t just eat dinner. They ate breakfast together the next morning.

Smooth daily routines naturally followed. At some point, they started meeting for no particular reason. They ate, drank coffee, spent time on campus, sometimes watched movies, and drank alcohol.

From late May to early June, the two filled each other’s free time. There were days when Yoon Ye-jun waited for Ki Young-han’s class to end so they could go home together, and days when Ki Young-han drove to pick him up when Yoon Ye-jun was working his part-time job until dawn. There were also quite a few days where the purpose wasn’t necessarily physical intimacy, but simply sleeping or having a light beer.

The period of getting to know each other, before dating.

Yoon Ye-jun concluded that this was the current stage.

Yoon Ye-jun clutched his major textbooks and looked up at the elevator indicator. The elevator, which should have been descending to the 1st floor where he was, was stopping at each floor from the 6th, causing delays. It seemed even more so because class had just ended.

When will it arrive…

With nothing else to do while waiting for the elevator, Yoon Ye-jun took his Mobile phone out of his pocket to check his messages. A message from Ki Young-han had arrived.

Ki Young-han

Let’s meet and have dinner.

11:29 AM

He gazed at the message for quite some time. It had become natural. For them to send a request without asking about each other’s schedules.

What should I reply? Yoon Ye-jun hesitated for a moment. I can’t today, but it feels like a waste to just let it go.

Thanks to his past relationships, he wasn’t as awkward as a novice, but strangely, he sometimes fumbled around Ki Young-han. Perhaps it was because of his personality, which charged forward without playing hard to get or calculating his moves. Ki Young-han seemed like someone who would weigh and consider everything, yet he had a reckless side. Yoon Ye-jun had known this all along. He was just feeling it again as they spent time together.

“What is it?”

Kim Dong-hoon, who was standing next to Yoon Ye-jun, asked casually. Yoon Ye-jun, unable to reply to the message, subtly hid the Mobile phone in his hand into his chest. Kim Dong-hoon’s gaze sharpened. He was suspicious.

“Are you meeting a girl?”

“Why?”

“You’ve been looking at your Mobile phone a lot lately, and whenever I ask you to hang out, you always say you’re out and can’t.”

Dong-hoon would occasionally seem disappointed. It seemed like Yoon Ye-jun was dating someone, but when asked, he’d deny it, and if Dong-hoon tried to probe, Yoon Ye-jun wouldn’t give him a chance to ask. Still, Yoon Ye-jun had no intention of telling Kim Dong-hoon. Kim Dong-hoon was a typical 20-something guy, and if he were to mention who he was seeing, he would undoubtedly be displeased and show contempt.

“It’s nothing like that.”

Yoon Ye-jun replied nonchalantly, as always. At the same time, with a ‘ding-‘ sound, the elevator arrived on the 1st floor. The people filling the car one by one exited. Soon, the space where the two stood became noisy.

Seizing the moment, Yoon Ye-jun boarded the elevator without adding any further words. Kim Dong-hoon, who rode up with him, grumbled, unable to hide his disappointment.

“If you are, just tell me. I told you all about how I started dating Ye-ji.”

Kim Dong-hoon had recently gotten a girlfriend. Yoon Ye-jun, of course, hadn’t asked about his love life. It was Kim Dong-hoon who had struggled and then opened up first. Yet now, he was acting as if he had told Yoon Ye-jun out of loyalty. Yoon Ye-jun just smiled lightly. He changed the subject.

“You said you were meeting your girlfriend after class today, right?”

“Yeah. I’ll introduce her to you next time too.”

Thanks to the simple-minded Kim Dong-hoon, their conversation could change direction. As soon as the topic of girlfriends came up, Kim Dong-hoon’s cheeks flushed. Having been dating for only about a month, he was completely immersed in the sweetness. He himself was also unreachable. Both he and Yoon Ye-jun were distancing themselves from friends, yet why was he acting so disappointed?

Yoon Ye-jun laughed as if exhaling, and asked, “Are you that happy?” Kim Dong-hoon nodded quickly. Seeing him like that, Yoon Ye-jun felt envious. Even if he were dating Ki Young-han, he couldn’t even show it and had to hide it so thoroughly that Kim Dong-hoon felt disappointed.

The two got off the elevator and naturally walked towards the lecture hall. Kim Dong-hoon, still caught up in talking about his girlfriend, excitedly grabbed Yoon Ye-jun’s opposite shoulder and pulled him towards him. Two men putting their arms around each other in the middle of the school building was bound to attract attention, but for Kim Dong-hoon, who had graduated from all-boys middle and high schools, it was quite a familiar gesture.

“So you too, man, if you’re dating someone, tell me quickly.”

“I told you, I’m not dating anyone.”

“I’m going to take your phone and check it later.”

What is he even saying… Yoon Ye-jun slightly furrowed his brow. At the same time, he tightened his grip on the Mobile phone. It was to prepare for any potential situation. And then, just as he was about to shake off Kim Dong-hoon’s arm,

“Ah…!”

Without even being able to break free from Kim Dong-hoon, his body suddenly tilted forward. It was due to the force that pushed his back and shoulder. Thanks to that, he was able to escape Kim Dong-hoon’s grasp, but Yoon Ye-jun barely managed to regain his balance and turned towards the person who had pushed him.

“What are you doing?”

It was a voice he had grown accustomed to. The sharp voice was even defiant. Ki Young-han, who had pushed him while passing by, stood there without a hint of apology, with a sullen expression. His head was slightly tilted as he looked down at them askew. His attitude was clearly confrontational.

Yoon Ye-jun couldn’t hide his bewilderment. Why did he suddenly appear here?

“Did you come to attend class?”

“What business is it of yours? You didn’t even reply.”

“Ah, I was going to, but I was with a friend for a moment.”

“I’m sure you were.”

“Don’t talk to me like that.”

After only a few exchanges, Ki Young-han’s tone became sharp, and Yoon Ye-jun’s own speech grew rougher. Although the two spent a lot of time together recently, Yoon Ye-jun still couldn’t get used to Ki Young-han’s way of speaking at times.

Yoon Ye-jun, with a stern expression, met Ki Young-han’s eyes, then glanced towards Kim Dong-hoon, who was still standing beside him.

“……”

“……”

“……”

Ki Young-han scanned Kim Dong-hoon from head to toe. His gaze was utterly devoid of manners. The bridge of his nose twitched. His face showed displeasure.

Yoon Ye-jun glanced at Kim Dong-hoon and sighed. Ki Young-han furrowed his brow further and, without giving them a chance to greet each other, pushed his way between Kim Dong-hoon and Yoon Ye-jun, walking away briskly. With his large frame, he created a gap, leaving the two standing a couple of steps apart.

What a personality… Yoon Ye-jun, belatedly, turned on his Mobile phone screen to send a message. He intended to say something.

“Hey, why is that guy so rude? Doesn’t he know you’re older?”

Only after Ki Young-han had moved away did Kim Dong-hoon sidle up to him and speak. Even though he hadn’t dared to say a word to the physically larger Ki Young-han, he was now puffing his chest out. The rough, panting breaths of his delayed indignation reached Yoon Ye-jun’s ears.

“Just leave it… He’s just close with me.”

However, Yoon Ye-jun didn’t want Kim Dong-hoon to badmouth Ki Young-han. He felt frustrated and annoyed too, but still.

Zzzzz.

Yoon Ye-jun’s Mobile phone vibrated briefly once more. It was undoubtedly the person who had contacted him.

“Even if you’re close, does that make sense? No, are you even close?”

“Yeah, it’s become that way.”

Kim Dong-hoon, still unable to calm his excitement, asked again. Yoon Ye-jun cut him off briefly. He felt annoyed too. Perhaps it was just a simple vent. Why was Kim Dong-hoon so curious about Ki Young-han? In a way, it seemed closer to curiosity than excitement or anger.

Yoon Ye-jun maintained a poker face, feeling somewhat annoyed and twisted himself. He resolved not to let it slide if Ki Young-han messaged him again, and checked the message.

Ki Young-han

ㅡㅡ

11:44 AM

That was all he sent. He really learned how to provoke people from somewhere. In any case, there were so many things that bothered him. Yoon Ye-jun just stared at the message without replying.

Zzzzz- Unable to bear the pause, another message popped up.

Ki Young-han

You ignored me first.

11:45 AM

Why are you doing this to me?

11:45 AM

Yoon Ye-jun snorted. Is this normal? The audacity. But what was more annoying was that he found it funny and even cute, knowing what kind of expression Ki Young-han must have had while sending these messages.

However, he couldn’t reply right away. Yoon Ye-jun waited until he was seated to send a reply. What did he ask earlier? He moved his finger up and down on the Mobile phone screen. He asked to have dinner.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t have dinner with him today. He had received a call from a younger colleague he worked with at the beer house early this morning, asking if he could cover for him just for today. Yoon Ye-jun, having nothing else to do, agreed. In return, he asked for Thursday. That was the day he had his ‘Performance Communication’ class.

Me

I have my part-time job until late tonight. I don’t think I can make it for dinner.

11:46 AM

Ki Young-han

But.

11:47 AM

He sent the reply quickly, yet he clearly showed he was sulking. He really knew how to pout. Why did he get upset so easily? He could still meet him after his part-time job, even if they couldn’t have dinner… but he felt like he’d get told off for acting like he owned him. Yoon Ye-jun decided to hint at it.

Me

I finish at 2. I think I’ll be hungry after I finish.

11:50 AM

Ki Young-han

2 o’clock?

11:50 AM

Me

Yeah.

11:51 AM

Ki Young-han

Then I’ll come then.

11:52 AM

A compliant reply came back, as if he had forgotten he was sulking. He was truly unpredictable. Still, seeing his tone seemed to have softened considerably, Yoon Ye-jun added a tiny bit of playfulness to his message.

Me

You don’t have to come if it’s too much trouble haha

11:54 AM

Although it felt like an afterthought, Ki Young-han had such a peculiar personality that he needed careful handling. Would he really come? Just as he was typing on the keypad, Ki Young-han quickly replied.

Ki Young-han

You invited me. It’s good that he’s so perceptive. Yoon Ye-jun chuckled to himself without realizing it. Kim Dong-hoon, who was sitting next to him, engrossed in texting his girlfriend, nudged Yoon Ye-jun.

“Hey, what’s so funny about texting him?”

“He’s really funny.”

“Then introduce me next time. My friend is friends with him, so my girlfriend is curious.”

“Is your girlfriend from our school?”

“Yeah. Korean Literature.”

He’s famous even in the College of Humanities. Yoon Ye-jun wondered anew how far Ki Young-han’s reputation extended. For better or worse.

As Yoon Ye-jun was lost in shallow thoughts, Kim Dong-hoon urged him for a reply.

“Let’s set a date and meet up. So I can get to know him better. I want to see how funny he is.”

I should tell my girlfriend. Kim Dong-hoon hummed and tapped on his keypad. Yoon Ye-jun’s expression subtly hardened as he watched Kim Dong-hoon’s profile. Ki Young-han wasn’t a trophy. The thought of Kim Dong-hoon meeting him once and then bragging to his girlfriend about how close he was with Ki Young-han, or how surprisingly funny he was, made his mood even worse.

“No.”

“Why?”

Kim Dong-hoon’s question left him speechless. Kim Dong-hoon had casually offered to introduce his girlfriend, but Yoon Ye-jun really didn’t want to introduce Ki Young-han.

Why is that… Honestly, he knew why. He wasn’t so foolish as to not understand the emotions that naturally followed. He wasn’t as slow-witted or obtuse as Ki Young-han, unable to conclude his own feelings and just poking around.

He didn’t like others knowing Ki Young-han’s other side. At first, he might seem a bit rude and self-willed, but once you get to know him, he’s just a hedgehog with its quills out. It wasn’t just unpleasant, but offensive, for others to know that.

I wonder if Ki Young-han knows how I feel.

“Ki Young-han is very shy. And am I in a position to introduce anyone? Didn’t you see earlier? How flustered he was.”

“That’s true. But if you get closer, at least tell me. The girls in Korean Lit are really curious.”

As if that would happen. Yoon Ye-jun bit his lip, inhaled deeply through his nose, and exhaled. He took a breath. Just then, as if timed perfectly, the professor entered the lecture hall. Before putting his Mobile phone away in a corner of his desk, Yoon Ye-jun sent Ki Young-han a reply.

Me

Young-han, eat your food. See you later.

12:02 PM

“…Who does he think he is?”

Ki Young-han’s hand, gripping his Mobile phone, trembled aimlessly.

It wasn’t anger. He stood frozen in place, his eyes fixed on the short message on his phone.

Young-han,

Eat your food.

See you later.

The message contained words he hadn’t heard since his childhood, words he barely remembered. Eat your food. As if he were a child. He wanted to retort immediately but had nothing to say. He wanted to ask what he meant by telling him to eat his food, and why he was treating him like a child. Especially when he was much smaller and thinner than him. Grind, he clenched his jaw, his molars grinding against each other.

Honestly, he felt mortified. Maintaining his contorted expression, he held the Mobile phone with both hands and pressed the keypad firmly.

Don’t tell me to eat my food….

Food….

I’m not a child, what is this “food” for a grown adult….

“……”

But in the end, he chose to leave the space blank. Ki Young-han, feeling dizzy, took a breath and finally shoved the Mobile phone into his pocket.

Whatever he replied, it would only make him sound pathetic. He boiled with anger because he felt guilty. Why was he acting so childish? He knew he was acting pathetic, even to himself. He had been in arguments a few times because people didn’t accept others’ personalities, but he had never acted this childishly.

It’s just. It seems to be like this whenever he’s in front of Yoon Ye-jun. The gap in his emotions widens. Whether he’s happy or annoyed, like just now.

Ki Young-han couldn’t send any more replies. He froze, only letting out a heavy sigh. He couldn’t bring himself to enter the chat room again. What was the big deal about being treated like a child? The pathetic feeling within him crushed him.

Is Ki Young-han not coming today?

After finishing his part-time job, it was almost two o’clock. Yoon Ye-jun, who had stopped by his rented room and had no luggage, left after a brief “Thank you for your hard work.” The drunken patrons outside were smoking or chatting amongst themselves. Despite the late hour, the university district was always brightly lit.

He felt particularly tired today. It was because the shop had been so busy. With exams just around the corner, perhaps the cool beer in summer was tempting, but there were more customers than usual. It was unusual to have so many people on a weekday, and not even the beginning of the semester. He even felt self-conscious about leaving right on time.

Yoon Ye-jun stood there, intending to smoke a cigarette before leaving. He put the filter in his mouth, using the voices of people laughing and chatting as background noise. He cupped one hand around the end of the cigarette and lit it with his lighter. He naturally drew on the filter. The acrid cigarette smoke seeped down his throat and then out.

The pre-dawn air was quite heavy. It almost felt tinged with intoxication. Although he wasn’t interested in watching drunk people, the commotion naturally drew his gaze. The students, who looked younger than him, were embracing each other while drunk, singing songs, or asking for cigarettes, creating a scene. Yoon Ye-jun, watching them with a detached gaze, checked his Mobile phone.

Young-han, eat your food. See you later.

There were no more messages after that. Did he get angry because he treated him like a child? Yoon Ye-jun raised his hand and touched the back of his neck. Would he get angry if he said this was also like Ki Young-han? He wasn’t a child, what was he doing? It also resonated more because he had never met anyone younger than him.

Yoon Ye-jun smiled silently. Ki Young-han might have been upset, but he found the fact that he wasn’t even replying amusing and cute. There was nothing more enjoyable than developing a liking for someone, and that liking growing into a stronger emotion.

He had sent it playfully because he was feeling cheerful, but Ki Young-han might have been in a bad mood. Should he contact him? If Ki Young-han was asleep, there was nothing he could do, but if he wasn’t asleep, he could go directly to his place.

He hadn’t been drinking, he had just finished his part-time job, but he missed Ki Young-han. Was it because he was tired? He wanted to be held in his arms.

Still, it seemed he didn’t dislike Ki Young-han. No, he actually liked him. Even though he was exhausted, he wanted to see him. Seeing him react so strongly to even the slightest provocation, despite his grumbling, would surely chase away his fatigue.

Yoon Ye-jun quickly found Ki Young-han’s name in the recent calls list. If Ki Young-han, who would normally be grumbling outside the building telling him to hurry up, wasn’t out, Yoon Ye-jun wondered if he might be asleep. He hesitated, worried about waking him up unnecessarily or bothering him.

“I should have contacted him earlier.”

He had a short break around 10 o’clock, and it was his mistake not to have reached out then. Yoon Ye-jun scraped his lower lip with his upper teeth. It wouldn’t do. It was too late. He decided it would be better to contact him tomorrow morning than to wake him up.

Yoon Ye-jun, having decided to go home, withdrew his hesitant hand. And at that moment, a shadow fell before his eyes. The toe of a pair of black sneakers. Yoon Ye-jun looked up.

“……”

“……”

“Why aren’t you calling?”

Ki Young-han was standing there. He wore black shorts that came down to his knees, a loose-fitting gray hoodie, and a backpack. He was even wearing glasses, which he didn’t usually use. His attire was different from how he dressed at school, and the backpack suggested he had been somewhere before coming here. Why was he wearing glasses? While Yoon Ye-jun meticulously observed Ki Young-han’s appearance, Ki Young-han kept his hands tucked neatly into his hoodie pockets. Yoon Ye-jun moved the cigarette he had been holding in his mouth to his fingers.

“I was going to call, but I thought you might be asleep.”

“And you wouldn’t call because of that? You could just wake me up.”

“It’s late, how could I do that?”

But you could. Ki Young-han mumbled, replying. Good timing. A faint smile bloomed on Yoon Ye-jun’s lips. He always found this fascinating. But it wasn’t because he was good at timing things. They said that if coincidence happens many times, it becomes fate. Perhaps that was it. He felt his heart lift. Unlike the sinking air around them.

“Want a cigarette?”

“No, thanks.”

“…Yeah. I’ll put mine out too.”

Yoon Ye-jun stubbed out his cigarette in an ashtray made from a cut-up tin can. The two of them walked together. Everyone else seemed drunk, while only he and Ki Young-han were sober.

“Where were you?”

“At the cafe next door.”

“What were you doing?”

“It’s exam period.”

“Right.”

The reason he was wearing glasses must have been for studying. He really studied hard. Even students who were top of the class in high school couldn’t help but slack off once they got to university. Ki Young-han, however, wasn’t swept up in that atmosphere and studied perfectly. His grades would probably be good. People like him would lead society in the future. Even though they were at the same school, their lifestyles were polar opposites, so he didn’t feel self-deprecating.

Yoon Ye-jun yawned lightly. His fatigue stretched longer and longer like a shadow. Ki Young-han moved his neck from side to side. He seemed just as tired.

If they walked to Ki Young-han’s house, it would take 20 minutes, but his own studio apartment was actually closer. It was only about a 5-minute walk from the beer house.

“Young-han, did you bring your car?”

“No.”

Ki Young-han added no further words. Yoon Ye-jun subtly glanced at Ki Young-han, wondering if he might be annoyed at being treated like a chauffeur. But Ki Young-han said nothing. He also had a lot he wanted to say but couldn’t voice. He wanted to walk the night streets together, but Yoon Ye-jun would surely tease him. So he chose silence. It was better to stay quiet. Unlike Ki Young-han’s choice, an unexpected remark came from Yoon Ye-jun’s mouth.

“Then shall we go to my place tonight?”

Whose place?

Ki Young-han stole a glance at Yoon Ye-jun walking beside him. Their eyes met as Yoon Ye-jun was looking at him. Ki Young-han’s gaze slowly lowered.

“We’re tired. Let’s just sleep and leave early. We’ll eat breakfast outside.”

“It’s so small, there’s barely room for anyone to lie down.”

“We can sleep together on the bed.”

They often slept together at his own place, but hearing Yoon Ye-jun say that made Ki Young-han’s face flush bright red. Yoon Ye-jun’s eyes curved into a smile. A clear laugh was heard. Annoying. Annoying. Annoying. Ki Young-han cursed Yoon Ye-jun in his mind countless times.

“Just kidding. Lighten up.”

“Don’t make jokes like that.”

He was the only one being swayed.

It’s really small.

Ki Young-han lay on the floor of the room, filled only with darkness and silence. He blinked his eyes soundlessly. It wasn’t that bad, but he placed his forearm against his side and folded his hands neatly on his stomach. He had managed to find clothes that fit and lay down, but it was damnably cramped. Even when showering in the bathroom, one swing of the showerhead would wet the sink and toilet.

He should have just taken a taxi home. He had been here a few times before, but it felt newly cramped. He should have known when they laid out the futon on the floor. The mattress, which couldn’t even be called a bed, made sharp creaking sounds. Yoon Ye-jun shifted his body.

“Can you stop moving? It’s noisy and I can’t sleep.”

The sound of the old springs being compressed soon quieted down. Ki Young-han blinked. His finger pointed to somewhere on the ceiling. Next to the light, in the corner. The spot that had been stained a yellowish hue when the light was on. It looked like a cockroach’s sanctuary. What if a bug crawled onto the futon? Ki Young-han’s body stiffened. He held his breath for a long time before asking,

“Have you ever seen a cockroach in this house?”

“Not yet.”

Yoon Ye-jun replied indifferently. Not yet. Ki Young-han squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them. He was afraid a cockroach might be lying next to him if he closed his eyes.

“Are you good at killing bugs?”

“Very. Can’t you?”

“……”

He couldn’t. To be honest, if he ever encountered a bug, he would douse the area with insecticide. Then he would end up running outside, feeling like he would be caught first. After a long time, he would go back inside and face the dead bug, wrapping toilet paper around his hand several times before barely managing to pick it up.

He’s really strong, more than I thought. Ki Young-han inwardly suppressed his thoughts of dismissing him based on his build and strength.

“You can’t kill them.”

And Yoon Ye-jun, reading the silence, teased him again.

“So what?”

Ki Young-han immediately shot back.

“Haha, I’ll have to kill them for you next time.”

He was definitely teasing, but Ki Young-han liked how Yoon Ye-jun mentioned ‘next time,’ promising a distant future. Ki Young-han sighed, calming his breath. He wished they could have slept together on the bed, even if it was small. He could have easily climbed onto the mattress by shifting his body a few times, but perhaps it was because it was dark. Or perhaps it was because Yoon Ye-jun’s voice was pleasant to hear in the quiet air, but he couldn’t easily move.

Then, a quiet voice came from the darkness.

“Young-han.”

“Yes.”

“A friend wanted me to introduce you, but I said no.”

“Why?”

“Why do you think?”

Ki Young-han gripped their clasped hands tighter. He racked his brain. Why wouldn’t Yoon Ye-jun introduce him? A memory suddenly surfaced. The day he offered to buy his younger sibling a meal to see their partner’s face. What his sibling had said.

‘My brother’s personality is terrible… not really…’

“Is it because I have a bad personality?”

“Are you going to say that yourself?”

Ki Young-han chose to remain silent again. He didn’t want to get on his bad side, but whenever he talked with Yoon Ye-jun for a bit, it ended up that way. He found himself pathetic, ridiculous, petty, and narrow-minded, but he couldn’t help it.

“You always do that.”

“What do I always do?”

He was teasing because it was cute.

Yoon Ye-jun didn’t add the rest of his thought. He yawned softly.

“It’s because I like being alone with you.”

After the answer, Ki Young-han drew out his “Ah.” The sound of rustling futon was heard. Despite telling him to be quiet just moments ago, he was being noisy. Yoon Ye-jun subtly shifted his body to move to the edge of the mattress. He poked his head slightly over the edge of the mattress and lowered his gaze. Ki Young-han had buried his face in the pillow.

When did he change positions?

Yoon Ye-jun reached out and placed his hand on Ki Young-han’s back, which shone quite brightly even in the dark. Then he lowered his hand and stroked the ends of his hair. Ki Young-han quickly covered his head with both hands. Yoon Ye-jun withdrew his hand, thinking he might hit him. Ki Young-han turned to look at him with a face mixed with annoyance and exasperation. Yoon Ye-jun’s hand paused in mid-air, but was soon caught by Ki Young-han. Ki Young-han pulled Yoon Ye-jun down. The two lay with their bodies pressed together on the narrow floor.

It felt like they could kiss at any moment, but they didn’t. They lay looking at each other for a long time.

In his studio apartment, much darker than Ki Young-han’s, at this late hour, Yoon Ye-jun felt like he could finally speak honestly. That it would be okay to date him. That he was a much better person than he had thought, and that he was honest only with him and held many feelings.

To be even more honest, he felt like he liked Ki Young-han, who always acted selfishly, couldn’t hide his true feelings, and expressed all his emotions carelessly.

He liked teasing him, and he liked how Ki Young-han would act prickly but then watch his reactions. And even though he would eventually get annoyed if he didn’t get his way, he would quickly cheer up if he was treated a little better. Dating him would be fun. The sentence lingered in Yoon Ye-jun’s mouth.

“Young-han.”

“Why?”

“Are you busy?”

“Can’t you tell?”

Yoon Ye-jun raised his hand and gently poked Ki Young-han’s nose. If you ask if he’s busy, he should say yes or no. What does he mean, ‘Can’t you tell?’ But Ki Young-han was busy. He took slightly more classes than other students.

“Is your ‘Performance and Communication’ class your last one before finals?”

“Yes.”

Then maybe he should postpone it a little. There was less than a month left until finals anyway. In just three weeks, vacation would begin.

“What are you doing during the break?”

Ki Young-han asked first. Yoon Ye-jun shook his head.

“Nothing.”

At most, he would work part-time, visit his grandfather briefly, or study languages in his free time. Still, it was better to be in Seoul. Returning to his hometown made him feel like he was falling behind.

“What about you?”

“I’m planning to rest this time too.”

“What did you do last winter break?”

“I went to the US for a bit, one or two months.”

Ki Young-han spoke as if he had just returned from a trip, but Yoon Ye-jun had a general idea. He must have done something that would be helpful for his future. There were many short-term internships and language programs, and given the school, students did many activities even during breaks. Only a very small number, including himself, saved money for rent by working part-time.

Yoon Ye-jun grabbed Ki Young-han’s forearm. Ki Young-han’s hand wriggled and wrapped around Yoon Ye-jun’s waist. They were now in a complete embrace. Yoon Ye-jun buried his forehead in Ki Young-han’s chest.

“My finals end on Friday.”

“Poor you.”

He hadn’t said it to get sympathy.

On one hand, he felt at ease, thinking that he, and Ki Young-han too, would have a relaxed break this time. Let’s date. He decided to postpone saying this until the last day of finals. As long as the peaceful, relaxed, and calm days continued like now, he could endure until then.

Yoon Ye-jun looked up at Ki Young-han. As always, he was handsome, even viewed from below.

“Then, on the day my finals end, will you meet me after?”

“Why are you making plans so far in advance?”

“If you don’t want to, that’s fine.”

“Who said I don’t want to? You’re really annoying.”

“Then why are you acting like you don’t?”

“When did I ever?”

Yoon Ye-jun raised both hands and cupped Ki Young-han’s cheeks. Ki Young-han passively let him hold his cheeks. His sulky face was cute. Yoon Ye-jun rested his head on the arm Ki Young-han was offering him. Could it be this peaceful?

Perhaps this was the most… like himself he had ever been in any relationship. Is this too childish? Ki Young-han slowly lowered his head. Then, he silently kissed Yoon Ye-jun’s lips.

“I told you not to talk like that again, and you do this. Why?”

“……”

Could he still be remembering what happened earlier? He thought it was all resolved. Still, he held grudges for a long time.

“Why do you get upset so easily?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“Grumpy.”

Yoon Ye-jun pinched Ki Young-han’s cheek gently. Ki Young-han’s previously calm face turned stern again. He arbitrarily removed the arm he was offering Yoon Ye-jun. Yoon Ye-jun’s head hit the floor. Even with the futon, it was quite a blow.

“Ah.”

Yoon Ye-jun let out a short sound. But Ki Young-han didn’t pay him any mind and just huffed to himself. As always.

“Did you stay up all night?”

At Mugunghwa Hall, Yoon Ye-jun, who had his face buried in his desk, struggled to sit up at the sound of a voice. But the fatigue pressing down on him made him slump back down. He managed to turn his head slightly to look at the person speaking to him.

Today was the last day of Performance and Communication, the exam day, and also Ki Young-han’s final day of classes. Yoon Ye-jun felt like he was dying. He had stayed up all night and barely managed to read the exam material five times. He should have read it twice more. In any case, he was in a pathetic state.

Unlike him, Ki Young-han seemed fine. There wasn’t a single thing out of place about him. Yoon Ye-jun himself had never been told he couldn’t concentrate, but even when they studied together, Ki Young-han maintained his posture without changing. Except for occasionally taking off his glasses and pressing his palms against his eyes as if tired, he just studied like a dead mouse.

“Here.”

Ki Young-han, sitting beside Yoon Ye-jun who was weakly slumped over and groaning, quietly handed him something. It was an opaque white plastic bag with a convenience store logo. The shape of the contents was vaguely discernible. It had a considerable weight. Yoon Ye-jun said, “What is this?” and opened the bag.

Jellies for snacking, chocolate, mint candies in a palm-sized container, a canned coffee, and mint chocolate milk.

“Oh, I like this. Thanks.”

What caught Yoon Ye-jun’s eye was the mint chocolate milk. It was a brown carton with mint-colored accents, something he often drank from the convenience store. Ki Young-han challenged him in a casual tone.

“I know. I figured it out when you bought me mint chocolate, ignoring my preferences.”

Yoon Ye-jun wanted to say something but held back. After all, he had bought it thinking of him.

“This is the most common one.”

If only Ki Young-han hadn’t added that.

Ki Young-han took off the backpack he wore on his back and took out printed materials and a spiral notebook. He had apparently created questions and expected answers on his own, writing them down with a mechanical pencil in the notebook.

The paper was tattered from how many times he had read the organized content. Keywords he considered important had one highlighter mark, one box in red pen, and one more in mechanical pencil. A total of three layers of marks remained.

‘This is the most common one.’

Yoon Ye-jun mulled over Ki Young-han’s words.

“Who?”

“What?”

To the question, Ki Young-han withdrew his gaze from the notebook and turned his head. Yoon Ye-jun asked again.

“Who said it’s common?”

The tone was strange. It was probably his imagination, but was the usually stubborn Ki Young-han someone who sought advice when buying something for someone?

One side of Ki Young-han’s cheek twitched.

“Just because.”

What is this, so unsettling…

A faint crease formed on Yoon Ye-jun’s brow, which had been calm. He looked at Ki Young-han, who was spinning the pen in his hand with a suspicious look. What was the point of a staring contest right before an exam? Yoon Ye-jun finally averted his gaze.

Then, he cleared his throat with a “kuhm” and adjusted his posture. His eyes fixed on the printed material organized by typing. Should he not worry about it? It could have been a classmate from the same department.

But why did he say ‘just because’? Given Ki Young-han’s usual personality, he would have shot back rather than remain silent. It bothered him.

He wondered if he could ask after the exam, but if Ki Young-han just said ‘just because’ again, it would be an awkward situation. Yoon Ye-jun maintained his displeased expression and ran his hand through his hair. For now, he would focus on studying. He could meet Ki Young-han after the exam.

* * *

The exam went reasonably well. Yoon Ye-jun still had one more exam to take, but now that he had finished all his memorization-based elective courses, he felt as relaxed as if he had already finished his finals. It was definitely the end of the semester, as the number of people loitering in the hallway had significantly decreased. After the exam, the place was completely empty, and he was left alone in this vast space.

Yoon Ye-jun stood near Mugunghwa Hall, looking out the window, muttering to himself.

“…The weather is nice.”

The refreshing leaves took on a brighter hue under the sunlight. It was the beginning of summer. This summer felt less hot than previous early summers, but since it wasn’t even July yet, I couldn’t be sure.

Yoon Ye-jun shook the plastic bag he had tucked into his wrist. The sentiment Ki Young-han had given him was quietly holding its breath inside the bag. Yoon Ye-jun opened the bag’s mouth and then, with his hands behind his back, looked up at the ceiling. Ki Young-han hadn’t come out yet. He himself had so much to write on his exam paper that he could only leave after most students had gone, but Ki Young-han seemed determined to win a medal from the back.

He considered going for a smoke, but then worried Ki Young-han might slip away alone in the meantime, so he couldn’t do that either. Yoon Ye-jun adjusted his posture and finally patted his pockets to find the mobile phone he hadn’t seen all day. But there was no mobile phone in his pocket. Would it be a lie to say he didn’t even have time to check his mobile phone? He belatedly rummaged through the laptop bag slung over his shoulder. The mobile phone was inside.

He took out his mobile phone and turned it on. He intended to leave a message for Ki Young-han saying he’d be waiting in front of the convenience store, but a message had already arrived in the meantime. Yoon Ye-jun’s expression stiffened at the content he could tell just from the pop-up window.

Kim Jae-ui

Did you do well on the exam?

12:34 PM

The semester is ending soon. I don’t think it’s right to end things so awkwardly.

12:35 PM

Are you still at school? Let’s meet and clear things up. What happened last time was rude. I have things to apologize for to you too. If you have anything to say, let’s say it and end things on a good note.

12:39 PM

This is an opportunity other students would want but can’t have. Ye-jun, you told me before I graduated and went to China, right? That you were struggling just with rent. I told the professor directly because I wanted to help you earn some pocket money, but this isn’t right, is it?

12:41 PM

Call me. Stop messing around.

12:41 PM

“Wow…”

You’re persistent, really.

It went beyond admiration and turned into a hollow laugh. Both were undergraduates, and if this had happened when I was clueless, I might have had some expectations, but not now. I felt uneasy. What if Ki Young-han found out about this? If it were until tomorrow, I could hold out, but. I hadn’t done anything strange outside, but I decided I needed to be a bit more careful.

Should I just go home today without meeting Ki Young-han? My movements were full of hesitation. I thought it would be fine to just go back since I could see him after the exam tomorrow, but my feet wouldn’t easily move.

‘They say this is the most common.’

‘Just because.’

But Ki Young-han, who dismisses even trivial questions, was bothering me.

Yoon Ye-jun twitched the corners of his mouth, trying to control his expression. He didn’t reply to Kim Jae-ui’s text. There wasn’t even any point in sending a polite message. I was so tired from lack of sleep, and he was bothering me. Yoon Ye-jun finally let out a deep sigh. It was then.

“What are you doing? Move.”

A low voice came from behind him. Startled, Yoon Ye-jun’s eyes widened. It was Ki Young-han, standing beside him. He wasn’t blocking the door, and there was plenty of space to pass, yet he picked a fight for no reason.

This guy doesn’t read the room. But it wasn’t the time or situation to read the room, so Yoon Ye-jun said nothing. And Ki Young-han wasn’t picking a fight for no reason.

“Did you do well on the exam?”

He was just talking to me. Why say “move” when he could just talk to me like this? Yoon Ye-jun, mobile phone in hand, simply nodded his head.

“You?”

“Just, you know…”

“Which number were you from the back?”

“There was no one.”

As expected, he was the last one out, like a top student.

Ki Young-han replied casually and subtly glanced at the mobile phone in Yoon Ye-jun’s hand. He didn’t know who sent it, but a long message remained. It was so rambling, he wondered what it was about, but unfortunately, Yoon Ye-jun hid the mobile phone before he could find out. However, Ki Young-han did manage to see the name displayed on the screen.

“Kim Jae-ui?”

“No. Uh, it’s a senior I know.”

“I know who it is.”

As soon as he glared, Yoon Ye-jun gave an awkward laugh and touched his neck. Seeing that irresponsible attitude, Ki Young-han’s insides boiled.

“Still in contact? After what you did to your hand, you’re both thick-skinned to still be in contact.”

“Are you going that far with me?”

“……”

When Yoon Ye-jun reacted sharply, Ki Young-han scoffed and turned his head. He had been happy to see Yoon Ye-jun right after the exam, but it was ruined in an instant. He ruined it, Yoon Ye-jun ruined it, and that bastard Kim Jae-ui ruined it.

Ki Young-han pressed his lips together. He knew he would just pick another fight if he opened his mouth, so he couldn’t continue. Yoon Ye-jun also seemed annoyed, so he didn’t add anything more.

Rustle, the plastic bag on Yoon Ye-jun’s wrist made a loud noise. Surely he wasn’t going to hand it back saying “you eat it yourself,” was he? A subtle tension gathered in Ki Young-han’s palm. His gaze followed Yoon Ye-jun’s hand belatedly, then returned to his face.

“Come out. I have something to say.”

But Yoon Ye-jun took precedence over whatever excuse Ki Young-han might make. Ki Young-han grumbled behind Yoon Ye-jun as he followed him out, but when Yoon Ye-jun, who was walking ahead in the General Education Building lobby, glared at him, he finally shut his mouth.

Yoon Ye-jun headed towards the smoking area. The two stood side by side and smoked. Yoon Ye-jun exhaled a puff of smoke.

“Ki Young-han.”

“Yes?”

At the stiff voice calling him, Ki Young-han tried to reply as usual but was intimidated. Hearing the subdued, lower tone of his reply, Yoon Ye-jun’s heart softened a little. How much must he be hurting to be like this? Given his personality, it was better for me to back down.

“I’ve barely ever replied to Kim Jae-ui’s messages. It’s just… it came from him.”

Yoon Ye-jun touched his hairline with his hand, explaining the situation. He thought Ki Young-han would apologize by now. But Ki Young-han’s reaction was different from his expectation.

“Who said anything?”

Snap. He felt heat rise to his head, like a cartoon character.

“You said we were both thick-skinned.”

“……”

Ki Young-han found smoking unpleasant and put out his cigarette in the ashtray. So what was he supposed to do? He vaguely knew he was wrong, but he had nothing to say, so he just stood there. Yoon Ye-jun hummed… drawing out his voice. It sounded like a sigh, which didn’t make him feel very good.

“Aren’t you going to apologize?”

“……”

“Are you just going to be stubborn like that?”

Chik- Yoon Ye-jun finally put out his cigarette too. Feeling like the cigarette butt in the ashtray was his own fate, Ki Young-han wished he could go back to right before the exam. He wouldn’t have minded taking that exam two or three more times.

“Ah, fine. Do as you please.”

Yoon Ye-jun handed the bag in his hand to Ki Young-han. It was better to study in the reading room than to argue here. Why did they have to fight now of all times? The two, who had been bickering for the past few days but had maintained a steady good relationship, made the atmosphere feel even more serious.

“I’m leaving.”

Yoon Ye-jun left without hesitation, leaving Ki Young-han behind. And at that moment, Ki Young-han quickly grabbed Yoon Ye-jun’s wrist with both hands.

“……”

Before Yoon Ye-jun could even put his lifted foot down, he turned his head first. Did Ki Young-han even know what expression he was making? It looked like he was frowning, yet his face showed apology.

How urgent must it have been for him, who always bickered and acted on his whims, to grab my wrist with both hands and stop me? Yoon Ye-jun rolled his tongue in his dry mouth.

“I… I’m sorry.”

“……”

“It was annoying to get messages…”

Ki Young-han mumbled. Yoon Ye-jun must feel so terrible. I can’t even justify myself for getting annoyed for the reason that receiving messages is annoying, and Yoon Ye-jun had to witness it directly.

Ki Young-han was speechless. Even if Yoon Ye-jun had shot back, “It’s none of my business that you’re annoyed,” he would have had nothing to say. What could he do? That’s just how his temper was.

I want to change. For the first time in my 24 years, I wanted to change my personality. If I could change the personality I’d lived with for 24 years to avoid fighting with Yoon Ye-jun, if I could just not upset Yoon Ye-jun.

Ki Young-han finally pulled down the corners of his mouth and observed Yoon Ye-jun’s expression. Yoon Ye-jun’s face, which had been stiff and cold just moments ago, had softened as if nothing had happened.

“What are you saying, really.”

After speaking, Yoon Ye-jun laughed heartily. Looking at him, Yoon Ye-jun was no ordinary person either.

Ki Young-han released the hand holding Yoon Ye-jun’s wrist. Then, he draped the bag hanging from his fingers over Yoon Ye-jun’s fingers. Looking at his hand, which had returned limply to its place, he slowly turned his head. Yoon Ye-jun’s lips seemed to be curved in a gentle smile, but it told him exactly who was in control of the situation, so he couldn’t possibly meet his gaze.

“Young-han.”

“…Yes?”

“Do you know you’re really funny when you’re jealous?”

He didn’t need to be told directly; he knew it well. Ki Young-han swallowed a sigh. Who would have thought that I, who had never been jealous before, would become like this?

“But I’m jealous too.”

Yoon Ye-jun was glad there was no one else in the smoking area where they were standing. It’s nice that the semester is over. Even though I haven’t finished the semester yet. It was bearable because there was no one around. Where else could I have these kinds of conversations?

“……”

Ki Young-han looked at the words he had spoken with disbelief. But Yoon Ye-jun was serious. He carefully brought up the words that had been subtly bothering him since right before the exam.

“I was annoyed because you didn’t tell me who you asked about the mint chocolate.”

“……”

“Who was it? Tell me now.”

Yoon Ye-jun, who had spoken, slowly started walking. Ki Young-han, with a surprised look, quickly followed him.

“Did you bring your car?”

He asked Ki Young-han.

“It’s in the parking lot at the college of arts.”

Ki Young-han walked a couple of steps slower than Yoon Ye-jun.

Then I guess we have to go together. I was planning to go to the reading room anyway. Yoon Ye-jun, despite saying he was jealous, sounded remarkably calm. The two walked in silence. Eventually, Ki Young-han spoke first.

“It’s my sibling.”

“What is?”

“The mint chocolate. They like weird things like that.”

“What’s so weird about it? Our tastes match well.”

Yoon Ye-jun laughed silently. Ki Young-han was kicking the ground behind him, making a scuffing sound. Yoon Ye-jun stopped and turned around at the noise he felt from behind. The guy who had been watching his every move just moments ago was now standing with a sulky expression.

“So I didn’t want to tell you.”

“……”

“What’s so great about our tastes matching? They’re a minor. Do you want to go to jail?”

Looking at Ki Young-han’s petulant expression, Yoon Ye-jun let out a breath like a laugh. Really. It was so absurd he could only laugh.

“Young-han, are you sulking again?”

If you just coax him a little, he’ll wag his tail happily, but he sulks so much. Yoon Ye-jun shook his head.

“Who’s sulking?”

“You’re looking at me like I’m a petty person.”

“If you’re upset, then coax me.”

Ki Young-han grumbled and chased after him.

Yoon Ye-jun didn’t look back until Ki Young-han was right beside him. Soon after, Ki Young-han, who widened his stride and even ran, deliberately bent his knees, bumped Yoon Ye-jun’s shoulder, and stood beside him. Being with Ki Young-han just seemed fun and amusing. He forgot all about Kim Jae-ui, who would get worked up on his own, then calm down, and then pick at his insides like a nagging wife.

“Young-han.”

“Yes?”

“I’m going to change how your name is saved.”

“What?”

Although his voice sounded indifferent, he harbored expectations.

“Sulky.”

As soon as he said it, Ki Young-han’s expression hardened. His glaring eyes were filled with intensity. Yoon Ye-jun barely suppressed a chuckle. The cute, prim boy was busy huffing and puffing again today.

Sulky

Are you at the reading room?

10:04 AM

On the last day of exams, I was studying like a dead person in the reading room when I got a message from Sulky.

Today’s exam was relatively easy for Yoon Ye-jun. It was a major subject he had consistently organized. He checked his notebook, which was messier than Ki Young-han’s, but he reached for his mobile phone, his arms feeling heavier than usual. He relaxed his shoulders and typed on the keypad.

Me

Yeah.

10:06 AM

You know we’re meeting today, right?

10:06 AM

It was the long-awaited day. The day to confess. I thought my heart was pounding wildly because I’d chugged coffee, but there seemed to be another bigger reason.

Yoon Ye-jun pressed his lips together and exhaled a long breath through his nose. What was Ki Young-han thinking? He probably wasn’t thinking anything. Come to think of it, why wasn’t he asking me out? Other thoughts followed.

Sulky

Did you eat?

10:07 AM

I’m at a cafe.

10:09 AM

This place has famous sandwiches.

10:09 AM

And a photo followed. It was a sandwich displayed in a showcase. A thick basic sandwich, a panini sandwich, a croissant sandwich. What do you want to eat? Another message came in. The sandwich made with bread was too thick. Panini. When he replied, Ki Young-han answered, “Yes.”

Sulky

I’ll come to you if you’re studying.

10:11 AM

We agreed to meet after, did our memories get mixed up?

Yoon Ye-jun, who was gripping his mobile phone tightly, hesitated for a moment and then typed.

Me

We agreed to meet after.

10:13 AM

Sulky

It’s my heart.

10:15 AM

Sulky

I’ll give it to you and leave right away.

10:15 AM

Sulky

I have a lot to do too.

10:16 AM

Sulky

* * *

10:16 AM

Even though the semester is over…

But Yoon Ye-jun didn’t add any more words. Instead, he sent a short reply, “Okay.” After sending the reply, he propped his mobile phone up on the reading room desk. He wanted to read it one more time before Ki Young-han arrived. It would be a shame to just let it go.

Yoon Ye-jun tapped the plastic container of candies on his palm. Three small mint candies came out of the round opening. He put them in his mouth. My mouth felt sticky from the coffee, but brushing my teeth felt too involved. Doesn’t it look like someone about to kiss?

Yoon Ye-jun held the coolness swirling in his mouth. Rolling the candy with his tongue, the sensation against his teeth wasn’t bad. The moment he swallowed the saliva pooling under his tongue, an alert popped up on the screen.

Sulky

Come to the parking lot.

11:02 AM

Yoon Ye-jun gathered his mobile phone and notebook and got up from his seat. The reading room, where cold air pooled because the Air conditioner was on, didn’t have many students. Even then, some were slumped over. They were people making a final push for their last exam.

“There are really no people…”

Muttering to himself, he came outside and, without thinking of taking the elevator, descended to the parking lot via the stairs. Amidst the sparse professor cars, Ki Young-han’s car, which was now familiar, was parked in the furthest shaded spot.

Yoon Ye-jun quickly walked towards the car. He placed his hand on the window and knocked, knock, knock. Ki Young-han, sensing his presence, opened the door. A paper bag, presumably containing sandwiches, was placed on the passenger seat.

Ki Young-han moved the bag from the passenger seat towards him. As the seat became free, Yoon Ye-jun sat down. He gently placed the notebook he was holding on his thighs. Ki Young-han handed the paper bag to Yoon Ye-jun, who was now fully settled in the passenger seat.

There’s coffee too. He pointed to the cup holder. Coffee was waiting inside the disposable cup, its surface beaded with condensation. Yoon Ye-jun opened the mouth of the paper bag. It was a panini sandwich.

“Aren’t you eating?”

“No, I’m not hungry.”

“What did you eat at the cafe?”

“I drank coffee.”

I have candy in my mouth. Before taking out the sandwich, Yoon Ye-jun crushed the candy with his teeth. Crackle, crackle, as the candy broke, his mouth became even cooler. He took a shallow breath, and it felt like a chill was filling his mouth. Yoon Ye-jun rolled his tongue further, swallowing the remnants of the candy. Ki Young-han watched him do this.

“Why did you eat candy?”

“What?”

“……”

Ki Young-han subtly turned his head and shifted his gaze out the window. With a gesture that held impure intentions, Yoon Ye-jun’s inner playfulness suddenly surfaced.

Will he get angry if I tease him? But then, he always looks like that.

Yoon Ye-jun gazed at him, unable to hide the smile that was slowly spreading. Ki Young-han, who would surely feel his gaze, abruptly turned his head and met his eyes.

“Young-han, you’re so self-conscious.”

Yoon Ye-jun placed his hand on the console box and poked Ki Young-han’s forearm. The moment his hand touched him, Ki Young-han trembled. Hahaha. Yoon Ye-jun finally burst into laughter, unable to hold it in. Then, deliberately to provoke Ki Young-han, he massaged his arm.

Ki Young-han, biting his lower lip, stared at Yoon Ye-jun and said, “Let’s just eat sandwiches.”

“Did you think I ate candy because I wanted to kiss you?”

When asked so directly, the white skin of his earlobes turned red. Yoon Ye-jun reached out and touched Ki Young-han’s earlobe. Startled, Ki Young-han grabbed his ear and twisted away. Then, reading the mischief on Yoon Ye-jun’s lips, he huffed.

“Seriously, don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“It’s annoying….”

He muttered curses under his breath. Yoon Ye-jun then took out the sandwich Ki Young-han had bought for him. He also took out the takeout cup of coffee from the cup holder. The ice had half melted. When he shook the disposable cup, the coffee sloshed like a turbulent sea. Thinking he should stop teasing and just eat, he was about to put the straw in his mouth when Ki Young-han grabbed Yoon Ye-jun’s forearm with an urgent gesture.

“……”

“……”

He had grabbed him quite forcefully, so Yoon Ye-jun’s eyes widened as he looked at him. The grip on his forearm tightened with increasing strength.

“It hurts….”

Yoon Ye-jun finally twisted his shoulder to break free from him. Ki Young-han roughly parted his lips and bit them. His moist tongue swept across his lips. Does he have something to say? Yoon Ye-jun tilted his head. After hesitating several times, Ki Young-han finally managed to speak.

“You really don’t?”

“Don’t what?”

“I’m asking if you didn’t eat candy because you wanted to kiss me.”

Ki Young-han had a tendency to be shy about strange things, stumbling over even the most unusual words. Yoon Ye-jun stared blankly at him and rolled his eyes.

“Do you want to?”

When he asked, Ki Young-han’s previously calm frown began to crease slightly. Yoon Ye-jun slowly closed his eyes.

“If you want to, do it.”

He said with his eyes closed. He was sure Ki Young-han would fluster like a fool again and protest vehemently, asking why he was being told to do it. He had such a naive, mischievous side. Yoon Ye-jun chuckled. And just as he puckered his lips playfully, Ki Young-han grabbed him by the nape of his neck.

Ki Young-han pulled Yoon Ye-jun forward. Before he could even open his eyes, their lips met. They collided with a force that made their lips tingle, then separated. Yoon Ye-jun finally opened his eyes, which had been closed, to the soundless collision of their lips. Ki Young-han finally released his grip on his nape.

Ki Young-han returned to his original position and sank back into the car seat. Hooo. Why was he catching his breath after initiating the collision?

Yoon Ye-jun looked at him with a bewildered expression, then belatedly put the straw in his mouth. Perhaps because he had eaten candy, the coffee that was sucked up was particularly cold in his mouth. He felt awkward, not having expected it to actually happen. His hands became clumsy with embarrassment, and he finally peeled the wrapper off the sandwich.

Ki Young-han placed his clenched fists on his thighs, clenching and unclenching them. Then, trying to continue the conversation naturally, he spoke.

“What are the exam subjects today?”

Yoon Ye-jun held up the notebook in his hand. Culture and Understanding of Digital Media. It was a third-year major. Students were starting to take leaves of absence, and the major was divided into various branches, so there were only about ten students taking the course. The professor also tried his best to give good grades, so it wasn’t a lot of pressure.

“Where is the exam held?”

“The fifth floor. But there are really no students at school. I guess all the exams are over.”

“They end today, right?”

“Yeah. But do you remember last time? You bought chicken during the midterm exam.”

“I remember, but please don’t mention it.”

“Okay.”

After their casual conversation ended, Yoon Ye-jun focused on his meal. Come to think of it, the last meal he had was a simple dinner at the convenience store with Kim Dong-hoon the night before, so it was no wonder he was hungry. He opened his mouth wide and took a bite of the sandwich. The surface of the panini sandwich bread was crispy from being well-to-doasted, and the filling blended together without any jarring elements.

Chewing his sandwich, Yoon Ye-jun looked at Ki Young-han, who was sitting at an angle towards him. Ki Young-han held a mobile phone in one hand, but his posture was awkward. Anyone could tell he was trying to take a picture, but he maintained a poker face, as if trying not to show it.

“Young-han.”

“Yes?”

“What are you doing?”

At his words, Ki Young-han’s gaze, which had been fixed on the phone screen, shifted to Yoon Ye-jun beyond it. Ki Young-han rolled his eyes. Thinking again, aren’t you? Yoon Ye-jun reached out and snatched the mobile phone from his hand.

“……”

“……”

And as expected, the screen showed him. He looked ugly too. His cheeks were puffy with food in his mouth. Yoon Ye-jun sighed inwardly and moved his hand to delete the photo. But before he could, Ki Young-han snatched the mobile phone back.

“Don’t touch it without permission.”

“No, isn’t it too weird?”

“What is?”

“My cheeks are so chubby. And I’m eating so much food… Is that how I look?”

“It’s similar.”

He’s just cute.

Ki Young-han, perhaps fearing Yoon Ye-jun would snatch his phone again, hid it in the storage compartment by the door. He can’t take it back that way. Yoon Ye-jun finished his sandwich and put the trash into the bag.

He put the coffee back in the cup holder as it was. Pouting with a twitch of his lips, he took out the notebook he had brought and opened it. He tried to read the notes he had organized, but Ki Young-han was staring at him so intently that it was hard to concentrate.

Should I just go back….

He had read through it a few times out of regret, but it was definitely stressful with the exam so close. He could see it after it was over anyway. Yoon Ye-jun finally closed his notebook. He decided to leave.

“Young-han, will you go home while I’m taking the exam?”

“No. I’ll be in the car, or at the cafe upstairs.”

“Ah… I think I need to go, though.”

“No one is stopping you.”

Yeah, right…. What a brat.

Yoon Ye-jun’s eyes lost their sparkle. But soon, he hugged his notebook and took the paper bag containing the trash in his hand. He didn’t forget to grab the coffee he had left in the cup holder. Yoon Ye-jun pushed open the door and said. He intended to give him a heads-up. Expect it.

“Young-han, the exam will probably end around 2 o’clock.”

“Yes.”

“I’ll tell you something you’ll like when we meet after it’s over today.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just that. Try to think hard and wait patiently until then.”

Yoon Ye-jun finally got out of the car. He didn’t forget to wave goodbye, even with his hands full. Ki Young-han looked at Yoon Ye-jun, who was waving, with a sullen expression and then rested his forehead on the steering wheel.

I should have told him to do well on his exam. He’s smart enough as it is, so he’ll probably do well anyway.

Speaking of which, what could the story he’d like be? No matter how much he racked his brain, nothing came to mind. Given how he acts now, how could that person, who only teases and torments him, make him happy? It’s not like he’s going to ask him to date or be in a relationship.

“……”

Could it be?

It couldn’t be.

Ki Young-han slowly sat up from leaning on the steering wheel. His face seemed to turn red and then blue. He placed his hands on his flushed cheeks.

No. It couldn’t be.

Ki Young-han covered his face with both hands to calm his expression. He did it even though there was no one to see him. He gently lowered his hands from his face. He checked his reflection in the rearview mirror. His face was flushed like a radish.

“This is so annoying….”

If he leaves after saying something like that, how will I wait until he finishes his exam and comes out? He’s such a strange person. Ki Young-han buried his wriggling face back into the steering wheel and blinked, looking at his legs. Yoon Ye-jun, who always annoyed him, truly knew nothing. Expectation had already filled him.

It’s definitely not his first relationship, and it’s not the first time he’s meeting someone, but is it okay to be this fluttery? Ki Young-han pressed his chest firmly. Then he quickly lifted his head and leaned back against the car seat. He reached out and turned on the Air conditioner to high. Still, it couldn’t cool the heat.

“Prepare for your exam.”

Yoon Ye-jun was shocked to see the person who had come in as the exam proctor.

It was Kim Jae-ui. He was impeccably dressed in a suit again today.

Kim Jae-ui, who had come in instead of the professor, acknowledged the greetings of a few students he recognized. Standing at the podium, he acted nonchalant. His eyes met Yoon Ye-jun’s several times. Each time their eyes met, Yoon Ye-jun averted his gaze and focused on his studies.

At exactly 1 PM, Kim Jae-ui opened the large document envelope he was holding. From it, he pulled out B4-sized exam papers and A4 sheets presumed to contain the questions.

“Put away all your books and check your mobile phones.”

Trying to be cool unnecessarily.

Yoon Ye-jun, annoyed, closed the notebook he had brought and put it in his bag. Holding only a pen, he fixed his gaze on his desk.

Kim Jae-ui did something unnecessary. A normal professor would have handed the exam and question papers to the person in the front row and asked them to pass them back, but he insisted on distributing them one by one. Since there weren’t many students, it didn’t take long, but Yoon Ye-jun’s entire attention was focused on Kim Jae-ui as he approached him.

And when he finally reached his desk.

“Ye-jun, stay behind after it’s over.”

He spoke to him in a low voice.

As if that would happen. The person Yoon Ye-jun was supposed to meet after the exam was not Kim Jae-ui, but Ki Young-han. Yoon Ye-jun subtly shifted his gaze towards Kim Jae-ui, then, without meeting his eyes, looked at the exam paper placed face down.

“Then, begin the exam. There are three questions, and the time limit is until 2 PM.”

The exam began. Until 2 PM. As long as he wasn’t the very last one to leave, he wouldn’t have to face Kim Jae-ui. Yoon Ye-jun gripped his pen tightly. He had no choice but to resolve to do his best.

“Ye-jun.”

However, when the exam was over, only Kim Jae-ui and Yoon Ye-jun were left in the lecture hall. Yoon Ye-jun, who had been sitting in the front row and had no idea, submitted his exam paper and sighed, looking around the classroom. He said nothing. He had nothing to say to him. All he could do was clench and unclench his fists. His hands trembled from writing so many characters. It was definitely not because of Kim Jae-ui.

He just needed to submit his exam paper and leave this classroom. There was nothing to worry about, nothing to be ashamed of. Yoon Ye-jun just needed to tease and play around like any other affectionate couple with Ki Young-han, who would soon be his boyfriend.

“Aren’t you going to answer?”

“There’s no reason I should answer.”

Yoon Ye-jun said curtly, uncharacteristically. There was no need to play coy now that they had seen each other’s true colors.

“You’re in a difficult position right now, so be polite.”

Kim Jae-ui organized the exam papers and put them in the document envelope. Yoon Ye-jun turned around without a word. But he froze at Kim Jae-ui’s next words.

“I went to the parking lot earlier, and you were doing something interesting.”

Parking lot.

His mind went completely blank. Yoon Ye-jun slowly turned back. Kim Jae-ui’s face, pretending to be kind and smiling, looked like a demon. Yoon Ye-jun couldn’t even grasp what expression he was making. Kim Jae-ui held the document envelope in his arms. He took out his mobile phone from his pocket and checked the time.

“Let’s go. There’s something we need to talk about. A place where there are no people would be good.”

“Why is he taking so long?”

Ki Young-han tilted his head, looking at his mobile phone. He had gone to a cafe but had nothing to do, so he returned to the car to pass the time. Listening to the radio for an hour or two was one thing, but he was bored and just stared out the window. Why did they only tint the side windows? They should have tinted the front too. Even passersby in the parking lot startling him was starting to annoy him.

The early afternoon radio continued with its pointlessly cheerful broadcast. When a comedian told a joke, the audience members around him burst into laughter.

Ki Young-han, without even a twitch of his lips, tapped the mobile phone he had been staring at. He went to the call history. He looked at Yoon Ye-jun’s name, which was at the top, and pressed his finger to it. The call connected.

However, all he heard was the message that the customer’s phone was turned off. Ki Young-han raised his hand, stroked his chin, and then lowered it.

It was well past two o’clock. It was long past 2:10, and almost 2:20.

Perhaps the exam wasn’t over yet? He said it was on the fifth floor, so maybe he should go wait there early. Ki Young-han took a breath and finally took the car key out of the ignition. There weren’t many lecture halls, and since the semester was over, he would be able to find Yoon Ye-jun quickly.

Ki Young-han got out of the car and put his hands in his pockets.

‘I’ll tell you something you’ll like when we meet after it’s over today.’

It wasn’t because he was full of anticipation. It was just… he wanted to be the first to see Yoon Ye-jun when he came out after the exam. Just like he had yesterday.

* * *

The place Kim Jae-ui chose was a skybridge with few people passing through. The bridge connecting to the adjacent building was open, offering a clear view of the school grounds, but the two stood there without much conversation.

Kim Jae-ui leaned against the railing, and Yoon Ye-jun stood facing him, meeting his gaze with sharp eyes.

“Don’t you feel a difference? Between me and that friend of yours.”

Kim Jae-ui repeated what he had said before. He wasn’t a cuckoo; if he had something to say, he should just say it. Yoon Ye-jun didn’t reply. Kim Jae-ui smiled at Yoon Ye-jun, who was looking at him silently, then his expression immediately hardened.

“Be careful, Ye-jun.”

“……”

“Honestly, to put it bluntly, if you hadn’t made it so obvious, I wouldn’t have known you liked me. But what can I do when it’s so obvious? It’s the same as last time. Consider yourself lucky that I saw it.”

After speaking, Kim Jae-ui took out his mobile phone. Without unlocking it with a pattern or password, he touched the lock screen. Then he placed it on the railing. As the screen came into view, Yoon Ye-jun’s previously calm eyes slowly widened. The mobile phone showed a picture of him and Ki Young-han kissing. It seemed to be zoomed in as much as possible, so the image quality wasn’t great.

“How did this….”

The moment Yoon Ye-jun reached out, Kim Jae-ui used only his index finger to pull the mobile phone towards himself. He seemed to want something.

“Ye-jun.”

At the voice that called him softly again, Yoon Ye-jun bit his lip. He didn’t want to hear what came next.

“You need to sort this out, right? It’s dangerous, this kind of thing.”

He felt his heart sink. Yoon Ye-jun clenched his jaw, grinding his molars tightly. His eyes flickered wildly, unable to find their focus for a moment. His breathing became erratic. But then he swallowed dryly.

He hadn’t lived his life so foolishly as to be unable to overcome something like this. He looked at the mobile phone again. A scene of Ki Young-han grabbing his nape and kissing him. Yoon Ye-jun managed to lift the corners of his lips. He managed to smile, barely.

“He really likes me.”

He felt a pang of guilt. It wasn’t just Ki Young-han who liked him. He liked Ki Young-han too. That’s why he had to take full responsibility for this situation. Young-han, I’m sorry. Yoon Ye-jun apologized inwardly. Then, he added to Kim Jae-ui, who was watching his expression, looking at him silently.

“But hyung, you know. I don’t associate with people who look like children. They’re all so self-centered. But I couldn’t help it. We were working on a project together.”

Yoon Ye-jun carefully placed his hand on the railing where he had let go of the mobile phone. Kim Jae-ui’s gaze fell on his fingertips. He was still wary. A firm resolve settled in Yoon Ye-jun’s heart. Since it was right before the exam, he probably wouldn’t have had time to back it up separately. And since it was unlocked, he would just take the mobile phone and run. Give him a moment of carelessness.

“Now that it’s vacation and the semester is over, we won’t see each other again. We’ll never run into each other again, right? But we’re still seniors and juniors in the same department.”

Yoon Ye-jun placed his hand entirely on the mobile phone. “Please let me delete it now. I don’t even want to keep photos like this.” Yoon Ye-jun looked up, seeking permission. But Kim Jae-ui’s gaze wasn’t on him. It was over Yoon Ye-jun’s shoulder. Yoon Ye-jun slowly turned his head. His previously calm eyes widened.

“……”

At the end of his gaze stood Ki Young-han. He always thought of him as someone with good timing, but this time, it wasn’t.

Ki Young-han looked only at Yoon Ye-jun. Then, his expression slowly began to crease. Yoon Ye-jun felt like his breath had been stolen. He swallowed his breath.

Ki Young-han licked his upper lip once, then looked up at the sky beyond the footbridge. He lowered his head again, his eyes briefly meeting Yoon Ye-jun’s, then he turned his back completely.

“Young-han.”

Yoon Ye-jun parted his lips with difficulty. Ki Young-han didn’t reply. The one who always answered promptly turned his back. Then he walked away briskly, distancing himself from the two. Yoon Ye-jun’s upper and lower molars ground against each other several times. He exhaled with difficulty. He turned back towards Kim Jae-ui.

“Finish your conversation and come. I’ll be in the office. You know where it is, right?”

Kim Jae-ui placed a hand on Yoon Ye-jun’s lower back, then moved his feet. He took the mobile phone he had placed on the railing and put it in his pocket.

Yoon Ye-jun felt his mind go completely blank. What, what did he hear? He didn’t know. For now, all he could do was catch up to Ki Young-han. He managed to take a step.

His head throbbed. Sentences tangled chaotically in Ki Young-han’s mind.

‘He likes me, right?’

‘But hyung, you know. I don’t associate with people who look like children. They’re all so self-centered. But I couldn’t help it. We had to work on the project together.’

‘Now that it’s vacation, now that the semester is over, we won’t have to meet again. We probably won’t run into each other again. But seniors and juniors in the same department are different, aren’t they?’

He should have just stayed in the car. Wouldn’t Yoon Ye-jun have come looking for him anyway? Pretending to care when it didn’t suit him.

Ki Young-han hurried his steps, placing a hand over his forehead. Cold sweat seeped out. He headed straight for the stairs leading to the parking lot. Creak— Bang—! The thick metal door leading to the stairs slammed shut.

Ki Young-han felt like there were worms eating away at his brain. He descended, dragging his aching head and his wildly pounding heart. He had to leave. He didn’t want to see Yoon Ye-jun.

“Young-han!”

But soon, a voice called him from above. Ki Young-han’s mind clearly told him he didn’t want to see Yoon Ye-jun, but the moment he heard the voice, he stopped in his tracks.

Ki Young-han thought it was punishment. Punishment for living as he pleased, for speaking carelessly without ever considering others’ feelings. But it was too harsh.

“Young-han, wait.”

For the first time, his first love, given as a price for his sins, was brutal and cruel.

Tap, tap, tap—

Yoon Ye-jun ran down the stairs towards him in a hurry. Ki Young-han bit his lower lip hard. Yoon Ye-jun’s face, which had been teasing him in the car just a few hours ago, was filled only with awkwardness.

Ki Young-han looked down at Yoon Ye-jun, who was holding him back. The gentle voice calling him, the playful face, the eyes that looked at him, the care he showed—was it all a lie?

“Young-han, it’s a misunderstanding.”

‘He likes me, right?’

“To end things with Kim Jae-ui… that was the only way. It’s true.”

‘But hyung, you know. I don’t associate with people who look like children. They’re all so self-centered. But I couldn’t help it. We had to work on the project together.’

“Can’t you trust me?”

‘Now that it’s vacation, now that the semester is over, we won’t have to meet again. We probably won’t run into each other again. But seniors and juniors in the same department are different, aren’t they?’

And at the same time, he remembered what he had said yesterday.

‘I’ve barely accepted calls from Kim Jae-ui. It’s just… it came from him.’

Had he said the same thing to Kim Jae-ui as he had to him? Ki Young-han slowly lowered his gaze. His lips wouldn’t part. His lower lip trembled.

“Do you always just gossip about others like that?”

“……”

“You bad-mouthed me to him. But you bad-mouth me to Kim Jae-ui?”

“Young-han.”

“That was the only way to end things with Kim Jae-ui? Seriously, ha…”

Ki Young-han let out a hollow laugh. He couldn’t even laugh. It was sad. Yoon Ye-jun was the one who did wrong, yet he looked hurt, and Ki Young-han was annoyed at himself for being swayed by it.

“What were you going to talk about when it was over? What kind of story would I like? You want to never see me again now that the semester is over?”

“…No, listen to me for a moment…”

“No. I don’t want to hear any more.”

Ki Young-han raised his trembling hand with difficulty and lightly pushed Yoon Ye-jun’s chest. He didn’t put any strength into it, but the arm holding him loosened its grip and fell away, causing Yoon Ye-jun to step back a couple of paces.

Ki Young-han swallowed dryly. Something felt stuck in his throat. He took a short, sharp breath. His eyes became moist. He looked like he would cry if anyone touched him. But he blinked several times, holding back tears with great effort. He clenched his fists tightly.

“I don’t know if it’s an excuse or what, but you don’t have to tell me. I understood everything.”

“……”

“It was my first time, so I didn’t know anything. Whether it was liking someone, physical contact, or expressing myself, it was all new. You could have just told me. Why did you make me look like an idiot?”

“Wait, listen to me. It’s a misunderstanding, really.”

Ki Young-han slowly shook his head. He didn’t want to hear it. He wished he had been more careful with his words in life. He realized for the first time that words could pierce the heart so deeply. Ki Young-han laughed emptily. His head, which had been shaking, turned back towards Yoon Ye-jun.

“I won’t like you anymore. I think I can do that.”

Yoon Ye-jun stood there foolishly. Ki Young-han slowly closed and opened his eyes. A voice suppressed by tears escaped.

“Have a good break.”

As soon as he finished speaking, a tear fell. It wet his eyes, then rolled down his cheek. Ki Young-han quickly wiped away the tears with the back of his hand. As if he didn’t want to be seen crying.

And then he walked back down the stairs. Yoon Ye-jun didn’t follow, standing there blankly. Even in this situation, Ki Young-han was concerned about him. Leaving Yoon Ye-jun behind made his feet feel heavy. But more than that, a part of his heart sank heavily.

Ki Young-han’s first love was over. It was a brutal, cruel, and torn-apart early summer.

Yoon Ye-jun, left alone in the stairwell where Ki Young-han had departed, stood there blankly. His eyes trembled violently. Maintaining a face devoid of any particular expression, he slowly closed and opened his eyes.

Only then did he finally raise his gaze to look at the empty corridor where not even the sound of footsteps could be heard anymore.

‘It was my first time, so I didn’t know anything. Whether it was liking someone, physical contact, or expressing myself, it was all new. You could have just told me. Why did you make me look like an idiot?’

‘I won’t like you anymore. I think I can do that.’

His voice echoed vividly in his ears. Yoon Ye-jun pressed his hand to his forehead. It felt hot, as if a fever had set in. What should he do? He bit his lip hard. Would he be able to catch Ki Young-han if he ran down right now? Or should he first delete the photos on the mobile phone Kim Jae-ui had?

It was a twisted day. A day he believed would be spent in ordinary routine had gone awry.

He had expected to speak to Ki Young-han leisurely after finishing his exams, and to meet him enjoyably based on the time they had spent together. Everything had become a mess.

The arrow pointed to himself. His method was wrong. When Kim Jae-ui had sent threatening messages using the photo of him and Ki Young-han kissing, he shouldn’t have been swayed. Regret followed regret. What had he done now?

Yoon Ye-jun lowered his head involuntarily. The self-loathing that settled on his shoulders felt heavier than expected. Ki Young-han’s hurt face lingered in his mind. The eyes that had barely held back tears. The lips pressed tightly together. The tear-soaked voice that couldn’t direct its blame at anyone.

Had Ki Young-han ever made such a face? Because he had always maintained an aloof demeanor, Yoon Ye-jun was even more concerned. Yoon Ye-jun let out a deep sigh. A corner of his heart felt uncomfortable and aching.

He had made a mistake. Whether he was there or not, in any situation, it was his mistake. He shouldn’t have spoken like that. Whether Ki Young-han liked him, or he liked Ki Young-han, wasn’t the point; it was a lack of basic human courtesy. Of course, hurting the person he liked so brutally felt more agonizing.

Yoon Ye-jun stared at the spot where Ki Young-han had left for a long time. Then, he finally turned his steps. For now, there was a matter to take care of.

“Hoo…”

He swallowed a bitter sigh. He swallowed even the slightest bit of lingering affection he had for Kim Jae-ui. His steps towards him were resolute. He had to take care of this first. What he needed to remove to move forward was an obstacle.

* * *

Yoon Ye-jun arrived in front of the research lab Kim Jae-ui used and grabbed the doorknob, catching his breath. He tried to calm his mind. Not even a momentary mistake would be acceptable. He would just barge in. He wouldn’t worry. There was nothing more to see. He squeezed his eyes shut, bit his lip, then slowly opened them. The firmly closed, wood-colored door came into view.

Creak, he turned the doorknob. Kim Jae-ui was sitting beyond the round table in the center of the office. Yoon Ye-jun quickly scanned the table. Kim Jae-ui’s mobile phone was on the desk. Kim Jae-ui, unaware of what Yoon Ye-jun was thinking, said, “Oh, Ye-jun. You’re here?” in a friendly tone and stood up.

Yoon Ye-jun blinked his eyes slowly a couple of times. He was so agitated that his fingertips trembled. He felt like he might make a mistake.

To quell his excitement, Yoon Ye-jun thought of Ki Young-han. His back was vividly etched in his mind. His steps as he descended the stairs had been hesitant. His shoulders and back, which were always described as broad and strong, looked unusually small and narrow. It was as if he was asking Yoon Ye-jun to hold him back.

If he had stopped Ki Young-han there, if Ki Young-han had been caught by him—would he have been able to tell him about the current situation? No, he certainly wouldn’t have. Even if it were Ki Young-han.

For Yoon Ye-jun, removing the obstacle was the priority. And then he wanted to apologize to Ki Young-han. He wanted to hold him tightly.

Yoon Ye-jun’s fists trembled. His mind went blank. He felt his blood grow cold, and his excited body sank heavily. Without a moment’s hesitation, he approached Kim Jae-ui.

Was it impulsive? Probably not.

Yoon Ye-jun awkwardly pushed Kim Jae-ui, who was standing there, by the shoulder. As he fell awkwardly, entangled with the chair, Kim Jae-ui let out a cry of surprise. But Yoon Ye-jun didn’t even think of looking at him. And, in that state.

“Yoon Ye-jun!”

Kim Jae-ui shouted. Yoon Ye-jun snatched the mobile phone from the table. He fled the research lab as if escaping. Behind him, hurried sounds were heard. Bang—! The sound of the doorknob hitting the door filled the empty corridor.

Yoon Ye-jun clutched the mobile phone tightly and, before Kim Jae-ui could catch up to him, quickly descended the stairs. He went wherever his feet took him. Fearing he might be caught if he went to the first floor, he exited on the second. He quickly walked down the empty corridor and hid himself in the most secluded corner, in the most secluded restroom.

Hiding in the very last stall of the secluded restroom, he took out the mobile phone he was holding.

“……”

His hands trembled violently. It was difficult to operate the mobile phone easily. He pressed the lock button. If it was locked, he intended to break it. It didn’t matter. He could pay for it. Fortunately, the mobile phone had no pattern lock. He dragged it to turn on the screen and scrolled through the application list. Confirming that Cloud was not installed or activated, he entered Messenger. His fingertips were still trembling. As he checked the applications, Yoon Ye-jun’s frown slowly deepened. He couldn’t understand why there was no Password.

“Is this guy seriously crazy?”

Finally, an expletive escaped his lips.

Kim Jae-ui had favorited Yoon Ye-jun so that he would appear right below his Messenger. And below that was someone written in short Chinese as ‘Lover,’ and Yoon Ye-jun knew who this person was.

‘Ye-jun, I broke up with my girlfriend.’

The woman in the profile picture was his junior, who had been interested in Kim Jae-ui at the same time as him. Broke up with his girlfriend, my foot. He seemed to have replaced her. Come to think of it, he vaguely remembered hearing that his junior had gone to China. They seemed to have gone together. The reason he hadn’t set a Password or pattern on his mobile phone and Messenger was that there was no one next to him to search through it.

If he was going to be crazy, there should be limits. Yoon Ye-jun scrolled through the chat logs. Messages from his girlfriend, messages asking about him from juniors in the department, and in the midst of it all, “Let’s get coffee if you have time,” “Let’s get a meal,” “Don’t be too uncomfortable just because you’re a junior,” “I want to be close to you,” “You’re the prettiest among the first-years,” “If the drinking party isn’t fun, let’s go get ice cream,” “Today was fun,” “Do you have a hangover?” “Call me oppa comfortably,” etc. It was written in great detail.

“……”

If it were the usual Yoon Ye-jun, he might have pretended not to know. He generally disliked complicated situations and had a strong avoidant tendency. But today was different.

He took pictures of all the messages that showed even the slightest hint of strangeness with his own mobile phone. It was understandable if people called him creepy. He, who always calculated his actions in front of others and acted nice, couldn’t possibly be broad-minded and cool.

Yoon Ye-jun, who had now taken pictures of his former junior and Kim Jae-ui’s girlfriend’s mobile phone number, which he no longer contacted, opened his gallery where the photos were saved. He felt the pent-up frustration melt away. With a nonchalant expression, he deleted the photos of him and Ki Young-han saved on the mobile phone, and then went to the trash folder and deleted them completely.

It was so hollow. Like these photos, eternally deleted, even the slightest feeling for Kim Jae-ui, as small as a grain of rice, vanished from Yoon Ye-jun’s heart. It crumbled away as emptily as sand swept away by waves.

Yoon Ye-jun came out with his usual expression, neither light nor filled with indignation. When he reached the elevator, he encountered Kim Jae-ui, who had run down, panting heavily.

Yoon Ye-jun intended to hand over the mobile phone. He planned to hand over the mobile phone, stained only with ugliness, and leave, burdened only by anxiety. But Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Kim Jae-ui, who ran down as if to break the floor, grabbed Yoon Ye-jun by the collar.

“You…!”

“Wouldn’t it be better to let go?”

“How far did you see?”

“I saw everything… and it was so disgusting I was surprised.”

Yoon Ye-jun pushed the mobile phone he was holding into Kim Jae-ui’s jacket pocket. Kim Jae-ui, looking down at the pocket where the phone had gone without a sound, scowled fiercely. So this person could scowl too, Yoon Ye-jun felt a strange sense of pleasure as if he had peeled off Kim Jae-ui’s mask.

“Please let go of me.”

Yoon Ye-jun shook off Kim Jae-ui’s hand, which was pathetically holding his collar. Leaving Kim Jae-ui, who was submerged in anxiety, he walked away.

The pleasure he felt from having overpowered Kim Jae-ui quickly evaporated like a volatile substance. It was hollow. In the end, this was all it was. Yoon Ye-jun wanted to see Ki Young-han, to show him all the evidence, and to tell him his feelings.

Perhaps, if he confessed everything honestly, Ki Young-han would forgive him? They had been close, after all. Even though they bickered often, they had gotten along so well that they could laugh it all off. Wouldn’t he forgive everything? He hoped so.

Yoon Ye-jun left the building without even a moment to make a call. It was a short distance, less than ten minutes by car, but as soon as he stepped outside, he quickly got into a taxi. He recited the name of the apartment where Ki Young-han lived, a place he was now familiar with.

Ki Young-han.

It still lingered in his mind. What was Kim Jae-ui, really? In truth, the real work was just beginning. Kim Jae-ui was merely a stepping stone.

Ki Young-han stared blankly at the ceiling of the bedroom. Today, the bed he was lying on felt exceptionally wide.

To be honest, he wasn’t one to speak kindly of others, so people who picked fights with him were common. So common, he couldn’t even recall their faces. They vaguely surfaced in his mind. Since he didn’t associate with them, they left no significant imprint on his memory.

Ki Young-han was writhing in torment, even recalling people he’d been involved with in the past. A sharp pang resonated near his heart, then heat surged into his palm, causing him to clench his fist tightly.

Torment. Yoon Ye-jun’s words kept replaying in his head, making it difficult. He felt a sense of betrayal, and a feeling of original sin. The thought that Yoon Ye-jun, who sometimes nagged him, said unpleasant things, and also took care of him tenderly, might have all been a lie made him feel even more pathetic.

I didn’t even know that.

Ki Young-han pushed himself up from the bed where he had been with Yoon Ye-jun. As he walked out and left the bedroom, scenes of Yoon Ye-jun, with his cheeks puffed out while eating, and fussing over things at the stove, flashed through his mind.

Touching each other’s bodies on the sofa, kissing as if making love at the entrance, and in the room set up as a study, he would do his homework while Ki Young-han, not wanting to leave his side, would pretend to read a book. Then, using the excuse that there was only one chair, he would push Yoon Ye-jun aside, claim the spot, and forcibly pull him onto his lap, playing with his hands while Yoon Ye-jun’s attention was solely focused on his homework.

Ki Young-han couldn’t possibly stay in this house. This house was the worst place to forget Yoon Ye-jun. Lately, he had been spending more time with Yoon Ye-jun than alone.

How pathetic must he have seemed to Yoon Ye-jun? Despite his sharp words and constant chatter, he had always played the knight, drawing Yoon Ye-jun to his side, sacrificing sleep to visit him at his part-time job, and memorizing his schedule to desperately try and meet him, even for a moment.

But that was all in the past and had to be let go. At least, Ki Young-han had to let it go. Come to think of it, for the past few months, he had been living a life drastically different from his previous one. He had been utterly captivated by something. And that something was Yoon Ye-jun.

Without further delay, without a moment’s hesitation, Ki Young-han went into his room. He took out a large suitcase from the closet, one he had only used when he first moved in, and shoved his clothes inside.

There was no time to pick and choose. As Ki Young-han packed, his face flushed with anger, he somehow felt Yoon Ye-jun’s scent, which was tormenting. Am I going crazy? Getting a grip is the priority. Yet, he packed like someone more entranced than anyone else.

The first semester of his third year was ruined. It was an extreme of highs and lows. There had never been such a dynamic, roller-coaster period in his life. But once a roller-coaster stops, it’s over. There was nothing left to fear.

Ki Young-han consoled himself like this and pulled out the suitcase. With a tak sound, a short mechanical beep was heard. Ki Young-han stared intently at the firmly closed door. The frown on his face, which had been writhing in torment, slowly began to deepen.

“…This is pathetic.”

He spat out a curse, unsure who it was directed at, and got into the elevator. He wouldn’t set foot in this house again for a while. The rattling sound of the suitcase wheels was unpleasant. Would he ever be okay?

He had boasted to Yoon Ye-jun, but could he really forget him? Summer had just begun. The weather was pointlessly muggy. Equipped with heightened sensitivity, he hastily pressed the close button as soon as he entered the elevator.

As the elevator doors slowly closed, Ki Young-han still thought of Yoon Ye-jun. He remembered Yoon Ye-jun’s bewildered face, seen through the gap as he pressed the close button in a fit of anger on the day he encountered Kim Jae-ui.

It was absurd. Thinking back, why did Yoon Ye-jun follow him that day instead of just staying with Kim Jae-ui? If he was going to act nice, he should have hidden it better and kept acting nice. Ki Young-han seethed. But the torment was greater.

He had confidently told Yoon Ye-jun he wouldn’t like him anymore, yet he had no idea when he would be alright.

He wanted to forget everything. He wanted it all to pass.

The time spent with Yoon Ye-jun, and this summer.

Ding-dong.

A concise doorbell chime mingled with the sound of his mobile phone being turned off in his right ear. Yoon Ye-jun held his mobile phone in one hand and pressed the doorbell again, this time for a long time. But there was no response.

Hesitating at the door, Yoon Ye-jun clenched his fist and knocked hard, bang, bang, quite dully.

“Young-han-ah.”

He forced the words out with difficulty. He worried it might be a nuisance to the people living right across the hall, but seeing Ki Young-han was more important. Yoon Ye-jun knocked again, loudly.

“Young-han-ah, open the door.”

Was he even home? If not, where had he gone, turning off his mobile phone? He couldn’t have gone back to his parents’ home in this short time. If he had, it would be a disaster. Yoon Ye-jun didn’t know Ki Young-han’s home address.

Given how often he’d visited, it didn’t seem far, but why hadn’t he asked sooner?

Had he ever been curious about Ki Young-han? It seemed Ki Young-han had always been the one to ask things first.

Yoon Ye-jun idly tapped the door lock with the back of his hand. He actually knew the password. Ki Young-han had given it to him on the day he was sick and groaning. He had entered first on occasion since then, so he was familiar with it.

Would it be okay to press it and go in? He was full of hesitation. Even if Ki Young-han was home, if he didn’t open the door, it meant he didn’t want to face him. He couldn’t just barge into his home. What should he do? A faint sigh escaped his lips. He bit his lip.

“……”

It wasn’t Ki Young-han’s misunderstanding. It was his mistake, and he was entirely at fault. If he had just taken his mobile phone and run out of the office like he did that day, it would have been fine, but he had done something unnecessary. Yoon Ye-jun just stared at the door.

If he could, he wanted to enter the password and go inside to apologize to Ki Young-han, but his reason took precedence over instinct. It was difficult to approach someone who didn’t want him.

Yoon Ye-jun once again clenched his fist and knocked softly, kong, kong.

“Young-han-ah, I’ll wait out here, so come out when you feel better. I’ll wait.”

He could wait as long as it took. Yoon Ye-jun let out a hollow sigh and slumped down on the steps next to the front door. He turned his head and looked towards the window in the stairwell. Hot sunlight streamed through the gaps. The cicadas’ loud chirping accompanied it.

‘If we meet after today, I’ll tell you something you’ll like.’

‘But hyung, you know. I don’t associate with kids who look this young. They’re all so self-centered. But I couldn’t help it. We had to do the assignment together.’

‘If we meet after today, I’ll tell you something you’ll like.’

‘Young-han-ah, it’s a misunderstanding.’

‘If we meet after today, I’ll tell you something you’ll like.’

‘To end things with Kim Jae-ui… that was the only way. Really.’

Ki Young-han thought only of Yoon Ye-jun. Lying in bed and staring blankly at the ceiling, Yoon Ye-jun’s words spun in his head like a word-guessing game. Even hours after hearing them, the words he had spoken pressed down on his mind even more strongly.

So, he tried to do other things: went out for a run, took a cold shower, turned off his mobile phone and played computer games he rarely played, or decided to read a non-fiction book about space he had bought long ago but never read, to organize his thoughts. But instead of getting better, Yoon Ye-jun’s words dug into his daily life, piercing and probing his flesh.

“……”

Torment.

There was no other way to express it.

“Damn it, really…”

Ki Young-han finally cursed and pushed himself up. Sitting up abruptly on the bed, his back hunched over. His flushed face lost its color, filled only with lethargy.

Being alone made him more tormented. But Ki Young-han didn’t know how to live among others. So, he did as he pleased. He left his room and lay on the sofa, watching television. Sometimes, when his parents called out to him, “Young-han-ah, what’s this, what’s that,” he would only reply briefly with “Yes,” “No,” or “I’ll do it.” Then, he would think of Yoon Ye-jun again, release the arm he was resting his head on, and bang his head against the sofa.

He watched television endlessly until late at night. The programs changed several times, but since he wasn’t watching properly, he couldn’t even recall the names of the shows, let alone the cast. He just stared blankly. He spent time alone. He had no idea how much time had passed.

Around the time a variety show, neither funny nor amusing, began, beep- beep- beep- beep-* the sound of the door lock’s password being entered was heard from the entrance.

Only then did Ki Young-han look at the white digital clock on the wall. It was midnight. He had come out a little after 7 o’clock, and over four hours had flown by. Come to think of it, his eyes felt a bit dry. Ki Young-han belatedly rubbed his eyes. In any case, nothing was going right.

“I’m ho— Ah, you startled me.”

His younger brother, Ki Young-hyun, entered the living room with a bewildered voice. Why was he so irritating today? Ki Young-han slightly furrowed his brow. It was absolutely, absolutely not because he was jealous of his younger brother, whose love life was going well. He had messed everything up, while his brother was doing well, like a perfectly pulled noodle. Ki Young-han tried to believe that.

“Hyung, when did you get back?”

“When did I get back, what?”

Despite trying to control his emotions, a sharp tone escaped Ki Young-han’s lips. He spoke and then shut his eyes tightly. Speaking like this was why he got more than he gave. Self-reproach followed.

To be honest, how awful must Yoon Ye-jun have felt all this time? When asked something, he would snap, and when not given attention, he would throw a fit. He did everything as he pleased. He was tired of himself, so how must Yoon Ye-jun, a complete outsider, have felt?

Ki Young-han’s mood slowly sank. ‘A complete outsider.’ The relationship between the two was belatedly solidified. That’s right. It couldn’t be helped. Ki Young-han stared blankly, avoiding his grumbling brother’s gaze, and looked out the window. Darkness enveloped the world. It was fortunate that it was dark. At least his pathetic state wouldn’t be visible.

A complete outsider.

Perhaps Yoon Ye-jun was, but to him… he wasn’t simple or light enough to easily define their relationship with a single word. He had solved many problems in his life, but Yoon Ye-jun was the most difficult problem he wanted to solve.

There was a limit to being pathetic. He had said he would forget him, that he wouldn’t like him anymore, yet here he was, moping.

Ki Young-han felt his eyes welling up again. If he misjudged the timing, he felt tears might fall. He finally grabbed the remote control that had been lying near him and turned off the television. Then, despite Ki Young-hyun standing in the living room, he arbitrarily turned off all the lights in the house. Before going into his room, he flicked his younger brother on the forehead.

“Ah!”

Ki Young-hyun cried out in pain. To be honest, he had put some force into his flick.

“Don’t mess with me, seriously. What’s with all the grumbling and fussing?”

Ki Young-han said that and returned to his room. He immediately collapsed onto the bed. He couldn’t lift his head for a long time. It was humid and hot. Was it really early summer? He cursed. But he couldn’t spit it out. Could he really stop liking Yoon Ye-jun? He had said it clearly, but could he do it?

Even now, the thought of Yoon Ye-jun chatting with Kim Jae-ui made his insides twist. Would he ever be okay in the future? Ki Young-han felt the air covering his body was unusually heavy today. To feel weight on top of the heat. It was truly despairing.